#astroturtle

Turtle: What? Why?

Astro: When I first met my therapist, he assumed I had a boyfriend and I was too awkward to correct him...

Astro: And when I kept saying ‘everything was fine’ with him while the rest of my life is on fire I knew I had to switch it up so we started fighting three months ago. You cheated on me but I’m willing to forgive it ‘cause I love you and I did become neglectful of our relationship so I partially blame myself. We have a trip to the Bahamas coming up and I want us to be back to our normal selves by then -

ask and ye shall receive.

Astroturtle headcanons for the mind and soul!

- Everyone assumes that Astro’s a lovable small golden child who can do no harm.

- So when Astro, trying to socialize at a party, casually brings up the time he single-handedly had to kill a thousand-foot-long death worm with a laser gun in the sands of GJ 273b...

- Funnily enough, this doesn’t at all excuse how, when Turtle turned on the television for the first time and Astro saw the static, he was running for cover, convinced the thing was going to explode.

- When Astro crash-landed on Maskworld (or whatever we call it), Alien was actually the first one to find him. Turtle was the one who had a free room, since nobody could manage living with him.

- Astro will purposely troll Turtle by using “space is weird” as an explanation:

Turtle: Can you get me a coffee?

Astro: What is coffee? Is it milked from a plant?

Turtle: You’re holding a Starbucks cup right now -

- The reason the toaster has a touch-screen is because Astro was bored and decided to spruce it up. Kid can fix anything, no manuals needed, with a toolbox, a couple of hours, and a Pop-Tart or two.

- For a first date, Turtle decided to try to watch Star Wars with Astro. This... did not end well. Astro ended up pausing the movie and explaining for over thirty minutes how flight dynamics rendered the whole thing practically impossible.

- They have a pet goldfish. Astro named it John. Turtle has never tried to explain how silly that name is.

- Look me in the eyes and tell me these two don’t have anything from these guys -> https://www.moonglow.com/ .

Astro: No, he’s good at that too.

Turtle: What?

Turtle: wait no oh my God wrong person

Turtle: You wouldn’t… would you?

Astro: Give me one reason I shouldn’t.

Turtle: Because I’m… cute…?

Astro: