#assmcgee

It was easy for him to get to high up places like this. Since he became half radroach, Ryan could scale just about any kind of surface. A highway bridge was no problem at all. It was much harder for anyone else to get up to these heights, so he was usually alone. Ryan walked along the half collapsed overpass enjoying the cool breeze on a calm spring day. He sat on the top level of the bridge, feeling the sun on his face and the breeze in his hair. Surprising considering how greasy it had become since his transformation. But up here, that didn’t matter. It didn’t matter what he was now. Because it was just him and the world stretched out before him.

    He sat there, just him and the silence. Until he heard something that startled him. Something unusual. Normally his fight or flight instinct would kick in and he’d always choose flight. Figuratively of course. He had wings, but they were far too small to lift him off the ground. It wasn’t the normal gunshots and shouting that usually broke peaceful silences like this. No. It sounded like… singing?

We three, we’re all alone. Living in a memory.

    Ryan stood up and walked to the other side of the bridge, trying to pinpoint where the voice was coming from.

My echo, my shadow, and me.

He climbed down the side of the overpass and lowered himself onto the roof of the apartment building underneath it.

We three, we’re not a crowd. We’re not even company.

Ryan moved silently across the roof. He stepped into the remains of what used to be a kitchen into the remains of a hallway, and made his way down the flights of stairs. It was starting to get louder.

My echo, my shadow, and me.

He entered another apartment and looked through a hole in the floor that was above the lobby.

What good is the moonlight? The silvery moonlight that shines above.

I walk with my shadow. I talk with my echo.

But where is the one I love?

It was a woman. She had her back to him and was sorting through a bag of junk as she continued to sing, unaware of Ryan’s presence. He relaxed a little knowing she couldn’t see him. He didn’t think anyone else knew that song. It wasn’t one of the five songs played on Diamond City Radio, and finding music recordings from before the war were extremely hard to come across. Hell, Ryan probably owned half of them.

We three, we’ll wait for you. Even ‘til eternity.

My echo. My shadow. And me--

He was so entranced by her song, he didn’t notice right away when the creaky floorboards beneath him started to give way.

The sound of the wood splintering and his subsequent yelp at an unexpected fall echoed through the abandoned building. He managed to grab hold of the remaining floor with one hand as he somersaulted forward over the edge. The noise had startled the woman too, and she stopped in the middle of a line to instinctively whip around and point a very big, very scary looking sniper rifle at him.

“Don’t shoot!!” Ryan pleaded holding his hand out, palm facing her. As if that would stop a bullet if she fired.

The woman obliged and lowered her weapon,  looking at Ryan, more confusion on her face than anything else.The wood he held on to started to crack, threatening to give out at any second. He let go and fell to the floor, trying to land on his feet but stumbling and falling backwards when he hit the floor.

They both stayed there for a moment, frozen in time unaware of what to do next. Both embarrassed at being caught by the other. Her from singing when she thought she was alone, and him from being caught spying. And a little bit from messing up such an easy landing.

The woman finally snapped out of her trance and dropped her gun to her side. She walked over to Ryan and offered her free hand to help him up. He took it and she pulled him up with a strong arm. It felt like she could break his hand if she squeezed hard enough.

“Um, uh…” Ryan sputtered. You couldn’t see it because of his hard exoskeleton, but he was blushing like mad from embarrassment. “Sorry for scaring you.” he said. He dropped her hand.

“Sorry for almost shooting you.” she said. She tried to discreetly wipe Ryan’s bug grease off her hand on her camo print shorts.

They both stood there, not sure who should speak next.

“How do you know that song?” Ryan asked breaking the silence.

“My parents taught it to me.” she answered, her hand instinctively reaching for the pair of holotags on the chain around her neck. “How do you know it?” she asked.

“Oh,” Ryan stammered. He reached into the pocket of his tracksuit and pulled out his portable holotape player, relieved it hadn’t broken in the fall, and held it up to show her.

“I didn’t think anyone else knew that one here.” she said.

“Me neither.” Ryan said back.

Then they heard more noise outside. Raiders. Hooting and hollering, cheering for their latest kill and robbery. And coming right their way.

Ryan panicked. He wanted so badly to run. He almost did, before she pushed him towards the managers office.

“Hide!” she whispered. She saw he didn’t even have a pipe pistol on him, and unless he was somehow hiding a minigun in those sweatpants of his, he was not going to survive a fight with four--no, five--raiders, no matter what the hell he was. The two ducked into the office just as the leader of the raider gang kicked in the front door. They were all still covered in fresh blood.

The woman turned to Ryan to tell him to get behind the desk in the corner, but he was already scaling the opposite wall to get through another hole in the ceiling. She was surprised, and slightly impressed at his skill. He beckoned to her, trying to get her to come to him so he could get her out. She just shook her head and mouthed the words Stay there.

She turned to the doorway and looked down the scope of her sniper rifle. She was unnoticed by the raiders. For now.

She took a deep breath and,

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Fired five shots into the lobby. Two of the shots hit their targets dead on in the chest. The third grazed the arm of the leader. The last two missed entirely and embedded themselves into the concrete wall.

“Fuck! It’s an ambush!” cried the leader, clutching his bleeding arm. The remaining three scrambled to draw their weapons and hide from their unseen adversary.

BLAM! BLAM!

The woman fired two more shots. They both hit the same raider, first in the shoulder, then in the head.

The uninjured raider took a position in front of the lobby counter, directly across from the door the woman was hiding just inside of, and started firing wildly into the room. She didn’t have time to reload her rifle, so she dropped it on the ground and pulled a 10mm pistol from the holster on her hip. She waited, let the raider empty his clip, then stop to reload. That’s when she struck. Three shots at the head. Done and done. One left to go.

“I give! You win!” the last one standing shouted.

“Throw out your weapon, and come out with your hands in the air!” the woman yelled back. A pipe pistol skittered across the floor, and the leader came out from his spot behind a couch with his good arm raised above his head, his injured one hanging weakly at his side. The woman stood, aiming her pistol at the remaining raider as she cautiously exited the room.

“Get the fuck out of here.” She growled at him.

He turned and began walking to the door. But not before he reached for the gun of his fallen comrade and fired it at the woman. Two final shots echoed through the building. One body hit the floor.

The stench of blood and gunpowder hung in the air and not a single sound disturbed the silence. Footsteps slowly made their way to the manager’s office.

“It’s safe to come out now.” the woman said to the ceiling where Ryan was still hiding. “I’m Cath, by the way. Cath Weyland.”

“I’m Ryan.”

After the incident in the apartment building, Cath and Ryan became close friends. An abandoned church several blocks away from where they first met became their regular hang out spot. They dragged a couch and some chairs found in other rooms to the church. Torn posters hung on the wall advertising the Silver Shroud radio show and various comic books. They even had a desk that held a salvaged terminal Cath found in an abandoned electronics store that they played music and games on. When they weren’t together at the church, and Cath wasn’t out on a job, they stayed in contact over the walkie-talkies Ryan had found and put back together. They talked about everything from music, to stories, to adventures, to life in the wastes.

Ryan told her about the radroach that bit him and caused his transformation. Cath told him about growing up in the Brotherhood of Steel back in DC before she left. Ryan told her about his family, and she even had Power Noodles with him and his parents once when they happened to run into each other in Diamond City. She told him about her mom and dad before they died and how she always wore their holotags because it kept them close.

One hot summer day in June, Ryan was sitting at the terminal, while his boyfriend, AssMcgee, lounged on the couch, stretched out lazily and reading a comic book. He hung out with Ryan and Cath on occasion, but tried to keep his distance from Cath. Being a glowing one, he gave off quite a bit of radiation and he didn’t want to get Cath sick. Despite her insisting she would be fine and she always took Rad-X, AssMcgee still tried not to get too close. Except for that one time she beat him at arm wrestling.

Ryan was playing Grognak and the Ruby Ruins on the terminal but he wasn’t paying that much attention. He was still thinking about what his mom had said to him that morning after he said he was going to hang out with Cath again today.

“Hey, guys.” Cath greeted as she came up the stairs. “Got some Nuka-Cola. Ice cold.” She placed the small crate on the coffee table and took one for herself, cracking it open with a tiny hiss and taking a swig as she dropped into her armchair on the other end of the room.

“Sweet!” AssMcgee said as he swipped one for himself and downed half in one go.

Cath noticed Ryan hadn’t said anything.

“Ryan, you ok?” She asked.

“Uh, yeah! I-I’m fine” he said, trying and failing to hide the anxiety in his voice. Cath didn’t believe he was fine.

AssMcgee read the awkwardness in the room. “I’m going to go take a leak.” He said, his rather blunt way of excusing himself, and left the two alone.

“Do you need to talk?” Cath asked when it was just the two of them.

“Um…” Ryan didn’t know how to say what he was about to ask. “Cath… Do you… umm… like me?” His mother had asked him if he and Cath liked each other this morning. It had been on his mind all day, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it until he heard the truth. He liked her of course, she was his friend, but he didn’t like like her. Girls were cool and all, but Ryan just didn’t see himself ending up with a girl. Plus he was dating AssMcgee, and Cath knew that. But none of that meant Cath didn’t like him anyway.

Cath’s face fell. “What do you mean by that?” She asked calmly, but you could still hear a twinge of something in her voice.

“You know…” Ryan said. Embarrassed he had even brought it up with her. But there was no turning back now. “Do you… y’know. Like me?” He asked again.

Cath sat there frozen and rigid in her seat, before saying “I have to go.” and running to the stairwell.

“Cath, wait!” Ryan yelled and chased her down the stairs. AssMcgee was nearly run over by Cath as she bolted full speed out of the front door and down the road.

Ryan tried to stop her but she was gone. He smacked himself in the forehead for being so stupid. He shouldn’t have brought it up.

AssMcgee looked confusedly between Ryan and the trail of dirt Cath kicked up and she ran down the street. “What I miss?”

It had been a week since that day at the church. Ryan hadn’t seen Cath since.

He was laying on his bed, staring at the walkie on his nightstand. Hoping to hear that crackle and hear Cath’s voice again. It stayed silent.

He tried one last time to talk to her.

“Cath, are you there?” Nothing but static responded.

“Please answer.” More static.

“Cath, please, I want to talk about what happened. Please, if you’re there, meet me at the church tomorrow at sundown. You don’t have to come or even respond if you don’t want to, but I’ll be there if you do. You’re my friend. I don’t want to lose you.”

Static was the only thing that sounded back. Ryan set the walkie back on his table dejected.

He heard a crackle, and then Cath’s voice.

“Okay.” was all she said, but it’s all Ryan had to hear to give him hope.

Cath sat on the ragged old couch in the tiny camper she called home since she came to the Commonwealth. She stared out the glassless window at the ocean reflecting the starry sky. It had been a week since she saw Ryan. A week since he asked if she liked him. She couldn’t help but think back to the last time someone had asked her that. Almost eight years ago by now.

Growing up as part of the Brotherhood of Steel in the Citadel, there weren’t many other kids around for her to play with. Most other children she interacted with were in passing on the rare occasions when her parents took her to Rivet City or Megaton. And anyone in the Brotherhood even close to her age was always new recruits, training to be the best soldiers they could be. They never had time to play silly games with a child like her. Her parent’s loved her, and spent every second they could with their daughter. But they were still soldiers, and they still had a duty to the Brotherhood, so they couldn’t be with her all the time.

She learned how to be alone early on. And really, she didn’t mind being by herself.

That is, until He came along.

Arthur was only nine when he came to the Citadel, two years younger than Cath. They became fast friends and were inseparable. They did everything together. They learned history, math, and science from the scribes. They learned how to fight and shoot from the Knights and Paladins. And the rest of the time, Arthur and Cath came up with stories together. Occasionally they would put on funny little plays for Cath’s parents and their close friends. He would write stories, and she would sing.

When Cath was twelve, both of her parents died defending Project Purity from the Enclave, and Arthur helped her get through it. He knew what it was like to lose a parent. She wouldn’t have been able to make it without him.

When she was fifteen and he was thirteen, he asked her if she liked him. She said yes. Of course she did. He was her best friend. Her only friend, but her best friend regardless. Then he tried to kiss her. She pushed him away and asked what he thought he was doing.

You said you liked me. I like you too. He told her.

Not like that. She said back.

He was crushed, but she said they could still be friends. He said sure.

But apparently he didn’t mean it. He changed after that. He never wanted to hang out anymore. He wouldn’t let her read his new stories he wrote. He wanted to train by himself now. When she tried to talk to him, he wouldn’t listen.

There was nothing at the Citadel for her anymore. Her parents were gone, nothing left of them but their holotags. Arthur wasn’t her friend anymore because she didn’t feel the same way he did. So at fifteen years old, she made the choice to leave because no one else would give her any choice.

And now what happened with Arthur was happening all over again with Ryan. He was the only real friend she had made since leaving the Brotherhood. Even though she had only known him for a few months, she didn’t want to lose him.

The walkie-talkie on the end table crackled to life.

“Cath, are you there?” Ryan’s voice filled the dark empty silence that surrounded her. “Please answer.”

She contemplated responding, but she was so scared of what might be said.

“Cath, please, I want to talk about what happened. Please, if you’re there, meet me at the church tomorrow at sundown. You don’t have to come or even respond if you don’t want to, but I’ll be there if you do. You’re my friend. I don’t want to lose you.”

She didn’t have a choice to be born into the Brotherhood of Steel. She didn’t have a choice when she lost her parents. She didn’t have a choice in whether Arthur liked her or not, and she didn’t have a choice in how he reacted when she rejected him.

Ryan wasn’t Arthur. Ryan was letting her make a choice.

“Okay.” she said.

Ryan walked down the streets of Boston as the sun dipped lower over the horizon.

He was terrified, but then again when wasn’t he terrified. He was scared of what she might say. He was scared of hurting her feelings. He was scared of losing one of his only friends. He was scared she had changed her mind and wouldn’t even show up.

That last fear went away quickly as he neared the church and saw a figure sitting on the roof, silhouetted against the painted orange sky. Of course that just sent all his other fears into overdrive.

He didn’t try to get her attention. He just silently climbed the stairs and walked the roof until he was beside her. He sat down next to her without saying a word. Neither spoke for a few minutes, both trying to figure out what they had to say.

“Cath--” Ryan began.

“I’m sorry.” Cath interrupted.

“What are you sorry for?” Ryan asked.

“For how I reacted the other day.” She refused to meet his gaze and just stared down at her feet resting on the roof.

“You don’t need to apologize for that.”

“Yes I do. I just… You asked me if I liked you and I got scared so I ran away. That was a definite over reaction, and I at least owe you an explanation.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Cath.”

“Well, I’m giving you one anyway.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before continuing. “I like you, Ryan. But only as a friend. I’ve never liked anyone that way before, and I don’t think I ever will. If you wanted anything more than that… I’m sorry, but you’re wasting your time.” Tears started streaming down her cheeks as she tried to hold herself together.

“So, you don’t like-like me?” Ryan felt like a six year old on the playground saying those words out loud.

Cath only shook her head. Afraid if she said anything at that moment she wouldn’t be able to hold anything back. It was one of the hardest conversations she had ever had.

“Oh thank God!” Ryan exclaimed. “I don’t like you either!” he said, maybe a little too enthusiastically. “I mean--I-I didn’t mean it like that! Of course I like you, but I don’t like you, like, that way and all and--”

His stammering sentences were cut short by Cath enveloping him in a surprise hug. She didn’t give a damn about his bug grease, she just cared about her friend. She was full on crying now, but now they had become tears of joy. She wouldn’t lose him after all.

They sat there, hugging on the roof of an abandoned church in the middle of the Commonwealth, as the sun got lower and lower on the horizon, until it disappeared and the inky purple darkness took over the sky.

Cath had finally stopped crying and the two slowly drifted apart from one another.

“You okay?” Ryan asked.

Cath nodded as she wiped her eyes.

“And… We’re okay?” Ryan asked ponting between the two of them.

“Yes.” Cath said smiling. It was good to see her smile again. “Ryan, you’re my best friend. And I’m just glad I’m not going to lose you.”

She leaned back on the roof and stared up at the twinkling stars. Ryan followed suit, and tried to find the few constellations he knew of.  Cath reached out and found his hand and held it tight. Fireflies rose from the ground below, making the two of them feel like they were floating in a galaxy. Cath began to sing.

Stars shining bright above you. Light breezes seem to whisper ‘I love you.’

Birds singing in the sycamore tree. Dream a little dream of me.

And Ryan joined her.

Say nighty-night, and kiss me. Just hold me tight and tell me you miss me.

While I’m alone and blue as can be. Dream a little dream of me.