Getting back on track, reminds me of practicing
chords and arpeggios, the black lines and dots signifying
the movements of my fingers on the frets or the keys,
hear the right tone with my tin alloy ears
amid flats and sharps, splats, and sparks of
"oh! I nailed it!" and breathing in time, subdividing rhythms,
it was kind of boring but in the end rewarding
– what I'm doing now though is surviving,
"keep your eyes on the prize"-ing and realizing
that I can't just live, I have to thrive,
so if it seems pitiful that I'm proud that I got out of bed,
or kept myself fed, it's nothing I haven't heard a thousand times in my own head,
every word of doubt a betrayal that I'm figuring out
how to keep at bay, and even now I keep finding a way
to see it as beautiful, to disagree that a single step is small or pitiful,
it's a constant struggle when my mind's a lot of scattered rubble,
but don't worry, even if I can't hurry up
and get well, over and over I'll tell you:
be patient, don't hold your breath while you're waiting,
I don't know what to say, except I'm gonna be okay
– maybe not soon. But someday.