#aspien

-when you can’t show your work or follow any particular steps unless they make sense to you (or are YOUR specific way of doing things)

-when you can’t look up anything new without it becoming an hours long journey into obscure details, most likely becoming a special interest, and connecting to your life’s work in some way

-along the same vein, when you cannot do the simplest of tasks without overcomplicating it, like turning a shopping spree into a categorisation and research fest, or setting out to do one specific task and ending up labeling and boxing all your belongings

-when you have to prepare for weeks before an outing, and then sleep for weeks when it is done, especially if you have to mask extra hard around the people

-but also getting very vexed if someone changes plans last minute, secretly relieved that the pressure TODAY is gone, BUT now you know it will be looming over you until it does happen

-meltdowns in simple human language are ‘I have gotten hopelessly overloaded and you would do well to clear out of the bomb’s way.’ Maybe next time don’t pressure that they go out somewhere stressful, or dismiss the fact that every single sound is in an orchestra of disharmony?

-speaking of sounds. Every. Single. One. It’s multilayered. The mosquitos chime in, the bed creaks, the neighbours upstairs are having a fight again. In words it is linear, in senses, it is a simultaneous melted cheese cacophony.

-feeling physical pain at that one person’s voice, or that texture that you cannot stand anywhere near you. Toxic chemical smells? Forget it. I see the sensitivity as an app more intricate than those on smart phones for toxic level detection. If we’re wheezing, it’s altering your hormones and chemistry, Karen.

-barometers. That’s the word. It IS too hot in here, and stuffy, and crowded and messy. You think you don’t care but your spirit is suffering.

-keeping a job approximately as long as it takes to burnout. No more and no less.

-doing things the same exact way because THEY WORK. Watching favourite shows again because they also work. The desired outcome is a given. Yes I WILL be watching the Lord of the Rings extended edition for the 5th time. Nowhere near done.

-doing something with our hands while talking and getting very excitable. Probably don’t even notice ourselves doing it. It feels good, and it’s somehow sound solidified.

-giving you compliments and being really nice. Actually is really nice. No agenda.

-getting fooled when people lie and taking everyone at face value unfortunately means a penchant for attracting predatory behaviour. Cannot compute people being mean, selfish or not wanting to hear the truth.

-about the truth. You will hear it. Facts are facts. They don’t care about feelings. Doesn’t make them insensitive. We need rules, people.

-not finishing a task or assignment because you literally collected 200 pages worth of information more than was required. There’s a fuse button in normal human circuits I think? I can’t locate mine. 

-hopping, twirling, swaying, rocking, squeaking, jumping up and down, flapping, are all ways we show that we are super enjoying ourselves. There’s so much energy in the system it starts to escape in patterns, like a glitter storm all around us.

-similarly, an individual who does not go through meltdowns cannot possibly understand the uncontrollable behaviour that comes from being pushed over the edge. Not in a tantrum way, because we are not getting our way. But a collapse. Everything hurts, words and sounds become jumbled, it feels like a panic attack or paralysis. You might see head hitting, punching things, smacking or pinching which are unconscious ways we try to release the stress or manage the overload.

-when we say we are in burnout we do not mean that we are way overworked and just tired for the weekend. This is bed for days, in the dark, no words, no mobility. This is losing function, friends and ability to do basic tasks. 

-that being said, paradoxically incredibly adept and nimble at seemingly impossible and very difficult tasks while being hopelessly poor at various other things, mostly those people usually find a piece of cake. Depends on the person and their skills and special interests. For example delivering a scientific analysis talk without preparation, understanding deeply nuanced subjects, solving complex problems, identifying the errors in any operation. In contrast, could be poor at hygiene, riding the bus or navigating the supermarket, or knowing what to say to new friends.

-no conception actually of the manual of the friendship trajectory. Oversharing on the first date or first meet up? Sure. Best friends after two positive experiences? Yes. Otherwise keeping years long friends at a distance because lacking inner prompts to make things more serious? Also yes. 

-and it goes without saying that the social cues and the ability to unravel the scripts people use to navigate is not the strongest suite.

"Why Autistic People Do That" - Bonus Video - Do You Hear What I (Don't) Hear?

Taking my daughter for a speech evaluation in the morning. I had thought she was going to be the neurotypical one in the family, but things are now at a place where it’s obvious that her language development, while miles above her brother’s, is not a typical 4 year olds. While I now suspect she’s on the autism spectrum, I also think it will be a battle to be diagnosed because she masks so well. She did well in her pre-school with the school readiness skills, which is all they seem to care about. Meanwhile, I’m concerned because she will not interact with any child who is not her brother (though they play very well together, so she has the play skills of a 4 year old). She clings to her brother obsessively and won’t play with anyone else, even when he isn’t there (I love that they love each other so much, and am baffled at how resistant she is to playing with other kids, especially since my son is usually rather friendly). She’s also very particular about her bedsheets being made just so (on the plus side, this motivates her to make her own bed. She’s 4. I’m 36 and I don’t make my bed). She also seems to have these scripts in her head on how she wants us to react to her, and when we don’t respond how she expects it is very distressing for her. And figuring out how she wants us to respond can be a task. Stuff like that. Most likely she’ll be diagnosed with speech delays and we’ll go from there *sighs*

The other more objective thing is head circumference. There are studies showing autistic children have larger than average head circumference. My son was in the 95% percentile in this, so yeah. I found my daughter’s medical records from when she was a baby her she was in the 85% percentile. So they both have heads that are significantly larger than average.

YES OF COURSE I love yapping about my dnd characters omg

Okay so, I play Aspien in a Strixhaven campaign!! Except my DM named his college "Kingsmaker"

Aspien Darkstrike is 6 feet tall, 19-20 years old (he was not raised like the typical elf due to his odd upbringing), he is lawful good, he is a lorehold student, he is a huuuuge nerd, he doesn't understand social cues/is somewhat socially inept (also due to his upbringing). He is also specifically a worshipper of Stronmaus and leans towards lightning/thunder magic. He is afraid of women (he is super shy and awkward lolol) and a stickler for the rules.

Aspien was born and raised into a cult in the underdark that worships Draven, an evil king who is believed to be dead. Members are officially initiated by a ritual where they remove their left eye, on their 18th birthday.

During Aspien's initiation ritual he squirms too much and that's what causes his scar. When they're about to try again his father manages to scape with him to the overworld where he starts college in his search for further knowledge. His mother is still part of the cult and he wants to save her. He loves his dad though and his dad worries about him all the time. His dad is named Doug (he chose a new name when coming to the overworld though Aspien questions his choice of name) and he is a successful tailor, all of Aspien's clothing is made by him.

Aspien currently lives on campus with his new friends, and they are trying to uncover a campus mystery. Someone is turning students into monsters (in an attack on titan sorta way, with the students still being alive in the body of the monsters and needing to be freed). There is also an overarching story about crystals that give people powers (it's basically like power rangers bc my partner and DM got super into power rangers lol) and some evil guy attempting to corrupt the crystals and control people with them. We are not sure what his goal is yet