“So,” Mammon’s spinning in circles on your desk chair, “it turns out you’re not really good at these pick up lines, yeah?” You look at him from your spot on the bed, hunched over one of your textbooks as you had an exam coming up within the next week.

“What do you mean?” You decide to humor him, knowing that Mammon will continue whether you pay him any attention or not; you just didn’t feel like listening to him whine. “Beel and Solomon liked mine.”

“Satan and Lucifer hated yours, and I don’t want to bring up how Belphie played ya at your own game.”

“You just brought it up anyway.” You grumble under your breath. You close your textbook and push it aside, turning to give Mammon your full attention; it would be fruitless to study now. “And it’s not like you’ve been exactly helpful with any of them. If you’re my partner in crime in this, you should have at least bailed me out of Lucifer’s and Satan’s lessons, or even sat through them with me.” Mammon pulls a face at this, his spinning coming to a halt.

“Sit through their lectures? I’m not a glutton for punishment, thank ya.”

“Really?” Your lips curve upwards as you rest your chin on the palm of your hand. “With the amount of stupid shit you do to get Lucifer’s attention, I’d think otherwise.” His face grows red at this and a laugh is threatening to leave you.

“We’re crossing lines here that can’t be uncrossed.” He says with narrowed eyes. He sits up in your chair straighter. “Because I am your partner in crime, I’ve been thinkin’ of people ya should try pick up lines on, people you’ll have high success rates with.” Your interest has suddenly peaked. “Honestly, I think your best bet, ya know, with how bad your skills are, would be Asmodeus.”

“Asmodeus?” You ask with a raised eyebrow. “And what do you mean by my bad skills? I told you they aren’t that awful!” It’s pointless to defend yourself and you know it. Mammon’s very selective with what he decides to respond to.

“Yeah, Asmodeus. He likes all attention, so it really shouldn’t be that hard to seduce him.” Again with the seducing, you find yourself sighing internally. “We just have to be careful with the line ya use on him, otherwise he might end up pouncin’ ya right then and there. I’m not sure that ya’d want that.” Would you want that? You’d need to think about it. “I don’t like that ya have to think about that.” His golden eyes are narrowing before he sighs and stands up. “Well, I have to actually go study or Lucifer will have my head on a stick. Have fun with Asmo.”

You were stupid for thinking Mammon would have actually helped you.

☼☼☼

You watch keenly as Asmodeus paints his nails, the demon over the moon that you’d rather hang out with him than study for your exams. “Hey, Asmo,” you find yourself playing with the material of his soft blanket, “do you like pick up lines?”

A wide smile spreads his lips as he looks up at you. “Pick up lines? Of course! Who wouldn’t love a good pick up line? Why? Do you have some prepared for me?” You feel a cold sweat break out over your skin when he puts his nail polish aside; you weren’t ready to have Asmodeus’ full attention on you. It’s an intimidating thing. “I’ve heard from Beel that you’ve been going around using pick up lines on some of my brothers. And you naughty minx, you even tried a few on Solomon! I have to admit, I was a bit jealous when I heard you were trying them out on everyone but me.” An adorable pout forms as his bottom lip juts out. “But now you’re asking me if I like pick up lines.” His excited smile turns into a much more mischievous one. “Could this mean that you possibly have one for me? Oh, I’m so excited I can hardly contain myself.”  You feel your cheeks heat up from the way he says your name, and you find yourself glancing around his room briefly. Maybe you should have done this somewhere more… open. You doubt he’ll be willing to leave his room now that he has you cornered.

You lean back on your hands, in pretend thought. “I do, but I’m not sure if you’ll like it.” He quirks a brow at this.

“What wouldn’t be to like? Go on, don’t be shy. Try it on me!” His hands are resting on both sides of his chin as he eagerly stares at you. The palms of your hands are starting to sweat and you struggle to hold back a nervous sigh. You might as well just get it over with, if Mammon’s right then Asmodeus will be happy no matter what line you end up using anyway.

“On a scale of one to ten, you’re a nine and I’m the one you need.” You even top it off with a lame show of finger guns. However, you find yourself met with a blank stare. After a few seconds pass with Asmodeus saying nothing, you begin to panic. “Uh, Asmo? Are you alive in there?” You cautiously snap your fingers in front of his face. You immediately regret doing so, his expression changing from bored to annoyed. “Ah, wait, what--”

“Why am I a nine?”

You blink. “What?”

“You said I’m a nine. Why am I a nine and not a ten?” You feel your throat go dry as your head tries to figure out what’s wrong. “Were you this rude to my brothers? Solomon said yours were somewhat endearing, but I just find mine plain insulting.” Shit, he’s definitely not happy, you think to yourself in a panic.

“Didn’t-- didn’t you hear what I said?”