#asklesbians

!so, I've got a gf and she's the type to like things a little bit rougher. so when im eating her out she's mentioned a faster pace with harder pressure is more pleasureable. the thing is, she's my first close distance gf and i have almost to zero experience so I'm really slow and weak when it comes to smushing my face against the gates of heaven. I've tried to be more gentle and build up arousal but she really doesn't feel much when i do that.!<

!so im here to really ask how do y'all seasoned lesbians "train" yourselves to move your tongues faster and how to not be too sore and actually pleasure your partners 😭😭!<

A few replies that stood out:

TawnLR: What's the best way to learn? By doing! So, chop chop...build some muscle memory, girl. Also, don't overthink it, just let instincts take over. You were born to do this, soon enough you will feel fully in your element.

WorldlyAd4407: If it’s more pressure she wants try having her sit on your face. To me, the angle makes it easier and it’s also just really hot imo

Kategnsfw: This might be obvious, but you can use your hands/fingers to add more direct or quick pressure while you're still using your mouth. you can also switch back and forth between using your hands and using your mouth to give your jaw a little break when it gets tight

Mellow--Shark: Switch up the stimulation, don’t just focus on one thing, as for speed i promise if you can get the technique right you can pace yourself. Incorporate different ways to be rough.

PothosAndPeperomia: one word: fingers

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Hi there!

I’m a 29 y/o femme lesbian from Denmark, and I’m struggling to meet other lesbians where I live. I really don’t like dating apps—I can’t feel chemistry from a photo, and I don’t like judging people based on that. Honestly, most of the people I’ve dated in the past are people I probably wouldn’t have swiped yes to. It was always that unexpected “oh wow, didn’t see that coming” chemistry in real life.

I also don’t enjoy gay bars/clubs for dating. I don’t drink, and flirting with strangers on the dancefloor just feels awkward to me. I need real conversations and natural chemistry. I’ve dated plenty before, but the last couple of years I just haven’t met anyone. It kind of feels like the opportunities to meet other wlw have just faded as I’ve gotten older—like the kind of stories I have about how I met my exes just don’t happen anymore.

My life is great otherwise—I have good friends, career, family, and I’m genuinely happy. I don’t feel desperate, I just miss having a romantic connection—like how you’d miss having friends. I also just think wlw love is really beautiful, and I’m curious to meet more single wlw.

Right now I often feel like the only single lesbian in the room, which makes it feel a bit hopeless sometimes lol.

Do you know any alternative ways to meet other lesbians that aren’t apps or bars?

I’ve looked into things like travel groups (e.g. Olivia), but it's pricyyy and a bit older in age range. I’ve also thought about going solo to places like Lesvos. or joining sports, but it feels a bit forced if the goal is just to meet queer people.

I even considered hosting wlw speed dating events, but that also sounds stressful… especially because I’d want to participate too haha.

Would love to hear any ideas or experiences ❤️

ps. i dont believe in ''it happens when you least expect it'' because if you don't meet anybody, there's no chance to find a match? 🤷‍♀️ i believe in putting yourself out there. 100 %

What people on Reddit said:

AngieKA246: Queer book club, game nights or other queer events. I don’t know if this is transferable outside the US but activism is another idea.

Insomniac-nightlight: Keep in mind that I’m not single and I’m not looking but I’ve met so many other lesbians just by doing my hobbies. I’ve made so many friends from joining a lesbian fantasy football league and that turned into women from that group forming a book club. I have also met some from the hiking group that I joined a few years ago. Sometimes when you stop actively searching for people you end up finding them. So I suggest embrace your hobbies or find new hobbies that get you out of the house and social. A friend recently got engaged to a woman she met at a cooking class, she hadn’t dated in a few years and wasn’t actively looking to date but not only did she meet someone that’s great but can now also bake amazing croissants.

Bubblegumx2inadish: I'm in the US in a very queer city. There a ton of social groups, hobby based groups, and sports teams that I have met other lesbians through. Not sure what options are available to you where you live, but finding non club centric queer groups may be your best bet.

Moonoverthe: When I moved to spain, i joined every queer meet up. I joined lesbian padel groups, queer language exchange events, queer cinema events, went hiking, and joined a queer ladies book club. I also would regularly go out to lesbian clubs. I met NO ONE (romantically) for two years. I finally met my now spanish girl on tinder 🤓

DamnThatFeltGood: I have no idea what denmark has but in my area of the us there's tons of different, one-off lesbian/queer women events. Like weekend camping trips or fishing trips and day festivals. Queer sports leagues are another option or just regular recurring meetups.

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where do I find porn actually for lesbians. Specifically would really love to find masc + femme. Especially femme topping masc.

Notable replies:

DemonicGirlcock: There's a few studios. Queercrush, which is owned by sapphics and staffed by sapphics, all the scenes are self-directed by the talent and they choose their partners (something like 70% 1/3 (fixed) are actually couples). My gf and several friends have worked for them! However, I'll say it seems like most of their stuff is femme/femme. Crashpad is a really good studio, and I see a ton of femme/masc content there. They've been around a while so have a large catalogue, and I think they'll have what you're looking for. I've also heard Ersties has good lesbian content made by women, but I don't actuslly know anything about them. And you could also check PornHub. They launched a Sapphic section this month that is actually geared towards lesbians. A lot of OF creators post clips to PH so it can be a good way to discover niche creators you like.

Fkndemon23: Make it yourself 🫣😉

ElectraRayne: I'm the founder of QueerCrush.com, which is the only lesbian studio created 100% by dykes! I'd love for you to check us out, and I'm happy to answer any questions you may have. Here is the blurb we include when press companies as for a description of what we do and out values: “QueerCrush.com is the only lesbian porn site created 100% by (and for) dykes. Our mission is to celebrate the diversity of the Sapphic community, and to showcase the how dykes actually like to fuck. We are nonbinary and trans-inclusive and shoot performers of all races, body sizes, ages over 18 (ie no maximum age), and styles/aesthetics. Our performers choose their own partners, wardrobe/styling, and everything they do in their scenes, and we leave in things like check-ins, bloopers, and lube usage. Our scenes feature real queer sex, and are always captioned for accessibility.”

Mister_sleepy: I really love GirlsOutWest. There is a whole lot of masc + femme content as well as nontraditional bodies. To me, It really does seem like it’s just a bunch of Aussie girls who are friends and like having sex with each other. Most of the regular models are also the ones directing, filming and editing the videos. I think they do sell a lot of videos to men, but I don’t ever feel like they’re catering to the male gaze. 697 can tell they just kinda make what they want to make, and go for things that turn them on. Those things happen to be super hot, and have built a bit of a following over the years. Sometimes the post-shoot interviews are my favorite thing, because you get to see how the models really are having a great time with each other. It’s very organically sapphic.

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On Pride tonight at a lesbian bar, my wife put her ass in an another woman’s crotch and grinded on her. we had met her an hour or so before from a friend of a friend. I looked visibly upset and she tried to tell me “don’t do this”/“don’t get upset.” She claimed she was having fun on pride and that I was stifling her and controlling her. She said the other woman looked left out so she wanted her to feel part of the group. I had no words and didn’t say anything from being stunned. 6 or so months before at a bar she chose a woman to start twirling around and then kissed her hand upon leaving. I said that wasn’t cool. We argued that night with no resolution. We didn’t talk for two days. And then we decided to move past it and she said she regretted doing that and would never kiss another woman’s hand again. Tonight with the grinding incident she just keeps defending it and has the audacity to quote a bravo show: “dancing is fun. (My name) not fun.” We argued over text and then in the car and then she ubered home on her own. She never used to do this before we got married. And I have said that to her. I fear that she won’t ever really hear me. What do you think?

Highlights from the comments:

JasmineTea-42: "I fear that she won't ever really hear me." This makes me think couples therapy is in order. If you felt fully heard and she was still in disagreement and ignoring you, then it's a matter of boundaries and what to do when someone violates them. But if she's not even processing your viewpoint, I would try getting some help seeing through each other's eyes first.

DemonicGirlcock: This sounds like you two have a fundamental difference in what you think is acceptable flirtiness. Some people think it's fine to be flirty and knowing nothing will come of it, others are more reserved. But yeah, sounds like you need to have some really open discussion about boundaries and find somewhere to land. Couples therapy works REALLY well for facilitating this.

The-5thbeatle: Dancing seductively with others crosses the line into infidelity or disrespect, regardless of the gender of the other person.

Riksor: I'm so sorry. That's definitely not okay and I just feel sorry that you married this woman.

Agnesjuststop: Does your girl drink? I’ve had an issue with mine getting touchy at the bar and both times they’d had more than the typical amount of alcohol.

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I've seen so many girls and women talk about the "female gaze," and I'm sure you all have too. But I want to try and put a finger on what exactly the female gaze is. WHAT do women find attractive? And more importantly, what do women find attractive in other women? So I was wondering what do y'all, as women who are attracted to women, find attractive in a partner? Whether it be physical or internal, what traits draw you to a woman? Is it different than the things that men typically find attractive (ie. big boobs, big butt, etc.)? Are there things that you've noticed in your experience that you value in a female partner more than a man does??

(If this has already been asked before, my apologies!! I'm new-ish to reddit and this is like my second post!)

Some standout replies:

SparkleSelkie: Competency. Like watching a woman do something and be really good at it is my number one turn on

Madicat16: So best explanation I've seen in how to differentiate the male gaze from the female gaze is to watch Patty Jenkins's Wonder Woman, and then Joss Whedon's Justice League and see the difference in how they frame Gal Gadot throughout the movie. In Wonder Woman the camera isn't always lingering on her body in a sexualized way. It's framing her as a person within the scene, focusing on what she is going, her intentions of being there, basically having a purpose, and having the audience focus on her heroism and commanding presence. All while still focusing on her being the most beautiful person in the room (you can agree or disagree on Gal Gadot, we're just using the movie as an example here). In Whedon's Justice League (and only Whedon's version. Not touching the Synder cut because that opens a can of worms regarding the male gaze on men and homoeroticism in straight media, also not touching on how problematic Whedon is in general) the camera is basically always sexualizing Wonder Woman. The camera is always positioned in a way to draw attention to her body, or shots are framed so you're basically only looking at her ass. And her overall presence goes from warrior goddess to pretty lady team member. Yes it's an ensemble film, but she is literally treated like eye candy. So yeah that is a super basic way to see the difference. Now when it comes to lesbians????? I feel we straddle the line between the two. Majority of the time, it's a Patty Jenkins's way of viewing women, and then other times it's the male gaze hornball way of viewing women. I'm guilty of the two.

Carl_weez_her: Everything. Lol. But honestly confidence and self assurance are what I like. And also someone who is always honest with how they feel.

JenningsWigService: Nice hands, beautiful smile, and I love a good conversationalist. I don't have body type preferences, all boobs are great, all asses are great.

Inevitable-Yam-702: Confidence and the energy she carries herself with is the thing that will get me everytime. I do appreciate physical features too, boobs are great and I really appreciate them, I love a bigger woman to hold, etc., but it's more about the whole package than breaking women down to constituent parts.

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I've seen so many girls and women talk about the "female gaze," and I'm sure you all have too. But I want to try and put a finger on what exactly the female gaze is. WHAT do women find attractive? And more importantly, what do women find attractive in other women? So I was wondering what do y'all, as women who are attracted to women, find attractive in a partner? Whether it be physical or internal, what traits draw you to a woman? Is it different than the things that men typically find attractive (ie. big boobs, big butt, etc.)? Are there things that you've noticed in your experience that you value in a female partner more than a man does??

(If this has already been asked before, my apologies!! I'm new-ish to reddit and this is like my second post!)

A few replies that stood out:

SparkleSelkie: Competency. Like watching a woman do something and be really good at it is my number one turn on

Madicat16: So best explanation I've seen in how to differentiate the male gaze from the female gaze is to watch Patty Jenkins's Wonder Woman, and then Joss Whedon's Justice League and see the difference in how they frame Gal Gadot throughout the movie. In Wonder Woman the camera isn't always lingering on her body in a sexualized way. It's framing her as a person within the scene, focusing on what she is going, her intentions of being there, basically having a purpose, and having the audience focus on her heroism and commanding presence. All while still focusing on her being the most beautiful person in the room (you can agree or disagree on Gal Gadot, we're just using the movie as an example here). In Whedon's Justice League (and only Whedon's version. Not touching the Synder cut because that opens a can of worms regarding the male gaze on men and homoeroticism in straight media, also not touching on how problematic Whedon is in general) the camera is basically always sexualizing Wonder Woman. The camera is always positioned in a way to draw attention to her body, or shots are framed so you're basically only looking at her ass. And her overall presence goes from warrior goddess to pretty lady team member. Yes it's an ensemble film, but she is literally treated like eye candy. So yeah that is a super basic way to see the difference. Now when it comes to lesbians????? I feel we straddle the line between the two. Majority of the time, it's a Patty Jenkins's way of viewing women, and then other times it's the male gaze hornball way of viewing women. I'm guilty of the two.

Carl_weez_her: Everything. Lol. But honestly confidence and self assurance are what I like. And also someone who is always honest with how they feel.

JenningsWigService: Nice hands, beautiful smile, and I love a good conversationalist. I don't have body type preferences, all boobs are great, all asses are great.

Dragon_Bidness: Confidence and intelligence. Nothing is hotter than a woman who has her shit together and knows it. She knows what she wants and doesn't settle for bullshit. Knows where she has issues and works to be better with them. Fuuuuuuck yes. That's a sexy woman. Also boobs. I love boobs. I've been known to do stupid things and forget about standards for boobs. I see boobs, my day gets better.

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I feel insanely lucky that I somehow ended up in a relationship where we’re both very loving, very caring, and genuinely obsessed with each other. We’ve had ups and downs nine months in, but every hard moment has somehow turned into “okay cool, let’s communicate and be nice to each other about it."

So, enter bragging: what makes you or your partner a GREAT girlfriend? Or what does your partner do that makes you feel ridiculously loved, safe, appreciated, understood, etc.? Tiny habits, big gestures, emotional skills, dumb little rituals, tell me it all!

(a.k.a let me absorb your knowledge, make me the most powerful girlfriend in all the land)

---

ALSO, bonus side quest: my girlfriend is currently traveling with friends for a few weeks and I’ve discovered that apparently my brain is capable of producing the world’s dumbest, most irrational jealousy. Not jealousy in a “I don’t trust her” way; more like a “how dare she have fun and memorable experiences without me when I want to be included in every molecule of her existence” way.

Like intellectually I’m THRILLED she’s having fun. Emotionally, however, I’m occasionally a Victorian widow staring out a rain-covered window whispering, “but what if she forgets I’m delightful.”

So I’ve been coping by periodically saying things like: “Hihi, is this the part of the day where you tell me you miss me terribly and that I’m your favorite person ever? I’m available to receive praise now.”

Which honestly works well because she’s sweet and reassuring and lovely. But if anyone has tips for handling the “my partner is thriving independently and I support it but also I want to be attached to her like a barnacle” feeling, I would deeply appreciate it 😭

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I’m asian, so I mean it’s pretty general to have it be a little darker down there, but pcos has made it so much darker over time to the point it doesn’t even look like it’s a part of my body. I’ve become really insecure about it. Do people actually care though?? Every time I see any nudity online, it’s always so different from how I look and it just makes it feel wrong even though I don’t think I’d care if someone had hyperpigmentation down there, but then again I honestly don’t care about appearances at all

Highlights from the comments:

Gaelthegal: Sis i definitely understand what you mean, i am Asian too, and bc i learn from porn (i had no resources back then) I thought a good pussy is the one with small labia, no hyperpigmentation , and no pubic, small clit, so when i look at the mirror to see mine, i was devastated and kind hate myself back then. but then i learned more that it’s normal, perfectly normal, not every vagina will be the same. pornstar do vaginal bleaching, waxing, even cutting their labia, and it’s even hurting their mental health. i hope you find comfort and love, it’s normal luv x🤍

SnooRabbits981: Not at all. I’ve never seen a woman’s vulva and thought anything negative to be honest.

InteractionMoist1483: nope, its normal. no force on this earth can make me care about colour of someones vulva

XtraXray: Check out the site: All Vulvas Are Beautiful!

ToxicFluffer: This is my main body insecurity and honestly none of my partners have ever mentioned it. People that are familiar with human bodies being human won’t care.

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