Took me a while to get to this one. I mean, I WAS TOO BUSY LAUGHING AND UNABLE TO BREATHE AT FIRST. This is just. Wow. What a prompt.

–

They are cuddled up together on Levi’s couch, watching a movie like they do on weekend nights where they just want to stay home and spend the day together.

Levi leans over to grab his phone from the coffee table to check the time. When he settles back, he pulls the many blankets tight around them again. Eren yawns and nuzzles back into his side.

And then. It happens. Eren rips a big one.

Levi clenches his jaw and shoots Eren a warning glare. “Do not. Fucking. Lift the blankets.”

Eren bursts out laughing, wiggling, but keeps the blankets down, and the smell under lockdown.

“Levi, don’t look so angry! Don’t you know, they say that if you can freely fart and burp around someone, it shows how comfortable you are around them… Levi? What’re you doing?”

Eren leans even more into Levi to see what he is typing out into notes on his phone.

“Levi! Oh my god,” Eren crows in indignation (but also in amused disbelief), “What is this–A fart log?! You’ve been documenting every time I fart around you?!”

“Since 2013,” Levi curtly replies.

“Give me that, let me see!” Eren wiggles out an arm from the blankets to make a grab for Levi’s phone.

May 17, 2015 - 11:53 p.m. - While watching movies

“I’ll lift the blankets!” Eren warns. Levi hands over the phone. And as Eren scrolls down the note, sure enough, Levi has noted down every instance that Eren has broken wind in Levi’s presence.

“Why though?” Eren blurts out in between breathy laughs.

“For blackmail,” Levi responds jokingly. “So if you ever break up with me, whoever dates you next, will know what a flatulence monster you are.”  

“That’ll never happen. You’ll never find someone as shitty as me. And I know how much you love shit,” Eren says with a cheeky grin, poking fun at Levi’s literal shitty sense of humor.

Levi scoffs and rolls his eyes, kicks Eren under the blankets.

“Anyway, if you didn’t appreciate that, I suppose I can find other ways to blow you away.”

Levi does not know if he should laugh at Eren, punch him in the side, or jump him, for the way he waggles his eyebrows and tosses him a suggestive smirk.

–

///pffFFT; Did it! The last one! I do not apologize for the sheer amount of bad puns and pickup lines I have used today.

“I didn’t pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds,” Levi growls lowly into Eren’s ear, pushing him down into the mattress even as he pulls his hair from behind.

Eren yelps, squirming and panting, body oversensitized. The silky and lacy black and red panties rubbing against him are not helping at all.

“Y-You try not coming so quickly with these on,” Eren whines. Levi releases his hold and draws back, and Eren turns over, pulling his stocking-clad legs into his chest, fluttering his eyes blearily and pouting up at the other.

“You suggesting I try them on?” Levi says.

Eren perks up at that, eyes widening. “Oh, hell yeah, but only if yo–”

“You danced?” Levi asks. He shoots a look at his adorable, new, just-started-dating-two-months-ago, boyfriend.

“Why are you asking me that? I can dance!” Eren retorts. “Okay, so alcohol helps a little bit. I just. Well. I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp.”

Eren blinks at the deadpan look Levi is giving him.

“What?” Eren asks.

“What’s a lava lamp?”

Eren gawks. He also releases a choked noise of shock.

“Did you not have a childhood?! What do you mean, ‘What is a lava lamp?’ Every kid wanted one. Like, you could stare at that shit for hours.”

Levi huffs impatiently. “I said I don’t know. So educate me.”

–

Forty minutes later, Eren has dragged Levi to the nearest mall.

They have probably been staring at the group of lava lamps before them for the past fifteen minutes. Levi has said nothing that entire time. He had let his gaze wander over all the lava lamps, that come in all shades of the rainbow. He ended up focusing on the neon green one in the center.

“See what I mean,” Eren says, insistence and triumph in his voice. “You can stare at them for forever.”

Levi snorts, finally breaking his own silence.

"Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for two hours again?”

“What do you mean again?” Eren asks, flabbergasted, head propped up on Levi’s chest, which is still rising and falling a little too quickly, recovering from their last round.

“It’s a figure of speech, dummy,” Levi replies.

Eren shifts, sliding so that he can slot their hips together again and gives a teasing roll of his hips.

“Well, I do have to say I enjoy the sight of seeing your eyes roll back when you come… So. Challenge accepted.”

Levi’s lips pull back in a feral growl and he bucks back up into Eren.

“Again?” Levi says.

“So, hey, if you like, how about we go back to my place for some… undercover work?”

Levi bites his lip. Ridiculous. Cute and cheeky. Not wanting to let him have the last word, Levi crosses his arms.

“What about my lawyer?”

Levi glances behind him once more, turns backs to the wall and jabs out a quick group message to Isabel and Farlan.

The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn’t be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!

Isabel, of course, is the first to reply:

is he cute tho

Levi groans in his head and starts to type out, “That’s the not the point,” but the little bubble of ellipses showing that someone is typing pops out.

pics or i don’t believe u big bro

someone’s caught Levi’s eye? this i need to see

Not you too, Farlan. Levi sighs. Isabel replies back next.

now would be a good time as any to use snapchat ;)

Levi groans. Isabel had been bugging and bugging him to get snapchat. He had used it only once so far, when she had been breathing down his neck and yelling at Farlan to go to another room so they could test it.

And now, Isabel is rapid firing texts at him, urging Levi to take a selfie that conveniently has the other behind him.

Levi looks over his shoulder again. The tall, young, cute policeman is just adjusting his cap over his short brown hair. Levi chews on his bottom lip, thinking, is this a bad or idea or is this a bad idea. Fuck it. He opens up Snapchat, hastily finds a good angle and takes the shot.

Levi stares at the photo. More than half of his own face is cut off. But that does not matter, what does is that he got quite a nice shot of the policeman. He has a nice side profile – What a strong jawline. This angle definitely shows off how tall and slim the guy is too.

Levi ponders what to caption this as. He goes with a very predictable: Arrest me.

Then Levi is hitting that little arrow and sending it forth to Isabel and Farlan.

“Arrest you?” A voice whispers lowly from behind him.

Oh, fuck. Levi stiffens, and slowly, hesitantly, turns around. He cannot breathe. He stares up at the policeman, who is grinning at him. There is mirth in his bright green eyes.

“You have the right to remain silent… Though I doubt you will.”

////AHHHHAHAHAHHAH FORGIVE ME FOR BEING LAME

I got my hair from my firebender father, and they say my mother was from the water tribe and that’s where my blue eyes and mocha-colored skin comes from. Both died when I was a baby though, and I was taken in by a maid in the Fire Nation Royal Palace. 

I turn the corner and nearly run into the Fire Lord and his Lady and I lower my eyelashes, apologizing and coyly peeking up at him. I sway my hips more as I pass them, and I can feel his golden eyes burning into my back. I must have been a firebender at that moment (instead of secretly a waterbender) because I could feel my inner core burning hotter than Sozin’s comet.