#ash taylor

hey i'm ash. i'm a gay little fucking Thing and i make videogames and music and art and whatever else i feel like on any given day. i'm one of them she/its and i hail from the netherlands.

i'm working on a rhythm RPG called CHORDIOID, which is a very precious passion project of mine and i've been trying to crack it for almost 4 years. Demo Soon, Hopefully !!

i also do music for Deconreconstruction, including various tunes for the webcomic Vast Error.

i also like doing covers in my (ever-shrinking) free time, which of course tends to be what gets the most attention on youtube. grumble grumble

most importantly though i am a gay little freak and i endeavour to make that fact transparently obvious at all times.

Prompts 20, 21 & 23: “you are my sun, my moon and all my stars” & “I would have died for you” & “ God what have they done to you”

Captain Lorca x reader (Gender neutral)

Warnings: Mentions of torture, surgery and death.And swearing.

A/N: I feel terrible that I haven't written in a while but anyway here you go.

“God what have they done to you” Lorca whispered under his breath before he ran to keep up with the medical team carrying your limp body to the surgery. Everything was a blur to the Captian, all he could see was you; bloody, bruised and on the verge of death. After what seemed like hours of running through the Discovery’s halls, but what was only a few minutes, you were finally lowered onto the medical table, ready for one more chance at life. Lorca stopped at the doorway, before slowly walking in, watching as doctors and nurses rushed to save you. He wanted nothing more than to see your beautiful face again, to hear your laugh and to hold you close. Lorca could feel tears filling his eyes, and for once he didn’t care, all he cared about was you. Lorca was so focused on you that he didn’t even hear one of the nurses telling him to leave, not until they pushed the Captain outside and slammed the door shut.

 Lorca began to pace outside the room, with dark and bitter thoughts racing through his mind. He wanted to kill every single Kilgon that had even thought of touching you. He wanted every Kilgon that had hurt you to know what you had gone through, what pain you had endured. But most of all, he wanted you to survive. He wanted to wake up next to you and hear you whisper his name. He wanted to feel your skin under his touch and hear your heartbeat next to his as you both lay side by side. Anger coursed through his veins at the thought of never seeing you again. Lorca tried to contain it but it was no use, Lorca threw a punch at the wall next to him, leaving him with an aching hand and a small dent in the wall. 

The Captain paid no mind to his most likely broken hand or the dent, he did, however, pay attention to the surgery door opening and Dr Culber slowly stepping out. “What is it? Are they ok? Are they awake? Can I see them?” Lorca rushed out until he felt his heart drop at the next question he had to ask.  “Are...Are they dead?” The Captain whispered, fearing the worst. 

Dr Culber gave a thin smile before answering, “Maybe you should ask (Y/N)”. The Captain rushed into the room, nearly knocking the Doctor over. Right in the middle of the room, you laid, still bloodied and bruised but with a lot more bandages and stitches. Lorca rushed over to you, thanking his lucky stars that you survived. Stopping at the side of the bed, the once brave and noble captain looked broken and defeated. “ I thought I lost you” he whispered as he slowly fell to his knees beside the bed. Gripping his hand in his, you let out a small cough before answering, “ Oh please, like I’m going to let some Kilgon arseholes bring me down. And besides, why would I ever want to leave when I have you. God knows you would crash and burn without me”. Lorca let out a chuckle as you smugly whispered the last sentence.  Lorca gazed into your (E/C) eyes, have they always been that bright? Yes, yes they have. 

“You are my sun, my moon and all my stars. And I would have died for you, anything to bring you back.” Lorca whispered, kissing your hand. A small tear ran down your face before Gabriel wiped it away with the pad of his thumb.

“Don’t...Don’t say that. What would I have done if you weren’t here? I would rather go through a hundred years of Kilgon torture before I let you die for me” you said, trying to hold back the tears that were about to fall from your eyes. 

“Then promise me you’ll make it through this war,” Gabriel asked, continuing to grip his hand in yours.

“You know I can’t promise that,” you frowned. 

“Please, just...just promise,” Lorca said with so much fear and sadness in his voice, the complete opposite than what the Captain usually was.

“I just need to hear you say it” he begged.

“As long as you promise too”

It was a surprisingly dark and disturbing episode to be quite honest.

I mean, I’ve been going through the Discovery tag and that twitter response saying to “hold out hope” makes me feel slightly better although I tend not to trust tv writers, EPs and actors (I wonder why that is!) and at the same time, it still doesn’t discount the fact that a gay PoC character was killed and as that tumblr post said, maybe not every gay romance has to end in destruction and death and maybe not every PoC character has to be killed off? RADICAL, RIGHT.

Ash’s torment was played very well and there’s a moment when he’s talking to Michael asking her to just let him do things his way for a bit where his voice sort of cracks and there’s this genuine emotion there that just made him really human and sympathetic and I mean just the pure anguish and confusion and conflict is so well-played and well-acted. And I just want T’Rell TO DIE. And like the Michael/Ash chemistry is ACTUALLY insane.

I loved seeing Tilly as a psychotic badass.

Great check mate between Michael and Sarek lolol...indeed father. Do better.

Tilly, very nice. Yes, find your own way. Clever girl.

Ash...so Seattle...got that wrong. Intel slightly off...hmmm. I also noted the look you gave Burnham when you thought she was not looking. A slight discomfort and if you are whom I think you are, yeah...that look is telling.

Lorca and his Admiral. For a brief moment I thought that shuttle would be blown to high heaven, but then, ever so conveniently, kidnapped and then not running off, without orders, to rescue her. Hmmm so convenient. Yup. I like it. I like the diabolical nature of all of it.