#asexual steve

Because Billy’s the Horniest Boy Alive, and he’s ALWAYS thinking about it, but Steve hasn’t brought up sec, and Billy’s the first guy he’s dated, so Billy assumes he’s nervous and wants to take it slow, but really, Steve just, hasn’t thought about it. He loves spending time with Billy and cuddling and going on discreet little fates with him. They’re close to two months in when Billy brings it up, just casually mentions that whenever Steve feels ready to have sex, he’s ready. And Steve is like “oh. Uh, right.” Like ???? Yeah people often do that when they’re together.

And Billy is kinda ????? Like “is that okay?” And Steve is like “:/ I just don’t really think about doing it is all. But if you want to, usually I like it. I like making my person feel good, I just probably won’t initiate it” and Billy doesn’t know where he stands. That if he does initiate things Steve will be uncomfortable or not enjoy it.

The first time Things Happen, it’s good, and Billy keeps asking Steve over and over if he’s okay the whole time, and it’s soft and slow and really really nice for them both. And moving forward, sometimes Billy is still hesitant, he doesn’t want to push Steve’s boundaries, but Steve just genuinely doesn’t really think about sex. He’s happy spending time with Billy in other ways.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I NEVER expected this fic to take off. Exploring Asexual!Steve was just a cathartic whimsy of my own, a vicarious indulgence to have Alpha!Billy navigate and work to slot himself into Steve’s comfort and safety.

🥺 I just have a lot of feelings (nothing new) and it means a lot to have so many people turn their eyeballs onto this fic and patiently wait for more 😭.

Thank you all so much, and if you haven’t tried Omega is King yet, the synopsis and moodboard will be below the cut 💕

(beware: lame title because I honestly couldn't think of one) This is for @bigstarkenergy because it is akjdjd and I hope I don't offend anyone? I admit I don't know much about asexuality so. yeah.

It's three in the morning, and Tony is in his lab, tinkering with his suit as always when JARVIS interrupts his work.

"Sir, it appears that Captain Rogers is struggling to decide whether to pay you a visit."

"...Huh?" Tony looks up briefly at the ceiling.

"He seems distressed," the AI adds.

"Tell him to come on down here," Tony murmurs, taking a piece of wire between his teeth as his hands busy themselves with altering codes.

"All right," JARVIS replies.

Tony immerses himself in his work again, and before he knows it, ten minutes has passed.

A knock sounds softly at the door.

"Let him in," Tony speaks around the wire in his mouth, his fingers closing around a wrench as the door swings open and Steve steps into his lab.

"Hey, Cap. Can't sleep?" he asks, finally removing the wire from between his lips and connecting it to another.

"Uh, yeah," Steve says hesitantly, scuffing a toe against the floor of his lab.

"Anything specific that's bothering you?"

A long, dragged out silence follows. "Um. What-what do you think about...asexuality?"

Tony glances at Steve, who's now frowning at the floor. "It exists. Like plastic and glass and plants and rain."

"Oh."

Tony puts down the wrench in his hand. "Are you okay? Why the sudden question?"

Steve's frown deepens. "Ah, um. I-how do I say this-uh, I went on a date," he starts, looking away. Tony closes his eyes and breathes through his nose. Right. Steve. On a date. None of his business at all.

"It was...great? I think? We've been...seeing each other since a month ago and-well, things got, uh, sexual." Steve coughs, and Tony studies the way his cheeks flush red.

"And...and I, I was surprised? Because...because it's never happened. They've always waited and I just didn't know what to do," he confesses. And somewhere in the back of Tony's mind, he wonders why Steve is telling him all this. He's Tony. The person who makes fun of everything. Why him?

"I haven't-hadn't told them that-that I didn't-" Steve's jaw clenches. "I-I-shit, sorry, sorry, I can't-"

Tony stands up. "Hey, hey, take your time, let's sit over there, okay?" He gestures at the small couch sitting in the corner of his lab. Steve nods stiffly and walks over to the couch, sitting on the edge of it, his back rigid. Tony sits down beside him, careful to keep a few inches of space between them.

"Okay, uh. So, I'd never told h-them that, that I don't really-do-" Steve closes his hands into fists and squeezes his eyes shut. "-sexual. Things. That...touching too much makes me feel-feel weird."

Tony stills for a moment. Is that-was that-did Steve just kind of sort of come out to him?

"So...you're trying to say you're asexual," Tony says, leaning forward on his elbows.

Steve swallows. "Y-yeah," he chokes out.

Tony glances sideways at him. "That's okay."

"...Really?"

"Yeah."

Tony watches as the tension drains from Steve's body, and he opens his eyes. "Oh. Oh, okay. That's-that's nice to-to hear."

They're quiet for a second. Then Steve continues. "And then, he-h-ah, shit."

He's breathing hard now, and it takes about three seconds before Tony realizes why.

He.

As in-Steve-oh.

Oh.

"That's okay too."

Steve grips onto the edge of the couch. "What?" he blurts out.

"It's okay to like guys," Tony says slowly. He can tell Steve is about to freak out, and he really doesn't know how to deal with a Steve that freaks out, because the only Steve he knows is the Steve that knows what he's doing. Is sure of himself. Is a leader. The Steve that never slips up.

Or maybe he's getting it wrong. Maybe the one who never makes mistakes and leads the Avengers is Captain America. Not Steve Rogers. Steve Rogers who's asexual and possibly gay, which Tony needs to wrap his head around quickly because Steve is definitely about to freak out.

"I-" Steve grits his teeth and shuts his eyes again.

"Hey, Cap-Steve. Hey, look at me. Come on."

Steve opens his eyes, and his gaze darts around before landing on Tony's.

"It's okay," Tony says again, because he knows Steve needs to hear it. "Can I...?" He holds out a hand.

Steve nods, a movement so small Tony barely catches it. He reaches over and puts a hand over Steve's. "This okay?"

Steve nods again.

"You wanna keep going?"

Steve takes a deep breath and exhales. "I-th-they-he-he didn't like it. Th-he said I was being stupid and-and that I ruined everything because I never really liked h-him. Him. That since I didn't want anything sexual with him, there was-there was no point. And he...left."

Steve's hand tenses under Tony's, its grip on the couch tightening. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to dump all of this on you. I just-I needed to know whether-if-if I'm really that-that bad. Because the internet-I just-it doesn't help-"

And Steve...he's blinking rapidly. Quickly. Really, really quickly. Maybe too quickly.

And Tony is confused for a moment, before he isn't anymore. But...but he's Steve, he wouldn't, he'd never-Tony shakes his head. Of course he would. Steve is human. A super human, maybe, but still human.

Tony pulls Steve's hand onto his lap and wraps an arm around his shoulders. "It's okay," he says, softly.

Steve slowly, tentatively rests his head on Tony's shoulder, and Tony pretends he doesn't notice the way he's shaking. Pretends he doesn't feel his shoulder dampening. Pretends he doesn't hear the small hiccups Steve makes.

It takes a while. It takes a while for Steve to stop trembling and Tony's shirt to stop soaking, but it's okay. Tony tells Steve just that.

Steve pulls away slightly. "I-is it-do you really think so? I mean, if-if it weirds you out, I understand."

Tony squeezes his hand. "I promise I'm okay with it, Steve. Does anyone besides me know?"

Steve frowns and shakes his head. And to Tony, that's the equivalent of "I trust you the most".

"Not even Natasha? Or Bucky?"

"I never really-well, there was Peggy, but she-uh, yeah. And I guess I never really talked about...y'know. Sex. And Natasha-maybe she's picked up on it? I don't-I don't know."

Tony squeezes Steve's hand again. "Thanks for trusting me with this, and I promise it's okay, whatever anyone else says."

Steve lets out a breath. "Yeah, okay. Thank you, Tony. I-I never-I thought-"

Tony taps a finger against the back of Steve's hand. "No problem. And before this gets anymore awkward, please know that you can come down here to talk. Anytime."

Steve rubs his neck sheepishly. "...Thanks. Really."

And the Nonnymouse coming in with the tough questions! I’m happy to answer, though. Talking about asexuality, but even more, about being aromantic, because I really don’t see a lot of the latter, is important.

Ace Steve, sort of but not really. (I know, such a helpful answer!) I mean, asexuality is a broad spectrum, and I fall on one particular part of it, so in that respect, yes, I put ace Steve on roughly the same part of the spectrum as I fall, probably summed up best in Ace up my Sleeve: No sexual desire. No libido. No sex. Not with you, not with anyone. Not interested, not ever, but that’s where the similarities end. Ace Steve in that series is sex-repulsed, Bucky always leaves the room to masturbate, whereas ace Steve in Life in the Middle isn’t. On a sliding scale he’s happy to stay with Bucky while he gets off and participate to a certain degree. I’m not sex-repulsed, precisely, but smut, porn, naked people, whatever, literally do nothing for me. So yeah, ace Steve, his asexuality is sort of a reflection of mine.

Aromantic Bucky in Life in the Middle, well. Yes. That’s different. Take away the sex part of him, obviously, and yeah. That’s what it feels like to be aromantic, at least for me. One hundred percent. It was actually very hard to write, because I knew I was basically ripping myself open and pouring myself onto the page, but I thought it was important. It was a challenge to get the aromantic part right but still have it be Bucky. That’s always the challenge when you try and take the characters and have them reflect something that’s an integral part of you, regardless of whether it’s sexuality or religion or a passion. But it’s a good challenge, a satisfying challenge. Life in the Middle was one of the harder things I’ve written, but I was very happy with what it turned out to be.

And then someone left me this comment on Life in the Middle and I’m not gonna lie, I teared up: Oh, man. I identified with Bucky so hard throughout most of this fic. Seriously, except for the sex bits (I’m also ace) I was there going, “Yeah, that’s what I would do,” and “yeah, that’s how I feel,” and “yeah, that’s what it’s like,” and “that is DEFINITELY what I’d be doing in this situation, and so is that, and that, and that…” I’ve never identified with a character so hard, seen so much of myself in a character, ever. It was shocking and delightful and wonderful and I’m so glad I read this fic, this is my favorite aro fic ever. Bucky’s aro is my kind of aro and it’s amazing.

i prefer asexual steve over demi steve just bc thats what i am lol, but yeah that whole thing pisses me off too. especially because its made out to be a sad thing that he hasnt had sex with anyone, but he’s a conventionally attractive guy, so if he wanted sex he wouldn’t have struggled in getting it. so obviously he must’ve not wanted it. and that’s not sad. i always imagined that bruce is also ace and that steve and him bonded over that, and the whole “not a virgin” story was something he told the other avengers (which bruce heard but since he knew the truth it took him a few times of jen talking about it for him to remember that lie Steve often used, and use it himself. if that makes sense?). idk that whole thing just screams allonormativity/amatonormativity.