The words had left his lips before his brain even had a moment to catch himself. If he were of sound mind he wouldn't have spoken a word to the other but it's hard to see him and pretend like there has never been anything there. Though he tries. It's been hard in a small town such as theirs to not attach a memory of them to everything. To not see him in everything. Has he really deserved such a fate? To have the most horrible what-if constantly there even if it's by the mouth of desperate housewives after Sunday mass. A place Kihew does not belong either but still claws his way into.
Been waiting. It feels like a punch to the gut. A cattle prod to the throat. A brand so hot Kihew has to shut his eyes. He wishes he could crack open Baptiste's skull and see everyone who has been there after him. All the worthy bodies. He feels sick once he opens his opens and their gazes meet. There's nothing there now but a vacant expression. He's strangled his grief over and over again. It's a permanent bruise tucked behind his ribs that he presses his fingers into when he's been drinking. When he's alone in his bed and wondering what could have possibly been worth taking him away. The universe is sick and Kihew is at her mercy.
"Yes." The lies comes quickly off his tongue. There's been countless bodies since Baptiste left him. If he closes his eyes he can pretend the bodies colliding with his own are his. He can pretend that the love is still there if it was never that at all. "You'll find yours too. Always hearing about you anyway. I'm sure the news will be brought right to my feet." @ascensionisms from here













