#artrant

My photos look like a digital camera from cerca 2003 because the hurricane had things dark and stormy for days. Lets just blame it on that.

I've been in an art slump for a while. I did manage to poop out scarecrow boi couple days ago and I was so relieved. The serotonin I got from painting that shirt was unreal. I was super excited. I don't know if I can do it again at the moment. What my issue is is I get really inspired by an idea..its not a fleshed out idea..its just that I know I want to do something in that idea family but then I can't come up with a decent composition. If I can't come up with a composition then I can't paint anything. So for a while I really wanted to draw a deer painting..and I really blame that. I knew I wanted a deer but I couldn't figure out what to do with a deer and then it spiralled. And then its getting to be fall so now I want to do pumpkins..no idea what to do with pumpkins other than jackolanterns..and thats again not a composition. So I'll probably again just spiral. JUST ARTIST THINGS.

so heres my plan. I am NOT professional. I have to keep telling myself I do not need to justify my actions to anybody because in the end it effects my paycheck not. I think..I think..one day I may just make a full on like..border collie calendar..or book. I just like the collies. I like collies in every possible stupid way. And I may do that. I also think maybe I'll do just pumpkins for tiktok. No full on decorative illustration with background. Just how to pain simple pumpkins for like..a card..then I can use my pretty colors hassle free.

Daughter of the Sea - Jaina Proudmoore.

I figure I might as well post this one as well, if I’m posting more “recent” art. I did this a few weeks ago, and it was one of the first drawings I had done after almost 5 years of doing absolutely nothing in the way of art. It has taken a good long time, and at times it is still a struggle, but I think a chunk of the burnout is finally out of my system. After having worked in the game industry, for the longest time even sketching just brought on wave after wave of anxiety. Working in games, you get so hyper focused on the finished product needing to look as good as possible, as quickly as possible, that the joy and love of the process becomes muddled, and eventually killed off. Your ‘art’ becomes unrecognizable and you hate yourself for every shortcut you have to take to get the product out. 

Anyways, It’s a long rehabilitation process, and I’m only starting. I’m finding that, in a way, doing this silly fan art is kind of helpful, because it doesn’t have to be serious or deep, or super thought out - I can just draw. Though I still struggle with impatience, and a whole lot of internal screaming of “AGH THIS IS AWFUL!”

I also just got my intuos up and running again, but I’m going to try and still do some work with the copics as well. 

There's probably a lot of other people who share this feeling with me.

Being an artist from a small poor country that no one really cares about is so tough, because unless you are born in priviledged countries like the USA, you basically have no chance at getting a job for big legendary animation companies like Disney or Cartoon Network, or even books and video game companies.

I feel that, no matter how well I draw, or how hard I work I will never get anywhere.

I wish I was born in a better country, that offered me so many more oportunities.

“Revenge” 

I keep getting stressed over my lack of publicity (?) for my art, I know we aren’t supposed to be so focused on numbers, but at the same time, I really wish that I can make art friends and have the knowledge that there are people out who will support me and love my art :””””(

 idk it’s just being in JC without an art subject and having people around me who don’t really want me to go into the art profession and relate to me, really attacks me mentally.