+ bonus doodle

i think hes Pretty Quiet about certain things but theres a difference between just not wanting to be a bummer vs "if he finds out i love him im going to Lose Everything" (an idea he came up with entirely on his own)

i mean its also. normal! people are shy about their crushes and Good Things are hard to come by. getting romantically involved would be so so so dangerous. this is all so delicate... but datz cant kill his feelings so the best he can do is hide them and make sure Dhurke Never Finds Out. which, again, is a total 180 compared to his usual (probably) habit of like... sharing his happiness with dhurke. you know?! he loves dhurke. thats his best friend. someone who makes him so so happy.. they share good moments together. in order to survive The Horrors. but bc of this... his best moments, nights where dhurke reclines against him and doesnt seem so weighed down by everything, for example... that true happiness has a tarp covering it, so that dhurke might not catch on. this of course makes him feel guiltier for deriving too much joy from innocent monents ... which, its datz, and in any other situation he loves getting the wrong idea from things, like a wretched raccoon, but he respects dhurke so much.

like if you used widget to interrogate datz... asking him about something something... thered be an out of place anxiety there.. and someone would misread it as Omg datz is actually scared of him! wow! but really. datz is just so so scared of Losing Him.

or a confession except its not a confession, not a great one, bc its more like... a confession (guilty) a confession (im in trouble.) and dhurke doesnt have any clue why its coming out that way. datz looks like a kicked puppy! and its just Weird bc dhurke thought they were having like, an honest man to man moment, but datz looks like he fucked up insanely bad... and *thats* not great, having your partner in all things who seems to completely lack shame, look ashamed to have feelings for you 😭 he can take it as a hit to his ego, but hes far more worried that hes actually given datz reason to feel this way. did he ever make it seem like he'd be disgusted by such a thing?! love is love datz, he'd never judge-

and ofc datz is like WWWWAIT NO NOT LIKE THAT. IDONT TBINK YOURE HOMOPHOBIC 😭LMAOOO But like ARGHHH its just soooo fun to me. this odd screwy life hes built with dhurke is like. his treasure. its just enough to be by his side... his heart is racing but not in a good way, more in a panicked animal way, as he feels like hes going to lose this treasure. that dhurkes gonna push him away for a million reasons. not least of all the AAAACTIVE MAARIAGE! datz torn between the urge to explain, because it kills him to see dhurke thinking for a second that its His Fault, but also not wanting to explain anything bc every word out of his mouth is damning..

and meanwhile dhurkes just... truly gobsmacked... lmaooo but i think he hits datz with that. what. youre worried ill deny you? im more worried that i couldnt possibly deserve you. are you kidding me? after everything youve done for me! BC THAT PARTTT. datz is worried this was all a fluke and temporary and never meant to last this long but dhurke sees datz as the only reason this lasted so far. he would have lost it years ago without datz by his side... so to see datz think that dhurke would cast him aside so flippantly, is...

well clearly dhurke has to set the record strait...!! (by KISSING HIM A WHOLE LOT!!!!!) Or at the very least holding datz still and reaffirming a million times that hes invaluable and dhurke considers his presence a treasure... GAH!! because theyre BEST FRIENDS!! But really its the. lingering fear of it all.. dhurke realizing that datz seems genuinely afraid to admit such a thing and its so weird bc datz isnt afraid of Like Anything.

so he really must be serious about this... dhurke could take it personally but he knows better. and also hes . kind of stunned that he didnt realize these feelings before but suddenly a Lot Of Things Are Making Sense