Top Posts Tagged with #aroallo things

Man I just don't get allorose people sometimes.

Because I'm looking at the reviews of a M/M romance book I read recently and a concerningly high amount of people are taking umbrage with one of the protagonists having sexual relationships before getting with the other protagonist. Because apparently this means that he doesn't truly romantically love the other character and him alone. I thought it was pretty clear that no, he doesn't have romantic feelings for any of the other people he sleeps with, and his most prominent FWB relationship is pretty firmly rooted in platonic and sexual attraction with no expectations of ever becoming romantic—in large part because the FWB is aroallo.

Like I'd get it if he was doing all this whilst dating the other character, without his express consent to an open relationship, but no, at this point in the book he's single and free to hook up with whoever the fuck he likes. I've even seen a couple reviews outright call it cheating! Like what the fuck?????

It feels like so much of this is rooted in amatonormative ideas about how there should only ever be One Person you are romantically and sexually intimate with at a time, that sex without romantic love is inherently impure, shallow, etc. And it's infuriating! Because the FWB pretty much turns to the camera and says "I'm aroallo" and the book does a pretty good job at positively portraying a friendship that also involves mutual sexual attraction, but some people seem to be fit and determined to insist that sex without romance, especially with multiple partners, is A Bad Thing Actually.

#aromantic #aromantic allosexual #aroallo #alloaro #aroallo things #arophobia #aroallophobia #purity culture #amatonormativity

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A few years ago, I would habitually lurk the major asexual subreddits because at the time one of my best friends was coming to terms with being aroace, so I wanted to educate myself on asexuality in order to understand them better. I found a lot of the posts and comments weirdly relatable, but I didn't—and still don't—feel quite right calling myself ace or acespec. I didn't think to check out any of the major aro subs, because I, like many others, thought aromanticism was part of the asexual spectrum. I didn't know that aromanticism was its own thing, let alone that you could identify as aro but not ace. And in retrospect, I think part of the reason it took so long for me to identify as demiromantic was because I thought I had to be asexual in order to "qualify."

Because aro and ace are so deeply intertwined a lot of the time, and because there are so many people who identify as both, sometimes topics that could be more relevant to aro folks (romantic attraction or the lack thereof, dating, etc) are discussed in ace subreddits. So, in retrospect, while I did (and still do) resonate with some ace-specific experiences, most of the posts and comments I specifically found relatable actually had more to do with aromanticism, particularly the grey area between aro and allo.

It wasn't until the last year or so that I found myself having to justify my lack of romantic attraction over the past decade, thinking that maybe it's just because I don't go out much IRL, or that perhaps it's a natural consequence of growing up. But, over time, I found that those excuses just weren't holding up. I was so much more prone to crushing on people online when I was younger, so why had that stopped? It couldn't have been because of me swearing off LDRs, because that didn't stop the one crush I *have* had over the past decade. And, more importantly, why did I feel so... out of place among people close to my age, like my siblings, who crushed on different people all the time?

Maybe the answer would've come to me earlier if I'd looked more into aro subreddits, or aro spaces and resources in general. Who knows? But, yeah, I do really wish that aromanticism, and the various identities and microlabels under that umbrella, had more visibility as its own thing.

#demiromantic #actually demiromantic #aromantic #actually aromantic #actually aro #aromantic allosexual #aroallo #alloaro #aroallo things #aspec