#aro advice

Hello, there!

I personally don't know of any label that describes that specific experience, BUT here are a few things that may help you:

Even though demis need to form an emotional bond first to feel romantic attraction, that doesn't mean it's the only conditional (as far as I know). You can decide what else to add to the mix, though I believe the former is kinda mandatory, so…

Maybe sex is the way you develop an emotional bond, which technically still means you're demi. You're the only one that knows the specifics, but this could be a good place to start. Try to identify why sex specifically is what motivates your romantic feelings.

You may feel more comfortable using Greyromantic instead of demi, since the definition includes that the person "gains/loses attraction in unusual or unknown circumstances" (sex in this instance).

All in all, you're the only one that can say which label works better for you, and as long as you're not hurting anyone, there's nothing you should feel bad about. In general, the way people perceive and relate to romance and sex is full of prejudices and taboos, but the important thing is that you don't use it to take advantage of anyone. As long as you're approaching it from a place of sincerity and respect, there's nothing wrong with the kind of attraction you feel.

Here's a good list of identity terms you can check if you'd like to explore a little more and you can always come to us if you need someone to talk to.

Good luck!

Valid as hell!! I actually get these sometimes :DD There's a couple terms for this, like alterous attraction and squishes!

please remember for all the resources these are people's personal experiences and yours can differ!

Alterous attraction is defined by AUREA as "An interest or desire for emotional closeness without necessarily being platonic and/or romantic"

"Alterous attraction" resources: here here here here here

Squish is defined by AUREA as either "The platonic equivalent of a crush", or "The equivalent of a crush for other types of attraction"

"Squish" resources: here here here here here

I also recommend taking a look through the AUREA glossary, specifically this section!

If you wanna hear some other experiences or advice, posting on forums (like arocalypse) or subreddits may be a good place to start

As for my own experience ↓

if you are having strong feelings about someone and you’re not sure if it’s a squish or a crush, picture yourself in a romantic relationship with them. Does that feel right? Does it make you feel good and happy? It’s probably a crush. Does it feel wrong? Does it make you feel bad and unhappy? It’s probably a squish.

You could be, though that is for you to determine.

There are several aro-spec terms that may be helpful to you. Similar to ace-spec terms, there are:

greyromantic - conditionally or rarely experiences romantic attraction to someone

demiromantic - conditionally experiences romantic attraction; needs to bond first in order to experience romantic attraction

quoiromantic - unable to distinguish romantic feelings from other love related feelings

aegoromantic - someone who enjoys romantic content or romance in theory, but does not wish to participate in real life

Also sorry for the long ask :3

Don't apologize for the long ask and thank youu for asking about it. I'm honored I can be of help 🥺🤝💚

So first of all, I just want to say that figuring out if you're in the aro spectrum or not is ultimately yours to know, you know yourself and what you feel, better; aromanticism is a vast spectrum so if you feel like you may fall in it: try to do some research and think about it... I can only guide and tell you about what I know from my and others experiences but nothing concrete.

Now, about your ask. The "weird feeling" you described could be plenty of those things like anxiety or your aceness (because of the kissing part and physical touch) but it could also be related to your feelings towards romance & how you feel in a romantic relationship... it could be about aromanticism.

Let's see, think about this: if you like a person romantically then you will most probably want to be affectionate and kiss them, show them you care for them, want to do romantic gestures for them and express your love to them by saying "I love you"s and such. I may be wrong though bc I'm aromantic and haven't experienced this yet (everyone may experience their romantic love differently too) but from what my alloromantic friends have mentioned: pretty much this happens.

So if you don't feel this way about her, you can do some introspection and understand what kind of feelings you have towards her (maybe they are romantic but very little or very infrequent, it varies, etc) maybe they're not romantic at all. The more you understand what kind of attraction you're feeling then the better you'll be able to express to her how you'd like you relationship to work, how you you want to express that love for her etc etc. It may, indeed, be romantic feelings you have but the way you express that romantic love isn't affectionately, cheesy and such.

Even if, honestly, it sounds like things someone that may be arospec would feel during a romantic relationship. So think about it...

So like... I think I feel romantic attraction. Like, I’m pretty sure what I feel is love. But I’m super detached from it? Like I’m not even sure what love feels like and all of my relationships are very intense and mostly physical then they crash and burn super quickly and I think that might be because what I feel for them ISNT actually anything? Or if it is, I’m not connecting with or properly recognising it? Does that even make sense?