#arnold sideways

“This is a very nasty winter. Extra money would certainly come in handy,” said the Duck Man. “What for?” said Arnold. “We could live like kings on a dollar a day, Arnold.” “What, you mean someone’d chop our heads off?” “No, I--” “Someone’d climb up inside the privy with a red-hot poker and--” “No! I meant--” “Someone’d drown us in a butt of wine?” “No, that’s dying like kings, Arnold.” 

The snow began to settle gently on the River Ankh. “Still... Happy new Year, Arnold.” “Happy New Year, Duck Man. And your duck.” “What duck?” “Happy New Year, Henry.” “Happy New Year, Ron.” “Buggrem!” “And god bless us, every one,” said Arnold Sideways. The curtain of snow hid them from view. “Which god?” “Dunno. What’ve you got?” “Duck man?” “Yes, Henry?” “You know that stalled ox you mentioned?” “Yes, Henry?” “How come it’d stalled? Run out of grass, or something?” “Ah... it was more a figure of speech, Henry.” “Not an ox?” “Not exactly. What I meant was--” And then there was only the snow. After a while, it began to melt in the sun.

The man went to shut the door but Arnold Sideways was ready for him and had wedged his boot in the crack.* --------------------------------------------------- *Arnold had no legs but, since there were many occasions when a boot was handy on the streets, Coffin Henry had affixed one to the end of a pole for him. He was deadly with it, and any muggers hard-pressed enough to try to rob the beggars found themselves kicked on the top of the head by a man three feet high.