#argyle headcanons

I may have gotten carried away 🫣 smutty headcanons under the cut.

Argyle is such a sucker for his shy girl

When he first sees you, he’s immediately dumbstruck

He’s bringing a pizza to your table of friends and rambles about god knows what

“Uh, hey, here’s your pizza. I’m, um, Argyle. If you need anything. Like napkins. I see you, uh, have napkins, but if you need more…I have napkins in the back. Of the store. There’s lots of napkins. No napkin shortage here. It’s sad for the trees but good for, uh, spills.”

He makes you smile without even meaning to

One of your friends goes up to him later and gives him your number

When he calls and asks you out, it’s more rambling where he’s trying to sound casual but utterly fails

“Do you like movies? Yeah, me, too. Oh, hey, we should see one together! Maybe Friday night, if you’re free. Or if not, that’s cool. Well, not cool because I’d be super bummed. But no pressure or anything, man. I mean, woman.”

When you accept, Argyle takes you on a date

He lets you pick the movie

He does the yawn-and-stretch, his heart beating a million miles an hour

And then you carefully snuggle into him and his brain goes HOLY SHIT

Man literally doesn’t move the entire time except to very gingerly take popcorn from the bucket you’re sharing

Once you’re officially together, Argyle introduces you to Jonathan

You’re nervous about meeting his best friend, and he calms you down

“You have nothing to worry about, princesa. Byers’ll be on his best behavior. He knows not to mess with my girl.”

(What you don’t know is that Argyle threatened to cut off Jonathan’s supply of Purple Palm Tree Delight if he made one wrong move.)

Speaking of when you get nervous, especially in social situations, Argyle is the king of forehead kisses

He just goes, “hey, look at me” and then leans in and MWAH on your forehead

Argyle always lets you braid his hair

If you’ve never smoked before, he teaches you how, never laughing when you cough

“Just a little inhale. There ya go, mi querida.”

He loves watching you get comfortable with the people he cares about

The first time you (lovingly) make fun of Jonathan, Argyle bursts out laughing

“Well, you do look like Ringo if his mom gave him a bowl cut!”

Argyle loooooves holding your hand

He always does that little thumb-rubbing thing as a way to remind you that you’re safe with him

NSFW BELOW

Yay, Argyle Headcanons:

Actually really proud of that birdhouse he made, ended up giving it to Jonathan for his birthday.

Is NOT convinced that Jane isn't biologically related to Jonathan and Will.

I think this man can cook. (This one is baseless)

If we roll with canon: I think he and Eden got together and he got her tf out of Utah. They're cute.

Will not touch the town of Hawkins with a ten foot pole.

Obviously I'm me so here's the super baseless:

Sexuality: Homosexual Biromantic.

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MINORS DNI

summary; my dumb ass rambling about argyle and his kinks or just anything nsfw related about him.

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just imagine him driving his truck, singing Perdido en un Barco, with Jonathan—who is high as hell and doesn’t know a lick of spanish but has memorized the songs—at the top of their lungs before they’re vibing to The Way You Do the Things You Do.

CW: weed obviously, making out, grinding, oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, implied threesome

would never make you roll your own joint

BUT he likes rolling them with you there bc he likes when you lick the paper …….

he makes the back of his van all comfy with blankets and pillows

you literally keep a stuffed animal back there bc of how often you nap in there

stares at u with the cutest glazed over eyes while you talk or sing mindlessly to a song

“argyle, can you pass me the lighter?” “i will literally do anything for you”

lotttssssss of grinding and sloppily making out

i saw someone say that jonathan would eat you out and use cotton mouth as an excuse to wanna do it more and i feel like argyle would do the same

have you seen that man’s hair bruh if you guys are doing ANYTHING your hands are running through it

him holding the joint to ur lips while u ride him <3

shotgunning.

finding little hidden beaches to have smoke seshs

WHAT IF YOU GUYS BUILT A STONER TREEHOUSE

like you have a huge tree in your backyard and you guys get jonathan to help you build a treehouse and you can decorate it all cute and have a record player omg

you, argyle, and jonathan hang out a lot up there

3 of you always smoking up there (sometimes other activities …. )

you always have your own weed to bring, but argyle never makes you smoke your own 🙄 he always supplies you <3 (you supply him in other ways oops)

eating edibles and going to the movies every friday

His real name is Alejandro. His middle name, funnily enough, is Jonathan.

His parents started Surfer Boy Pizza and so he’s well off enough to drive all the way to Indiana at a moments notice.

He has an older sister who sings and plays guitar in a Mariachi. Her name is Elena.

He knows all the ins and outs of a pizza restaurant; how to make the dough, operate the ovens, make the sauce, balance the toppings. He can even toss the dough pretty well. He’s really good at basic math because he’s been helping work the register since he was a kid.

Spanish was his first language and he speaks it at home. As they drive across the country, he teaches the Byers and Mike, and then El, how to curse in Spanish and roll their r’s.

His hair is very important to him and he and Steve bond over their hair. They exchange hair care product information. Argyle lets Steve braid his hair when stressed.

He is a really good cook, and while he makes excellent pizza and traditional Mexican food, he also slays a big breakfast. He takes to pancake and egg duty while they prep for the apocalypse.

He has 20/20 vision.

i saw this while i was at work and it made me smile so big i can't even tell you!! this is so fucking cute. i think steve and argyle would be GREAT friends this is so far up my alley okay i have some things to add though

steve is the one who introduces argyle to skincare past the basic 'just wash your face.' the moisturizers, the masks, all of that. and argyle's got pretty good skin already but this makes it so soft and smooth

argyle in turn introduces steve to hair oils! argyle's hair is so long that at a certain point just conditioning doesn't cut it, it's really hard to keep it from getting dry, so he started using them. when steve complains about some of the styling products he uses drying out the ends of his hair, argyle is like listen man i got you

it's widely accepted among the lot of us that steve is touch-starved, right? well this is such a great way for him to just. receive some platonic physical affection. he'll brush argyle's hair and then argyle will comb his, one time argyle gave him a hot oil scalp massage, they'll joke around and nudge each other around, argyle catches on to how much steve likes just being touched and he always greets him with a hug now. if he notices steve's particularly stressed or down, they'll cuddle while they watch whatever movie.

they end up coming out to each other and confiding about their crushes on eddie and jonathan, and reassuring each other that no, they do have a chance and should totally go for it!

they try out new styles on each other, yes, but a lot of them are silly! one time, argyle gives steve liberty spikes, and steve teases argyle's hair and tells him he looks like one of the guys from the metal bands eddie likes

one day steve is braiding argyle's hair and he just seems kinda down. argyle asks him what's wrong, and steve wistfully explains that he wishes eddie would let him braid his hair like this. the very next time they're able to convince eddie to join them, argyle all but bullies him into letting steve do just that. and if steve doesn't notice the way eddie blushes when steve's hands are in his hair, argyle sure does, and he tells steve next time he sees him alone that he's got to make a move already!

But like. I get so numb. My body is like so relaxed in a way? Everything else is heightened while my body just kind of sinks. Idk how to explain it. So I like to just have slow sex. Cock warming. Mouth on titties and just hanging out, yeah?

So in the spirit of the other post I made about getting high with Eddie and Argyle, here is some more thinking (gender neutral, I believe. Definitely sexual af but I’m not specific with genitals):

- instead of like, Eddie just going ham on you, instead it’s just so slow and lazy. Like your leg is thrown over Eddie’s hips as his cock just kind of sits in you in a sort of weirdly twisted reverse cowgirl, Argyle just hanging out on your chest, another blunt being passed around, all of you like kind of lying down.

- Eddie just hanging out between your legs. Giving you the absolute laziest but best head ever. Taking breaks to smoke. Argyle kissing you when you complain or get too loud and also just because. It’s supposed to be a chill out session, come on dude. Gotta stay quiet.

- hanging out with Eddie’s cock in your mouth, removing it only to smoke. Argyle is half asleep on your stomach, chatting with Eddie as if they aren’t using your body like some sort of unlucky pillow

- you are just barely giving Eddie a handjob, every once in a while leaning down to add your mouth, and that’s fine, he’s feeling slow and a little numb too. But then Argyle has moved your shirt and started attacking your chest and Eddie has decided to join him, leading to both of them messing with your nipples and leaving hickies all over your chest, even bringing them up as high as your jaw.