#arcusignis

THE NORTH™ SQUAD.

--- @satincrow​ ---

^^^the gif in question,

          which falls into the category i have named Moments When Jon Snow Was So Ready To Die --- which in turn breaks my little heart to pieces because it happens far too often. i think you used a perfect choice of word: relief. relief because he knew very well there would be little chance of both of them making it out of this night alive, and that likely both would be dead at the end anyway. it’s the same sentiment we see in the books (remember that Satin is there along for the ride!!!), but in the show Jon is allowed this very brief instant of reunion rather than to find her already post-battle --- and i believe it’s the wildest mix of emotions. relief, joy, regret, fear, atonement, guilt, hope, sadness, surprise, acceptance.

          i don’t think Jon realistically had any hope of having a future together with Ygritte, no matter the outcome of the battle --- and possibly had just as little hope that she would forgive him for what he did. and yet, at the same time... it’s even more heartbreaking when we see him saying things like we’ll go back to that cave, the maester will heal you --- because he was never one for this sort of mindless optimism, and still we see him clinging to it for a little bit because it’s literally all he has left as he’s watching her die in his arms. 

          .....but back to the gif. let’s also not forget that this moment happens literal seconds only after Jon’s smackdown (i swear this pun wasn’t intended) with Styr, and honestly at this point Jon just wants to find a quiet little spot to recover for a bit --- and instead he walks/stumbles across the corner and finds Ygritte with her arrow pointed at his face. so, yes, he was so ready to die ---he was exhausted, injured, seeing brothers die left and right, still not sure if they would manage to push through, in show!canon having sent Grenn to hold the gate against Mag the Mighty--- and likely he believed it would have been the perfect epilogue and exactly what he deserved. wrong to love her and wrong to leave her. and i personally believe that, should Olly not have interfered, Jon would not have done anything to defend himself or to avoid his fate. he would have let Ygritte take his life as retribution for his betrayal, because it would have been well deserved.

AESTHETICS : // ft. @arcusignis

Catelyn could not deny the temptation of such a rule: to return one blow with another, to take life in exchange for a life. By the Gods, how many nights did she think of making those who had stolen her loved ones feel that self same loss and pain. How often did she dream of choking Cersei Lannister by the throat until her lips turned black and her eyes rolled back, as some partial repayment for the all the pain she and her kin had caused Catelyn?

Yet, at times she doubted such a path would lead to anything she desired. It would not bring back those she loved and would only prompt them to take from her again in return. Where would it end? Would it continue until she had nothing left in this world?

But, yet, such violent acts, such terrible acts, could not go unavenged, could not go ignored. 

“But we are not beasts,” Catelyn finally answered, “And so our path is harder. In more ways than one”

// @notlikegcds

          this is a cruel thing to do, Melody. but in this house we’re not cowards and we die like wolves, so let me grab my ASOIAF books and get started. and get started by mentioning a fact that should be obvious, and yet the fandom sometimes ignores it far too easily: Ygritte is an essential pillar in Jon Snow’s character development. she’s the one who makes him start challenging and questioning his beliefs about the free folk but also about the world in general, and her points of view have such impact that, in almost every chapter after her death (and especially after he’s elected as lord commander, aka when he starts making decisions), Jon reminisces about her and wonders what she would have thought of what he’s doing. he clearly values her opinions and perspectives, even when he does not agree with them.

          which, granted, is obnoxiously downplayed in the show, where Ygritte is little more than the crazy ex trope. yes, even in the books their relationship had a shaky start and the lines of consent were blurred on occasion — Jon literally had to start sleeping with Ghost to prevent her from sneaking under his furs overnight. the way i personally see it, however, i don’t believe this was because he did not want her or did not feel attracted to her — on the contrary, because he was well aware of his potential reactions and, at that point, he was still determined to live through Mance’s camp without breaking a single vow; hence, wanting to keep her as far away as possible, as to not be tempted. all this to say that book!Ygritte is SO much more than just Jon’s love interest. she’s clever, she’s courageous, she’s honorable in the free folk way, she’s strong, she’s willful, she’s funny, she’s spirited, she’s bold. but she is also sweet and nurturing and caring, and let’s not forget that, when eagle!Orell knocked Jon down his garron, Ygritte immediately stepped in and stood in front of him to protect him from further harm. yes, she’s no damsel in distress and she’s not a proper lady AND she doesn’t need to be.

          but all of this was a little introduction for context, also because everyone knows at this point i ramble a lot i my metas. their last moments were done slightly differently in show and books, and this is one of those times i don’t really have a favorite between the two versions — the show had Jon watching it live for shock value, as usual, but i don’t think it ruined it in the slightest, this time. i only lament they had to resort to Olly, once more, as sacrificial lamb and plot device, but i won’t digress. one thing is common to both versions, and it is the fact Jon felt terrible with himself for what he had to do. which, again, is also why he tried so hard not to get involved with Ygritte, because he knew there would be no future for them; he knew that, no matter how much he loved her (and, boy, if he did — Jon is canonically described by Sam by not smiling again after Ygritte’s death), he would always end up picking his duty over her — over his own happiness and self-interest. which is why i believe, in the show version, he was 100% ready to die during this moment, and would actually welcome it for thinking Ygritte had the right to take his life, after his betrayal. and props to Kit, because he’s an amazing actor and D&D rarely give him chance to prove this, because have you seen the little smile he pulls? do you see how bittersweet it is, how relieved in a way? how this smile basically tells her: go ahead and do it, it’s meant to be.

          in the books, on the other hand, Jon doesn’t watch it happen, but the guilt component is the same — it’s actually a lot more explicit because, obviously, books allow for much more introspection. 

the arrow was black, Jon saw, but it was fletched with white duck feathers. not mine, he told himself, not one of mine. but he felt as it were.

what does this tell us? that, as soon as he found Ygritte after Styr’s attack on Castle Black, the immediate thing he did was to check the arrow in her chest, to see if it was his — to see if he’d killed her himself. and, even when he rationally realized it couldn’t have been him, that does nothing to change the guilt. because, if it wasn’t for him, if he’d not met her and grown close to her and fallen in love with her, she might not have to die; she might never have climbed the Wall, she might never have fallen in battle. wrong to love her, wrong to leave her. he did what he did for the sake of his duty, for the sake of his black brothers (the same brothers who rewarded him with at least four daggers in the dark but, again, i digress), and still he can’t help but feel guilty for the death of the woman he loved.

          what do we see during those last moments, then? a whole big lot of ambivalence, a whole big lot of anguish and despair. he knows he had no choice, he knows he did his duty, he knows she’s technically an enemy, he knows that dying in battle is a suitable death for a spearwife — but he’s just a human being, and he breaks and shatters all the same. he desperately does not want Ygritte to die, he’s willing to go and beg maester Aemon to heal a wildling back to health, and even the vows and honor be damned for a moment — because he tells her they’ll go back to that cave, and with this he means that none of what they lived together was a mistake and none of it was a lie, despite his own lying. he did love her, he did want to be with her, but alas this isn’t always enough and much less in Westeros. and she dies in his arms, and returns in his dreams a couple times in future chapters, where it is always him killing her. because that’s what it felt like. because, in the end, he still knows nothing.

          ps — just a final little remark about how i believe Ygritte was pregnant when she died. first, because it is canon, in the books, that they had sex at least half a hundred times before even the iconic cave scene — and, unless Jon was extremely skilled at pulling out, this is more than enough chances to conceive a baby. yes, Ygritte could have easily gotten moon tea to drink if she wanted — however, we have zero information about this as far as i am aware, thus it’s a 50-50 chance whether she did it or not. and, of course, there’s Jon’s dream soon after returning to Castle Black, about himself and Ygritte making love in the pools of warm water (ideal metaphor for a womb imo) by the weirwood in Winterfell, and how she eventually dissolved into a pool of blood — which, if we consider GRRM’s love for prophecies and foreshadowing, can plausibly be taken as symbolism for the loss of a baby, in the case through the mother’s own death.

that feeling when your old crew comes together again, all at once.