#arcane x

He was there, just a few meters away, but he didn’t seem like himself. He didn’t look like him, didn’t sound like him, and didn’t even smell the same. He was simply unrecognizable.

Vi’s heavy hand rested on your shoulder, pulling you out of your thoughts. You looked at her, searching for answers, but she only stared at the massive creature lying on the ground.

“Are you sure it’s…”

“Completely.” Vi didn’t let you finish your question. She released your shoulder and approached the giant, who lay asleep a few meters away. She gently touched its back. The beast stirred uncomfortably, but upon seeing the young woman, it relaxed. “I have no doubt.”

You stepped closer, slowly, afraid your approach might alert the massive being, but it kept its back turned.

“Just look at him, and you’ll understand.”

The creature hunched over, trying to appear smaller (an impossible feat), and took a cautious step forward. You stepped back, which made him freeze in place.

Finally, the immense creature turned, and you saw him. He wasn’t how you remembered. He didn’t look like the man you’d fallen in love with in the Lanes, the one you’d shared most of your life with, built a family with. But without a doubt, it was him.

“Vander?”

Your mind raced, struggling to comprehend everything that was happening—how your husband, the man who had died years ago, was now back in a body that wasn’t his own.

You remained silent, unable to respond. Your brain kept trying to process everything, but no answer came. Vi, still enraged, was about to say something else when a loud snort stopped her.

Seeing that you wouldn’t come closer, Vi stepped in again.

“I know he looks different, but I swear, this is Vander. He remembers us.”

“How is this possible?”

“We’re not sure, but you have to trust me.”

“I searched for his body for months. I didn’t… I didn’t find anything—”

“That doesn’t matter anymore!” Vi snapped, furious. “He’s here now. We can help him; we can bring Vander back! How can you not be happy?”

The massive creature that had once been your husband took another step in your direction, but this time, you didn’t back away, so he kept advancing. Panic gripped your chest with every step he took, the fear that touching him would wake you up in your apartment, drenched in tears.

When he finally reached you, he lifted one of his enormous hands and gently brushed your cheek, wiping away the tears that had begun to stream uncontrollably.

“Is this real?” You looked into his eyes. “Please,” you begged. “I don’t want to wake up.”

Vander didn’t dare touch you again, fearing you might run away, but you couldn’t stand it any longer. You buried yourself in his chest. He hesitated for a moment but finally wrapped one massive arm around you, lowering his face to your head and inhaling deeply.

“You’re real,” you murmured through your sobs, unable to believe it.

---- ---- ---- ----

Viktor found that as the days ticked by, the more aware he was of a simple fact. 

There was no way that he would be able to handle spending a night apart from you now. 

After his whole life always finding that he could never get his mind to settle, that he would have idea after idea once consumed by the darkness, he found himself sinking into your gentle touch. The warm and loving embrace of someone who truly cared for him was addictive, yet it was a vice that he was not worried about solving. 

Waking up nearly a week after you completely moved in, finding the two of you intertwined in such a way that he wasn’t sure where you started and he began. He was aware of just how at peace he was, how rested and simply happy he was for the new day. 

Looking back, the past few days were pure bliss. From the morning you two shared, teasing each other, his work feeling productive as he wasn’t running on only coffee, and then coming home to loving kisses and tender words. 

He found that by the time the two of you retreated to the bedroom, he was out as soon as he felt the gentle scratches against his scalp and the soft humming of a childhood song he didn’t recognize. 

In his mind, there was no turning back. 

He was completely enraptured by you. 

And as the days had passed, he didn’t believe that there was anything that would make his life better than where it was at the present moment. 

---- ---- ---- ----

He also began to notice little changes around the house, the increase in reading material on weddings that he was finding scattered amongst his things. From the dog eared pages, the circled pictures and jotted notes, it wasn’t hard to come to the conclusion that you were thinking of what you wished to do for your own wedding. 

‘Our wedding’ he thought, feeling his cheeks heat up at the very thought of seeing you in a wedding dress. Whatever type of dress you chose, he knew it would look stunning, not because of how it made you look but because he could just imagine how it would make you feel. 

There was nothing as blinding as your joyful smile after all. 

And then, just as quickly as these items appeared, they suddenly disappeared. 

He woke up one morning to find that every catalog had been removed, every picture disposed of. And as much as he wanted to ask about it, the two of you hadn’t discussed them being there in the first place. Surely if you wished to discuss something about their future together you would talk to him about it? 

In all honesty, he wanted to keep things the way they were currently. You had started to feel better from the hormonal changes, able to start leaving the house without feeling sick. He had asked that you only make short trips, not wanting you to faint like you did weeks prior. 

But he was glad to see you getting some of your spark back, the drive that he had always adored starting to ignite once more. 

If you simply didn’t want to look at wedding ideas at that time, that was fine. Sure, he would be disappointed that you had decided to wait, but if it meant you being like yourself again he would wait till you were ready. 

So, after another day in the lab, having been left there mostly by himself as Jayce had been called away for some counselor nonsense, he was surprised to find the place smelling of home. 

For a moment, he was brought back to memories of his mother cooking, the foods that always brought them closer together. The kindness that was shared between them, the safety and love that the smell and food always left him. 

Rushing to remove his shoes, he made his way inside to find not just you and the food that he was imagining but a small package that you were nervously holding onto. 

“So, for the past couple days I have been working on a little project of mine” You started softly, nervously shifting between your feet. All the while Viktor couldn’t help but wish to reach out to comfort you - knowing that he needed to give you the space and time to speak the things you needed to say. 

“Before you get mad at me, I always went with a friend” You whispered, watching at the man’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “I needed to travel back and forth between here and the Undercity a few times” 

“You said you wouldn’t travel far!”

“I know” 

“That is the very definition of far” 

“I know, just listen please. I always went with a friend and we took plenty of breaks. I promise, I did fine, no issues” 

Viktor was livid, just the very thought of you, pregnant and defenseless being anywhere near his childhood home. The thought of what would happen if you fainted in those streets made him sick to his stomach, and to know you were going there secretly behind his back? 

“I did a little snooping around and found a small group of people who had the same accent as you” You said quickly, drawing his attention to the food that was on the table before he had a chance to speak. 

“I believe it is…” You trail off, pulling out the handwritten recipe to try and read what the name of the dish was called. “...hal…ob..key?” 

“Holubky” He whispered softly, the bashful smile you sent his way killing whatever anger he had inside of him. 

Taking the last few steps towards your side, he reached and took hold of one of them before inspecting the meal. Just from touch alone he could tell that it had been steamed the appropriate amount of time, the cabbage wrapping being soft but not jelly-like. 

And upon taking a bite? 

If before it had felt like home, this was like living in a memory. The spices took over his senses, the familiar textures and tastes reminding him of a time where everything was simple. 

Bite after bite was taken without meaning too, not speaking a word as he ate the whole thing before reaching for another. 

“I’m glad you like it” You teased softly, seeing just how much he was enjoying it as he was nearly stuffing his mouth as he went. “I figured I should at least have a few recipes from your home up my sleeve as you wife” 

Chuckling at your words, it had been enough to get him to pause in his gorging to look over at you with a small smirk. “I don’t believe you are my wife just yet, my love” 

“Actually-” You started, the nervousness you had been exhibiting earlier coming back in full force as you slowly opened the folder to reveal..

A marriage license. 

Not the application, not the processing paperwork. The actual marriage license. 

“I wanted…needed you to be there for the birth…as much as I was trying to figure out a way to bypass our stupid laws and rules, I couldn’t figure out anything else but this” You whispered, hands starting to tremble at the idea that he would be angry at you for this. 

Flipping to the next document, you held it out as you bit your lip, anxiety pulsing through your veins. 

“With us married I was able to put in your name for citizenship. The application process usually takes months, but I might have pulled some strings by calling Jayce in today to get it expedited.”

You both were silent for a moment, Viktor’s eyes reading over the document being handed to him. 

It appeared that Jayce had argued that due to his involvement with Hextech, he was a vital member of the Piltover populace and with his contributions to the world's view of Piltover, it was honestly in their best interest to have him as a citizen. 

But, as he read over it over and over again. You saw all the issues that you had noticed till now. 

Looking at the marriage license, you cringed at the fact that you had needed to give him your last name so that the citizenship document had a first and last name - you having wasted a whole day running back and forth as they wouldn’t accept an incomplete application. 

“...I am sure we can change your last name if you hate mine…” 

Your voice was soft and timid, still waiting for him to explode on you for having done something so rash without his knowledge or consent. 

Finally looking up from the document in his hands, it didn’t take much inspection for him to see that you were shaking from your nerves being overworked. 

Reaching out, cradling your face in his hands, he was quick to try and kiss away all the worries you had in your head. With his lips trailed over your face between words, he hoped desperately that you understood that he was anything but upset with you. 

“Darling, môj miláčik, moja žena, I am in no way angry with you over this. You didn’t need to learn such a complex recipe because of this. Moja žena, I come home to find food from my childhood, to find that you are not my fiancee but my wife, to know that now I can be by your side in the hospital forever more?” 

Finally stopping his kisses, he rested his forehead softly against your own. With eyes closed and hands still holding your cheeks as his thumbs ran tiny circles up your eyes, you found that slowly you felt the tension in your body start to dissipate. 

“I have some things I will need to discuss with you, but your actions are much appreciated. Truly, you have lightened my heart knowing that I will be able to support you during the birth. Thank you”

---- ---- ---- ----

---- ---- ---- ----

When Viktor had read that pregnancy could mess with the mother’s hormones, he had not been fully prepared for how quickly they would change your emotions. In his readings, he was aware that the mood swings would be something that could either go away as your body got used to the hormone changes or would last for the whole pregnancy. 

Yet, he made it his mission to bring the support you needed. In his mind, the two of you were pregnant. Physically speaking of course, you were the one carrying the child, but he was going to spend every waking moment doing all he could to make sure that you were taken care of. 

He had always been a bit of a coffee addict, which was one of the things that you weren’t allowed to have during the pregnancy. So the moment you had moved in? He threw all of it out and hadn’t brought any of it into his home. 

Was he completely worn out all the time? Was he feeling the effects of the withdrawals? 

Of-fucking-course! 

Even with how walking hurt his leg, you needed to keep up with getting at least a little bit of physical activity. As such, every single day after he would get back from the lab he would go on a walk with you. 

Exhaustion seemed to be one of the worst symptoms for you. Even with close to ten hours of sleep a night, Viktor would find you napping so often. Only to wake up looking like you were ready to pass out, the little walks having been an idea to help with that. 

For the most part, it did. It gets you a little bit of pep back, yet because of this he had made it his job to keep up with the cooking and cleaning. 

Everyday before he headed to work he had breakfast and lunch prepared and waiting for you. Most of the time it is being made special for you, appealing to your tastes specifically as opposed to his own. 

And it wasn’t like you were just sitting around at home. 

With the time that you had now that you were staying at his place, you had begun researching as much as you could on all the policies and laws in Piltover about their treatment of those from the undercity. 

The roots of this problem seemed to stretch to so many different areas of the city, many of which you had not even been aware of. It wasn’t just hospitals that didn’t allow people from the undercity, but many schools as well wouldn’t allow anyone from there admission. When you had asked Viktor about how he had then been able to get into the academy.

He had been vague, saying that it had been the Professor that had brought him into the academy as an assistant. But that was even more of a red flag as that meant that he was the exception, that even at the academy where they boasted about being about progress, they were still baring others from gaining knowledge. They were being barred from getting higher on the social ladder. 

From how Piltover wouldn’t officiate marriages between couples from the two cities, to how they kept those from the Undercity from their own property - it was all set up in a way that kept those on the bottom from ever having a chance of going anywhere else. 

You, of course, had yet to go to any of these locations to pick up a fuss. Viktor made it very clear to you that those actions should be left to the future you who wasn’t pregnant and carrying another life inside you. And as much as you wanted to argue, you agreed. 

Besides, you quite liked the idea of being able to physically get into a fight with someone if they pissed you off and that wouldn’t be possible if you were still pregnant. 

---- ---- ---- ----

That day when Viktor arrived back home, you were curious as to why he had brought back paperwork. During your time staying together, you hadn’t seen him bring any work home as he would much rather spend it focusing on what the two of you needed to do. 

“Is the lab busy?” You asked softly, when your curiosity just wouldn’t leave you. Sitting on one of the kitchen counters, you watched as he carefully chopped the vegetables for the meal that he was preparing. 

You assumed that he brought work back with him because they were busy. Which honestly just left you feeling bad for resigning, a thing Viktor still hadn’t mentioned - for reasons you weren’t aware of. 

Pausing his actions, golden eyes shifted from the knife in his hands to your own with a quizzical expression. 

“Busy? Um, I wouldn’t say that. It’s been the typical amount” Turning back to his cutting, he was silent for a moment before speaking up once more. 

“Why? Did you hear something through the grapevine?” 

You smiled at his teasing tone, truly loving this domestic sort of life that the two of you had found yourself slipping into. Viktor was aware of what you wanted to do with your life, that you wanted to fight the systems that were in place that kept the two people separated while also caring for your child. Viktor having already promised that he would be funding you not as your partner but as one of the creators of Hextech, as someone from the undercity itself. 

“No, jerk” Ruffling his hair, you smirked at how it was soon a mess and because he was busy with food preparations he wouldn’t be able to fix it for some time. “The papers you brought home” 

Finally understanding what had led you to the thoughts you were having, he completely froze. 

“Viktor?” 

Startled, he jumped and dropped the knife in his hand, turning to look at you like a deer. Making a hasty retreat, you could hardly make out anything that he was mumbling to himself as he rushed to the bedroom. Though, from the small little bits you could make out, it would appear it was his in native tongue. 

Waiting a moment, your curiosity had you hopping off the counter to follow after him. Upon entering the room, you found him hastily throwing things about. Clearly looking for something. Though, if memory serves you, the file you had mentioned was in the dining room on the table. 

“You alright?” 

Once more you watched as he stiffened and halted his search, this time turning to face you. Eyebrows scrunched, a deep frown on anxiety, whatever he was worried about was clear as day on his face. 

“....please don’t be upset with me…” 

You blinked. 

And without a word you turned on your heels to head straight to the where you knew the file was. You were aware of Viktor’s off-beat steps, the rushed beat trying to catch up to you. 

It took but a moment to find the thing, your memory having been correct on its location. 

“Wait, wait please” 

The folder was in your hands, with you soon playing a game of keep away around the table as Viktor tried to follow after you to keep the contents from your eyes. 

“P-Please!” It was the voice crack that had almost stopped you, yet in the moment you have opened the file to look at the first page. 

Application for License and Certificate of Marriage

“I-I only wanted to have it available if you ever wished to…” He started, deflating as you started to read over the information. Just from how the paperwork looked, it was clear this was Zaun’s paperwork - not Piltovers. It was Zaun where the two of you would have to wed for it to be allowed. 

“Please, I don’t…I would never require you to…you weren’t ever supposed to see it here. I..” 

With your eyes leaving the form, you finally looked up to see just how this man in front of you seemed to be shrinking by the second. Shoulders drooping, his eyes on the floor in shame, the way he was speaking - it was as if he still didn’t think he was worthy of affection. 

“I’m so sorry. I ordered it rashly, without thinking. I should never ha-” 

“Yes” 

Silenced by your voice, the man simply stared for a second as he slowly processed what you had said. 

“Yes?” 

He mumbled softly, slowly piecing it all together. Yet you waited, knowing you would see when it finally clicked in his brain. 

And boy, were you glad that you did. The moment it finally fell into place, you watched as his whole demeanor changed. 

From anxious, trying to make himself smaller to looking like energy was ready to burst out of him - a radiant smile quickly taking over his face as he raced around the table to scoop you into his arms. 

Paper flew across the floor, the file being knocked out of your hands as he nearly caused the two of you to crash into the wall. 

And yet, neither of you cared.

---- ---- ---- ----

---- ---- ---- ----

As you were left standing there, realizing that Viktor had left you behind without a glance back, all you felt was panic at the chance that everything the two of you had started to build would crash to the ground. 

“I…I’m sorry. I didn’t tell him because of how stressed he was about you being in the hospital. I-I, I can chase after him..” Jayce started, already looking ready to rush out the door. Yet, at the stiff shake of your head, stayed with you instead of rushing off. 

Silently the two of you stood there, your mind slowly catching up to the fact that Viktor had never known that you had resigned. It wasn’t that he was avoiding the topic for the weeks the two of you had been side by side, but because he hadn’t even been aware. Which meant that everyday you had been able to tell him the truth when you had been ruminating about your futures together. 

“....can you take me home?” With a voice soft, barely above a whisper. You rested your hand on your stomach as you started to plan how you would face Viktor tomorrow. If there was one thing he wasn’t, he was never someone that would break his word. If he said he would see you tomorrow morning, that meant that he would. 

Beginning your walk, Jayce tried to be as attentive as Viktor had been, yet he was just too stiff and awkward when trying to help you get back to your apartment. 

“I’ve been allowing him to overwork himself, more than he has in the past. No wonder he wants a break from me..” You mumbled, thinking of how lazy you had been able to be all due to him doing nearly everything for you as well as working. 

“You know him, if he didn’t want to do something he wouldn’t.” Jayce cut in, biting his lip as you didn’t respond to his words. 

Carefully watching your reactions, he could tell that his words weren’t really getting to your heart as the same heartbroken expression was still in place. He knew he should have told his partner about the resignation, but he had hoped that once the two of you worked things out that you would have wanted to stay - that he would have been able to rip the paper to shreds and pretend that it had never existed in the first place. 

All too soon, the two had arrived at your apartment. Despite how much Jayce had asked if he could stay to help you when you needed it. You had insisted that he head back home, that you wished to have this time apart to think and be alone as well. 

For hours, all you could think about was how you would change things, how you would do more to help him as well as to be as open and honest with him about everything in the future. He deserved that much from you, after everything the two of you had gone through - he deserved your honesty. 

Pages and pages were filled with your writing, your feelings, your ideas on how you would be a true partner to him. Your mind racing despite how tired you were to come up with ideas on how to fix what had been broken between the two of you. 

With the sun rising, your room soon being filled with light, you knew that sleep was something you wouldn’t be getting that night. 

Pacing around the apartment, waiting for the man to appear, as the hours ticked by you felt your heart trembling at the thought that he wouldn’t come. 

8am, 9am, 10am. 

The midday slowly approached in a gut wrenching creep. And yet, as you glanced at the clock once more, finding it nearly 11am, you had to choke back a sob to keep from breaking, truly starting to believe that he wasn’t going to come to you. 

There was a soft knock at your door, you finding yourself nearly tripping over yourself as you rushed to the door. As you threw the thing open, you hoped to see Viktor, expecting him to still be upset or angry about the day before. 

Only to find him standing there, with the most sheepish and soft smile. With a bouquet of flowers in his hand, a bag in the crook of his elbow, and the sweat of his brow indicating that he had been walking a good deal. It was not at all what he had been expecting. 

“I know I am late. I - I remember you said you really liked this restaurant and so I went to pick up breakfast, well, now more likely brunch for you.” 

“That is all the way on the other side of the city…” 

Taking the flowers that were handed to you, you found the quivering of your heart finally stopped as you took in the fragrance that they were putting off. And as you glanced up at the man before you, you felt your face heat up from the fact that he was intently watching you like he hadn’t seen you in months. 

“May I come inside?” 

Hastily, you moved out of the way to allow him to enter, following him a little awkwardly to the dinner table. And as he set up the meal that he had brought, you were surprised that he began to speak instead of allowing the silence to stretch on. 

“After I left, I had planned on taking just a short nap. However, as I woke up this morning, I realized just how tired I was. Slept nearly a dozen straight hours." Sending you a small smile, the man shifted his cane from one hand to the other so that he could make his way around the table to pull out a chair for you. 

“Then, after looking back on our conversations, the conversations I had with Jayce, I see that both of you were just doing what you believed was best. Just like how I didn’t wish to stress you about how those from the undercity are treated, Jayce had wanted to not overwhelm me.” 

Easing yourself down onto the offered seat, you found it wasn’t hard to sink into his gentle touch once more, as soft kisses were trailed down your neck as he spoke. 

“My dear, did you believe that I already knew? A few of your comments from past talks would lead me to believe that to be the case. Am I correct?”

With a squeak and a nod, you reached up to take hold of one of his hands to tightly squeeze at it. Receiving a soft chuckle in response as and a squeeze back in return. 

“So sensitive.” He murmured, hovering a finger from his free hand down the side of your throat. “I will be keeping that in mind going forward. But for now-” 

With a final kiss to the crown of your head, Viktor made his way to the chair beside you. 

“I would like to talk about the future, our future. Are you - no, that’s not right.” With a deep frown, you could swear that you could see the gears turning inside his head, trying to figure out exactly how he wanted to word things. Watching as his eyes darted back and forth along the table's surface as he sorted out what he wanted to say. 

“Do you wish to return to Hextech? Believe me, I would be more than happy with the idea of you working at Hextech to work on your endeavors. However, if - well, if you wish to work apart from Hextech, I will support that too” 

Before you could speak, he was panically rambling. With each passing sentence, his words were coming out more rushed. Still he wasn’t looking at you, his hands picking at the table as he spoke. 

“I, I will support whatever you want to do. If you would rather stay at home, I would support that as well. W-whatever you wish for, I don’t want it to seem like I am pressuring you to-” 

It took you softly placing your hand over his mouth to get him to stop, his eyes only now finding your own. 

“Viktor, breathe.” 

Waiting for a moment, making sure that he was starting to relax, your hand left his face to find his hand once more. 

“Sorry…I don’t know why this makes me so nervous. Talking about such things with you” 

“Because we haven’t spoken so openly about these things yet - mostly because of me.” You sighed, giving him a weak smile as he couldn’t help but nod awkwardly at your words. 

“But, to answer your questions. I wouldn’t mind coming back, if it doesn’t cause any issues. I left because at the time you seemed so distant, in case you don’t remember, before I went to the hospital you were all but ignoring me.” 

Flinching ever so slightly, the man before your shoulders dropped, remembering just how cold he had been at that time. 

“I apologize for that, I reg-” 

“There is nothing to forgive.” You quickly cut off, wishing he understood that the thing he was nervous about wasn’t at all what you were feeling. It wasn’t hard to see that he was anxious that you might not want to come back, that you might be offended by him wishing you would come back. 

“You were excited to work together again as partners, every time you spoke about how we would work together. Every single time you would get animated and excited.” 

It was true, as you had listened to his ramble on about the most mundane aspects of it; how the two of you would drop of your child at daycare before heading to work together, how the two of you would eat lunch together every day, or how he already suspected it would be hard for him to limit the amount of pda between the two of you - it had melted your heart to see how excited about the future he was, the one he was already imagining. 

“Now” Getting a bite of the food that he had brought for you, you held it out for him to take. “I would like to talk to you about something as well” 

It was endearingly cute to watch him get flustered, blushing as he leaned forward to take the bite offered to him. Like he had never been taken care of before in his life, a thing you would be changing in the near future. 

“I would like to make a list of what each of our duties are” 

Golden orbs snapped up to meet your own, hastily trying to swallow the bite he had taken so that he could argue against you. 

“Viktor, you burnt yourself out.” 

“Th-that’s not true” He coughed, having swallowed a bit too quickly. 

“We both know that you wouldn’t have slept as long as you did last night if you hadn’t been completely exhausted. As much as I adore your kindness these past few weeks, I loved how caring you were, I had the energy to do a lot of the things you were doing myself. All while looking back I can see just how tired you were.” 

Pushing back into his chair, the man let out a harsh laugh. “Sure, and it has nothing to do with my disabilities? I am not weak or unable to provide like a husband should, I don’t need you taken on my responsibilities because you feel sorry for me” 

The quick back and forth between the two of you halted, his eyes widening as he realized what he had said. Having wanted to keep some of that hidden within himself as he knew that he probably sounded childish. 

“I will promise you now. I am not at all saying this because of that.” Getting to your feet, you rushed about the room in search of one of your notebooks before returning and flipping it open to find a clean page. All the while, Viktor watched with confusion as he wasn’t sure what you were trying to do. 

“If I break down our days, what each of us is doing and when” You murmured, creating a schedule broken down by hour. Making two separate columns for the two of you, you grayed out each of the areas as you spoke about them. 

“You go to work around six or seven every morning and are there till at least five or six.” You murmured, graying out that portion before continuing. ‘Then, you always make breakfast and lunch in the morning” 

Graying the hour from five to six in the morning, before moving onto the afternoon. 

“When you come home, you have been getting right to making dinner or cleaning. Which takes up the next couple hours” 

By the time you were done, apart from maybe five or so hours at night that would be used for sleep, Viktor’s day was completely booked - sometimes double booked as you remembered how he would still be taking care of you while doing something else. 

In comparison, most of your day was completely open. Granted, you both knew you wouldn’t be able to get as much done as he was able to in an hour because of your body changes, but that didn’t mean that he should be doing everything himself. 

“This is what I mean. You are providing, you are going above and beyond for me and our child - don’t ever think that I don’t adore you for that. But you need to take care of yourself too, please.” 

Reaching out and taking the paper, his eyes looked at the clear evidence before him that he was doing a good job. With the added fact that he was also financially supporting the two of them at the moment and doing nearly all the chores, he didn’t know how he had thought he was failing not even moments before. 

When he spoke, it was soft and gentle. The harshness gone from before as he understood where you were coming from now that you had presented it the way you had. “What do you suggest?” 

Scooting your chair closer, the two of you began to break down each of the chores into what you felt you were able to do. All the while the two of you ate the food he had brought, you not allowing him to not eat half of it as he hadn’t brought anything for himself. 

It was nice to be so open about what the two of you disliked and liked when it came to chores. The man admitted that he hated doing the dishes because the feeling of wet food grossed him out while you honestly didn’t really care. While you on the other hand found cooking boring, the man was a little shocked as it was one of the most enjoyable aspects of his day. 

So it was simple, he would cook while you did the dishes. Allowing him to sleep in a bit more as he wouldn’t need to clean them up before leaving for workt took about an hour, but afterwards the two of you had almost everything figured out between the two of you on what the future would hold in those two aspects. You would be going back to work at Hextech once you had a few months home with your child, as well as the different things the two of you would be in charge of. 

And you would be officially moving in, with the plans that soon the two of you would find a home with an extra room for the child - a thing that you would be looking into while he was at work. 

---- ---- ---- ----

You didn't really know when everything got completely screwed up. Maybe it started from the very beginning, maybe when you were born you were already condemned to this kind of life and no matter how hard you tried to avoid it, here you were again, hugging your thin coat walking through the streets of the undercity, trying to reach the last drop as fast as you can.

You were trying to hide your face with the hood. You were embarrassed to be seen going in here again, even after saying a dozen times that you would never come back. But they would know sooner or later anyway.

When you opened the door, a completely different atmosphere surrounded you, as if that pleasant, but dangerous, heat would tell you which was the right path.

As you walked to the bar, your hands began to itch and your entire body went on alert as if anticipating what was about to happen.

The boy at the bar only looked at you when you passed him some coins. He already knew what it meant, even though you had promised that the last time would be the last, that it would only be to say goodbye.

'Please, no more.' You could almost hear your brother's voice the last time he found you lying on the ground with the after-effects of consuming Shimmer.

You were offered a mask to inhale and you did it without thinking too much, it was as if your air was being renewed. You took another position, you felt capable, strong, complete, even your posture went from hunched and insecure to being completely upright and straight.

Nothing could harm you in this state and if they tried you were willing to fight. You were invincible now, something that you had never achieved in your daily life. You forgot your brother begging you not to do it anymore, you forgot the brutal beatings of your father and the innumerable abuses of power that you had suffered in the streets throughout your life.

You picked up a couple of coins from your pocket again and handed them back to the boy. You lost count of how much you used that night, your mind was gone when you ran out of money, but it felt so satisfying. You left your forgotten coat on the sidewalk where you had been sitting and you faced the cold wind of the streets with your arms uncovered, you no longer cared that they knew who you were. If someone dared to tell you off would have to deal with you in that extreme state of excitement.

You came home quickly and walked in, trying not to make any noise. Everything was dark and silent, completely at peace. Which was strange when it came to your house.

You sat on the floor leaning your back on the rickety sofa and closed your eyes, resting. You enjoyed the moment of peace, enjoying feeling strong.

But everything that goes up has to come down. And you know what they say: the higher you go, the stronger the fall.

You woke up with a sharp pain in your chest, a stabbing pain that ran through your veins and joints like liquid fire. You put a hand to your chest trying to figure out what was causing that, but you had nothing. All you could do was groan in pain, writhing on the floor trying to breathe.

You didn't even hear the bedroom door open, you just noticed that you weren't alone when a smaller pair of hands grabbed you by the cheeks to force you to look at him.

"Please, not again..." Your brother was scared, you saw the fear in his eyes, shining and you wanted to cry. You were causing him that. You tried to speak but no words came out and you could only make meaningless sounds.

Your brother let go of your face and ran towards the exit. Was he abandoning you? You felt the tears falling down, washing your cheeks. You didn't want to cause him this, yes you didn't want to be alone, but you did not want to cause him this. Maybe it was for the best, you would die a horrible and slow death, yet with this maybe he could save himself from you and this life

.

When your hands lost strength from scratching your throat for air, the front door slammed open. Your eyelids lost strength before a new face was in front of you, but you could no longer recognize who it was.

...

The nightmares were just as cruel as reality, all your misfortunes and fears present in your mind, illuminated by a dim purple light. For a moment you panicked that you would have to stay there for eternity, if had it not been for a cold on your head that made you open your eyes in terror.

You tried to get up from wherever you were lying down but your whole body felt sore and weak, you couldn't even lift your arm. You wheezed, it was clear that you weren't on the cold floor of your apartment and you couldn't find any trace of your brother.

"Shh, you need to calm down." The same person who was in charge of moistening your head spoke. You looked at him more carefully, if you had had the strength to curse, you would not have doubted it. He was the leader of the firelight and an old childhood friend that you hadn't seen for years. "You're lucky your brother found me in time."

You wanted to cry, not only because of the situation in which you had to involve the person you loved the most but because of the shame of having to turn to the last person you wanted to get involved with.

Ekko sat down in a small chair next to where you were laying, he sighed. You tried to mumble an apology but you could only let out a slight groan. He didn't say anything, he just placed his hand on yours, making small circles.

"I don't know why you're doing this ... But this is not you." You were surprised, you expected him to be angry or yell at you all kinds of things, but this was even worse — he was sad… disappointed. It even brought back some flashbacks from when you broke up.

God knew you missed those days, but somehow the saddest and happiest parts left with their anger from when you started using.

Your chest tightened when you saw that he was crying, damn it, it seems that the only thing you know how to do is harm the people who care about you.

"If I hadn't arrived, you'd be ..." He pursed his lips, preventing himself from completing his words. "Your brother can't lose you... Even if you don't love me anymore, I can't lose you." You held your breath and with great effort, you turned your hand to intertwine it with his.

He looked at you carefully. “You can stay here, you don't even have to look at me, I'll avoid you if you want me to do so. But at least I will be certain that you are not dying somewhere in the lanes ... Please."

Tears were already wetting your cheeks, reaching your lips, you tried to breathe. "I want to be fine..." Your voice sounded rough and dry, your throat protested but still, you continued. "I want to take care of my little brother and I want you to take care of me too... And... I still love you." You squeezed his hand as he came closer.