#applecakes

“I’m not angry anymore...well sometimes I am. I don’t think badly of you.. well sometimes I do...” 

I could hear their voice fatally from the other room. Light strumming of a musical strings. My curiosity was to strong to ignore it; I had never heard them sing before they are always scared to even open their mouth. I carefully peeked into the bedroom; They sat on the bed with their back turned to the door. Messy blue hair being unmistakable. I set my hand on the door trying to push it open more. 

“It depends on day the extent of my worthless rage-” 

The door made creek, making them stop playing and quickly turn their head to the door. Their hair flopped into their bright green eyes. I could tell they were scared but gave me a smile anyway. 

“Hey...” 

I said pushing the door open more to let myself in the bedroom we shared. 

“You didn’t have to stop...I liked it.” 

I felt abit nervous myself; Ezra and I are partners but there has always been walls when it came to the two of us and emotions. Karkat had enough emotions for both of us. I couldn’t help but rub the back of the neck; a nervous tick honestly. I felt like I was invading something meant to be private, well maybe it was. 

Ezra laughed putting down his small ukulele, covered in carvings of bees; His favorite. He gave me a weak smile; I could tell he was just smiling for me. 

“No, It’s okay... I- I was just- It was nothing honestly.” 

Ezra fumbled on every words as if looking for a reason to stop. I walked into our room, making sure to gentle close the door behind me. I sat down next to them on the bed, They didn’t look up at me. I could see them reach for their ukulele as if they were going to put it away. I grabbed their hand closest to me. 

“I really want to hear more....” 

“I- Dave...”

“Please...”  

I used my other hand to take off my sunglasses. Karkat has told me; My glasses can make me seem “Cold” and “insincere” maybe he’s right. Ezra looks me in the eyes and hesitates but nods. I let go of his hand to allow him to pick up his ukulele. They took a moment to adjust their hands, I couldn’t help but watch their face, I could see the sadness behind it. 

“  I’m not angry anymore...well sometimes I am. I don’t think badly of you.. well sometimes I do.. It depends on day the extent of my worthless rage... I’m not angry anymore. I’m not bitter anymore, I’m sure it would be sweet. Rot your teeth to their core if i am really happy...” 

I was quiet, I felt something. A familiar feeling, something I haven’t felt in a long time. Before I could put together my feelings and thoughts I heard Ezra let out a nervous laugh and murmur something under their breath and pull away from me. 

“No-! Wait-!” 

I called out to him in just such an uncool way. I grabbed his hand again and pulled him to stay on the bed with him. I think I caught him off guard as much as it caught me off guard. 

“I-...I had a Brother- And he treated me awfully. He hurt me, alot and I remember being hungry and weak and he wouldn’t help me. I would think he was cool anyway and when he died and all the rage againist him came Boiling up; It felt worthless and I still do! I know I am happy now with you and Karkat. I wish he could see it...I wish-” 

I stopped when I could see Ezra doing their about to cry face and their hands letting go of their ukulele and placing them on my chest; grabbing onto my shirt. 

“And you wish He could see you happy and what he did to you didn’t break you... Me too, Dave ...My dad was the same. He’d starve me and hurt me, and I know I am angry and I will always BE angry but It’s worthless because he’s dead.” 

His words were forced out and between tears as I seem them flow down his cheeks. The Realization hit me like a truck and the tears fell from my eyes. I could feel our emotional walls crumble, I reached out to Ezra and pull them closer to me, let them cry into my shirt. I could hear their quiet “I’m sorrys” in-between sobs. I slowly laid back into our bed letting Ezra lay on my chest and cry as much as he needed. 

Ezra and I were already very similar but it was deeper then just stupid jokes and music. He was hurt the same way I was, my chest felt warm and I feel like I made a connection with him. Something beyond video games and music. My thoughts were interrupted when I hear Ezra call my name. 

“Hm?” 

I pull my gaze down to him laying on my chest, his eyes red from crying. 

“Are you okay?” 

I whipped the slightly wet tears from my eyes before nodding at him and laying my head down in the soft bed. 

“Let’s... take a nap and make dinner when we wake up.”