I see people arguing sometimes that good lawyers make sure that trials are done right the first time and scumbags donāt win on appeal. This is an insane argument, and presupposes that wins on appeal are ādeservedā or āundeservedā, but weāll skip past that today. Letās talk about appeals. This is just a toe dip, weāll probably do more later.
Appeals mean nothing. We joke that our court of appeals is the ācourt of affirmation.ā
Over the last month, the Court of Appeals and Supreme Court in my state have reviewed 45 important criminal cases; of that, how many did they affirm (keep in place the lower courtās ruling)?
37.
How many reversed? 8.
Of those, 2 were actually reversed in favor of the prosecution! One of those was a search down someoneās pants on an open road where drugs were found in a, uh, private and sensitive area; this was fine apparently because it did not go in a um letās say bodily cavity, even though the trial court said it wasnāt. (The other of the two reversals for the state seems correct, actually; sounds like the judge was on some shit.)
Of the remaining six, letās just talk about a few.
1) freaked out witness on the stand admitted to using marijuana ābefore court.ā Judge assumed this meant they were high, found them in contempt. Reversed because of no evidence that they were high whatsoever. (Several dissents that say the judge can do what they want.)
2) court convicted someone of threatening a witness. The āwitnessā literally wasnāt there as a witness and nobody planned for them to be a witness, never called to the stand, and the threat was AFTER THE HEARING, at which the āwitnessā was NOT A WITNESS, so the court of appeals reversed.
3) juror said āit would be very hard, yesā to be fair and impartial on a case, and the judge denied the defendantās strike for cause. ???? Please note this was just remanded for new trial, not dismissed.
4) defendant found guilty of violating probation by not paying timely restitution. There was literally no court order requiring restitution by a certain date. Reversed.
5) the fact that the guy in the traffic stop was nervous, had lottery cards, and wanted a cigar made an officer search his vehicle. Trial court says thatās fine. The court of appeals says hm no.
6) guy convicted of having a concealed weapon. Supposedly had a knife on a necklace. He was convicted without the prosecution ever even proving what kind of knife it was so reversed for not proving it was a āweapon.ā
You may notice a common theme in these that the decisions are mind bogglingly awful. Thatās the level it takes to get reversed on appeal. Iāve never had cases reversed, even ones that deserve it.
Some affirmations:
1) a condition of probation requiring that someone convicted of a sex offense have no access to any internet accessible electronic devices whatsoever. This is fine and not crippling completely in the year of our lord 2025
2) juror just said sheād read about the case and she was nervous! She didnāt actually SAY she would be biased.
3) juror just said that she didnāt like when people were disrespectful to police! She didnāt say she couldnāt be fair in an assault against law enforcement case
4) after juror expressed doubt about being fair twice, the prosecution asked leading questions (ābut you could keep an open mind, right??? You could follow the law, right???) which to my understanding is actually against current case law. Motion to strike the juror was denied. Result still affirmed???
5) jurors said they found police more credible than other witnesses but the court said ādonāt do thatā and it was fine I guess (again, Iām pretty sure this is against existing law)
6) dumbass lawyer accidentally said that the court of appeals erred by āgranting his motion in limineā and not ānot granting his motion in limine.ā Malpractice suit incoming.
7) protective order actually didnāt have the āno contactā box checked. Doesnāt matter. Defendant should have known anyway, says court of appeals.
Iāll note I am phrasing these in simple ways which make them inevitably sound more inflammatory and that there are more complex facts in some of them. But like. Appeals mean nothing. I think all of this says it all.
