#ao3 bot

It started with the tags. It always started with the tags.

Tumblr had set their phone to notify them whenever the tag #ao3 started trending. It was usually their biggest warning.

Sometimes it was nothing. They’d call their beloved, or speedwalk to the library a block down from their cozy home, and push through the doors to find them sorting books among the aisles of bookmarks, recently revamped for organization. Or answer the phone with a simple “hello, love.” “Hi. You alright?” “…yes? I’m feeling fine. Is everything alright?”

They understood Tumblr’s concern, of course. Their condition was frequent, and no matter how much time passed- god, it had been a whole two years, now- they still couldn’t forget the worst time, the damn DDoS attack that had left Ao3 bedridden, Tumblr waiting by their side, reading to them from some of their favorite collections. Tumblr always seemed to stumble over the words- they were never great with literacy- even if Ao3 always assured them they thought it was adorable, when they tried, helping out in their library and bringing over new volumes.

Ao3 assured them those days were gone; they’d taken safety measures, and now they had the extra support of their loving partner. But Tumblr couldn’t help but worry when they saw that hastag glowing with their name.

Tumblr was putting something together for them at the kitchen table, a little moodboard of cozy library pictures that their friend Pintrest helped select- and yes, there was a loss.jpg joke hidden in the organized photos, they could never resist- when their phone buzzed. And when they picked up their phone, they felt their stomach sink.

Yes, it could be nothing. It could be. But Ao3 had been looking kind of pale that morning, and had they remembered to take their medicine? They’d been in a rush to get to work, saying something about bot comments, and they’d barely taken the time to put on that adorable sweater vest of theirs before hurrying out the door.

Tumblr jumped up and grabbed their jacket, hearing the jumble of rainbow pride and fandom pins clinking as they threw it on, stepping out into the cool air and jogging up the street.

It could be nothing. It could be nothing.

Tumblr nearly threw open the library doors, beelining straight towards the main desk, where Wattpad, Ao3’s coworker, glowed in their usual tacky orange hat. They glanced up and grinned at Tumblr.

“Hey, Tumblr. Looking for a certain y/n?”

“What?” Tumblr leaned over the counter. “If you mean Ao3, yeah. Have you seen them?”

“They were in the Sickfic section, last I saw.”

Tumblr could practically hear the ironic foreshadowing in their words, and they didn’t like it. They barely bothered with thanks as they turned, following the signs to the expansive maze of Whump, Sick Character, and Hurt/Comfort.

“Ao3?” They called softly as they traversed the aisles, knowing that Ao3 would scold them about being too loud in the library, sick or not.

For a moment, there was silence. Then a soft groan, over near the Caretaking shelf.

“Ao3-!” Tumblr ran and dropped to their knees as soon as they saw their partner, slumped against a shelf, with a box tagged Domestic Fluff half-sorted and shelved beside them. “Oh, hon…”

As they reached up and gently felt Ao3’s forehead, their lover leaned into the touch with a shaky sigh. “Hi…”

“Hi, baby.” Tumblr leaned a bit closer, pulling Ao3 from the shelf to their shoulder. “Server strain?”

Ao3 nodded weakly, seeming dizzy at even the small motion. “Server strain…”

Tumblr slid their arms around their legs and back, hoisting them up into the air. “Alright, you know what that means. Home, bedrest, some good old-fashioned maintenance. How’s that sound, love?”

Ao3 leaned their head against Tumblr’s shoulder, their breathing coming in soft huffs. “Sounds great…”

Tumblr hummed softly at the lack of their usual eloquence, but didn’t comment; they knew their darling would be back to dreaming up 2.5k words of sappy poetry an hour soon, with a bit of TLC. Until then, Tumblr was happy to fill the silence for them.

“I wonder if any of these actually have any good recipes,” they murmured, their gaze wandering over a few works tagged ‘Soup’. “What do you think, baby?”

“Mmnghh,” Ao3 groaned, burying their face into Tumblr’s chest. “Prefer yours.”

Tumblr smiled at their little mumble. “Mine, huh? Good to know.”

As they carried their dearest out of the aisle, down the long path of the library, they nodded to Wattpad, who glanced up from a new and vaguely-titled shipment. “Hey, uh, Ao3, I don’t know how to tag this-”

They cut themselves off to frown worriedly at the sight of Ao3 being carried out.

“Just a little tired,” Tumblr assured them, before they even had the chance to question. “They’re gonna be fine, back on their feet in a bit. You can probably ask Net about those. Can you clock Ao3 out?”

Wattpad closed their mouth slowly and nodded, watching silently as the couple left the library.

Ao3 shivered in the cool wind, but the walk home was mercifully short, and it was no time at all before Tumblr was pulling off their shoes and work clothes, swapping it out for a comfy sweater and fuzzy socks, and gently pushing them back against the pillows.

“How’re you feeling, love?” Tumblr hummed, tucking them in with a kiss on the forehead. Beneath them, Ao3 sighed, sinking into the pillows.

“Tired,” they mumbled, eyes half-open as they watched Tumblr tidy up their messy bedside table, setting aside their glasses and gathering some empty mugs and water bottles.

“Well, try not to fall asleep before I get back with the medicine, alright?”

Ao3 managed a little nod, sighing as they settled into the blanket nest. And when Tumblr returned, their eyes were still open (though barely), staring at the ceiling of the bedroom.

“Kudos to you, babe,” Tumblr hummed, holding water and painkillers. “I didn’t think you’d make it.”

Ao3 gave them a tired smile, but offered no reply as Tumblr guided them through taking the pills and the water. But when it was done, Ao3 reached up, their hand snagging on the edge of their partner’s sweater.

“Cuddles?” They murmured, bleary eyes shining softly in the hopes of the fluff they were so passionate was the best. Tumblr couldn’t deny them, not now, not yesterday, not in a million years.

Tumblr smiled and laid down with them, sliding under the covers, and drawing them closer. Ao3 snuggled into their chest, a weak smile touching their lips.

“Is that good, my dearest Archive?” Tumblr murmured in their ear, using part of their first name instead of their usual nickname, as they stroked Ao3’s hair up and down, fluffing it up adorably. They got no response, except a soft, wheezy snore.

”I guess so.”

listen, if this was genuinely someone from tumblr i apologise, but what’s confusing me is that… the hobbits are fat? the only description of anyone’s body i use in it so far is frodo’s, which to be fair he is lowkey very thin (mostly because he’s sick tho?). but overall most hobbits are fat so idk what there is to complain about here 😭

HELP

This is untranslateable. And a little sad. Cause if i could translate it i would.

The comment itself is already suspiciously generic and very flowery, but it was obviously fake bc it was for a crak fic not even in English!!! Very sus. And from a guest with a generic name, so flagging that shit as spam.

I love how out of all the fics to get a bot comment on it's the one that's been on hiatus for nearly a year