#antibbrae

And he recalled what had transpired that night—the night that caused Raven’s current medical condition.

Raven had fallen and her eyes slowly fluttering close. He could tell that she was trying not to lose consciousness. Raven lifted a hand towards Damian and Garfield’s general direction. And Damian couldn’t help but wonder if she was trying to reach out to him or Garfield.

‘It had to be Garfield.’, he thought because it would not make sense if Raven was trying to reach out to him. Damian couldn’t help but feel very bitter inside. She would never choose him.

At this moment the creature was distracted by Tim who was on the other side, seeing this—Damian took the opportunity to run to Raven. He took note of the footsteps that followed behind him. Garfield was right behind Damian as they ran toward Raven.

Her raised hand was faltering and Damian felt as though his heart was about to jump out of his throat, out of fear.

No. You cannot close your eyes. I will not allow it! Damian ran faster towards Raven and as her hand fell to the ground, he finally reached her side. But her eyes had also closed, and Damian held his breath as he-- so very gently, held her in his arms.

“Raven! Raven!” He calls to her frantically. “No. No. No. Don’t close your eyes, please come back, stay conscious!” His breathing was ragged, his heart beating loudly in his ears. Damian bit his lip and held his breath in a conscious manner, as he tried to calm himself, and think. He had to think.

“Raven! Oh god no.” Garfield stood hovering above Raven, and the next second he was reaching out to Raven. But Damian pulled her closer to him and gave Garfield the darkest and cruelest glare Garfield had ever seen. And Garfield froze, he took a deep breath and gulped down his fear.

“Gar…” Terra came running towards Garfield, and her eyes laid on Raven. “No, if-if she didn’t try to protect me—” Damian gave Terra the same glare Garfield received, making her unable to finish her thought. She froze in fear too.

“We have to stop her bleeding.” Damian absent-mindedly say, his voice cold, and as he scanned Raven’s wound, his eye twitched. Raven had a gaping hole on her chest, Damian did not want to think about it—but the situation was truly grim.

“How are you going to—” Garfield received another glare from Damian.

Damian was not asking or seeking their help to stop Raven’s bleeding, he had said what he had said to inform them only. He will deal with Raven’s injury.

Damian reaches for something in his utility belt, and he pulls out three silver balls. His facial expression seemingly frozen into a cold and uncaring expression as he places the one-inch sized ball strategically on her gaping wound. He placed one on top and two at the bottom, forming a triangle. It beeps and glows a faint blue and came out a purple like foam.

Damian’s right eye twitched, his lips pressed together so much that his lips became pale and his brows drawn so closely together, that he looked like he would punch the next person who would touch him.

He had no choice. This was the only way to ‘plug’ Raven’s gaping hole. She was losing too much blood because of it.

Damian clenched his teeth even more, if that was even possible. He rests Raven on his right arm as his hands clenched tightly. Underneath the gloves, one would have noticed how white his fist had become. His brows still tightly knit together, it looked painful to watch his brows like that.

And to Garfield and Terra, he looked like the scariest man on earth. They seemed to fear Damian more than the unbeatable monster that had stabbed Raven into this state.

Damian hated what he had to do. He hated that he had to plug Raven like this. He hated that he knew he had to put her down now. Now.

There was a moment of hesitance, but Damian bit his lip till it bled to keep his focus.

“We need to put Raven in a safe spot,” He says in a clipped manner as he picks Raven up in his arms in a princess carry, “distract that thing and keep him far away from her.” He continuous absent-mindedly as his eyes quickly analyze the best spot to hide her away.

And at the same time, he recalls her injury. There were no organs that were damage, that at least is a good thing. And he hoped and prayed-- at that same moment-- that Raven can survive this.

With Damian standing on his full length, Garfield snapped out from his frozen state and had begun to reach out for Raven once again.

“Don’t you dare touch her!” Damian snarled in such an unsightly manner that Garfield remembered the initial fear Damian gave him. Terra did not feel the fear again because she was looking at Garfield with worry and realization. Terra missed to see Damian’s expression and his words did not register in her mind because she knew at that moment while looking at Garfield—that Raven and Garfield will always have history.

Of course, she knew of Raven and Garfield’s relationship and didn’t mind it. Raven was simply his past. Garfield told her that he loves her, and that he would never go back to Raven—if that was something Terra worried about. And he must have kept his word. But the years Raven and him shared was something that could never be erased. And emotions built up throughout those years was something that couldn’t be replaced so easily. To realize such a thing now of all places—

Damian had accidentally hit Terra as he started moving, cutting Terra’s thoughts. For a second her eyes laid on the boy wonder—and to her, she did not see a hero protecting or saving someone. She saw a man holding someone in a way, that showed he was too afraid to hold any tighter in fear of losing her. A man refusing to blink, too afraid that it would be his last sight of her and that she would turn into dust any moment now. He held her in such a cautious manner—that it hurt to see him so forlorn like that.

That was something she thought she would never see in Damian Wayne. His body—every cell seemed to radiate a want to not let go of the woman in his arms. A conflict of holding her so tightly so he can remember how it feels to hold her and yet—still, he was a man of responsibility. Despite his desire to just be with her—he knew where he stands—the monster was still there.

Terra quickly turned, refusing to see Garfield’s expression—it was something she did not want to see right now.

“I will cover for you, Damian.” She tells him.

Damian sighed loudly in the white room, his forehead resting on his hands that was propped up on the bed beside Raven’s right hand. When they finally got to neutralize the enemy, the first thing Damian did was run to where Raven was. He was so afraid that when he got there, she would be cold and blue.

But she held on.

She held on.

He sighed again, as he turned his head that was resting on his right hand towards Raven.

He begged his father to help him keep her alive, and the first few months—God those were awful. When they arrived to have her healed, nothing was working. Whatever that creature was and what he did, messed with her. He begged his father to do anything—anything. Somehow, they found a way to stabilize her and close the gaping hole in her chest—of course every step was a struggle.

Seeing her with so much tubes and monitor, some advance tech and some actual alien tech, hurt Damian in a way that a bullet shot could not compare. And he felt so helpless.

Damian Wayne—son of Batman, son of Bruce Wayne, a robin—a boy wonder—an assassin at some point, still a man seen as the heir of the Demon’s Head—felt so powerless despite all the titles and honor and glory those titles held. He still felt powerless.

He held the woman he had loved for years in his arms, and had to leave her in her injured state to defend the world of the very same creature that injured her. He left her all alone in a corner—not even knowing if she would be alive when he returned. He knew that having someone guard her would be a waste of man power. He had to think of the bigger picture—because it is his responsibility, he couldn’t put her over that. And a small part of him hates himself for it.

He had seen her struggle to survive day after day, and night after night since then. The rejection her body faced—and his selfishness, thinking—hoping that she would survive it.

And she did.

She survived everything. And most of the tubes and monitors were finally taken away. Of course, she still had an IV drip and a monitor checking her vitals, just in case. Still, it was fifteen less tubes and monitors—and doctors and scientists.

Damian reached out for Raven’s right hand with his left, his palm resting on the back of her hand. He had gotten so used to all the tubes and monitors, that the first week without them was so unfamiliar to him.

Every time he visited her, he expected the tubes and monitors to multiply and revert back to when they couldn’t seem to cure her. Up until just a few weeks ago, he expected that they would return because she would become unstable again. But it never happened. He was so thankful it never happened. He slips his right hand under hers.

“Raven, won’t you wake up already?” He mutters, he had gotten used to talking to himself whenever he visited her.

“I still planned to confess to you,” He chuckles emptily “Won’t you at least let me do that?” He brought her hand to his forehead. “Let me be selfish…”

 ~.~.~.~.~

 The door to Raven’s personal room opens, revealing Damian in his robin uniform, his mask off. He walks to her in a slightly slump manner. Takes her hand on his and sighs.

“I’m sorry Raven, it appears that I can’t visit you for the unforeseeable future. Something came up.” He looks at her sleeping face sadly.

“Don’t be angry, I try to visit you every day after all, even if it’s just for a couple of minutes, but I never missed a day since you got injured.” He pauses. “If you ask me, I’m pretty sure they were lenient on my lack of participation in missions recently because I looked as if I had lost a lover.” He laughs.

“It’s funny-- how I am reacting as if I had lost a lover—when we never really got to be together. It would be nice if you wake up—at least let me confess to you clearly. And you can put a rest to my pining.” He didn’t know why, but he felt that he had to rearrange her hair before he left and so he did.

“I will come back, I promise you.” He says as he reluctantly let go of her hand. He refused to look back as he left the room, and takes his mask from his utility belt and puts it on.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 The door opens gently again as Damian Wayne in an all-black outfit walks in. He was in his signature black turtle neck. He had on a thin black framed eyeglass perched on his nose. He held a book on his left hand. He had gotten used to opening the door slowly and gently, out of the fear that when he opens the door she wouldn’t be there anymore.

At first, he thought that it was an unreasonable fear, but clearly it was not. He was afraid, that the time he wasn’t with her, she would have long been gone. And when he comes to visit, he would be greeted with an empty bed. And he would not be able to even say his farewells.

He closes the door even more gently—because when the door closes this time was theirs—well his. Because she was still unconscious—still very unaware of his presence.

“Hey Raven, I brought the book I last read to you—I have enough time today to read to you just a few chapters.” He says as he walks to his position beside her. He takes a seat on the chair and held her right hand with his right hand. “It would be nice if you woke up soon.” He smiles grimly, the words have started becoming something he said out of habit.

Damian gave her a little recap of what he had read to her before as he held her hand. After that, he continued where he left off, holding her hand when he wasn’t flipping through pages. He read in a slow manner; his mind more aware of the fact that her hand felt so very right against his, instead of the words he was saying aloud.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 Raven was still lying unconscious in the white room, on her white bed. Everything was quiet inside.

“Damian it’s been almost eight months!” Came a voice from outside the room.

“So, what Grayson!” Yelled back the voice of Damian Wayne. He was in an argument right outside of Raven’s room with Dick Grayson, his adopted brother—also known as Nightwing.

“Are you serious Dami?” A pause. “At least let others see her!”

“By others you mean Garfield, right?” A loud bang was heard from inside the room.

“Well—shit, yes! Why won’t you let Gar see her? He has been asking about her or where she is.”

“Don’t you dare bring Garfield to see her—don’t you dare!” A furious reply from Damian as shuffling footsteps were heard.

“Look man, I get it. I really do. But Damian, you can’t just hide her away from her teammates.”

“You see her too.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.” A louder bang entered Raven’s room.

“She planned to leave anyways.” Damian says defensively. There was silence for a few seconds and a frustrated humph could be heard from outside the room.

“I—I didn’t think anyone would be able to deal with seeing her in that way—I” Damian pauses. “I don’t think they’d want to see her in a coma—I thought it was for the best. I—I’m sorry Grayson, I will let them see her—but—just not Garfield, Grayson. That is all I am asking from you, just not him. He caused her enough pain.” And the door to Raven’s room opened. She still laid there asleep. Damian did not wait for Dick’s reply. He slowly closes the door behind him.

He was in a black button up polo shirt tucked into his black slacks, that was held into place by a silver belt and his black leather shoes. He looked tired and but there was no hint of anger.

“You must have heard our little argument, huh?” He says approaching the familiar chair he always sat on when visiting her. “I’m sorry to have disturbed your sleep.” He continues as he sat down on the chair and takes her hand in his again. “Of course, I didn’t disturb your sleep, after all your still unconscious.” A hollow chuckle soon follows.

Damian places the back of Raven’s hand against his forehead. “You can wake up now. Scold me for being so selfish. For not allowing Garfield to visit you. In fact, for not letting anyone else visit you aside from a select few. But—mostly Garfield. I will not allow him in here too— in this space-- so why don’t you wake up and just tell me how selfish I am.” He tilts his head to look at Raven while her hand is still pressed on temple of his head.

But as usual there was no response. He was so used to talking to himself now. At this point, Damian was very convinced that Raven had tried to reach out for Garfield, one last time, before she fainted. And the thought was something that caused him bitterness.

Even in her near-death, Garfield was the last in her mind.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 Damian was sitting on the same chair holding Raven’s hand. Three months has passed since Damian and Dick’s heated argument outside of Raven’s bedroom. He wore a red hoodie with black pants and black shoes. This time around, for the first time, he looked less tired since this whole ordeal happened.

“It looks like you had a lot of visitors this month too.” He glances at the flowers on both bedside tables, pictures in frames of Raven with the team and other things. Now the room seemed to have a little bit of personality.

“I think it’s great that you have some visitors. Though I admit, I think that eventually they will come to visit less and less, so I think you should wake up soon. Everyone misses you a lot. I think the longer you stay asleep people would forget about you. Everyone you know is a hero Raven, and even though you stay asleep—we still have to defend the people. Everyone’s priorities will shift and they would have less time to see you. And because they have started settling with your absence, for sure the visits will lessen. But I promise, I will visit you every day until you wake up.” Damian placed a gentle kiss on the back of her hand and he froze.

His lips hovering over her hand. He wipes the spot he kissed her at, with this thumb.

“I’m sorry, I should be asking permission. I didn’t—” He stared at the back of her hand. “I’m sorry I don’t know since when I started doing that, but I’m sorry. I overstepped.” He gently places her hand back on the bed and stood up. “Let’s see what’s in the drawers, shall we?” He mutters to himself. And surveyed every nook and cranny and objects in her room, keeping a mental inventory.

“We will be starting a new book soon. I no longer keep track of the books we’ve read.” He says after finishing his inspection of the room and went to sit back on the chair and crossed his arms across his chest.

“Well—I mean I keep track of the titles but no longer itemize them…” He adds quietly, he used to count them but stopped at around the fifth book because it seemed like the list would continue to grow. And seeing the number rise would just be another reminder of the fact, that the days waiting for Raven to wake was stretching to impossibility.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 It was a little over a year since Raven has been in her comatose state. The room felt heavy and she stirred because of it. Her breathing a little louder—a little labored. Her eyes fluttered opened—her vision a blur. She saw two figures at the foot of her bed. The taller one looking at the shorter man. The shorter one was looking at her startled—he seemed to have an odd skin color. She could almost swear it was green. Raven’s eyes started to roll back to unconsciousness.

“Dick, she’s awake!” It was a familiar voice; Raven couldn’t help but think.

“What?” Dick turned to look at Raven her eyelids slowly closing, her labored breathing slowly quieting down.

“I saw her eyes open; I swear it!” She recognized the voice as Garfield, but knowing who it was did not give her any extra motivation to fight her sleepiness.

“What the fuck is going on here!” Another familiar voice furiously entered Raven’s faltering consciousness. She wanted to wake up—to fight the tiredness she was feeling. But it was simply too late now.

The door had banged open when Damian entered. Damian was still wearing his black outer coat, his shoes dirty as he had just arrived from outside. He had no time to freshen up to visit Raven because he found out what Dick was up to.

When his eyes laid on Garfield who was looking at Raven, he wanted to rip Garfield’s head off. Damian Wayne looked like he was going to pop a vein on his neck. He glared at Dick with such open hostility that Dick was taken aback, and Garfield beside him recalled the fear Damian instilled in him that night Raven got injured.

“Her eyes opened; I saw it!” Garfield says frantically, hoping that would ease Damian’s anger. Damian takes a glance at Raven—but she was at the same state he had last seen her in.

Comatose.

“I asked you one thing, Grayson!” He growls as he slowly stomped his way to Dick whose hands were up in a ‘I surrender’ way. Damian grabbed Dick’s coat collar and pulled him close. “One thing Grayson!” He shoved Dick and points at Garfield.

“Look—you can’t continue denying someone who wants to visit a friend.” Dick tries to calm his brother down as he straightens his coat.

“Friend?” Damian snorts in response.

“Look, Damian I begged Dick to bring me to her.” Garfield says and he received Damian’s angry glare.

“Get. Out.” Damian simply said, he looked as though he would kill either of them any second now. For some weird reason Garfield got a little more courage at that moment, he began to open his mouth. Dick seeing Garfield’s lips open—quickly intercepted by pulling Garfield by the arm and pulling him towards the door.

“I’m sorry little D, we will talk about it outside.” Dick says as he drags Garfield out, giving Garfield a stern look to ensure Garfield’s silence. Garfield wasn’t happy but he understood that Dick was looking out for him.

Damian stood where he was, glaring at Raven as he waits for the door to close behind Dick and Garfield. He was stiff in his spot and his fists clenched so tightly. He was still very much angry. He stood like that for five more minutes before he tried to calm himself down. His fist unclenched and his brows unfurrow.

“So—well stop pretending then—his gone now—so wake up.” He demanded in a low voice as he hovered beside Raven near the chair. She did not move. And Damian laughed brokenly as he fell on his knees. He reached out for her right hand absentmindedly and rested his nose on the back of her palm.

“So, it turns out you just needed him to visit you to wake up?” Damian whispers as tears fall on her hand. “So why aren’t you awake already?” He sobbed.

It was never him—she never chose him.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 It had been four months since Garfield have been regularly visiting Raven, and at times he would also bring Terra with him. Damian had conceded with Garfield’s wish to allow him visitation rights to see Raven. Damian could not stay angry at Dick for over two weeks, and the pair reconciled, despite Dick undermining Damian’s wishes. Damian understood that Dick was looking out for him.

Damian’s family was very much worried over him since Raven’s fall. He acted more detached and unapproachable. He wasn’t sleeping well and every second he could spare he was always hovering over Raven. In fact, he slept well hunched by Raven’s bedside with Raven’s hand against his hands and forehead. Damian was even unwilling to celebrate his twenty-second birthday with Raven still unconscious. And they could see the toll it was taking on Damian.

His family knew he needed a little push to try and let Raven’s state go and pushing Damian to allow Garfield entry was the way to do it. Damian needed to move on.

But here he was again, in the white room he specifically prepared for her. Her accommodations all arranged by him, and his visits always a constant. But the past four months were difficult, as he was also actively avoiding having to meet Garfield when Garfield was visiting Raven.

When Damian was able to take a step back from his anger at what Dick did—he knew that his family did it to distract Damian—to keep him away from lurking around Raven. He understood it was made of good intentions. Damian reaches out for Raven’s hand, a habit he has come to develop long ago.

He wore a plain white shirt with jeans. His hair not as neat as it usually was, and eyebags were under his eyes yet again.

“But I guess I am a man who will only love one person in their life.” He mutters placing Raven’s hand against his right cheek. “I’ve come to wonder sometimes if I am unfortunate to be such a man—or to fall for you—” he studies her face; he has memorized every detail about her. How could he not when he was here, beside her so frequently.

“I’ve come to learn that loving you is not something to be regretful about. In fact, I am rather thankful for it. But you really got me pining over you, Raven.” He sighs, his eyes not capturing even the smallest of movement from Raven. “I love you.” He whispers and brushed his lips against the skin on the back of her hand.

A week and a half after, Damian is pacing at the foot of Raven’s bed, very much frustrated. He paused and glared at Raven, running his hands through his head, a sign of his developing anger. He stomps towards his spot as he glared at Raven again.

His hair was a mess, his eyebags had gotten darker. His clothes that was a plain black shirt with jeans had creases, very uncharacteristic of him.

“I don’t get it!” He says containing most of his anger. “You obviously woke up the first time Garfield visited you! Tsk, as it turns out, all you need was for him to visit you-- for you to wake up. So why did you go back to sleep!” His tone louder now and he sighs to try and dispel a little of his anger. His hand at his side clenched into balls.

Damian was seething in anger, and he exhaled and inhaled in air as if he was palpitating. Finally, the anger he had dissipated. But it was replaced by raw hopelessness, anyone who would see him in such a state, would feel their hearts knot.

“You really—really got me pining over you.” Damian says as he knelt on the floor with a hunched back as he takes her right hand in between his palms. “It’s funny how you pined over someone else as I pined over you—it seems that your making me pine over you just as long as you pined over him.”

The chair he usually sat on was across the room, toppled down. A droplet of water falls in front of Damian’s right knee.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 Two months passed just like that. Raven’s friends had long since stopped visiting her as frequently as they did the first three months. Asking them to take so much time off of their busy hero life, was too much to ask for. But Damian always made time for her, and at almost a year and a half the toll of doing so had fully manifested.

He looked so tired, his eye bags in the darkest shade it had been since the accident. He looked thinner, not scarily thin, but it was obvious he had lost some weight. His clothes were as neat as it could be. His white button up shirt crisp and so is his black slacks. His black leather shoes very shiny. He placed a lot of effort in his appearance because even he could tell that his health has waned, and he was compensating with his clothes.

When Raven was in ICU for the first three months, he was in such a bad state. When she finally got relatively cured but was on comatose, he looked better-- more relaxed. Then a little after, he had to continue with his responsibilities, particularly as a hero and somehow, he managed.

But now at almost a year and a half of juggling hero life, personal and family life. Being with Raven almost every day since the night she got hurt. To actively avoiding Garfield while Garfield was visiting and arranging his own visits to go around Garfield’s visitation, but also keeping to his schedule and preference of seeing Raven on a very regular basis. And Raven still not waking up—Damian was quite spent.

He was sitting on his chair facing Raven’s right hand. His head propped onto his hands which were propped up on his knees. He was looking at Raven’s face blankly, dark circles under his eyes. He didn’t know how much longer he could do this.

Raven’s state was always at the forefront of his mind. And when he was in a mission, he tried to put it as a lesser priority. But when he is near to death his first thought is: If I die who will look after Raven? And so, he fights with every screaming fiber he had, even when he was in such excruciating pain. After all, he still had to see her wake up.

One would think a year and a half wasn’t really a long time—but it did not feel like it has been just over a year for Damian—it felt like he has been waiting for her to wake up for five years.

He had just realized quite recently, just exactly how much stress he had gotten due to all this. And it was taking a major toll on him. He now completely understood why his family was worried about it—about him. Hindsight after all is 20/20. And he now clearly sees, exactly how concerning his state was.

There was only one solution. His eyes flickered to Raven—he had not noticed that his gaze had drifted off of her and was surprised when his eyes laid on her again. He sighs and suddenly stands up, and picks up a lock of her hair.

“Raven, your hair has grown quite a bit—its already at waist level. I thought of having it cut—but I think that should be your decision.” He places it back down. “If you don’t wake up any time soon—I’m afraid I would have to let you go.” He mumbles to himself as he turned around to lean on the bed and gaze at the ceiling blankly.

Two weeks after, Damian was back in her room, looking even worst. This time he was just standing beside Raven with a very empty gaze. He had been standing there in his black slacks, black dress shoes and a green button up polo shirt for fifteen minutes already.

“I give up Rae.” He looks down on the ground. His words so soft because he was very much afraid of the implications himself. He knew he had to let her go.

“I—I don’t think I can visit you like this.” He fought the tears as he said his words a little louder. And there was nothing left to say, he just softly touched her hand for a second and pulled away and then looked at her blankly.

A month after Damian’s decision to let Raven go, he realized getting to the conclusion and acknowledging what had to be done and executing his decisions were two completely different things. He was still visiting her in the same consistency that he always had. And he knew he had to fight to break the habit that he had already formed. Seeing her was second nature to him, and he simply had to break it.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 Two months after, Damian was finally able to decrease his visits. And had even met Garfield a few times and actually didn’t mind it. His visit reduction was not really significant but the fact he was able to decrease it at all, was a win for him.

He was in jeans and a red shirt, looking very casual and he looked more unbothered and not so tired. His hands in his pockets as he just stood. For the first time, he looked genuinely relaxed. His gaze at her was soft and the eyebags he had been sporting in different shades, for almost two years, were significantly less dark this time.

“I know I don’t visit often anymore—and you probably can’t tell—aside from the obvious,” A small twinkle in his eyes at the little joke. The fact that he could make a joke like that, spoke volumes of how far he had come. “You really made me pine over you for the duration you pined over Garfield. Nine years—you really made this whole thing come into full circle. You pined for him for nine years and decided to move on completely—but this happens.” He gestured at her generally.

“Now I have pined for you for the same duration, and I have decided to move on too.” He said grimly and the hint of playfulness he had prior was gone. “It really came full circle.”

He just stood to her right with a small smile. He tried his best not to stay so long to visit her nowadays. Damian found that standing was the best option in order for him not to stay longer than he intended.

Damian puts his hand atop Raven’s, he has also avoided holding her hand properly or else he’d find himself sitting on his spot and just holding her hand. He would then talk to her and the intended short visit would become like his regular visits from before.

“I have decided. I am moving on—I am letting you go.” And he pulled his hand away a little too quickly, afraid of the temptation that was the familiarity of her hand against his—or maybe it was his hand against hers. After all, it was always him holding onto her.

His head had looked away to look at the flowers on her bedside tables. He has been talking to her about visiting her less, and letting her go for a few months now. At first it was just a passing thought. But the last two months, it seemed Damian had to tell her every time he visited. He was unaware of how frequent he was telling her that. But in retrospect, he could tell now that he had been dropping hints.

It started from hints, to telling her absentmindedly, to repeatedly telling her every time he visits—until finally he was able to visit less. And because Damian turned his head, he missed the small twitched of Raven’s hand when he pulled his hand away, to look at her bedside.

There was silence, as he looked down and closed his eyes. He squeezes his eyes for a moment then sighs as he looks at Raven, a faint smile on his lips. He took a step back, feeling as though he was leaving his heart on this spot. He then turns feeling lonely yet strong and regretful at the same time.

When he was gone, Raven’s eyebrow twitched.

The next day when Damian decided to check on Raven’s condition, he was frozen in fear to see the scientist and doctors hovering over Raven who was attached to so many monitors and tubes.

It was like he had stepped into the time she was brought in to close up her wound. He was unfrozen when she saw her spasming. He ran towards her, as her chest lifted and she was choking, black almost slime like blood came out from her mouth and spilling from her oxygen mask.

“Sir—we need you out of the way.” A doctor pulled Damian away. “Who let this one in!” The doctor adds and a nurse took Damian away, trying to console him.

“This is odd—there seems to be no traces of the compound we found last time. But her body is rejecting something.” Damian hears the doctor say, at that moment Raven’s eyes opened and her line of sight fell on Damian’s instantly. Her hand lifted slowly to his direction; her eyes wet as her face slowly turned red from the lack of oxygen. A doctor had already punctured her lungs to assist her in breathing, but black blood was oozing out from it.

“Let me, the fuck go!” Damian yelled as he strongly shoved the nurse off of him. He was normally someone who didn’t do this, but seeing Raven’s face slowly contort to fear and resignation, he actually went against the nurse. He remembered when she was in ICU for the first few months he observed quietly from the distance, but he couldn’t now.

“Raven!” He called out as he knelt on the floor and held her right hand that she had stretched out. “I promise, I will not leave you. So, you have to fight this!”

She squeezes his hand in hers as best as she could as her eyes closed and a tear slipped from her eye.

“Sir—I’m sorry but you are being a distraction.” A bulky man approaches Damian, he lets go of Raven’s hand and put his hands up. And slowly left the room.

“She’s—I heard the subject has powers—”

“Patient.” A doctor cuts off the scientist.

Before Damian was shoved out of the room, he stole a glance of Raven, her hand was glowing a faint purple black hue. And it seemed that she could breathe.

“Sir—there seems to be something appearing—” And that was the last thing Damian heard before the door was shut close.

Two weeks later Raven was finally stable but still in a coma. They were fighting with her condition for those two weeks—cross referencing and analyzing data, finding and testing out new information. And everything has now calmed down. He was only allowed entry today after the stunt that he pulled.

Damian was sitting on his chair, holding her hand. He wore a white t-shirt with many creases. His hair a slightly better case compared to his shirt. And the outfit was complete with a plain pair of jeans and casual shoes. And to top it all off, his eyebags had become dark again.

”You really scared me. God, I forgot how afraid I was of losing you recently—you really know how to make someone remember, huh?” He mutters as he puts her hand against his forehead, he was shaking a bit, as he fought his tears. And he felt her hand twitch against his—and he choked as he looked at her face.

Her eyes were still close but for the first time, he actually felt her react. In two years, she finally moved. He smiled tightly and nodded his head. He brought her hand against his lips and softly kissed her hand.

“You reached out to me that night, didn’t you?” He put her hand against his cheek as he turns his head towards her again. “You have to wake up and clarify that to me.” And he hears her loudly inhale.

For the first time in months, he finally had hope that she would wake up. “I promise you; I will wait for you to wake up. This time, I will not break this promise.”

 ~.~.~.~.~

 The door suddenly opens, with a panic stricken, Damian. He was unable to take off his outer coat and change into cleaner shoes because he heard a crash from generally where Raven’s room was located on the second floor.

“Raven!” He called out his fear practically at the base of his throat.

When he heard the loud crash, he feared for the worst. His eyes at first saw an empty bed, and his heart almost jumped out of his chest. The vase on her right bedside table with flowers, had shattered on the floor. He quickly searched for Raven, and exhaled deeply when he spotted her at the foot of her bed. She was holding onto her bed with great difficulty. Her eyes observed Damian wearily.

He approached her, thinking that maybe this was a dream.

“Raven.” He whispered when he was two feet away, her violet eyes did not show any recognition at seeing Damian. He picks her up and carries her in a princess carry, and despite not recognizing him at first, she wraps her arms around his neck.

“Damian.” She whispers and he squeezes her back. She rested her forehead on his shoulder, as he carried her back to her bed. He sets her down gently as he pulls away, she grabs his right hand.

“It feels so perfect.” She gently tells him, and Damian was startled by her words. A smile slowly forms and he found himself chuckling.

“I’ve been here almost every day, holding your hand. Maybe your hand molded into mine—” He shakes his head. "Or maybe the other way around.”

“I—my memory is kind of fuzzy,” Raven says as she lays back in bed. “But I know you, I remember you. I heard you so often. It became scary when you weren’t there.” Her eyes start to flutter, she seemed a little bit too tired. But she continued to hold his hand until she fully fell into slumber, to which her grip loosened.

Damian took the opportunity to call the doctors and scientist to inform them of her condition.

When she awoke again the doctors, scientists and Damian were talking.

  ~.~.~.~.~

 A month after, Raven was already walking by herself inside her room. She started walking around the villa quite recently. But she has not been able to walk outside yet. She found that once the door to go outside the villa was opened, her knees would buckle. So, for the past month she was mostly roaming indoors.

She had found out that this was one of Bruce Wayne’s property, and Damian had asked for the property. Damian was someone who would never ask anything of anyone if he could do it himself, so it was surprising to everyone that Damian had asked something. And because of that Bruce granted Damian the property, if not for that, in the very least to give Damian some peace of mind.

She also found out that Damian did not spare any expense in her recuperation. And her situation was quite odd. The creature’s origin could not be quite narrowed down, thus its effects on her was up on the air. But that was where the doctors and scientists and all the tech was for, alien tech included. With the collective resources provided, they were able to make something to assist Raven’s condition.

“Raven, I think you should really try to get out.” Damian says as he walks in. He looked so happy seeing her, just standing by the window gazing out. She turned her head to smile at him.

He looked better—in fact the happiest and relaxed he had ever been for two years. His clothes were pressed well, it was a casual attire, and he had no hint of any kind of weariness. No more eyebags, and his eyes no longer looked so dead.

“If you go with me, I can try.” She responded, she had not seen him in two weeks due to his busy schedule, with the team and talking to her doctors and scientist. Him learning and relearning everything about her condition since she got attacked, and he also had family matters, he didn’t really have time to be with Raven recently. And she understood.

She kept herself busy by building her physical strength through walking within the walls of Damian’s villa. She also used the time to comb through her thoughts.

“Okay.” He agreed as he offered her his right hand and she accepts it with both her hands. Until now he couldn’t believe that she was awake.

“I really thought I was dreaming when you woke up a month ago.” He confesses again as he sighs and lead her to the door.

“I’m here. Everything is still a bit fuzzy. But I know you—I trust you. Your Damian.” Raven responds unhurriedly as she places a hand on his arm.

Fifteen minutes later, Damian came in with Raven in his arms weeping.

“I—I can’t… it—it…” And she wept.

“I’m sorry, we will take it step by step. I will be here if you ever want to try and go outside.” He comforts her as he places her on her bed. She nods as he wipes away her tears.

“I thought I was going to die—” She sobbed. “There was something I wanted to do… I don’t—” Another sob, “I don’t recall what.”

He holds her hands and then she suddenly froze on the spot. She looks at him in the eyes, and she blinks as the tears fall. “I didn’t want to leave you.”

And this time it was his time to freeze on the spot. Raven pulled her hands away from his, and she placed her fingertips on either side of his face.

“I was afraid that I didn’t have enough time with you. I wanted to know you more.” Her vision seems to go back to that night. “I wanted to be with you.” She absent-mindedly brushed her lips against his. And when the pressure registered in her brain, she pulled away, an apology at the tip of her tongue.

Raven was surprised to feel an even heavier pressure against her lips. And she kissed back and deepened the kiss. She noted how she was reacting very naturally over the situation, and how inexperience Damian was. And she pulled away.

“Is this your first kiss?” She asks him. And he looks away with a small blush on his face.

“It’s—I’m very inexperience with dating…” He admits, and she observes him as she wipes her tears.

“I’m assuming, I have dated before.”

“Yes, Garfield.” He responds blankly, and when the name came off Damian’s mouth, he saw her expression soften. His eye twitched as he looked away. He suddenly feels her hands against his, making him turn to look at her again.

“Gar… field…” She mutters, his hand clenching at the way she called his name. “Was he the only one I dated?” Damian nods in response.

“I see…” She said with furrowed brows. “My head is aching a bit. I think I should rest…” Raven lets go of Damian’s hands.

“Can we try going outside again tomorrow?” Damian was pulled out from his reverie with the inquiry, surprise in his eyes.

“Of course, I would love that.” She smiled at his response.

“Can you—” She looks at him hesitatingly. “Can you hold my hand when we do?”

He was even more shock to hear those words, and he smiled as he placed a hand on her cheek. “Of course, Raven.”

“I would like to date you, Damian.” Raven stares at Damian, who just pulled his hand away from her cheek and straightened his posture as he looks away.

“Your memory isn’t like what it was Raven, I think it’s too early to say that.” His response wasn’t something she enjoyed. But Raven pressed her lips together and did not push him.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 The sun was setting and the white room was filled with an orange hue from the setting sun outside. Raven and Damian had just arrived from walking outside. This time around she was able to stay outside longer without having flashbacks of the night she got stabbed. It was great progress. But she always held Damian as if he was the only remaining lifeboat in an open, turbulent ocean.

Damian and Raven was continuing a pleasant conversation they had outside, when suddenly the door opened.

“Raven!” Garfield came in with such a relieved look on his face, his eyes expectant as he searches for her. Damian and Raven’s happy conversation grew stale as they turned their head to the door.

“Raven!” He called out again when his eyes landed on her. Raven remained in place. “Of course, you wouldn’t tell me she is awake!” Garfield adds with a glare to Damian, whose head was casted down.

“Tsk, Greyson.” He mutters, Greyson right behind Garfield but was hidden from Damian’s line of sight. Despite Damian’s head casted down, he took note of Raven’s reaction.

She was still, just standing in place, but Damian could tell, she was so close to running to Garfield and hugging him. And all Damian could do was squeeze his eyes shut, as he inhales softly while clenching his fists.

Seeing Garfield, Raven felt like her soul from inside her was vibrating with excitement. And yet, at the same time it felt as though a thin layer of frost blanketed her entire body, and it was enough to render her frozen. Despite her deep desire to hug Garfield, her feet were so heavily planted on the floor, that she didn’t even move an inch. Her breathing was shallow and unhurriedly soft, and she just focused on that.

The days had passed so pleasantly after Raven woke up that Damian had thought that he had a place in her heart. But seeing her like this, he knew—Garfield still outweigh him.

“Get out.” Raven says, to which Damian snapped his head to Raven’s direction, who had simply turned her back and walked to the window. “All of you.”

Damian wanted to say something, his fists curling and uncurling by his sides, but he saw her stiff figure with crossed arms as she stubbornly looked outside. He was the last to leave.

He comes back a few hours later, to see Raven sitting by the windowsill looking outside.

“He hasn’t left has he?” She whispers hoarsely not looking at who entered. Damian shook his head as he replied, even though she would not see it.

“His downstairs, hoping you’d at least see him.” He got no response, but she tilts her head.

“I didn’t see him leave.” She mutters vacantly.

“I’m here to convince you to eat dinner.” And Raven turned to look at him, a frown on her face.

“Okay,” She sighs. “But you are eating with me.”

Damian was startled hearing this, a second passes before the words sunk in.

“Alright.” He blinks at her.

“Here.” She adds and he tells her he that he would be back, as he leaves for a moment to get them their dinner.

When he arrives with food, they sat on a pub table that was added a little after Raven woke up. It could only sit two people, and it was made of some nice honey brown wood. The cushions of the chair red and its frame made of the same wood as the table. It was rather small for two people, but they made do.

Raven was vacantly playing with her food while Damian observes her with a frown. He had not yet scolded her for not eating, as he was giving her just a little more time.

With a sigh she says, “It’s odd, when I saw him, it felt like I just realized the world was a puzzle with missing pieces, and his presence just made all the missing pieces appear on it’s designated place. He was familiar, he was someone I knew—love, maybe even… but something didn’t sit well with me. I didn’t want to approach him. And I didn’t want him to approach me.”

 ~.~.~.~.~

 It took Raven three days to be able to even meet Garfield. The sun was setting, and from Raven’s window, one could see Raven talking with Garfield. They were sitting on a bench facing the sunset, their backs facing the window in Raven’s room.

So, it was a given that the two did not see Damian observing them from the window. He did not look upset nor joyful with the scene he was seeing. But once Garfield placed a hand on Raven’s hand, and she tilted her head a bit towards Garfield, you could see Damian’s face slowly turn into unpleasantness.

When the minutes passed, and Garfield nor Raven had not pull away from one another, his face contorted to wanting to storm out from Raven’s room to staying still and just holding his breath—just hoping and wishing—that she had not chosen Garfield.

But the minutes continues to pass, and Garfield’s hand continued to rest on Raven’s hand. And Raven glances at him with a smile forming on her lips. And Damian couldn’t help but think, that despite Raven having a difficulty leaving the building with him, if it was Garfield with her—of course it would be easier for her to be outside with him.

And Raven started closing in on the space between her and Garfield, and Damian did not want to see that. So, he turned around quickly, and he stood with his back against them, as he flexes his fists, and sighed. He had hurried to see her; he had gone through the garage so he was unable to see them on the yard. Once he got into her room, and she wasn’t there, Damian absentmindedly walked to the window. That was when he saw her and Garfield together on a bench, looking like lovers.

He wondered how long he stood by the window looking at them. He closes his eyes and sighs again, by the end of the day it was never him. He walks to the door without looking back.

A few days later, Raven is pacing her room anxiously. She had not seen Damian in days, she worried he saw her and Garfield the other day and that was why he was nowhere to be seen. But she wanted to explain to him what he had seen wasn’t what he thought. She had to tell him.

And she could feel the panic go up onto her throat. She sat on her bed, facing the door. She had refused to step out of her room after she talked to Garfield—not without Damian. She could not find the strength to go out of her room after her chat with Garfield.

Raven buried her hands on her face as the tears started to stream from her eyes. All she could see under her close eyes, was the time—that night, when she reached out for Damian.

She recalled her desire to be with Damian, but right now she felt it so very intensely that she was afraid. She was so afraid that she has lost that chance. And the door opened, and she was up on her feet with wide eyes. Seeing that it was Damian, she sobbed as she ran towards Damian and tackled him with a hug.

He was startled and it took a moment for him to realize that she was hugging him so tightly. He gently returns her hug.

“I thought you wouldn’t come back. I was so scared.” She wept on the nook of his shoulder, her feet not even touching the floor.

“I’m sorry for worrying you.” He replied softly, and tightened his hold on her as he sets her down a bit so that she could touch the floor. They stood like that for a moment.

Raven eventually pulled away and tried to collect her bearings. She wipes her tears and looked at Damian in the eyes. On the other hand, he was wishing she hadn’t pulled away-- maybe that was the only time he could hold her like that. And she reaches for his hands. And it felt so right.

“When Gar came, and guided me outside, I couldn’t find the strength to step through the door. All I could think about was that I need you. I need you to hold my hand as I step outside. While that night kept flashing through my mind. But he held my hand—and it felt so familiar. And all my fears just vanished.” She looked down on their feet. “And I found myself outside—with him.” There was guilt in her face and on the tone of her voice. And Damian honestly did not want to hear what she had to say next. But she held his hands tighter, making him decide to just keep quiet. A small smile formed on her lips as tears fall and splatter on the floor.

“I forgot the time I was injured, till the time before he held my hands. It felt like I could breath again.” Damian’s eye twitched, he wondered what was her point. She suddenly flicked her head to look at him, and he was startled.

“He will always be someone that matters to me, we will always have history. I have loved him for nine years, we shared so many memories—so many firsts. But I do not want to be with him. I want to be with you. And I know I am asking a lot, but if all these doesn’t bother you—I would love it, if you would date me.” But she was greeted with silence. “I want you. I want to be with you.” She softly added, her confidence fading.

“I don’t mind.” He said so softly, but Raven didn’t hear it.

“If that is an issue for you, then I completely understand.” She continues on.

“I don’t mind.” He repeated.

“I know it’s been two years, but there must have been someone you became interested in. Or maybe you’ve even dated a bit. I know we don’t talk about it, but I get that—” She squeezes her eyes, her tone ready to cry.

“Raven, I want to be with you.” He cups her cheek and tilted her head towards him. She looks at him with the slightest hint of distrust. “I’ve always wanted to be with you—I waited for you.” He says, being able to say those words felt like such a relief to Damian. And the tears started falling from Raven’s eyes as the distrust was washed away.

“I almost gave up, I admit that.” He couldn’t bring himself to look at her anymore. She cups both of his cheeks.

“If I were in your place, even I would waver.” She tells him, trying to catch his dodging eyes. When she finally was able to lock her eyes with his, she adds. “Garfield will always have some meaning to me—his all I have known for nine years, even before sleeping for two years—my history with him is half of my life. I was afraid. I thought he was the only one who could possibly love someone like me—I was wrong. I was so, so wrong. I want my next memories and moments-- with you. And slowly those memories I had, and my history with him, will just be a fraction of my life. I want you. I want every possible milestone with you, Damian.”

He slowly nodded, and when Raven’s eyes registered the nod, he couldn’t help but smile and chuckle.

“I never thought this day would happen.” He leans in to rest his forehead against hers, and a soft smile formed on her lips. And they shared the moment in silence. After a while, Damian talks.

“I was afraid to ask, or open up about this, especially since you were still recuperating—and your memories is fuzzy. But who would have thought you would catch me by surprise and open up the topic yourself?” Raven took the opportunity to plant a kiss on his lips, and he conservatively kissed back to which she deepened the kiss. And she pulled away recalling Damian’s inexperience last time.

“We will take it step by step. I might still remember more about Garfield, and I might get a little confused. But remind me, that I choose you since that night.” She leans her forehead against his, eyes locked with one another. Damian’s eyes flickered with surprise and the confirmation that she chose him that night, made his eyes soften with the acknowledgement. He caresses her face with his thumb.

“I finally caught up to you.” He whispers, a giggle bubbling up on the base of Raven’s throat.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 A few months later, the white almost vacant room was no longer white nor empty. Raven had flipped the room with Damian’s help and approval. Its walls were now a soft lilac color. The room’s furniture was either accented with white, glass or silver metals. And the ceiling was littered with little crystals, that once the lights were off, would illuminate like stars in different colors. Her sheets were navy blue and white.

“Raven, are you ready?” Damian’s voice came from outside her open door. She turned in her white fitted dress with the thinnest spaghetti straps. Her long hair that passed her waist was tied into a fishtail braid.

“Of course!” She replied happily, as she ran towards the door, and tackled Damian with a hug and giggled.

“Excited for our brunch?” He teases.

“Absolutely!” She replied without missing a second.

Later that night they were in her bedroom. Damian sitting on her bed and she was kneeling over his lap. Raven’s hair slowly unravelling from its braid. Their lips have been intertwined with one another for minutes now. He had one hand on her waist and the other on her thigh, a bit too afraid to rest it on her bum. While her hands were on his neck and on his chest.

Raven broke off the kiss, and started kissing his neck.

“If we’re going too fast, you can tell me.” She mutters in between kisses. But when she did not hear any response, she pulled away to look at him.

“I know Garfield and I had a lot of firsts together, if that bothers you…” Damian broke away from his dazed state and looked at her questioningly.

“I admit, at first it did,” His eyes follow his hand as in travels from her thigh to her waist which he caresses. “Thinking of how he knows how to please you…” He looks back at her conflicted eyes. “But that just means I have to learn how to please you my way. You two were together for so long—it would be a given that I’m not your first. That is alright. But you are mine.” He admits a small blush on his face. And she smiles as she kisses his eye and trailed kisses to his jawline. He was being brought back to his dazed state.

“I feel honored.” She whispers in between her kisses. And she playfully bit his ear after. Damian was startled and grabbed her butt and she gasped.

“Then I will take the lead then.” She whispered alluringly by his ear, as her hands travelled under his shirt. Her braid completely undone.

 FIN.

(Or is it?)

 Bonus Scene:

Garfield and Raven were outside, they had been talking for hours that the sun had finally began to set.

“You know, when I woke up, I couldn’t find myself to walk out my room. Eventually, I was able to overcome it. But I found that it was so difficult to step outside the villa. All I could see was that night and being stabbed, and the last person I saw.” Raven confesses and Garfield placed a hand on hers for comfort.

“But Damian was there, he guided me and stayed with me as we walk outside.” A small smile on her lips. “I always held him like I was in open water and he was the lifeboat. I was afraid of losing him. I mean, I still am. I still hold him so tightly, because I’m afraid that it would be my last chance with him. I thought I was going to die that night, Gar.”

“But when you offered your hand and held me, after you said you knew of my condition—my fear outside.” She glances at the open area. “I forgot how afraid I was of going outside. It was like my fears these few months were nothing but a phantom. You were always associated with love and happy memories with me. But you and I both know, Gar, we were imperfect. We were destructive. We had become unhappy together for a very long time.” And she glances at him fully.

“I want to say goodbye.” She finally said, and Garfield looked at her gently as Raven extended her arms to hug him. “I want to start a new romance—with Damian.” She whispers as they embrace one another.

“I wish you two happiness.” Garfield says as he pulls away.

“Yes, thank you.” She looks back at Damian’s villa. “I was so afraid I would lose him, I still do now, its why I always hold him tightly whenever we go outside.” She looks back at the sunset that was facing them.

“I held on because of him—I’m sure it was him, I could feel his hand and hear him every now and then, until all I knew was his presence.”

 Alternate (timeline) Ending:

 Damian was asleep on the table, and had woken up with a jolt, all teary eyed.

“Damian, what’s wrong?” Raven says as she approaches the table.

“I had a dream, you got injured and you were in a coma.” He replied. And he tells her what happened in his dream.

 Alternate’s Alternate Ending: (Reciprocate timeline)

 “I had a dream, you got injured and you were in a coma.” He replied as Raven sat down beside him. She gently places a hand on his as she smiles softly.

“Damian, that did happen.”

“And what? This if for the nth time. Am I supposed to be surprised?” Damian said in a rather cold voice laced with something else. Raven stopped crying and stared at him-- and he regretted his tone. She looks so broken and hurt, he wanted to undo how he had said his words. But the thing was—he meant it.

“You don’t understand.” Her voice comes out so weak that his heart sunk. “This time—” Raven’s eyes widened a bit. “This time—it’s for real. No more do-overs. No more makeups. This time—” Raven starts to hyperventilate. “This time we’re really done.”

And saying the words aloud—despite it not actually being loud—just vocalizing it, made Raven realize how true the situation really is. Only a tear slipped down her left eye as she sat there frozen and very unmoving.

This time it’s for real.

How many times had he heard that--was he supposed to believe it? But seeing her empty gaze and unmoving body—he knew—that this really was for real.

‘Until that ‘for real’ becomes another lie.’ Damian’s mind couldn’t help but whisper to his heart.

“He says his leaving the team— his going to join Young Justice.” Damian was surprised to hear this as the information has not gotten to him yet. “He told me not to follow him—because this really is the end of the line for him and I.” She pressed her lips together.

“Raven.” He calls out to her as he approaches her slowly. Her eyes flickers to meet his gaze and as she did so, silent tears fell from her eyes again. “Maybe that is a good thing.”

And Raven did not take it well. What did Damian mean? Her tears fell faster as she broke into a sob, she covers her mouth with her right hand.

“Raven.” He calls her again, as he sits beside her and touches her left hand with his right hand. “This could be a good thing. You can finally let someone take care of you the way you deserve.”

This wasn’t what she wanted to hear. Of all the times Damian had comforted her over her numerous break-ups with Garfield he had never—ever—said such a thing to her. And she felt as though he had punched her, she wept loudly in response.

Damian sighs and hesitates to hug her, but eventually was able to wrap his arms around her shaking form. It was not the tightest hug one could give, but it was all that he could muster to give to her.

“I love him, Damian.” She wept as she gave him a tighter hug than he was giving her. Damian flinched at the words she spoke, but of course, Raven failed to feel it.

Love? Damian wanted to snicker.

“Have I not tried everything to please him? Where have I failed?” She pulls away from his hug, the distance between their faces were only a mere two feet away. Her hands were on Damian’s chest as she looks up at him. “Am I not enough?” She sobs as he furrows his brows.

Not enough? He felt the anger that he had buried a long time ago shimmer from very deep within him.

“Is my love not enough? Is this why he never chooses me? Didn’t I try everything to please him? Do I not deserve love? Is this why I’m always—just—I’m never chosen?” She rants as her left hand wrapped around Damian and her forehead rested on the back of her right hand that was on Damian’s chest. And Raven continues to cry.

“You call this love?” He whispered unexpectedly. And when Raven pulled away to look at him with confusion on her face—Damian understood that he had spoken his thoughts aloud. He can’t take it back now. He looks down at her, mirroring her confusion.

“How can you call this love?” He says in such a low voice with plain disbelief and confusion. “How many times have you cried over Garfield? How many times have you said you two will never get back together—and yet somehow you get back together—despite how many times he has hurt you. But you hurt him too—but still—the pain you two inflict on each other—when will it be enough?”

Raven felt like he had dumped cold water on her and as Damian looked at her expression-- even, he had felt that he had dumped cold water on her.

His mouth quivers as he contemplates whether he should take it back--of how he should take it back. But he had meant every single word. Raven’s face was ashen from his words. She took in three deep breathes.

“How could you say that?” It came out barely as a whisper and her grief over her break up had become forgotten. She wipes the tears off of her face, as she completely pulled away from Damian by standing up.

“How could I?” He asked with a broken laugh after as he stood up. “How could you not? How many times have you two broken up in the span that I have been part of the team? Let’s not even count before I even became part of the team! How can you—” A pause. “You two—not respect one another enough to just call it quits the first time—or maybe by the third time of your break ups. Why would you—you two—drag out this pain for all these years?” Damian’s voice had a hint of suppressed tension in it. And Raven laughed at his rant, but the laughter sounded so resigned that Damian’s heart couldn’t help but flinch. She had looked away from him as she laughed.

“Of course, you wouldn’t understand how I feel!” Raven pauses from laughing to stare at his green eyes coldly. “I can’t believe that I had thought you understood me—I can’t believe I expected you to understand!” Another fit of broken laugher. Damian clenched his fist at her words. The distain she had for Damian—he felt. And yet she still did not see his feelings-- she still did not feel his feelings.

“I knew him for seven years Damian! Seven bloody years! And I love him. I love him so, so much.” And Raven could not help but start to cry again. “I love him for seven years.”

“Time does not guarantee that you are meant to be with someone.” Damian said it so simply and when the words fell on Raven’s ears—she froze.

“Why are you doing this?” She whispers not expecting an answer, as she simply had just spoken what was in her mind. She really did not expect this from Damian.

“Just because you know someone for a long time and love them just as long—it doesn’t mean you could not love someone with the same intensity even when you just met!” He continues on, and Raven wanted to scream to him and ask why he was continuing on.

Why was he doing this?

“Get. Out.” Raven heard herself say, it came out softly and with no weight to it. Damian looks at her with evasive eyes. “Get Out.” She says a bit more firmly to which Damian stands unmoving with furrowed brows.

He seems like he wanted to tell her more. But Raven did not allow him to.

“Get Out! I said get out!” She yelled. Damian glares at her with his jaw clenched and hands in a fist. She tried to match his anger as she glares back. Damian concedes and leaves quietly out of her bedroom. Before the door was fully closed, he hears Raven fall on her knees and wept again, muttering something he couldn’t quite catch.

“I love him for seven years…”

                                                        ~.~.~.~.~

 Damian was in the gym room of the Titan Tower. He was punching a sandbox with wrapped hands. He had been at it for a few days—in fact since his first failure in comforting Raven over her break up. He had tried to be unbiased, but everyone had a tipping point. And Damian Wayne simply hit his on the matter.

Even so, he tried to act accordingly as the leader of the Titans. He had started comforting Raven in the pretense of his obligation as the team leader. But maybe it wasn’t a pretense—and if so—when had it start becoming a pretense?

Raven and Garfield appeared to be as civil as they could around each other. And finally, Garfield had talked to Damian about leaving the team. Something about moving up the ladder. And God hearing that made Damian want to punch the man.

What did that entail ‘moving up the ladder’? Did Raven not fit Garfield’s desire—is that why they broke up this time around? She wasn’t too high up that ladder? But Damian never voiced out the thoughts that invaded him as he heard Garfield say what he did.

In fact, Damian try not to comment about Raven and Garfield’s relationship, or lack thereof, just as he always had. But the same could be said with anyone else. He tried to be as much of a team leader as needed be—and he did not—absolutely did not mention their personal romantic relationships with one another unless it was to remind them that he does not wish for it to affect the group dynamic. And maybe that was what led him to comfort Raven the first time around.

Damian valued the team dynamic too much just for a couple to ruin it.

After Raven kicked Damian out over what hopefully was the last break-up of Garfield and Raven, Damian went out of his way to avoid Raven in the most casual and indifferent way of his. It almost bordered to normalcy.

“Damian.” A familiar voice calls out to him, but he did not hear it as he was focused on his punches.

“Damian.” He paused. Damian steadies his sandbag and turned to look behind him with furrowed brows.

“Raven.” He greets simply and was about to continue punching the sandbag again. But she calls out to him again and he sighs.

“What is it?” He asks indifferently, his hands on the sandbag, keeping up the appearance of steading it.

“I’d like to apologize.” He raises an eyebrow, shook his head and mock punch the sandbag, it swings a bit.

“You don’t have to—” He steadies the sandbag. “I should be the one apologizing.” His eyes do not look at her though.

“I suppose.” She said quietly after what felt like a minute had passed in silence. “But you made a good point.” He stiffly nods, the apology he has been meaning to say was at the tip of his tongue. Another minute passes in silence.

“I know your looking out for the team. Thank You.” She says quietly, waiting for Damian to respond but he just nods again. Another minute of silence.

“I—I think I will take your advice—” Advice. She had called it advice; Damian’s eyes look up at her. He was surprise to see her violet eyes look at him intently with patience. “I—I should move one—close that part of my life. Start a new book.” Damian’s eye twitched in surprise. The apology his been meaning to say still in his mouth.

She smiles at him and she nods and then did a 180 turn on her heel.

“I’m sorry.” He finally said but it was only a whisper his right knuckles against the sandbag, as his eyes follow her back. For a moment he thought she froze on the spot, but she continued to walk away.

‘No. She had heard. But she did not give me a hard time over it.’ Damian thought as a faint smile found itself on his lips.

                                                           ~.~.~.~.~

‘Why was I back in this situation again? Had she not said that it was over for real then? I guess today is the day it finally became a lie.’ Damian was standing as if he had seen a ghost.

Last time he was here—she was twenty-one. Now he was the twenty-one-year-old and she is twenty-three. Two years had passed since the last time he was in this situation—in her room—watching her cry herself raw on her bed.

And yet Damian knew—it has to be about him again.

Garfield.

His eye twitched at the thought. An empty smile on his lips as he looked at Raven sob.

‘Didn’t you say it was over—so what is this.’ The words never came out of Damian’s lips, but it almost had. But she felt his intentions. And if Damian had known that his thought had been conveyed to her through his emotions—then maybe he’d think: for the first time she noticed my feelings.

Raven noticed that Damian had entered her room—how could she not with what he was emitting. It has been so long since the two were in this situation. It has been two years. And she felt guilty—because the last time he had comforted her in here—she said her and Garfield were really done.

And here she is—a proof of a lie.

“I—” Raven tries to muffle her cry but fails. “Him and I—we hooked up.” And to Damian those words were crushing but not as crushing as what the word ‘hooked up’ entailed. Was she—she couldn’t be— “And so we secretly dated after that.” Damian couldn’t help but sigh when he heard her say that.

It wasn’t as bad as the thought of Raven being pregnant. He thought that he must be an awful person for thinking such a thing.

“But then… does that mean—” Damian looked at Raven in confusion, piecing something together. How long has she been lying?

“For almost a year.” She softly sobbed as she wiped a tear away. Damian felt like he had been punched. A year. He had been trying to make her happy for two—but that one year—that half time he placed in effort, even when it was masked mostly as group activities—was happiness that Damian was not able to give her—but Garfield had.

And Damian simply saw the truth of the matter, the recent year when Raven seemed even more happier than the last—it was not because of him. He should have known. No—he must have noticed—Ah. That is right. He had seen the signs but choose to ignore it.

“Isn’t he with that girl named Terra?” Damian asked softly quite blindsided by the truth. Raven nods in response and he felt that same old anger he had not felt since that time two years ago—in this room, seeing her nod. An anger that had been buried had been reignited yet again.

“But they had taken a break when Garfield and I got back together.” She quickly added before he could say something. And oddly enough that subsided a bit of Damian’s anger. “It was just a hook up, no attachment. He was upset and hurt and I was lonely—and we knew each other well.” Raven had stopped crying at this point and was picking on her fingertips looking for hangnails with burrowed brows.

“It wasn’t supposed to mean anything—”

“But the love you had for him was reignited, right?” Damian couldn’t help but cut her off with a bite in his tone. And he chuckled—it was empty and shallow. “So, what is it this time? Am I supposed to be surprised you broke up again? Well this isn’t the first break up you two had—and last time surely wasn’t the last!” A hollow laugh came from Damian as he ran his hand through his hair.

“God, how stupid!” And Raven stood up to glare at him.

“How can you call me stupid! I loved him whole-heartedly for seven years and continued to love him for two more—you don’t forget that. Even when its muddled—it’s a fact that I have loved him for so long and invested so much into him—into me—for him and me-- us. And even when we broke up—I will always love him. He will always have a special place in my heart.” Raven pauses. “Even when he broke up with me now—because he realized he loves Terra.” She bites her lip and Damian looks at her like she was the stupidest person on earth.

Damian suddenly laughs, it was a rather wholehearted laughter and yet it held such muted grief.

“You think I called you stupid?” He looks at her in the eyes, and something about his stare hinted to a degree of insanity. “You actually think I called you stupid?” He shakes his head with a faint smile on his lips as he glances at the space beside her. “I’m the one who’s stupid!” Raven took a step back in confusion, she studies Damian with a knot in her chest—she thought that Damian looked a little mad.

“I like you! For the longest time, I have liked you!” Raven looked at him as if he had grown an extra head. “I might even actually love you—but what do I know—after all—you said it yourself: I don’t know what that is like!” Raven looks at him thinking when had she said that, and she realized it must have been the last time they were in this room together when he was comforting her. She had opened her lips to tell her that: that was not what she had meant, but Damian continues.

“But you never noticed my feelings for you! I was just a fly in comparison to Garfield. Maybe if I wasn’t three years younger than you—then maybe you might take me seriously! Or maybe if I had known you first than Garfield—then maybe you would actually look my way!” Damian’s stare had started to become a hateful glare. “You know when you two broke up for reals--” He says mockingly. “I thought that maybe—maybe—this was it. This was my chance to get you to notice that I had liked you for the longest time. Maybe this was the moment you would let Garfield go and let someone else show you—just how much you deserved to be treated. How special you are to that one person—how important you are to at least one person.” Damian’s angry glare softens into resignation.

“It didn’t have to be me. It could be anyone.” A pause. “That is fine. I don’t think I deserve that kind of special someone to dote on—and love me.” He pauses again, but Raven didn’t know what to say as he looked down on the floor. “But I wanted you—” He looks back at her again with mournful eyes. “I wanted at least for you, to be happy. I wanted to know that all the years you spent crying over some stupid guy over a stupid little thing because of a stupid relationship—is happy beyond belief. I wanted that for you.” He pressed his lips together as he shook his head and evade her shock eyes.

And then the silence allowed the two to think of what had just happened. It gave Damian the time to really process what was happening—what he had said and he was shocked at what he had done.

No.

He had just confessed to her.

No.

He looks up at her with a shocked expression, his eyes so wide in realization. He had said aloud the thoughts that have been plaguing him for years, the glimpse of how his thought process has changed as Raven’s relationship with Garfield became a bane of his existence—of what he thought was also her’s and Garfield’s.

Damian’s face pales, wishing he could take back what he had just said and done. The secrets and frustration he had held in was finally said. And it sat between them rather heavily.

“I—” They had spoken at the same time and a pause followed. Damian stared at Raven, unsure who had spoken—was it her or him. Before anything else could be said and done, Damian stormed off with his fist clenched and with long strides close to a dash.

Damian had been punching the sandbag aggressively for almost two hours now following his confession. He was embarrassed and frustrated. And thinking of so many ways to take back what he had said and done. Prior to those thoughts, he had evaluated how he could have handled the situation better.

Damian gave the sandbag a very powerful right punch that the poor weakened sandbag gave in to the hit. His fist was inside the sandbag and as he was about to pull his fist out, the sand spilling out from the hole, he hears Raven calling his name. He turns to his left to look at her with furrowed brows, and her eyes shifts from him and the sand pouring out from the sandbag, her expression worried.

Raven had been calling out for Damian a few times before he had noticed her. If Damian knew he would be greatly disappointed with himself.

“Damian…” She started, her eyes at Damian’s fist that was still half inside the sandbag.

“Look—forget what I had said. I said it to distract you. I did it as my obligation as the team leader.” He says coldly as he fully retracts his fist from the sandbag, more sand pouring out from his action. He looks away from her as he checks his fists in front of him for damage. He was surprised to see that his fist was bruised and bleeding a little. His right hand getting the most damage.

“No.” Raven said as she took a step forward, he turns his head at her with a glare. Raven does not back down. “We need to talk about this.”

Damian was contemplating how to bolt from this situation and Raven could tell his intentions. So, before Damian could act about his thoughts, she grabbed his fists. He flinches.

“Seriously, we can’t have our leader’s fists injured.” She says as she checks his injuries up close, turning his fists in her hands, taking her time. He was quiet but his jaw was clenched and brows so closely knit to each other.

“I—” Raven looks up at him straight into his eyes, Damian is startled as his eyes met hers. “I had noticed your feelings before.” She softly confessed and Damian’s fists clenched, before he could yank his hands away from hers--- Raven firmly held his hands in hers. “I had noticed.” Her expression seemed to have glazed over and she sighed aloud and dispelled her thoughts.

“I had noticed. But it became overlooked as I was more focus on—other things—” And for a moment her eyes glazed over again. “On Gar.” A sad smile on her lips.

“His love overshadowed your little crush on me. I—focused on him and me so much that anything else was just white noise. I forgot that you had a crush—it was just an afterthought that was forgotten.” To Raven, Damian looked as though he wanted to yank his hands off of hers and storm off, but with a clenched jaw he fought not to. “And I am truly sorry.” She says as she heals his hands.

Raven licks her lips and pressed it together but her eyes looking at the ground, “And—yes—our age had been a factor – why I didn’t take you seriously. There was one time that I considered the possibility of dating you. And our age gap--” Raven made a displeased face. “bothered me. And three years, I know it isn’t much,” She glances at Damian. “But it’s undeniable that at some point I was of legal age and you weren’t. And that—that unsettles me. But mostly—it’s because of my love for Garfield-- that made me always overlook your crush. And—I really am sorry.”

Raven was looking at Damian with wavering eyes, she felt guilty, but she was also very sincere on her apology.

‘This,’ She thought. ‘is the final push I needed to really move on from Gar.’ As she lets go of Damian’s hands.

“I hope, everything said and done today—doesn’t affect our relationship—in fact I hope it clarified the things between us.” Raven says dispelling the guilt she had. “You are a great leader Damian, you always think of everyone, and I guess that is why you never said or did anything that could be permanently damaging to the team.”

With that Damian buried the thoughts that he was having, like did he have a chance to be with her now? No—Raven is right—he couldn’t risk the team dynamic.

‘It’s probably why you never attempted to confess to me—to not add to the mess that was Garfield and me.’ Raven had mulled over.

                                                          ~.~.~.~.~

Three months after Damian’s sudden confession, Raven took the initiative to go to Damian who was in his bedroom.

It was rather late at night but she had made a decision already and wanted to tell Damian at this very moment. The room was rather dark but they were both used to it, their eyes adjusted well or maybe even better at dark.

After Damian’s confession, their relationship was rather strained-- how could it not be with such a revelation? But the two worked hard to flatten out the strain and finally they were in a position that was back to normal but never quite the same. But it was perfect—in the oddest way—it was perfect and they were contented.

“Damian, I know it’s late…” Raven rubs her left elbow with her right hand. “But with everything that has happened—I know I have to tell you this now.”

Hearing this Damian was worried. “Please Raven, continue.” He says as he pats the space beside him, on his bed. But she shakes her head in rejection and she avoids his gaze. He understood that the words she was going to say were difficult on her part, and he waited patiently. He quietly observes her as she chewed on her lips and finally sighed.

“I’m planning to leave.” The oxygen in Damian’s room felt like it wasn’t enough for him to breath. And Raven instantly became worried seeing him in a mix of shock and fear. She approached him cautiously, her hand extended towards him. Raven was two steps away from Damian when he suddenly shot up to his feet and she froze as she studies him.

Damian was ashen, his jaw clenched and his fists flexing, but his eyes that was on her—seemed to go through her and in his green eyes she saw him shredding his initial reaction into oblivion. He closes his eyes tightly and took a deep breath and when he exhaled, that was when Raven found herself unfrozen and had touched Damian’s arm. She looks up at him, a fear in the base of her throat that felt like it was going to burst, but he only glances at her in confusion.

“I don’t plan to leave now—I was just making you aware that I will—maybe in a few months.” She blurts out in order to speak before Damian could. “I think it’s for the best—it’s still kind of hard to see Garfield. Especially now—no maybe particularly now—because I really want to move on from him.”

“He will always affect you.” Damian whispered with the smallest hint of resignation. And before Raven could acknowledge it, he adds, “It can’t be helped, our team and Young Justice cross paths now and then—and recently it seems to be more frequent.” His tone was that of a firm leader that Raven completely forgot his previous remark.

“Yes, that is exactly it.” She softly agreed. In the silence that followed she realized that she was still resting her palm on Damian’s arm, she pulls away quickly and looks away from his general direction.

“I’m not planning to leave anytime soon—so you really don’t have to worry about my replacement yet.” She says jokingly but he only quietly nods as he observes her.

Not even a week after Raven’s revelation of leaving due to the difficulty of seeing Garfield, the three found themselves in a room in the Titan Tower. Damian was standing in front of Garfield while Raven stood by Damian’s left side with her arms crossed over her chest. A rather strained triangle was formed between the three.

“We need your help on this Damian, I’m here to try and convince you.” Garfield says. Damian taking notes on Raven from the corner of his eyes. She looked as neutral as she could, but he knew that she must be having difficulties seeing him so soon— with Garfield acting as though him and her were not a thing a few months ago.

“I don’t think I need the convincing, Garfield. If it’s an order from the league I cannot say no to it.” Damian simply responses.

“Well, that is true, but I guess I am here for formalities sake.” He replied but his eyes glance at Raven, who had caught his eyes and so did Damian.

“Raven is my right hand, and she had been in the team the longest. We will discuss how we can best assist and inform our team.” Damian firmly decided, Raven nods her head, arms still crossed.

“Oh—well—” Garfield glances at Raven then Damian, “I thought maybe I could—"

“We need to discuss how best to help as soon and as quickly as possible.” Damian cuts in, and Raven nods again silently. Garfield at this point is blatantly looking at Raven. He had intended to try and talk to her, but it seems that she did not want to.

“I—” Garfield had begun to say.

“We will contact you Gar.” Raven quietly says before Garfield could say anything else.

Maybe she did want to talk to him, it’s just that they were more focus on the mission and intel he had just provided. Garfield thought as he nodded absent-mindedly.

Damian turns to leave and Raven follows before the conversation between the three could be dragged out by Garfield.

Damian walked quickly to his room and Raven followed absent-mindedly. When they arrived in Damian’s room, Raven just stood in the center blankly. Damian clears his throat.

“I know this isn’t the best place to bring you in—” She hears him say and glances at her surroundings, realizing where she was. “But you don’t have to participate if you don’t want to.” Raven simply shakes her head.

“No. I am a part of this team; I am just as responsible as you are Damian.” And he knew her well enough to know that Raven had made up her mind, and that she will not change her mind. If only he had known then, what would happen in the mission-- because he had allowed her to go, then maybe things would be different for him and her.

“I know you wanted to leave because of Garfield—and this happens—if you ever want to leave this mission half-way, I totally understand.” Raven looks at him with a gentle gaze, glad for Damian’s thoughtfulness. But this was work, she should be able to do this mission. And maybe—this should be the last. And she nods as her respond to his offer, little did Damian know Raven was thinking of having this as her last mission as a Titan.

A good way to end a bad relationship she supposed—working one last time with an ex she was trying to avoid.

“I need to call in for a team meeting.” Damian sighs while shaking his head and putting a hand on his forehead. And she smiled faintly at him, but her mind steering back to a green skinned boy, she still knew she loved.

                                                        ~.~.~.~.~

 Damian did not expect things to turn out like this. They were pushed in a corner, the creature facing his direction trying to spot anyone on his side. Tim was somewhere behind the creature tending to a team member who had fallen. Damian was unsure if Tim was tending a Titan or a member of the young justice team from his hiding place behind a car.

Terra attacks the albino twenty-foot creature. And Raven who was on the far side of Damian’s general left area, hears Terra’s battle cry. The next thing Raven knew was a knot in her heart as she heard Garfield who was in vulture form, screaming Terra’s name.

Raven instantly stood up from her hiding place and ran to the center still very far from Damian. She sees Terra’s body being flung to her general direction, Raven caught her by putting a shield around Terra and slowing and protecting her from a dangerous fall. But the act left Raven extremely vulnerable.

Garfield had landed near Damian and shifted back into human form. Raven’s eye caught the black eyes of the creature—if you can call them eyes. And she realized what it was about to do, she placed a force field around herself quickly as she reprimanded herself for her stupid move of going out of her hiding place to help Terra out. She knew completely that her decision was impaired due to Garfield screaming Terra’s name with such fear. She hated herself for being affected by it.

Suddenly—it was quiet. Raven’s face twisted into confusion. The shield around her was up, so why did she feel the blood drain from her? She felt rather weak. She heard Garfield screaming her name—she couldn’t help but smile. Thinking that Garfield could still scream her name the way he did when he screamed Terra’s—was oddly comforting. She turns to look at her left where Damian and Garfield were, confused as she could hear another male call her name.

Raven’s eyes landed on Damian’s face, a contortion of shock and fear and maybe five other more emotions that she could not quite place. He was screaming her name, looking as though any moment now he would run to her. And she was even more confused. She turns back to look at the creature, but her gaze was casted down and that was when she noticed what had happened.

Yes, her shield was up. But there was a black spike that passed through her shield. No—it wasn’t that it passed through, it seemed that her shield allowed it to—or to be exact her shield couldn’t close onto the black spike. She followed where the spike ends after passing her shield, and she was in a state of serenity to see that it hit her-- just below her sternum.

The mix of screams from Damian and Garfield was something she tried to focus her mind on.

Her shield dissipates as she found herself coughing blood, and the black single spike on her chest retracted. She stared at the creature blankly as the spike entered its palm. Raven slowly dropped to her knees; her brows furrowed. She could not think straight.

They were still screaming her name. She turned hear head, initially planning to look at Garfield, finding it so very odd to hear him call out her name the way he was. She never knew that he would be worried about him like that after everything they had been through. But yet again, when she turned her head to the left, as her body tilted back—it was Damian who her eyes laid on.

And her eyes widened as she realized the truth. She could only hear Damian’s screaming now—but she was aware that Garfield was screaming her name too because he was in clear view from where she now laid. But her eyes focus on Damian.

For the first time she had seen and feel Damian in the most fearful version he could be. She could just feel him telling her not to give in. But her eyes were droopy. She felt tired.

And for the first time she truly felt his feelings for her. The rawness—the intensity. How could she have missed it?

Raven tried to extend her hand to Damian, feeling rather guilty—and hoping she was at least able to convey her apology though the act. But it was so very difficult to keep her eyes open.

‘I should have known.’ Raven thought as she tried to keep herself conscious. ’I shouldn’t have taken you for granted. I should have given you the chance—I should have taken the chance sooner to move on from a relationship that did me no good.’ Raven thought she saw Damian running towards her—but maybe it was just an illusion.

‘If there is some other life—I wish to give you a chance. I wish to be happy with you.’

And her eyes fluttered shut. Raven was unsure if she indeed felt her body being lifted up from the ground. But Damian held her gently in his arms. As he glared at the creature’s back who was currently distracted by Tim on the other side.

‘I should have seen and felt you. I am a pathetic empath for missing such an important thing. It was clearly so obvious—and clearly in front of me. You do love me Damian, I wish I could tell you that. You had loved me for the longest time—and I did not notice.

It’s pure and true—it is still love; The love I have been wanting— I’m glad I got it from you.’

Part 2: Reciprocate II: Damian