#anti-poly

When we decide we aren’t polyamorous, given the male defined terms and standards, we are called “old-fashioned” a term that by leftist standards is degrading and humiliating. Radical women do not like being equated with old-fashioned ideas of sexuality, which are laden with inequalities. We are trying to claim our minds, our hearts, and our bodies, and we are also struggling not to be perceived as wanting a home and family. In fact this is not what we want at all. We want relationships in which we are viewed as equals, as humans, and if a family results from that it may be good, but it’s not what we’re looking for. Because of the views towards non-polyamorous relationships I have seen many unwilling women sleep with other men in order to prove that they are not “old-fashioned,” but that they are in fact new, “liberated” women.

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When we decide not to share our beds and our bodies with more then one man we risk being called anti-sexual. Many women I know who choose this path are not anti-sexual, but anti-sexism. They choose to form their own ideas about their sexuality, instead of blindly following a sexual doctrine that they do not find fulfilling. This is the true meaning of sexual liberation. The freedom to say yes or no. The smear campaign against women who say no raises serious questions about whose sexuality is being freed.

[Picture: Background — a ten piece pie color split, alternating teal and cyan. Foreground — A cut-off screenshot of a video game character who is a white male with tied back strawberry blond hair wearing a robe with white feathers covering his shoulders. His eyes are glowing bright cyan, with glowing lines all over his body. It cuts off at his shoulders. Top text: “It's a fact that only 1% of poly relationships ever work out. They never last long.” Bottom text: “I'll start taking your arguments seriously when you stop pulling statistics out of your ass.”]

God, this is a really odd topic. Singlism and anti-poly ahead.

A lot of songs that I like happen to be about love or falling in love, and for the most part, I have no problem with that. Honestly, sometimes it's really nice to listen very intently to the lyrics and think of a story as it progresses with a big smile on my face.

Unfortunately -- and I think Raphael brought this up a while ago -- a lot of it seems to be about this idea that a lover is your whole world. A LOT of media actually seems to do this. the three biggest ideas I can think of that are pushed are:

romanticizing of absolute devastation over loss of lover

your lover being your absolute everything

the concept that finding your One True Love (read: romantic-sexual partner) is going to be the biggest and most important things in your life.

With the first, I'm not denying that heartbreak is awful, not in the least. It hurts for a very long time, and is only worse the more you care about someone. The thing is, that hurt seems to only be acceptable if romance/sex was involved.

Not only that, but there seems to be the idea of suicide or self-harm suddenly being poetic if it was "caused" by it? God, I can't even begin to start on that point, so I'm leaving it be.

With the second idea, there seems to be a lot of praise over the idea of completely idolizing that person and everything thing they do, and you are now one being because of love. It just drives me up a wall. Being a part of the life of somebody you love can be important, but you are still separate people with separate lives. And really, it can start to be very dangerous to make somebody your world. 

All of that ends up being one big finale as the last idea, however. Because, in the end, these are all culminated from thoughts and beliefs that are a part of our culture. And the belief that seems to be the cornerstone to all of this is romantic-sexual love is the Ultimate Goal.

And I don't agree with that at all.

Some people want to live together without marriage, or have several spouses, or have an open relationship. Some people just want to be in love and would never be happy and at their healthiest living with someone or married, or hell, just outright never want a relationship like that. And that's just getting started.

But that's considered wrong. Everyone in that group is considered unhealthy, or they aren't taken seriously. They'll change their minds, they just haven't grown up, on and on and on.

Because one day, every single person is obviously going to want their life to be a silly little love song. That's what everybody wants.