#ansgr

Dear _______.

It's almost 3 a.m… I know I want to sleep, but lately I have this feeling like if sleeping was a waste of time. I wanna do so many things that it seems like I have to stay awake just to experiment the beauty of living, of smelling, of seeing, of singing… 

I also have the sensation that something great is coming. I don't know what or why, but I just feel it. In fact, I don't wanna know when it's going to happen or what it is. Maybe it is just a mechanism and I am using it to stay alive. A couple of years ago I used to though that every human needed a reason to live and I also though that the reason for living ought to be another human being. Now, I realize the only reason to stay alive, the person I need to stay alive for, it's me. I'm living just because it's what I want. I'm living because I want to do everything and the way to accomplish that is just living in the moment, living in the now. 

So, tonight I will just live and I will continue doing it because and only for me. 

So there she was... Pretty as ever, pretty as usual. I saw her and I swear my breathe was took away. Even then, just standing in the other corner of the room, I could not believe she was mine, all mine. I thought to myself: 'you did it'. Then, as if she could read my mind, she turned away, reached me, touched my face and she told me: "no babe, we both did it. I finally found you. I've been looking for you and finally you're here, right beside me". 

I'm so lost and no one tells me where I went or how can I come back. They just shout at me, they ask me to be the same... But how can I be the same... the same? When I was "the same"? I am always changing. We all do, right? right? Because if we aren't changing, then what are we doing? We stop living... "Live!" they say, but no one knows how to. They just DO.