Today I start again. And sometimes I feel like I’m always starting over and trying a new workout or saying I need to go to the gym, or that I’m never going to be successful. And I know it’s important to keep trying, to never give up. But I can’t help but think that I’m such a loser for not being able to lose the weight; for not having the determination to lose the weight. I don’t want to just give in, I can’t. But I can’t keep going on in a body I don’t love. I’m getting close to the 200 lb mark an at only a little over five feet tall it packs a lot on a small frame. And I know that, I know the health repercussions. I worry about getting pregnant and putting more on a small frame. I don’t want to be hurting my body but I love food so much. And I love the food that’s not good for me. Its hard to find a balance. Between working two jobs, being home and trying to get a workout in I’m exhausted and usually the workout doesn’t even get in there. But today, I didn’t eat a ton of junk. And I worked my butt off shoveling with my fiance in the driveway. I need to keep making good decisions. I’m trying to make a plan and follow it. I know it will be hard...and I worry I’m going to fail again...I just can’t.