#annalevine

Deborah told Anna that she was with their grandparents. Anna didn't get it at first. So Deborah explained that she was with their grandparents of their mothers side. Her sister wanted to know why after another moment of silence. Deborah was also a moment silent. Then she gave her reason 'because they helped me so good years ago when...' Deborah stopted talking. Anna didn't know about her pregnancy. She didn't feel ashamed by Evan but she wasn't ready to tell her sister about Evan. Anna already understood and filled in the blanks 'when you studied there for a year?'. Deborah said yes, agreeing to the lie her parents came up with years ago. Anna promosed to tell their parents that she was fine. She was clearly relieved to know that Deborah was safe and sound with her children. Then they both hang up the phone. Deborah let another sigh out of her mouth. It was over. It went well. She was scared for what her father would do if he heared where she was. There, in the bedroom, she prayed that her father wouldn't come after her and that Anna would tell him in a way that he would accept that she had left. After that she went downstairs to be with her children.

The next day it was Deborahs grandmother who started to talk about the village she was raised in and had lived in for the most of her life. She was now so long gone that he family probably would be very worried about her. Deborah had to agree her grandmother even though she didn't want to. It would be the most sensable thing to make contact with her parents. But she wished that it wasn't necessary. What would keep her father from getting her and make her marry with another man. She knew that saying no to him wasn't really an option. And that was exactly what she wanted and was doing. Her father wouldn't appriciate it. Her mother would probably be a bit milder but would agree with her father in the end. She always stood by her husbands side, no matter what. Like Deborah had to stand by Aidans side on so many occiasions while not agreeing with him. The memory gave her chills. She really didn't want to remarry.

With shaking fingers she held onto the phone. She sat in her bedroom to have some peace and quiet to make the call. Deborah gave a deep sigh before typing in the numbers of her parents housephone. Then she pressed the green horn and pressed the phone to her ear. She heared the tone going once, twice. She felt her heart beating very fast in her chest. Finaly she heared the click and then the voice of her sister, Anna. Deborah sighted again. She said her name and waited for her sister to react. After a moment of silence her sister asked 'where are you!?'.

Deborah had hoped that after the funeral things would settle down. Nothing of that was true. A lot more things had to be handled. Her father did most of it but he reguarly sat down with her to discuss some things. She rather not talk about it but she had no choice. If her father wanted to talk then she had to listen.

One night he told her that she would better marry again quickly because she wouldn't make it any other way. He was already on the look out for a man who could support her family financially and was willing to marry her. Deborah notted with her head. She didn't have a choice. Again. Again she had to marry.

She didn't say anything to Anna that night. Anna was such a good help to her. So much more then Aidan had ever been. She was still there every day helping her with the children and the house. No words could express how much she appriacted her sisters help. But she couldn't talk with her about the message of her father.

That night in bed she couldn't stop thinking about it. She didn't want to marry again. With eight children here, Evan far away she had enough. Not getting married in a few months and then getting pregnant again. No more of it. She had enough. If only she could live in the house and take care of her children. That was all she asked. Ofcourse she understood that she had to have money. She couldn't start working. With no experience she wouldn't get a job. And who would take care of the children and teach them if she was away working? Maybe her father was right and she better could get married again. Hopefully he would find a better candidate then last time. Maybe someone who would help more with the children.

It wasn't long until both her father and Anna showed up. Anna went off to take care of the children while her father stayed with her. She didn't talk to him. She didn't really listen him either when he talked. Deborah just sat there, breathing in and out. Aidan was dead. She was a widow. She wanted to go to her grandmother but the distance between them seemed even bigger.

The days that followed Aidans dead went by fast and in a rush. She didn't remember very clearly what was happening. Her father did most of the organising. When he asked her questions they were often yes or no questions. That was easy. Just saying yes or no. She couldn't cry much. Sometimes she was angry with Aidan. For passing away on her birthday or leaving her behind with eight children. Most of the time she couldn't care anymore. The funeral was a very sad day. Everybody cried but just as the last funeral she went to, Deborah didn't. She could only stare in silence at the chest of Aidan. His parents were very sad just as his sisters were. The people from church were shocked by the sudden death of their pastor.

Deborah was very thankful for Anna. She cared for her children as they were her own. Deborah just had to take care of herself and Camilla. She didn't abandon her children but it was nice to finaly have someone there to help her. Deborah listend to the pastor her father had flown over for the funeral. Who ever would take over Aidans spot as pastor was yet unkown. She didn't care who would. Like nothing really seemed relevant to her besides her children.

It was nice to be back home with Andrew. Deborah settled in the bedroom with him close by or in her arms. She enjoyed the peace with her son. Ofcourse he cried reguarly but that didn't scare her. Taking care of younger siblings for years taught her how to handle a crying child. She took care of Andrew with everything she had in her.

When visitors came by she didn't like to give Andrew to one of them. She often refused to let them hold him. Some thought it was weird for her to not let them hold him. Others were very accepting and thought she was a wonderful caring mother. Aidan didn't like it that she didn't want anybody else to hold him. He wanted to show off his son. Deborah thought a baby wasn't to show off with, it was a precious gift to care for. With aversion she allowed him from time to time to show off Andrew to others.

Then it was time for Ruths birthday. It was a day Deborah kind of felt conflicted about. The birth of her little sister two years ago was happy but the things that happend afterwards weren't. She tried not to think about it and her mother made it easy for her by annoucing another pregnancy. Like most of her sisters, Deborah wasn't really counting on her mother having another baby. She was already a bit older and Deborah had thought that she was too old to have another baby. Apparently she wasn't. They recieved the news with happiness. It would be baby #19 for her parents and it would come in the summer.

When everbody was a bit used to the idea that there would be another sibling they started to think about the three grandchildren of her parents that had to say aunt or uncle to this baby. Aidan said he hoped that in twenty years he would be in the same position. Deborah paniced by the thought of baring nineteen children. Twenty years of pregnancy after pregnancy. She felt a bit done already and this was only her second pregnancy and it would be her first baby to take care of. Last time she didn't have a baby to look after while recovering from childbirth. That would be a whole different story this time. Just the nights alone would be completly different.

That same afternoon she went by her parents house. Deborah was greated very enthousiastic by her siblings as she had expected them to do. Peter wouldn't leave her side one second. Deborah enjoyed hugging him. She enjoyed spending time with all of her siblings. It was nice to see them all again. Even though she enjoyed her own quiet house, she loved her siblings very much and loved spending time with them. She loved listening to their stories. She even got to hold Shiloh for a while. Shiloh was almost two months old and would soon start to smile. For now she looked very seriously around her.

Deborah also talked with Anna during her visit. Anna was very relieved with her visit. Deborah asked how it all went without her help. She knew how much of the care for their siblings was now on her sholders. Elisabeth was still buzy with learning for the test Deborah did a year ago. Hadassa was learning how to take care of the little ones but still had to learn a lot. Most of it was now for Anna who was the only older sister left at home. Deborah felt sorry for her. She was the oldest and maybe she had expected to be the one to marry first. Hopefully she would find a husband soon too. Deborah promissed to swing by again soon. Anna was thankful.

Bernice and Christina also came by to see Shiloh. They loved seeing their little sister. Deborah felt weird seeing her sisters now that they were married ladies. They told her that being married wasn't as fun as it may sound. They were bored by not having little brothers and sisters to look after anymore. Deborah was surprised by that. She wasn't that bored when she stayed with her grandparents. Cooking, baking, going for walks and visits to her greatgrandparents. Most of the time she still hadn't enough time to do everything she wanted to do. So she didn't worry about one thing, living alone with Aidan in one house. She would be fine having no siblings to look after. Bernice and Christina both hoped that they would get pregnant soon so they would have their own baby to care for. Deborahs siblings asked them that question every time if they came over. If there were already pregnant. Deborah felt bad when they started asking that question but Bernice and Christina laughed about it although the answer was still no.

There was one more thing that brought pain to Deborah. Her brothers and sisters discussing who would have the first cousin. Deborah knew they already had one but they would never know about him.