#annafeelsempty

So what’s happened since last time we spoke? Well I’ve been working as a cleaning girl at a hotel. I worked there for three weeks… then I quit. Partly because I couldn’t stand the people I worked with. And okay here you’re gonna have a truth that I’ve told no one.

I talked with my parents and friends about how I hated the job, and I may have over exaggerated the reasons to hate my job. Don’t get me wrong, the place was literally hell on earth, and I mean you have to be really tough to work at a place like that… and I’m not really tough… I’m more squishy… like a snail… or a serving of pudding…

So when I came home crying after having overheard my coworkers talking behind my back. Saying how bad and slow at my job I was I decided to quit.

I told my parents that they had said I was bad at my job, but I also told them that they’d said I was fat and ugly… a complete lie because they hadn’t even mentioned it… Maybe it was a reflection of how bad I felt about myself… or how bad this work place had made me feel about myself…. Anyway, I was mad at this place, I was mad at my boss and his boss… and just everyone! This place was filled with fucking back-stabbers and snobby bitches… and I wanted to go down with a bang.

So I wrote to the guy who owned the place that I’d been called fat and ugly, and that all the workers talked trash about eachother and even him (which is actually true) and I told him that the work dynamic was shit and everyone were fucking fake (again this is true), and then I said that I was quitting.

The problem is that I am terrified that someone from my work will come and find me. I mean I live in a tiny town, and everyone knows everyone. But hopefully I am moving out of this town soon, so… but still when someone with a withheld number calls my phone I don’t pick up… I shouldn’t be afraid of them, because they have probably already forgot me and stuff… but I am. I am actually afraid.

  So in other news I’ve been partying a lot more these days. And I’ve been in what we call ‘the street’ twice.  The street is this whole street full of clubs and bars, it’s about one hour away from my home (if you’re driving in a car, that is). The last time I was partying there I was with my friend Anna2. Anna2 never really moved on from our school time, she still gets high everyday and so we got high out of our brains and went clubbing after that. I was so high I don’t really remember walking to the clubs… but yeah we had a bunch of fun. It’s awesome going out with Anna2 because we like the same bars and the same kinda guys… longhaired with beards, not like gimli kinda guys… more like Aragorn or like the model Austin Davis.

  So we party and have a good time, and then the bars are closing around us… at this time it was 8 in the morning and bright sun outside… so yeah it was natural that the bars were closing. Anyway we go down to the harbor and she starts making out with a guy she’d brought with her… and I don’t like the guy’s friend enough to want to kiss him so I bail on them. I go over to a small group of guys sitting and watching the ocean, and I sit down.

I tell them that I’d come to hang out because my friend was making out with a stranger.

They were cool with me being there and asked if I wanted to jump in the harbor with me.

It is massively illegal to jump in the harbor but they have wet hair and have obviously already been in once. I told them I didn’t know if it was a good idea, they said that we should all be naked.

Out of the blue two of the guys took their clothes off and jumped in, it looked like so much fun that it wasn’t hard for the last guy to convince me that it was a good idea. I said I didn’t want to be naked in the water with them, and I kept my panties on.. and borrowed his tshirt.

I jumped in, and the water was actually warm… which was a nice surprise.

We splashed around for a while and Anna2 went home with the guy she was making out with so I was stuck on the habor. When we got up again I was cold and I had no place to go, so one of the guys offered me to come home with him… or well he practically forced me, promising me a warm shower and a bed…

Needless to say that I had sex with him that night, I don’t really remember his name, or his address but still I regret nothing. He wasn’t as good a shag as Drunkbilly, because I had no emotional attachment to him. And he was kinda weird and it was basically a pity-shag.

I mean the guy was a fucking freak. He was sweating so much that he was actually dripping on my stomach… like what the fuck!?  And he just took ages to come.. I mean I got so tired of faking it that I nearly just asked him to stop.

But eventually he did come and I got to sleep… but then only an hour later I wake up because he’s humping me… and then he wants to fuck again. I guess I was drunk enough to think that it would be easier if I just faked it even more then he’d be done faster… also he was just so pathetic and I felt so bad for him.

Almost at the end of the second shag he gets up on his feet and starts to masturbate… I ask him what the hell he’s doing and he asks if he can come on my face. I tell no he cannot, and then he asks me to suck his dick and I tell him no. At this point my pity and and patience at this point runs on zero.

He asks what he can get to do with me, and I tell him that he can shag me like a regular person if he can control his sweat enough to not drip on me.

So he finishes and I wait until he’s asleep to flee the place.

What a freak.

  So anyway that’s pretty much what’s been going on in my life right now… well that and existential crisises and stuff like that… applying for every job in the book and getting only rejections… and applying for every education in the book and getting only rejections. So yeah. I guess that’s what’s happening in my part of the world right now. I’m kinda depressed over all of this, but also in a weird way I can’t bring myself to care that much.

Okay I am signing out now, thanks for listening blog, you da best *insert passive emoticon.