#anna jung

Laura watched the Bridgeport lights on the way home. From time to time, Lorena looked quickly to see if everything was okay, because since they left the hospital, she didn't say a word. In fact, it wasn't necessary. The pain was so strong you could feel it too. The car stopped in front of the building and for a while, she was there, staring out the window as if trying to assimilate all this, but it was too confusing. She couldn’t talk. Not because she didn’t want to, but there were no words. None she could use to express not only what she lost, but what she felt, what she went through and the fear of what lay ahead. Wasn’t a new situation because in recent times she had to learn to hold it all by herself, to hide her own feelings because... it was the most appropriate. But now it was a new level, the biggest challenge of all, and to be honest, she wondered if she really could. But she just needed a shower, lots of tears, and she already knew what to say. When Anna arrived, she had passed the story on so many times to herself that it seemed true. And well, her sister wasn’t really conscious about everything going on around her. André's death was so, so recent. Anna still had difficulty doing her daily activities, Laura was trying to get her out of bed, sometimes unsuccessfully. Lots of nausea and constant headaches. And at times it all seemed fine, but then she would just stop and remember something and everything would start over. Small steps, one after another. Sometimes Laura approached her, her words almost slipping through her mouth. But then Anna's blank stare met hers and... how to add yet another burden to someone who can barely carry her own? Difficult... Time would take care of things. At least she hoped. In fact, every night was easier to sleep. The pain was still there (and probably for a lifetime) but it starts to be part of you, it's not something extraordinary anymore. And well... life didn’t give her time to think hard about how to act. Only two weeks later, Laura began to suspect what Anna felt was much more than a reaction to mourning. And it was just the last of the four pregnancy tests she bought that confirmed what she already imagined: Anna was pregnant. Was it enough? No. Lucas was still in her orbit and it was common to leave home looking everywhere, afraid that something would happen. Life has become very simple. Home, work, work, home. Things weren’t fun anymore. The smiles began to fade, laughter was rare, the city was even grayer and the air always heavy. You go on, without thinking. The cherry on top of that awful situation was seeing Austin again. Not only because of all things lived, not spoken, hidden or repressed. He wasn’t alone! Yeah... He wasn’t alone. But sometimes, when things get to an unbearable point is when you also realize you need to do something about it.

Okay, here we go... [nods slowly]

“I was told it would be interesting to keep a diary. So I'm here, trying. Since it all happened I… [sighs] I have bad days and some not so bad days. Today I could even say that it was an amazing one if you were there with me. So I'm going to say it's a happy day. “ [begins to tap the pen in the notebook, nervously] “Can I confess something? I've never had a diary before, not even when I was a teenager. I was ashamed even to tell my feelings to a piece of paper. So look, I'm making progress!”

I feel so silly...

[drops the notebook on the bed and begins to walk around the room] This is so stupid. I need a tea. [Outside, it starts to rain. While waiting for the water to boil, she follows the raindrops with her eyes, drawing shapes in the window… “He loved rainy days”. And then she goes back to the bedroom with the mug.]

“I was so nervous, I couldn’t sleep at night. I still don’t feel the baby move, it's too early, so I keep wondering if everything's okay. If I don’t feel nausea in a day, I get into a paranoia that maybe something is wrong, for example. You know me…” “I can’t wait to feel him moving. It’s “him”, a boy! When I heard this, I wondered how you would react. I'll never know.”

[Stop writing for a few seconds] “I don’t know if you would like that but, his first name will be André. I don’t want him to ever forget his father, he'll always be with you.” 

“I'm going to the psychologist every week, they force me. Well, you know. At first I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say! So I remembered how you said it helped you so much, and you were right. I did it for you, but now I see it for myself. But I still feel so weak, so lonely... I don’t have much time. Will I get better before André born?”

“What if I have a horrible day and can’t get out of bed? I'm so afraid, so much. Because now I can’t, sometimes.”

“I'm trying to be strong, I want you to feel proud of me.”

Once in Sunset Valley, a long time ago, Laura went with her father and siblings to the beach on the last day of school vacations. The sea was quite agitated and as Ralph put sunscreen on her freckled cheeks, he was telling that toothless little girl that it was better she just keep playing in the sand that day.

“Dad, Ann and Ben are in the water!”, she complained. “I know. They are older.” “But I'm older too! I can!” “Not so much to follow Ann and Ben.” He said, giving her the sand bucket. “Stay here with Jonas. He's so excited to play with you, isn’t Jon?”. And she rolled her eyes as she looked at her younger brother trying to eat sand. An "Okaaaaaay" came out, sounding defeated.

And she actually played in the sand... until she realized when Ralph was focused enough taking more sand from Jonas's mouth so... she would run into the sea! The last day, she couldn’t lose! But as soon as she got into the water, she realized: that was a big mistake! She’d never seen such a strong current, it was more than her legs could handle. It was hard to stand. She tried to take a step back to a safe return to the sand, but oh, she fell into a hole! The only thing she could see was a huge wave covering her head.

It was all very fast (a matter of seconds) but when these things happen, we lose track of time. Especially if we are a child. She never forgot what she felt in that situation: Everything went dark and she was suffocating. Something compressed her chest so hard, her head aching too much! But in that short space of time, she thought about how embarrassing that thing was... Too presumptuous to hear her father. In a sudden, she realized how small she was... That was more than she could bear. The air was gone. She thought she was going to die. And when she was desperately trying to climb to the surface, something was pulling her up fast.

Coughing, with her eyes and nose burning, she looked through her messy hair and saw Ralph with a frightened face. "I’m so sorry!" she said through sobs as her father wrapped her in a towel. He didn’t have to say anything, she knew she was wrong (though, of course, he said). And for a long time she was mulling over that awful decision.

It was that horrible and awful feeling exactly what she was feeling at that moment. She was beginning to wonder if she hadn’t been too audacious... Her life had been in chaos since she arrived in Bridgeport.

The waves came, louder and louder, one after the other. And this time, there was no Ralph to pull her out. She’d have to save herself. But when she thought she was almost on the surface, seeing the light, almost being able to feel the fresh air, she fell into a hole again.

[theme song]

Hey wow! This question ♥o♥

Okay, let’s go! You know how Austin story is full of neglect and lack of love. I can tell you who he loved the most is Ellowyne. It’s the first time he experienced a first sight love and he feels it’s mutual. This is A LOT right? You can imagine for a person who never experienced being loved how it is. It’s HUGE.He loved Amber in a way, but was not the same as he never had nothing like this in exchange. It’s different. So, he is really in love with Ellowyne.

About who had the strongest feelings for him, it’s hard for me answer for @doka-chan character ♥, hahha. BUT, I know Ello loves him in the same way. We can see this! No one had ever loved him this way. It’s so beautiful! ^^But we can’t forgot Laura too. Because, with all that happened, she felt so connected with him so yeah, she loves him A LOT. It’s a different kind of love since they have different experiences with him. Love is never the same.

And Anna: “In the very beginning of pregnancy, I was in the mood to eat a lot of chocolate. Not pure chocolate, it needed to be with caramel, hazelnuts, cookies or dried fruit. I thought it was because I was so depressed, and maybe it is…When the nausea began, I could only drink sparkling water, eat salads and jelly beans. Any heavier food was going out (I’m sorry about that …).But the biggest craving so far was for candy apple! I was almost crazy trying to find some in Bridgeport but Laura looked for a recipe in a site and we went to the kitchen. In the end, we missed the proportions and did too much! But it wasn’t a problem because I ate almost all of them alone.I swear, nothing ever felt so good.”