MAKING ANOTHER POST ABOUT THE MILLION POUND QUESTION: DOES SLEEPYTINYANGYCUTIEBEAN HAVE AUTISM OR IS SHE JUST CRAZY AND LWK IN NEED OF AN ACTUAL JOB INSTEAD OF BEING THE MOST BRAINROTTED PERPETUALLY ONLINE CHUD IN EXISTENCE!! <3 THIS IS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AT SCHOOL AND HOW THIS ALL STARTED
ok so basically on 04/02/26 (i use the british way of writing dates so that would be the 4th of feb this year) i was starting my period 3 lesson and it was a bio pratcical, for context i had 2 tests that day (chem p4 and maths p5) and i wanted to do super well on both of them
the bio practical was a heart dissection and not like the one in y9 where you split the heart in two and then goof around/poke holes in the heart/eat a bit of it because your friend dared you to and if you did they'd give you £50 (someone in our year did that, idk who exactly but yeah, yucky), it was a SERIOUS one with a whole ass VIDEO, it was a pag as well (practical assessed grade = if you screw up one thing, you're DONE) so we had to lock in, me and my partner had sterilised our table so the sterile field was very sterile and we had gotten our paper plate with the heart and other instruments: forceps, microneedle and scalpel
JUST AS WE WERE ABOUT TO START i got taken outside and was taken down to one of the safeguarding team's offices, the person who i was seeing was a member of the SEN team too (the head of the SEN team i believe) and before anyone decides to throttle me online, SEN IS WHAT THE SCHOOL USE AND I'M USING TERMS THAT MY SCHOOL USES OK, JUST BECAUSE IM USING THESE HERE DOESNT MEAN I USE THEM PERSONALLY OK?? WE GOOD??? let's continue
EXTRA CONTEXT TIME (in PINK): now at first i thought that this was to do with something that happened a couple of weeks/months prior to the 4th of feb: at the time i was writing my epq on sleeping medication and our school has a filtering system when u search stuff up on their wifi and i was reading this book for research purposes only called "the dark side of sleeping pills" by a guy called dr daniel kripke (SUPER INTERESTING BOOK, I LOVE THE SCIENCE AND EVERYTHING) and when i searched it up, i got flagged for self-harm and given my previous history with pills... :,) basically, i was called in one form time to the head of the sixth form's office and she was asking me stuff like "r u trying to harm urself? r u trying to overdose?" like, ma'am no ;-; once upon a time yes but NO, NOT ANYMORE D: so i had to tell them it was abt my epq and stuff and it was very awkward ( @untitled-wxs-mp3, you may remember when i told u abt this)
back to the story, so i thought i was called in because i got flagged somehow again and i was prepared to explain that it was just my epq, nothing serious, im not trying to kms or anything and then the SEN head asked: "how much do u know about the neurodivergent spec?" now i was able to infer from this question that maybe she was going to ask if i was neurodivergent but honestly, i just wanted to confirm so i answered her question and i know basic stuff but obviously not a lot, most of what i know about autism in general is from @untitled-wxs-mp3
side note: CAN WE ALL PUT IN THE COMMENTS "WE LOVE YOU @untitled-wxs-mp3 <3" PLS, she's my bestie and she's one of the nicest people on the planet ever, like, i have asked people if they hate her and NOBODY has said yes >:3
anyway going back to the question, the SEN head drops the bomb and she's like: "yo [redacted] we think u may display traits of autism" and i was a little taken aback but i was like "ok...? do my parents know...?" at the time, i thought that my parents didnt know about this and i did honestly think that the school was lwk tapped (I STILL THINK THE SCHOOL IS TAPPED BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I AM AUTISTIC, I'M PROBABLY OVERREACTING) so i was like "do my parents know" and that's when they dropped the BIGGEST HYDROGEN BOMB IN EXISTENCE:
my parents knew
WOEUHROWEHROIEWHROUEHROE3HURH34ORGIU34GRUO34HOURJE3FI3HFOI34JFIOM3UFPNY3498F AAAAAASSSSSASFDHWGFEDUYWGEWEGIURB34IR934YRI234IRUNH23UIH2I34NHFIU AAAAAHDJKDKWEHRWEJRJUWEOJMRO3NFUIG34OIUFBUIYRFHIU2RNFI2RFIUYR2GFUFUG2GIOG34RU43RIO3
(what you are seeing right now is a textual representation of what happened inside my head, can you make sense of it? no. that's the whole point. NOTHING MADE SENSE)
so then they were saying stuff about how it's nothing to be ashamed about (man, i've heard this one before) and how you shouldn't feel like it's a bad thing (bro if i said autism was bad then wouldn't that be insulting @untitled-wxs-mp3?? i'm good miss ;-;) and they asked me if i wanted to get a diagnosis and bc prior to this ive heard about how getting a formal diagnosis had HELLA long waiting times and stuff, i wanted to see if that's acc true (WHICH IT IS) and i wanted to know what it was like so i said ye
i came back p3 bio and my partner cut the heart weird, i was lost, i hated everyone, everything was loud and then i did my chem test p4 and my bio teacher was in the class next to us and they were shouting at the y7s and they were shouting SO LOUDLY that i could literally hear that they were getting a detention for being so loud so HALFWAY THROUGH THE FREAKING TEST I HAD TO MIGRATE OUT TO THE CORRIDOR where there was a fish tank (cute fishies) BUT THE FISH TANK MADE THIS STUPID ANNOYING BUZZING SOUND AND I GENUINELY WANTED TO RIP OFF MY EARS (spoiler: i did well on the test, yaaayyyy, organic chemistry is better than inorganic!!!!) and then there was the p5 maths test that went horrendous. i couldn't stop thinking about what the SEN head said and i told myself "you need to STAHP. they're probably wrong." I STILL THINK TO THIS DAY THAT THEY ARE WRONG and then i did horrid in the maths test and i cried ._.
tw angybean
so then i called my parents after school because i was understandably annoyed and lwk angry because if i AM autistic (im probably not) then THEY HAVE BEEN LYING TO ME FOR THE PAST 17 YEARS OF MY LIFE
FOR YEARS AND YEARS I THOUGHT THAT EVERYTHING TO DO WITH MY TONE AND MY FACE WAS MY FAULT AND I'D ALWAYS FEEL LIKE A POS BECAUSE I COULD NEVER GET THINGS RIGHT, LIKE, EITHER I LOOK ANGRY OR I SPEAK LIKE I'M GONNA FIGHT SOMEONE OR I TAKE THINGS TO PERSONALLY AND WHEN I TALKED ABOUT THIS A FRIEND AND THEY SAID "oh it's probably better this way" NO. SHUT. THE. HELLY. UP. YOU GOT TOLD EARLIER AND YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO FIND OUT OVER A FREAKING PHONECALL
A FREAKING PHONECALL AFTER TAKING TWO TESTS, POSSIBLY FAILING A PRACTICAL (i did fail the practical btw) AND CRASHING OUT AFTER MY MATHS LESSON! YOU'VE HAD TIME TO ADAPT TO SHIT AND LOOK AT ME!!!
YOU KNEW SINCE YOU WERE IN Y7 AND YOUR PARENTS MADE THE EFFORT TO GET U DIAGNOSED WHEN U WERE 3 OK? NOT THE SAME THING
im sorry, i js dont rly wanna hear that when i get told about this over a phonecall, like, the only reason my parents r getting me tested was that if i did have autism, i'd have extra support at uni and stuff and they wouldnt have gotten me tested for any other reason, they'd have just kept it from me for the rest of my freaking life
angybean section over
so my dad confirmed that yeah, him and my mum suspected this since i was 3 (wtf, i know) and they then got me to do a test with some educational psychologist person (i vaguely remember it? i thought it was an entrance exam or smth idk) and they said to get me tested and my parents refused bc theyre like "oh we want her to have a normal life" which, fair enough ig bc if they did try to get me support, well... from what ive seen abt my mooties who have autism, some of them have NOT been treated well for it (which is absolutely HORRIBLE) so that made sense and then again, i did manage to make friends in primary school and i made a friend in secondary ( @untitled-wxs-mp3 :D) and then i got alr gcses and predicted a-level grades and stuff so extra support would prolly hold me back? i honestly don't know at this point, it's whatever ._. but like, once upon a time you all acted like it was ME who was the strange alien monster who did something wrong when my y3 teacher arranged a meeting with my mum to discuss how i sound like im "snapping" at her
tw angybean alert
I'M SORRY YOU'RE TOO SENSITIVE, YOU CRUSTY OLD WANKER D:< CAN'T HANDLE A Y3? GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE SCHOOL SYSTEM
AND IF YOU HAD JUST GOTTEN ME DIAGNOSED, I WOULDNT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ALL THE PRESSURE OF HAVING TO MIND MY TONE AROUND YOU WHEN YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH SHOUTING AT ME SCOT-FREE
angybean over
then my mum had this long ass convo about how it's fine to be this way (IVE HEARD THIS ONE MILLION TIMES OK??) and i was honestly tapping out
fast forward to idk how many weeks/months later but basically there was this sheet that i had to fill in and i filled it in twice because the first time, i thought that because of all the deliberation in my head that i was doing about whether i have autism or not was starting to swing me in the "i have autism" stream of thinking without a proper diagnosis and i'm no professional so like, i can't comment on that! i'm not even a med student yet (IT'S NOT A MATTER OF IF, IT'S A MATTER OF WHEN) so i purposefully underscored myself on the sheet and then i did it again based on what i actually thought and i still think im lying and just larping around, i genuinely dont know what to think of myself and the boxes made everything too hard to answer because sometimes i didn't know where to put myself
yeah, now idk what's going to happen, my dad sent the thing and we saw a gp later to book a referral and that's going to happen in december ;-;
imagine if i go all the way there just to be told im neurotypical :,)
i'd lwk look like a fool </3
i am so sorry for the amount of times i popped off in this explanation/braindump/whatever shart this is ;-; i wish i could do it in real life but i can't because 1) i'd be shut down immediately and shouted at and 2) i'm too cowardly to
yeah. that's what happened o_o
on a much nicer note, my dad bought popeyes today!! :D pink lemonade was yumyum and chicken nuggets were yumyum and the fries were yumyum and im full so i cant eat the burger but i saved half of everything i ate for tmr so i can enjoyyyyy <3
tagging my mooties because i can and also this is important context to figure out this peculiar question:
@yashtheartistic, @untitled-wxs-mp3, @hpdamechan, @your-imaginary-guardian-angel, @yourturnyourtricks, @plywood-rot, @sunnysungoof, @infested-carcass, @creamcrepesdotcom, @cak3guy1ss1gm4, @red-leaderz, @animal-gal-adventures, @dragonsbloodspilled, @floralflaying, @miata-go-kaboom, @maskedreverie, @belladonna-light, @x-kangelkawaiii-x, @nekoqueenalice, @severely-artsy-smoke, @koiisockz, @himepups, @toynbeetile + anyone else!! (open tags)
if u don't wanna be tagged pls pls PLS lmk right away and i will not tag u <3
i fear that i have reached the amount of moots where i can't remember everyone's user so i need to firmly formalise the groupings i made so i can remember them all ;-;
