#kayabeth

The lilt of Angus’ voice played through Elsbeth’s TV speakers as she and Kaya bit off bites of an assortment of chocolates.

“Voicemail again?” Kaya asked, the crack of hard chocolate popping in her mouth as dark chocolate melted between her fingers

“Yeah. It’s so weird, he just…left.”

“Musicians. I told you, you can’t trust them. Trust me, I know.”

The soft sound of Angus’ voicemail sounded as Elsbeth set her phone on her desk. The music was turned off and silence filled the room.

“Maybe I read it wrong. Maybe I just…I don’t know.”

Kaya hated seeing Elsbeth heartbroken. She wished she could do something to cheer her up. It was Elsbeth’s favorite time of the year. Well, one of them. Elsbeth loved love. She loved romance and she wanted it so badly.

Kaya had been searching for someone for Elsbeth ever since they talked about her starting to look for love again. She knew what Elsbeth liked, what she hated, how to get her back on track, her favorite quirks about the woman. How headstrong she was and how empathetic she was. She wanted Elsbeth to find love. To find love with someone who truly loved her back. Someone who wouldn’t hold divorce over her. Someone who understood her and who would listen to her when she needed to list off her thoughts to make room in her brain. Someone who loved her for her and never wanted to change her. She felt that she would be a good wingwoman. But she also wanted to find someone perfect for Elsbeth. No one was good enough for her. No one she’d met anyway.

Elsbeth knew what she wanted. In truth, Elsbeth knew who she wanted. She’d found them out of nowhere. It happened like how everyone said it would. She found her when she wasn’t expecting it. She fell in love after nights of froyo and Chinese takeout. She fell in love after watching her with Gonzo. Working case after case. She found Kaya without knowing she wanted anyone to begin with.

“I’m sorry, Elsbeth. I know you really liked him.”

The redhead gave a dreary smile, repositioning herself in her chair.

“It’s okay. He lives all the way in Scotland anyway, I mean how would we make that work? It’s…silly.”

Elsbeth’s outward emotions competed against her words as she promised she was okay. Her eyes tearing up and her lip quivering. She wanted someone for herself. She wanted to choose herself for once. She wasn’t a selfish person but on a day like Valentine's day she didn’t like being alone. She wasn’t alone, she was with Kaya. But she wasn’t with Kaya.

“Oh, Elsbeth,” Kaya pushed her chair over to Elsbeth’s side of the table and hugged her.

“I’m sorry, this isn’t a fun way to spend Valentine's Day,” Elsbeth cried.

“Elsbeth, you deserve someone who loves you and understands you. Not that Angus didn’t. But you’ll find someone here. There are millions of people in New York.”

“I know. I just thought... I don’t know.”

Kaya’s head leaned onto Elsbeth’s arm in response. Elsbeth’s head leaned atop hers.

“Anyone would be lucky to have you,” Kaya smiled. She could feel Elsbeth release a small giggle as she smiled.

“You too.”

Elsbeth didn’t notice Kaya’s response to that. Suddenly she felt her heart jump and she needed to change the subject. She knew what the next question would be.

“Hey, how is it going with your…tenant?” Elsbeth gave a big smile, knowing Kaya had given some thought about the man.

“Oh- oh no. He’s just my tenant, we're not…we’re not together.”

“Oh. I thought you really liked him.”

“I- I do. You know, as a friend. We’re not that close.”

Part of Elsbeth wanted Kaya to like him. It would give her an excuse to get over Kaya.

“You two would be cute together.”

“Just not for me. But he’s sweet.”

Elsbeth didn’t know what else to say. She’d started to open a can of worms that she didn’t mean to.

“What’s wrong?”

Elsbeth didn’t realize that Kaya was studying her face. A big tell of hers. She had to think fast now.

“Nothing. I’m just…tired. I think.” Elsbeth could feel tears in her eyes and hoped that because she still had most of her vision that maybe it wasn’t noticeable.

“Elsbeth?”

Suddenly Elsbeth’s mind couldn’t decide what it wanted to do. Tell her, change the subject, tell a little white lie, just…cry.

“Wait, Elsbeth? W- what’s going on? Tell me-“

“I like you…Kaya,” Elsbeth blurted.

“Shit” she thought. “You’d done so well, what changed?”

Kaya locked eyes with Elsbeth’s. She’d looked into these gemstone colored eyes hundreds of times but she’d never seen them like this. She was scared shittless right now. She was embarrassed, she was vulnerable.

“What?” was all Kaya could get out. It croaked through her vocal chords and she could feel a lump in her throat. Now she didn’t know what to do.

“I’m, sorry, I didn’t mean to say that I…I mean I did I just-“ Elsbeth flailed her hands as she tried to distract herself. She began to pick up the trash on her desk. Papers that heart shaped chocolates were wrapped in. Of all the days in the year and this was the day she decided to blurt that out? How dumb could she be?

“Oh- n-no don’t cry. I don’t understand, what do you mean?”

Elsbeth’s breath hitched and out it poured. She’d already said it and there was no taking it back.

“Kaya I like you in a way I don’t think you like me. And that’s okay, I’ve kept it to myself for a long time. Every time you nudge me towards another person it reminds me that I won’t have what I want and I want…I want you.”

“E-Elsbeth I-“

“I have to go. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said any of that. I- I really have to go.”

Elsbeth stood, tears in her eyes as she tried to flee. She feverishly began to grab tote bags, jackets, hats, whatever she could to leave. Nothing was working for her, the coat rack almost falling on top of her. Her totes got wrapped up and her scarf wrapped around her wrist is what pulled the coat rack down.

“Elsbeth, wait.” Kaya quickly tried to help Elsbeth with the large pole that fell towards the woman.

Elsbeth gave up. Her white flag was waving high and she just had to stand there and let Kaya help her.

“I…I didn’t know you…I-.”

“I didn’t either. I don’t- I um. And…” Elsbeth took a deep breath to calm her nerves. She couldn’t believe she was doing this. “And then I met you.”

Elsbeth released an exhale. Kaya pushed the coat rack back and placed her hands on Elsbeth’s arms.

“I love you, Kaya,” she finally choked out. “And I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable about that. I’m sorry I let it get this far I just- I thought I was over you when I met Angus and that- and It…”

“Over me?”

“It’s not. It’s- I’m sorry. I pushed those guys towards you because I thought that was what you wanted and you saying that you were ready for something new- and I was just trying to cover myself and I didn’t- and-“

“Elsbeth.”

Kaya tried to calm the woman so she could say her piece but Elsbeth rambled with apology after apology. She gave more and more reasons and wanted to hide. She wanted to become invisible. Hard to do wearing pink from top to bottom.

Kaya’s thumb brushed away tears that fell down Elsbeth’s cheek as her head gently fell into the palm of Kaya’s hand. She didn’t have the energy anymore to lie. She didn’t want to pretend anymore. She wanted to be selfish. She wanted the woman she’d fallen in love with out of the blue. Someone she never thought she’d fall in love with but she did.

“I’m sorry,” Elsbeth whispered. “I think I should go.”

“Stay.”

Elsbeth watched in slow motion as Kaya leaned in. Her eyes widened and suddenly buttery lips hit hers. She was so overstimulated that she just cried. She felt so bad for making Kaya feel uncomfortable. That she made Kaya feel like she had to lie to keep her on the ground. This isn’t how she wanted this to go. She didn’t want to be crying while she clung to lips she’d dreamt about.

“I’m s-“

“Stop apologizing. Please. Hey, look at me.”

Elsbeth’s makeup was smeared and her body was shaking from adrenaline. She struggled to get breath into her lungs and she was still in fight or flight mode. She wanted to be held. She wanted to lay down, she wanted Gonzo. She wanted a hug.

Kaya’s eyes jetted back and forth between Elsbeth’s trying to read everything in them. She wanted to kiss her again, she wanted to hold her so tightly and never let her go.

“Come here,” Kaya said instead. Into Kaya’s arms Elsbeth fell. Kaya wrapped her arms around the woman and rocked her as she felt Elsbeth cry of relief.

“I love you, Elsbeth Tascioni.”

Elsbeth let out a laugh. She couldn’t believe this was happening.

“I love you, too.”

Kaya smiled down at the redhead who looked at her. Finally a smile on her face.

“Kiss me, again.”

———

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