#angryrants

Hi, everyone so I am not sure how many people actually read this time but I kinda hope today/tonight/tomorrow which ever once of these you are will forgive me for my terrible grammar, punctuation and sentence structures as I am extremely upset and I am simply using this as a catalyst to bring some sense of peace before I rest my head.  See my family and I have a very uncomfortable relationship starting from my birth leading all the way to this point. I have never had a singular normal or average experience really with my family. Everything is always done in a certain way that allows for any sense of that nonsense to be thrown directly out the window into a pit of lava and devoured by the souls of the succubus's of the deep divots of time. For example when I was about 14 I had my first boyfriend, I really liked him, like really really really liked him, may have even loved him but my mother made me feel like a tramp because I had this boyfriend and wanted to spend all of my time talking to him. See he was the first boy who ever took an interest in me really well aside from a boy I dated for like 6 months and by date we held hands like twice in the fifth grade and kissed once. Point is he was the first boy I dated since I could really say I was pumping full of hormones like most teens, so my mom pulls me aside and tells me how if I am not careful he is going to ruin my life and get me pregnant or something stupid I cannot even remember the terrible details of this story point is not your average experience because my mom made me out to the bad person even tho he would be doing the impregnating. Aside from that nonsensical nonsense when I was fifteen she tried to kick me out, I snuck back in my window and slept there at night for about four months till she let me back in, then she kicked me out for real when I was 16 and trying to get my license, she took me back in basically forced me to live with her by promising she would quit taking money from my checking account from my paychecks, then at 17 I ran away I went and lived on some couches, shared some beds with girls and slept in someone's closet which to this day is still my room.. doesn't have any of my stuff but I do sleep in it whenever I visit. I also always check to see it is clean. Point is my mother is crazy because when I left at 17 I came back because I was terribly ill and required an adult to take me to the doctors and she screamed at me while I was laying on the floor with a fever and told me how she had wishes I would of of been aborted... needless to say it added to my already growing inadequacy problems considering every boy I dated cheated on me or compared me to every girl they saw by telling me how much I looked like a boy. Well in the most recent of years my mother's rage has not settled, and she still tries to get a rise out of me with much success because as for everyone else who enrages me I still haven't been able to curb that explosion of anguish just yet with her. It always leads me to tears, angry typing tears like the ones that fall from my face thus presently. But anyways, back to what I was saying she has decided recently to tell my boyfriend's mother, her best friend supposedly that I am a gold-digging trollop who will use and drain her son of all of his finances... I don't even like gold... and finances confuse me if anything I have worked my whole life to just make people happy.. including my mother who has no decided that since that didn't get a rise enough.. she has to take on a more dramatic tone.. this time .... telling me that my goodbye to my only living grandmother who will be dying soon is not good enough. Thanks mom. That's what I want to hear, that the already almost impossible goodbye that took me two weeks to will myself up to was not a good enough goodbye. Then to go and tell me that I am a dumbass, that I am a idiot, and that I am using too large of a vocabulary to make you feel inferior... like that is all going to make any of this any easier... Why can't I just have a mother who tells me that if I keep eating frozen burritos at midnight I am going to have a wide ass or that if I keep frowning I will need botox or even for that matter just a mom who would tell me she loves when I need it and not when she needs something would be fantastic. Perhaps I am asking the impossible, I miss my first boyfriend's mom she always knew exactly what to say to make me feel better, hell even my current boyfriends mom knows how to deal with my mother. I feel so inadequate for no damn reason. I feel as tho my heart is in my throat and all I want to do is scream, and I ofcourse... like usual let my temper get the best of me and just blew up in a huge text message because that is how my mother chooses to tell me important news is via text message. I just need to rest....  I need to sleep and just let this all go. I now get to wait for my dad to call I am sure he will... even tho the two of them are separated I am expected to keep the peace. To work for the family and just keep a friendly smile...  and uncomfortable pose for me in times of anger, frustration and anguish.  Goodnight world... sorry for the rant. but Thanks for the time.   

Well, since I can’t tweet because everyone gets butthurt about it. Tumblr is the next thing. So what if we’re tweeting while watching, it’s called commercials! And no one talks shit when my whole fucking timeline is filled with updates on the basketball or football game. Damn, everyone’s so hostile.