"I don't know what I did to deserve this. You know I disliked humans: I'm down here for a reason. I don't remember much - I remember mist and then ancient Greece and then Boom! Guess I'm an angel. Only not. I bet this was a punishment I put on myself. Sounds like me, cursing myself for my own wrongdoing. Being trans was a nice addition. Probably not my idea. Gender was strictly Earthly. How wrong could I have been that not only did you accept putting me onto the world of the things I hated most as one of the things I hated most, but you gave me myself. The sad cynical hardship, the distrust and shruggable nature. Of all the beautiful divine traits you could have passed on to me, that was the one you chose. You cursed me to a life of dysphoria, transphobia, and self hatred.
But you underestimated me. Because I have finally acted on the one thing that would never leave my mind. A question that had lingered since it had been asked.
"Don't you want to learn?"
Your basket somehow trapped angelic mist but baskets are easily broken by mortal hands. To be human I have the capacity to listen to the instincts I never heard in myself as an angel.
As I stare up out the window, midnight, the sky black, I whisper,
This is the biggest Fuck You, God. You gave me a punishment and I will revel in it."
january 25, 2019 - transcript "speech to covered clouds" by me
