Remember and Recover
(Note: Taking a chance with posting this since I had been debating for a long time. It's been a while since I had written and posted anything and I'm a little rusty lol be gentle. DO NOT STEAL OR COPY.)
Pairing: TASM! Peter Parker and reader, but you can imagine your favorite Spidey
Genre: Sad, hurt and comfort type
Warning: Original character death
*Non-canon timeline*
Parties were never your thing. Office parties are definitely not your thing.
You sipped champagne as your gaze scanned the glass atrium you were standing in. The chandeliers were linked with fairy lights and silver ornaments. Tapping your heeled foot to the gentle holiday jazz playing overhead, taking in all who turned up to the Oscorp Christmas party. Everyone seemed to be grouped according to their departments, everyone but you. As the lone female on your team, your days are filled with testosterone. You like Star Wars and comic books as much as the next gal but the constant chatter and arguments over who shot who first can get overwhelming. You turned to look over at the Osborns, they seemed nice enough. Couldn’t complain about the job, but that’s the thing. It’s just a job. You do go there in the morning, and you leave when you are done. Nothing more.
*Maybe I should just go home* you sighed to yourself. This really wasn’t somewhere you wanted to be. You only showed because Harry and Peter asked you to come.
“Hey” said a soft voice at your shoulder, you turn.
“Hey Peter.” nodding towards Harry and his father. “Surprised you’re not networking too. Figured you would want funding for the latest Parker project.” Peter shrugged.
“You looked like you were about to run.”
“Well you’re not wrong.” you tapped his champagne flute with yours “Peter, this really isn’t my scene. I should go.” turning fully to face Peter and see how gaunt and sullen he still is.
“Hey” you placed an arm around your best friend, placing your chin on his shoulder. “I miss them too. It wasn’t yours or any of our faults. They got sick. Riley got sick..” Peter leaned his face on your head for a moment to murmur a thank you before he downed the rest of his drink.
“Let’s get out of here.” He grabbed your hand and started walking with you to the lower lobby to grab your coats and out the front door.
“Where to? The only places open at this hour would be bars.” Peter shrugged.
“Anywhere is better than here, there is only so many looks of pity I can take from them.”
The pair of you walk a few blocks to a familiar little hole in the wall that you frequented more when you were still in college. The booze was cheap but the place was warm and Peter relaxed the more you talked and wound down. He had never been a big drinker, but since what had happened, he had been on the downward turn. You worry, but there was not much you could do. They were your friend too, you were also mourning. Even though the shared loss was painful, it brought you both closer. Not that you weren’t close before, but this time it was more profound. What was once a triad of three friends, only two remain.The comfort that you were able to give one another wasn’t exactly what helped, but it was needed.
You sat there watching Peter stare at his hands as they rested on the table. Despite being slightly tipsy, you could see that he was deep in thought.
“What’s up Peter?” He raised an eyebrow as he looked at you.
“Nothing. Just thinking”
“About?”
“They would want us to move on right?” His voice was softer, almost as if pleading with something inside of him wanting that to be true. You nod slowly.
“Do not forget. Remember and recover.” Your late friend’s words are almost eerie to you now. They were always wiser than their age. Peter’s face seemed to shift, for a moment glazing over as he was lost in his thoughts again.
“Let’s go to our place.” He said absently, grabbing your hand once again to pull you back into the cold.
“What? You want to go all the way to Queens?” Peter shrugged.
“It’s only an hour from here.” You quirked a smile
“By subway, I thought you’d try to convince me to swing there.” He smiled, thinking back.
“You really want to try that again? Don’t you remember the last time you went swinging with me?” You cringe at the memory. Peter was trying a new formula for his web fluid and wanted you to help with how much weight it could carry. Needless to say, it was fine until he tried to also hold an empty cargo container while you were clinging onto him for dear life. Not even wanting to think about when Peter purposefully let you both free fall for several feet for his own amusement.
“Never again Parker, never again.”
“To be fair, I didn’t say that it was one of my better ideas.”
“To be fair, I didn’t want to come.”
The banter continued until the lull of the subway station grew too loud. You quickly headed to the line you needed to catch in order to get where you were going, holding onto Peter’s arm that way you wouldn’t get separated. As you sat on the train to Queens, you both were suddenly somber. Neither of you had gone to that hidden rooftop on your old apartment building since your friend passed. The place marred by the loss and the memories of spending the remaining months of their life tucked away all together trying to make the most of the inevitable. A quick glance at Peter told you that his mind was about where yours was. Still silent, you got off the train and headed back up to street level to walk the few blocks left to the building. As you climbed the steps up to the roof, you felt Peter’s intake of breath mirror yours as you pushed the door open to reveal the last place the three of you were last happy. Everything looked as you had left it, albeit gloomier. The fairy lights you nearly killed yourself hanging up because Peter still had class and you really wanted them up, the beat up couch that you forced up the stairs with the other two that way you could all pile onto it and watch the sky together, the last thing you saw made your heart twinge. Sitting on the couch was your friend’s old sweater. Worn in places and clearly loved, this sweater was basically grafted to their skin with how much they used to wear it. You touch it softly and you turn to Peter with tears in his eyes.
“I…I think we should visit them…give it back?” The sniffle escaped you before you could stop yourself but you nodded.
“Soon, it’s late, we can go when the c-cemetery is o-open.” You managed to choke out. Peter walked to the couch unsteadily and sat down. He gripped the knees of his pants until his knuckles ran white, his face near purple, shaking with unshed tears.
“Hey, hey hey.” You rushed over, dropping the sweater on the seat beside him to grab his shoulders. “Breathe. Peter breathe!” Bloodshot eyes met yours, making you panic slightly and shake him.
“Peter!” He took in a deep gasp, cutting it with a sob, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You signed in relief, pulling him tighter to you, rubbing circles in his back. Your own tears falling down your face in slow streams.
“I never said goodbye.” He whispered. You paused.
“You were fighting that Rhino guy.” You shook your head. “You didn’t know. It’s not your fault.”
“I should have been there, with you, with them.” Peter sniffled, leaning back to look at you. “I should have been there.”
“They knew what you were doing. They didn’t want you to be rushing to their side with Rhino destroying everything. They knew and forgave you.” You stood and sat next to Peter on the couch. “They wouldn’t want you to feel guilty not being there because you were being Spider-Man.” You nodded to him with finality and looked back to the skyline. You both stayed like that quietly while he calmed down. Leaning on you slightly, needing your support in more ways than one.
“Do you remember how we met?” Peter asked suddenly, looking at you at the corner of his eye.
“I do.”
It was almost clear as day, it was a house party when all of you were still in high school. Peter wasn’t your friend yet, but you could still see Riley. Perfectly healthy and vibrant. They were pulling you inside the house, promising that you would enjoy yourself.
“This isn’t my scene Riley. Plus it’s two in the morning. I can’t believe I let you drag me out here.” You remember saying, only attending to humor your friend.
“It’ll be fine! Plus I want you to meet someone. He’s in my science class, he’s wicked smart and I think he would make a great addition to our group!” You snorted at this.
“Our group of two?” Riley waved a hand dismissively.
“A triad is a perfect number of people.” You roll your eyes.
“Whatever.” Riley gives you a dirty look and you raise your hands in surrender. “Okay, okay, let’s meet your little science nerd.”
You walk further into the house and Riley looks around with a furrowed brow, looking for someone. It takes a few minutes before they lock on to a person standing by the window, clearly feeling out of place as he glances around awkwardly.
“Peter!” Riley yelled, waving their arm, dragging you to him faster. He looked in your direction, his shoulders seemed to relax.
“Riley!” He smiled as you and Riley came to a stop in front of him. Riley pulled you in front of them, introducing you to him.
“Peter, this is my best friend, I think we could make an amazing triad.” Peter smiled at you and you reciprocated. He seems like a sweet guy.
“Good to meet you.” You shook hands.
“You too.”
The three of you stuck together for the remainder of the party, admittedly, you had fun. Riley was right. The triad was the perfect group of people. A group of friends. All of you ended up getting tipsy, giggling as you ran out of the party back to Riley’s house, sneaking into their room when it got too late to go home.
The triad stayed right through graduation, all the way to junior year of college. You did everything together, and went through everything together. First apartments, first internships, Spider-Man, villains. Nothing seemed to be bothering you, aside from having to patch up Peter once in a while, all that mattered were your friends. Which is why red alarm bells went off in your head when you noticed that Riley had been getting sick lately, and it worried you. They waved you off, telling you it was nothing. It wasn’t nothing. In a matter of months, you three went from days out in Central Park to long nights at Mount Sinai. Riley deteriorated quickly and you and Peter felt helpless. At least one of you was at the hospital with Riley if not all together, sleeping on the couch in the room or in the bed with them, never leaving your friend for more than a few hours. It absolutely devastated the pair of you to watch the amazing light of a person you both loved slowly start to snuff out.
The day of the funeral still has a certain emptiness in your chest. You couldn’t even look Riley’s parents in the eye. You remember clutching at Peter’s arm as he held onto you too. Placing a rose on their casket, you said goodbye to your first friend.
You went back to Peter’s place and just lay on the couch, your legs over his lap as he stared into space. Both of your faces crusted with dried tears as you turned to each other to wordlessly embrace again.
“It’s just you and me now kid.” You whispered, letting Peter put his face in the crook of your neck. He needed more support than you did, facing more loss than one should being so young. For days and weeks after that, you let Peter stay in your tiny apartment with you, helping each other get by as the heaviness of your shared loss started to lessen. Peter clung to you like a lifeline, lost in his grief, sometimes falling asleep in your bed, a hand reaching for you. Once you woke up to him completely curled against you, his face in your neck, gripping the blanket that covered both of you in his fist. You sat up to rub his back, attempting to soothe him. Wallowing in the sadness you both felt for your friend wasn’t good for either of you. You knew this, he probably did too, but you couldn’t bear to send him away. Not with how much you loved him, but right now, that wasn’t enough reason to tell him you wanted more. You were too emotional, not in your right mindset, and definitely not in the right to ask him to be yours. You knew that he would say that it was too dangerous. He was Spider-Man and he can’t risk losing someone else close to him.
A sigh pulled you out of your memories as Peter started to stand. He reached back for your hand.
“Let’s go? It’s late. I was gonna do patrols tonight, but I don’t feel anything going on.” He looked at you. “You ok?” Closing your eyes for just a moment, pulling in the tears you felt knowing that you could never have him, nor would you ask. You nod.
“Yes.” Letting him pull you up to stand up, grabbing Riley’s sweater. “I want to go home.”
“Did you want to swing there?” You shook your head.
“Can we take a cab?”
“Back to the city? That’ll be expensive.” You shrugged.
“I’ll pay, Norman gave us all bonuses this year. I just want the quiet.” Knitting his eyebrows together, Peter looked at how defeated you seemed and nodded.
“I’ll pay half.” Leading you down the stairs back to street level and hailing a cab, making sure that you didn’t hit your head as he helped you take a seat inside. You rode in silence for a little while, stealing glances at each other, always looking away when the other would turn to look.
“Peter.”
“Hm?”
“I know you never wanted…It was painful for both of us when…I just..” Peter squeezed your hand.
“It’s dangerous.” Your hand shook in his.
“I know, I know it is. I just wanted to try.” You sniffled. “I swore off love even before Riley, before you. I just…” Shaking his head, Peter pulled you to him.
“You mean too much to me to put you in harm's way like that.” You tried to swallow the lump forming in your throat. The emptiness in your chest seems to get even deeper as you feel your heart break more. Peter kissed your forehead like he had done many times before, but it was tinged with sadness.
“I won’t beg for you to love me.” You whispered, closing your eyes. “But you’re all I have left.”
You felt Peter sigh into your hair and take your face into his hands.
“You don’t have to beg, I already do. But I’m scared too.”
“Stop blaming yourself for things that were out of your control.” You gave Peter a somewhat stern look. “You can’t save everyone, from anything, sometimes it is just out of your hands. You need to accept that. Uncle Ben was not your fault. Riley was not your fault.”
“I don’t want something to happen to you because of me.”
“Peter Parker, when in living memory did you have any influence on my decision making when it came to things that we disagreed on?” Despite everything, this brought a chuckle out of him. He sighed again and pressed his forehead to yours.
“I could never say no to you.” He murmured, pulling back an inch to look at you, his thumb tracing your cheek. He pressed his lips into a flat line. “I want to be selfish so bad. To..keep you…”
“Be selfish for once.” You whispered, eyes starting to water again. “I want to be selfish too. The city can’t have you all the time.” Peter’s forehead was creased with conflict.
“I love you.” His words were tainted with an unknown emotion. Pain? Fear? Grief?
Even then, the words brought a warmth to you that you had not felt in some time. The emptiness in your chest starting to fill in a rush. Peter loves you. “Can I kiss you?”
You nod slowly, not trusting your voice to not waver. He was gentle, not surprising. This kiss represented more than you two finally admitting what you had been fighting hard against. It was the promise that one would never leave the other. The promise of safety in each other’s arms. The promise that you will remember and recover. Together.
