#andihateit

I used to think I had it all Somehow I fell back into habits that tear me apart I never got to say I'm sorry But I can't sleep alone tonight If it's good for me and it's good for you If I die tonight then I'll make it up to you

You're the only thing that gets me high And I hate it and I hate it You're the only thing that gets me high And I hate it and I hate itI'm tangled up in my own image But I hate who's staring back at me

If it's the truth I seek It's the truth you'll serve If my soul is weak Then I'll make it up to youYou're the only thing that gets me high And I hate it and I hate it You're the only thing that gets me high And I hate it and I hate it

Woah oh oh oh Woah oh oh oh Woah oh oh oh Woah oh oh oh

I'm just a user I'm just a user I'm just a user 'cause I used you up to my end If you could see me now I wear a beggar's crown If I could turn back time I wouldn't change a fuckin' thing

God, erase me I don't deserve the life you give I don't deserve the life you give

God, I can't change at all I don't deserve the life you give I don't deserve the life you give

Three things that made today terrible:

Fearing for my life/safety a few times while loading *the heaviest* walls into the theatre today.

More fucking weird and uncomfortable conversations with my mom.

Wondering if now is about the time I start developing a personality disorder.

Three things that made today amazing:

Feeling competent with tools most of the time today at work; joking around with some of the cast and feeling connected

Talking with my mentor about Grapes of Wrath and the ramifications of emphasizing systemic wrongs at the expense of individual ones.

A new friend invited me to hang out over dinner, and another (older) friend paid for us.  [Have I mentioned that the people at my church are amazing?]

Lesson of the day:

Three things that made today terrible:

Another late delivery from Lowe’s meant that I left work two-and-a-half hours later than we were promised.  >.<  So much for catching up on all the things today.

Not hearing anything from the boy I’ve been talking to but also feeling weird about carrying another “normal conversation” with him because there’s something I need to tell him soon and in person so I’m just waiting...

Weird itchy-twitchy things are happening to my body right now and I hate it.

Three things that made today amazing:

As I was leaving work I realized that the parking lot faces this gorgeous little body of water.  As I stood there in total awe, a yellow swallowtail butterfly fluttered by like in a movie, and then a big white bird flew across the water.

Re-watching The Reichenbach Fall

A ripe mango and dark chocolate (Endangered Species Chocolate, the chimpanzee)

Lesson of the Day: