#andiewrites

then what? saw the stars? saw your face? felt the tears fall down, felt the rain pour in its place? I’m not sure what I’m looking up to. I can’t seem to picture it, but I’ll keep looking up if that’s the case

For you can cause hurricanes and landslides You made a calamity of my mind My thoughts are debris scattered, just hoping That you can put me together when we collide

— andie ✧

My first attempt at Bon Iver Erotica.

Not even on my wedding day or after I give birth to my first child or when my hair falls just so. Don't say that word at me. Beautiful is achieved by this and that and if you're lucky enough you're born with it. Beautiful is something that you spend time making yourself. Beautiful is not a compliment any more. Tell me that I'm selfless. That my taste in music is tops. I am perceptive to the point it's psychic and it kind of freaks you out. That my jokes make you want to piss yourself and my body is still looks strong from all the years I was a tomboy swinging from tree branches. Say you want to travel the world with me because sleeping under the stars in every country is a dream we share and I'm crazy good at finding restaurants nobody has ever heard of. Tell me my poetry is heartbreaking and know my bitten nails mean I was just thinking too hard about all the different words you can use to describe how people's houses smell the first time you walk into them. Say you love hugging me because I squeeze just a little too long and the way I can sit in comfortable silence is divine. The life stories I make up for strangers on the BART train are fantastical and my anxieties are ugly ugly things and you want to hold me at night when I wake up in a sweat soaked panic. Don't call me cute call me vast and brilliant and intelligent. Tell me I'm a true pisces because everything pretty makes me cry, my first word was "fish" and I love the smell of lavender. Tell me how annoying it is when I send 4 text messages in a row because I'm too excited to contain it all but you'll forgive me because you like to know I care. Call me strong for revealing my weaknesses and earnest for pursuing new friendship. Tell me my hips make you melt because we're predispositioned to mates who will make great parents to our young and damn baby you're biologically radical. Tell me I have stinging wit and make a fucking great puttanesca and my singing voice is actually not that terrible every now and then. Scold me for my escapism and praise me for the days I don't leave school before I've even parked the car because class makes me depressed. Say you want to listen to Wait Wait Don't Tell me on Sunday mornings while we lay naked in bed eating sourdough toast. Acknowledge that I wear scarves around my neck when I feel a migraine coming on and don't be overwhelmed by the fact that I fall head over heels in love with everything so quickly. Tell me the way I drink coffee knocks your socks off and how I remember almost every customers name at my supermarket job is neat-o. Don't ever make fun of Frida Kahlo because she is my Jesus and please be gentle with my heart because I give it away all the time and sometimes when it returns back to me it's a little bruised. Call me intense call me absurd call me Andrea Mairead because I'm just learning to love my second name. Call me your lotus flower call me your honeybee call me everything that a woman is truly. Make love to me always and never call me beautiful because beautiful isn't a compliment it's a predisposition and I am more than just something assigned to lucky ones.

It doesn’t hurt anymore but after all of this time I wish you would get out of my knee

Oh my naivety Don’t discount my naiveties Because I have been to those dark places and can see the things they’re displacing as one line too many one line of coke too many Because I have been haunted by those teethed caverns just the same God damned naiveties Oh my naivety don’t you discount my naiveties because they are the patches I’ve affixed to my fingertips to stop the slink from dripping out of me and staining you with the same acidic ink that I was burned and slathered with the night of my rape naiveties

"And the tree was happy."