#andersmeta

anders:

so much of da2 is anders finding himself, finding a balance between him and justice. in daa he was all over the place, hectic, very possibly manic and i mean that literally. he's finally free! and has no idea wtf to do with that! and he's really NOT free because now he's a warden!

so in da2, he's able to be more free, although still on the run. but in his eyes, this is the most free he's been since before he was taken to a circle. and he's finding his core, who he is outside of the mage who is always trying to escape, and it is... horrible. extremely taxing. as hard as it was before, things were straightforward; now it's all open-ended and he has to make his own determinations about the shape of his life. and he chooses to support his fellow mages and fight for freedom, a degree and intensity of activism that is immensely taxing and exhausting

aveline:

i love her, but woof. she's so fucked. she's loyal - very possibly to a fault - particularly to hawke, in a way that could honestly be called trauma bonding, considering the way they met. but (and correct me if i'm wrong on either of these points!) she 1) refuses to let carver join the guard, taking away one of his few job opportunities. this is part of the reason he's willing to join the templars; because it's just about the only thing left available to him, someone who's experience seems to be mostly "i can fight"; and 2) she refuses to use any of her power within the guard to protect fenris, a runaway elven slave. like she's brutal in her strict adherence to the rule of law... but she's willing to bend it for hawke, and for hawke alone

bethany:

now, i see bethany as being really... repressed. by necessity! if you can travel with her, then hawke is not a mage, which means that bethany and their father are the only mages in the family. once malcolm dies, bethany is the only mage. and the weight of that, of being the sole reason your family is always looking over their shoulder, of being the one everyone needs to protect even though you're powerful, of being sheltered, hushed, made quiet, made small, so as to not get taken away...

it would wear on her. it would wear on anyone. and it damages her relationships with her family. i can't quite figure leandra out, and hawke is up for interpretation, but it does seem that carver in particular views her as a burden. not exclusively, not at all! he loves her! but she is the reason he lives the life he does; she is the reason their whole family lives the life they do. and she's not naive, she'd know that

i think she has a lot of anger. a lot of bottled up rage. but she has to keep everything close to her chest. always.

in the circle, i think she is forced more and more into that Good Little Mage concept. her sense of self defined in a very narrow way, one that she cannot expand from. she's surrounded by the people she'd grown up fearing - templars - and by the mages who honestly probably resent her, having had her freedom - or "freedom" - for as long as she did. and especially loyalist mages, they'd view her as a deeply uncomfortable and distressing exception to their worldview, that mages do need to be kept apart, that they should be controlled, that the rest of the world does need to be protected from them...

then in comes this girl and she's been living in the world this whole time and she wasn't killed for it, wasn't destroyed for it, and she has a strong handle on her magic despite no "formal" training

as a warden, she's obviously going to struggle. all wardens struggle. she'd face absolutely terrible things. but she'd be fighting, as she has been fighting the whole time she's in kirkwall with hawke, and if she reacted that way in the circle, even once, even under duress, she could be killed or made tranquil. with the wardens, she risks death, yes, but in the same way she has been risking death for years. she also doesn't need to mask herself at all with them, not really. there's more flexibility and less control among the grey wardens, although it's still controlling, just not to the same degree as the circles

carver:

carver... annoyed me for a long time, lmao. i was very unsympathetic to his character. i've since come around to him: this does not mean i think he made the right choices or anything, but i do find him interesting and sensibly written

i have seen in my own family how horribly damaging sibling jealousy can be. i think a lot of ppl see it as... almost casual, or petty. it is not. i mean, sure, it can be! but a lot of the time, it is not

it is something that eats away at a person's self-esteem. it was a big part of what destroyed my one brother. imagine feeling compared to someone your entire life, and knowing that you will never, ever be the desired one. imagine the resentment that would create. this isn't a workplace rivalry or something, this is in and out, day after day, for your entire life, until/unless you can leave home, which carver cannot. and that's just about hawke

when it comes to bethany, his twin... oof

she takes after their father. and in a world where carver survives, so does hawke. so he alone is without magic. but in either case, he's having to completely give over his life to protecting the mages he lives with. he wants, so badly, to be his own person; to be out from under hawke's shadow; to be free to live his own life, pursue his own interests, his own relationships, without having to worry about how that will come back on bethany, or hawke, or leandra, or everyone

whether his family contributed to these feelings or not, they are clearly present. he feels like a failure in comparison to hawke - and likely in comparison to bethany as well. he feels like he's expected to give up his entire life to protect one or both of his siblings

in his eyes, he is not even really seen as his own person. he is their guard. he's like a dog they bought to protect their home

and then they get to kirkwall. hawke gets friends. things are settling down. and he wants to join the city guard, which would be a good path for him. and aveline, as mentioned earlier, shuts him down completely. she blocks off the only good avenue he has available, leaving him very few options: he can become a mercenary; he can become a templar; or he can become a criminal. no one in kirkwall is going to take some refugee, hawke's brother - and again, that's how he's seen - on as an apprentice, and he doesn't want that life anyway

so. yes. his choices make sense for who he is, and i think being a grey warden would be a good path for him, although of course it comes with the reality of being blighted. but i think having his own life, even if it is, by its nature, a shorter life, would mean a great deal to him. being able to earn respect for who he is as a person and for what he can do; not for being hawke's brother, and not for giving his life over to protect his family (something he certainly thinks he failed miserably at), but for what he can do, as an individual