#and spelling errors

The way Emily Prentiss’s faux-death and revival was handled regarding Spencer Reid peeves me off to no end. As I have exhausted my sibling’s patience with my rants, I turn to Tumblr. So here we go – Emily and JJ messed the fuck up in their dealings with Spencer.

I’ll pause for any screeching, fervent denials, death threats, threats to harm but not seriously injure, and so on.

I also apologise for the unsavoury language – I am very annoyed.

Okay. This episode resonates with me on multiple levels, but mainly in how Spencer wasn’t allowed to be angry. I have never been allowed to be angry. My mother got very upset with me if I displayed any emotion that wasn’t happiness, stoicism, or subservience. She regularly denied me the right, or chance, to express my disappointment or anger regarding the decisions of others. So when I see the same thing happen to Spencer, my annoyance seems reasonable (to me, at least). I am also familiar with emotional betrayal, which Spencer also experiences.

Let’s start with JJ’s handling of the situation.

When you are on a case, focus on the fucking case, not the way your teammate doesn’t want to fucking talk to you about anything other than the case.

Spencer has every right to work his way through his emotions at his own pace. Aside from a couple of vaguely snarky comments, his interactions with Emily and JJ are professional and only regarding the case. Unfortunately, JJ can’t take a fucking hint. She started the argument/discussion with Spencer in the middle of a case. She pushed at him to talk about something that involves both deep seated issues and a situation that they are both too close to, to see clearly.

She blamed him for not knowing sooner.

And that burns.

What JJ does, as I see it, is a form of victim blaming. She tells Spencer that he isn’t angry at her, but angry at himself for not seeing her and Hotch’s micro-expressions. Instead of listening to how Spencer is feeling, instead of acting like a friend, JJ tries to make Spencer feel guilty. She tries to turn his anger away from her and back on himself.

What kind of fucking stupid profiler is this bitch?!?

I do not have a psychology degree. I am not a profiler. But you don’t have to be a profiler to know that making an emotionally compromised, abused, socially-disconnected, ex-drug addict angry or disappointed in himself is not a fucking good idea.

Let me just note that I don’t blame Spencer for his addiction at all. I am in awe of the fact that he came clean himself. He went through withdrawal with no assistance (and that is yet another thing I am fucking pissed off about). But that prior addiction adds a layer of risk on an already high risk individual.

And that is not okay.

Hotch scolded Reid. Hotch scolded the person who did not start the argument in the first place. Hotch scolded the professional individual in that argument. That is another layer of victim blaming. Spencer is unconsciously being conditioned to repress his own feelings. Don’t rock the boat. Don’t get upset with people because they’ll only turn it back on you. You are responsible for regulating the moods and emotions of those around you.

I know what that kind of conditioning feels like. It fucking sucks arse.

What would happen if Spencer took JJ’s words to heart? What would his emotional and mental state be, if he started blaming himself for not realising his Unit Chief and close friend were lying to him. It would compound the stress and shock he is also experiencing regarding Emily’s death and resurrection. It could push him into frantic-depression, as I call it, where a person works so hard to be the best person, the constant person, to not mess up again because if you mess up again your could lose them again you could miss something again you can’t risk missing something again they won’t trust you they—

You get the picture.

It wouldn’t be pretty.

That’s not even touching on the fact that Spencer had been going to JJ’s house for 10 weeks.

Ten weeks.

That’s a very long time to hold your tongue. Which I can understand from a logical standpoint – JJ had her orders. She followed them. But just following orders is not a good excuse. It is not an acceptable excuse.

But that’s not even the worst thing. The worst thing is that Spencer had to go over to JJ’s house.

Who the fuck checked on Spencer?

Who checked to see if he was okay? Who made sure he didn’t end up in an alley with a needle in his arm? Who gave him support?

NO ONE.

It hurts to have to ask for support. It hurts, because you had to ask. It hurts when no one asks if you’re okay. It hurts even more when they ask that question and don’t follow up.

Spencer should not have had to constantly go to JJ. Where is the effort on her part?

I don’t know if I can even put this into words. But I’m sure as hell going to try, because this is my equivalent of meditation and releasing my negative emotions.

I know that to get help, you need to ask for it. I also know that if I said to my sister-friends that I needed some support, that they would be at my door as soon as legally possible (or faster). When my mother died, I called my friend, because I was alone at home, going into a breakdown, and I was terrified of being alone. My family had left me alone, and as much as I was glad to have the chance to release my emotions, I shouldn’t have had to do it alone.

(This is a note for everyone, actually – if you don’t feel comfortable or safe being emotionally open or vulnerable around your family, then something is wrong with your family.)

I called my friend. I was sobbing. She lived 15 minutes away. She got there in ten. She held me when I screamed. She held me when I started scratching at my arms because I hurt so much, I couldn’t – I didn’t know how to deal with it. She let me cry. She did what my family refused to do.

Where the fuck was Reid’s family?

If Spencer needed to go to another person’s home, leave his own comfort zone, in order to be comforted…. It’s a bit fucked up.

And maybe I’m going a bit far with this, considering that it’s a TV show, but I have feelings, and this is a neutral space for me to express them. Something that Spencer needed, but I’m not sure that he had.

Which leads me to the next person: Emily.

When I saw her confront Spencer on the place after the case, I was fucking foaming at the mouth. I screamed ‘that fucking bitch did not just say that’ at the TV. Because she did not just fucking do that.

“You mourned the loss of one friend. I mourned the loss of six.”

NO YOU FUCKING DIDN’T

No one has the right to compare trauma. No one’s trauma is more or less relevant due to what they went through.

But this stings because Emily didn’t mourn the loss of six. She mourned the fact that she may not get to see six friends for some time. She still had hope. There was a chance of reunion. She knew that they were alright and safe (as safe as they could be in such a situation). She got to regularly interact with a friend, albeit over a game. In a way, she reminds me of a soldier who’s been sent out on the front lines – they even have something similar: try looking up a song called Scrabble in Afghanistan, as I believe it’s called. It reminds me a bit of Emily.

What she went through was wrong. But what was even worse, is that she essentially told Spencer that his feelings weren’t enough. That because he lost less people, his trauma was of less relevance to hers.

This is the first time Spencer has lost a close friend. (Gideon doesn’t count, because he’s not dead. There is still hope). Spencer didn’t have any hope for reunion – Spencer had to live with the fact that he wasn’t enough – Spencer had to try and live with the grief and depression of that loss.

And then his friend comes back. And says that his trauma isn’t worth consideration, that his anger is wrong, that he’s being selfish and childish and unprofessional.

Spencer Reid is told that his feelings are not valid and that is not okay.

Spencer has every right to work through his emotions at his own pace. No one can tell you when to not be angry. No one gets to pick and choose how you feel. His anger was not harming his work. The only thing it was effecting was the mood of teammates who should have known better. Morgan had it right – Emily and JJ should have given Spencer some space until he came to them.

Spencer Reid was being emotionally manipulated by Emily and JJ, and that’s not okay.

We are well aware of the spelling and Grammatical errors in IBFY. Im dyslexic and me and Nan are both self taught in English (so much for good education when the goverment just want to save money so rich people can pay less taxes) so we know IBFY isn’t perfect on that front.

We’re going to look it over over the summer and re-upload the chapters as we finish, hopefully with fewer mistakes. But seriously, Nan is doing as well as she can. You have no idea how hard she works to weigh up for my poor spelling. With the pressure of people wanting updates regularly, even with 20k+ words pr chapter, well something has to give. In this case it’s the last spell check. But don’t worry, we know. You’re not the first, and most certainly not the last. (No kidding, part 2 got a comment on it, sigh)

Me: *turns off light*

Brain: oh. the dark reminds me of evERY SCARY MOVIE YOU'VE EVER FUCKING SEEN