Oct 7, 2025
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One of those nights
My only escape.
My only escape are the words on a page. I've been trying to not write but the weight of my thoughts were bringing me down. So low, lower then I usually am. I've been trying to fight it because I don't want the attention, don't want to be weak. Tears and vulnerability are my enemy's. I fight them, and hold them back but Im starting to admit to my self that I am not strong enough. I am not capable of maintaining this outer shell of strength. So I write. No one even checks my page and I can write my heart out. Then I don't have to admit to anyone I know that I'm struggling. That I'm loosing hope, that I'm loosing self worth, and that I don't feel like I belong anywhere in this world. The few that do know only see the tip of the iceberg, and they think with a little help I'll be ok. I thank them for their encouraging words but it doesn't assure me. I don't know if anything will ever fix me. Maybe I'm ment to be broken. I hear broken things can still be beautiful . If I'm lucky someone will look at me one day and not see the broken thing needing to be fixed but something amazing that needs to loved.
Slowly Letting You Go...
On Jan. 14, 2016, I met this one girl who happened to become the one I fell in love with. Tomorrow will be the date we have known each other for exactly a year. I was thinking of helping you with the plane ticket money, so you can buy the ticket earlier as my gift for you, but then I saw your IG post saying something about “Something is still bothering me, as if God is punishing me, so I can’t let go.” You have no idea how heartbroken I was seeing that statement. I did not think that my existence was such a burden to you that made you so upset. I know that even if I help you with the plane ticket, you still would not appreciate me or wouldn’t even be thankful, so I will do so when you show me that you do appreciate me and worth of me to help out.
If my existence makes you so annoyed and bothersome, I will leave. I love you, but I will leave if I am the reason you are unhappy. I love you, but I will leave your life if it makes you happier. I love you, and I am willing to do anything for you as long as you are happy.
94 days left for myself, 32 days left until you told me you will give me an answer. I wish you would really think it through, and realized how much we love each other and come back to me.
I love you very much, Lexie Lee.
在2016-01-14 我認識了一個女孩，一個讓我愛上她的女孩。明天是我們認識的一週年，我本來是想說存錢到妳的戶頭，讓妳可以提早買機票，算是我送給妳的禮物。但我半夜醒來看到妳的IG，妳說 "對於某件事情還是很煩躁，一定是老天爺在懲罰我，才讓我無法放下。" 妳永遠都不會知道這句話傷我有多深，我知道妳在說我，我不知道原來我的存在讓妳那麼的難受，我看到了真的很難受。我也知道就算我幫妳了，妳也不會感激我的幫忙，那我就等到妳學會感激我為妳做的所有事，值得我願意一直這樣付出。
如果我的存在讓妳那麼煩燥，我會離開。我愛妳，但如果我是讓妳不開心的原因，我會離開。我愛妳，但如果妳世界裡沒有我會讓妳開心，我會離開。我愛妳，只要妳快樂，我願意為妳做任何事。
對於我自己，剩下94天了，對於妳給我答案還剩下32天。我希望妳能好好想想，發現到我們有多愛對方，然後回來我身邊手牽著手一起面對所有問題。
我真的真的很愛妳，Lexie Lee。