#amilesbian

I don't even know where to begin, however, I feel extremely uncomfortable and icky about posting this segment from my silly little cool brain.

However, for you.... only you!!! You would never know, but, I wonder if you sense it. My magnetic pull towards you never dims. You are sensational. Unique, strong, powerful, capable, soft and loving woman. I just haven't ever felt like this. I'm somewhat still coming to terms that I might not be STRAIGHT?! I thought I was and am. However, all these encounters with men have basically been around sex. Nothing else I've always wanted more. Perhaps it was limerence. But perhaps, I was using sex as a distraction. Distraction towards who/how I deeply feel. I feel so calm, so free and happy around you. Nothing literally matters, I will/ would do anything for you. I know at work you do get protective of me. Stick up for me. I don't know if I'm just infatuated by you and how amazingly smart and talented you are. But seriously, I've been trying to figure out my feelings, I get so jealous if other people have hung out with you. I'm so possessive. I want to know everything about you, your life, how you want to live, your two beautiful cheeky boys. It was so fun on Good Friday hanging out with you and the boys. I still don't know how the fuck you manage to stay a float, I mean I guess you just have to right?! You opened up to me but the boys kept interrupting you. I am just so mesmerized by you. You are so cool, free spirited and have lived a life! You have 14 years of life ahead of me. We both are feeling really stuck in life and our current workplace, the vibes are very much off and how to put a finger on it. Fuck I just think about you all the time!!!! I wanna know your every mood. If you think about ever being with a women? Because I don't even think about you sexually. I just want to be with you and have this connection. I do think deep down, I'll just end up very hurt because you don't ever have the time and capacity to hang out. There's so many moments I'm sure I've overthought about them but fuck I really do think likewise, I have a special place in your heart as well? You really motivate me to do better and be better. To think outside the box. Is it just because I'm your colleague? I am house sitting for you for 10 days. Your cat is gorgeous. I am looking forward to the change of environment closer to work. Your life is messy, chaotic but I think that is the whole point/ reason to LIFE. You dropped the key you gave me to the house and it went into the garden so at 9pm we are outside searching for this fucking key! It was so funny and fuck you are so beautiful. I just get a little bit taken back and nervous just ever so slightly. But when we first hugged hello I couldn't help feel you had no bra on. It felt really nice to see you outside of work. You are so sexy and intoxicating I just can't think straight. You opened up when we were at the park about your ex... and my God what the fuck! You went above and beyond. You displayed to me that when you are in love how much stuff you do for someone, then the expectation of just continuing that. But you also allowed him to influence a lot of living things around you and the boys and I wonder if you didn't have much of a say to that.

Well anyways, I'll be forever I'm awe. I would love to confess my feelings to you. But I know it's too early and weird times but fuck I don't know I just needed to say this.