#amatthews

Gosh, you love Mitch, you really do, but you’re going to lose it. He’s been one of your closest friends since the two of you came to Toronto and coincidentally bumped into each other. Both confused and lost, you quickly bonded over figuring out life in the big city – and now, you and him are like long lost siblings. It was natural that you eventually met Mitch’s teammates. They’re exactly like Mitch. You talk to a few of them on your own as well, which has been wonderful. You’ve made a lot of new friends thanks to Mitch and the other boys you talk to, which you’re eternally grateful for.  

But, there’s one player on the team who seems to loathe your presence completely. He just so happens to be Mitch’s other best friend and just so happens to be one of the most famed and talented players in the league: Auston Matthews.

Since you’d met him, the two of you had been at each other’s throats. For the sake of Mitch, who never fails to unceremoniously reunite the two of you, you’ve tried to keep it cool. It’s difficult when you two seem to have an unspoken agreement to irritate each other as much as you possibly could without a fight breaking out. Auston’s getting dangerously close to crossing that line today and everybody can sense it. There’s awkwardness uncomfortably blanketing the air and tension thickening with every passing moment.

“I’m going to get some air.” You break the silence that’s developed from Willy and Mitch’s futile attempts at a conversation dying down. Your friend shoots you a sympathetic look as you stand up, but you brush it off.

The door shuts behind you and you let out a long sigh of relief that quickly turns into tears forming at the brims of your eyelids and your face contorting into a frown. You hold your forehead and try to hold yourself back from completely falling apart on his porch.

The truth is that you’ve been in love with Auston Matthews since the day you two met.

Nobody within the Leafs’ circle knows about it. Yeah, you’ve confessed to it on the nights in your friend’s bedroom while breaking down – only because Auston was especially mean to you earlier that evening – and you’re much too proud to say it when you’re functioning correctly. You pull out your phone to check if your makeup is too runny, and luckily, it’s passable after brushing your under eyes gently. Now, it’s a matter of waiting it out until your eyes aren’t so red and whether or not you’re done with thinking about how much Auston drives you completely insane.

Your phone lights up with a text from Mitch: ‘You okay?’. You type back a response, which is a lie, promising you’re okay, but you’ve learned not to concern him with Auston problems. It’s easier for all of you that way.

You wonder why you’re so hopelessly in love with him if he can’t bear the mere sight of you. You’re either stupid, a masochist, or both. It’s probably the latter. His dumb smile and dumb laugh makes butterflies erupt every single time, like clockwork. He’s so kind – as ironic as it is – to his friends and family. He’s a little lost under the newfound fame, you think. Maybe he’s not and you’re just rationalizing  why he hates you.

You check your phone one last time to examine your makeup, which is fine, and you head back in. All three of the boys’ eyes are on you. You plop beside Mitch and pretend like you’re unbothered and everything is perfectly fine.

“Why’d you go?” Auston sounds like he’s interrogating you. You roll your eyes and look over to him with stoicism.

It takes everything in you not to say a snide comment. “I just needed a break. All three of you reek of cologne.” He rolls his eyes and pulls out his phone again. Mitch nudges you and cocks an eyebrow as if to ask you again if you’re alright. You slightly nod and take your phone out as well.

William and Mitch start chatting and it finally seems like whatever tension was there before has dissipated.  You and Auston make occasional eye contact. It’s the same expressionless and unreadable looks you usually receive, but thankfully, unlike before, it’s not outright hostility. 

“We’re going to pick up some junkfood and some pizza, are you guys alright on your own?” You’ve been so tuned into looking casual for Auston that you haven’t been paying much attention to whatever the other Leafs had been talking about. Your spacey eyes read as a ‘yes’ for them, and thankfully, there’s no complaining from thirty four. They say their farewells and suddenly, you’re alone with Auston. 

You’re an idiot for doing this.  

“Y/N, we need to talk.” Your eyes shoot to his quickly. His tone is surprisingly genuine, but that makes you want to shut him down even quicker. Against your better judgment, you slowly nod. “I don’t hate you.”   

Your eyes narrow. “Then why have you been on my ass since the day we met, Auston?” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. His eyes drift all across the room to avoid yours, which have been locked intently on him.   

He lets out a frustrated sigh. “I know, I’ve been a real dick to you, constantly. I’m sorry.” Auston hesitates and his gaze shifts over to you, finally. “I really am. It’s absolutely not okay how I’ve treated you.”   

You’re put off by his sudden kindness, but, you’re desperate to mend whatever’s wrong between you and Auston. After a moment’s pause, you respond. “Me too. I’ve been just as bad.” He shrugs. “I know you’re a good guy. I’ve never doubted that. I don’t know why we’ve never seem to click, I guess.”   

“No. No, it’s my fault. The truth is that I’ve had feelings for you. This whole time. From the moment I met you, I knew I had strong feelings. You’re practically Mitch’s sister, I knew I couldn’t mess with him or you like that. I dealt with it like a baby because I wasn’t getting my way. I’ve tried to get over you, Y/N, but I can’t.” He sighs and runs his hand through his hair yet again. “I’m sorry.”

There’s a long, long pregnant silence between you and Auston. You’re in shock. “Say something. Please.” His voice is laced with desperation. You try to think of something, anything, to say to him, but you’re speechless.   

“I...” You trail off, lost. “Me too.” Surprise washes over his face. “You were mean, yeah, and I was too embarrassed to be anything other than mean. The guy you’re head over heels for hating you does that.” You feel your cheeks heat up gently. He smiles, and like always, your stomach does cartwheels.   

“We can start over. From square one.” He responds, a layer of unsure lining his tone. You nod while cracking a smile of relief. Auston extends a hand. “I’m Auston.”   

“Y/N.” You answer, awkwardly laughing while shaking his hand. “Nice to meet you.” He almost immediately lets go and pushes himself off the couch.   

“Forget all of that bullshit.” He leans in and towers over you with a smug, shit-eating grin on his face. “I can’t wait that long.” You grab his face and your lips meet in the middle. He falls onto the couch and you’re desperately trying to get more and more of each other, like you’re making up for lost time. The sexual frustration that the both of you have had pent up for so long is finally having its watershed moment. 

“What the fuck?” A familiar voice interrupts the risque moment. “What the fuck?” Mitch repeats. Him and William stand in the hallway, slack jawed. Auston wipes some lipstick off his face and you immediately look to your feet. “Has this entire weird sexual tension thing between you over? Or are you guys pretending to hate each other, in which case, I’m putting a hit on both of you.” You and Auston awkwardly avoid their glances while blushing bright red. 

Auston clears his throat, “Long story short, we’ve had a miscommunication this whole time.” Willy sighs and rubs his forehead. “It’s okay now, guys!” The men turn and walk away. 

“We just needed our fucking wallets.” You overhear the Swede mutter in annoyance. Alone again, you and Auston look to each other after the door slams shut.   

“Y/N...” His hand comes up to your face and he gently rubs circles on your cheek with his thumb while searching your eyes. Auston kisses you again, unsure, but you press closer to him as if to signify you’re more than alright with this.   

“What? Yeah I’m fine. Just taking a break.” you reply, smiling it off.

“Are you sure? Cause you never let Auston go off on his own and make a fool of himself. He’s just out there, talking to people. Dangerous.”

“Ha yeah well, I don’t know. Just not feeling it I guess.”

“It doesn’t have anything to do with Mitch and I, does it?”

“What? No! You know I love you and that I’m happy for you guys. I don’t wanna take away from your night.” Steph had become one of your best friends while Auston and Mitch played for the Leafs. You could tell she didn’t believe you. “I mean it! I wouldn’t have helped him pick out the ring if I didn’t…”

Steph glances down at the gorgeous diamond on her finger and back at you. “I know, but you wish this was all for you and Auston instead, don’t you?”

You look around at the people and the party before you. “I mean sure I wouldn’t hate that, but we’re here for you. Mine and Auston’s time will come.”

Steph smiles. “Hopefully sooner rather than later.” She gets up from her seat while placing a hand on your shoulder. “Do you want me to say something to him for you?”

“Oh god no. Just get back to the party. I’ll be fine.” Steph smiles down at you before she walks back to the crowd, talking up the first group of people she runs into.

You unlock the door to your shared apartment with Auston. He had been quiet the whole drive home which was pretty uncharacteristic of him. Maybe Mitch and Steph’s party had had the same effect on him as it did you… At least you hoped.

“Aus? You okay? You’ve been kinda quiet.”

He stops what he’s doing to settle back into the apartment and turns to you. “What did you say to Steph?” he asks.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Mitch said that you told Steph you were pissed they were engaged instead of us.”

“What?! Oh my god, no, I never said anything like that, you know me.”

“I mean, maybe I’m exaggerating, but I can’t believe you’d talk to her about it and not me.”

“Wait. Are you serious? I’ve tried, but you always brush it off like it’s no big deal, and now look where we are.”

“And where are we?” he asks, almost fed up. You throw your hands up, not knowing what to say. “You know what? I’m not doing this tonight,” he says.

You can’t help but chuckle “This. This is exactly what I mean.”

Auston looks at you before stalking off to the bedroom and locking the door behind him.

“Really? Auston come back here.” You follow him to the bedroom and try to open the door before knocking. “Auston. Please open up. And not just the door.” Silence. And then you hear him rustling around. You slide down the wall and sit on the floor staring at the bedroom door.

After a few minutes you try talking to him again. “I’m sorry, okay. I don’t need to get married. I’m fine just being with you.” Auston still doesn’t respond to you and a few more minutes go by. “You’re all I need, Auston. Really.”

It’s not much longer before he finally opens the door with a bag in his hand. You shoot up as he starts walking away. “Auston? Where are you going? What are you doing?”

“I’m going to Patty’s for the night.” You manage to stop him at the front door.

“Don’t do this. Please don’t do this.” You start tearing up even though you don’t want to, and you can tell he had wiped away some tears as well. “Let’s just talk about this okay.”

“Apparently I don’t talk,” is all he says before he moves you out of the way and walks out the door.

You stand frozen wondering what had just happened.

You hardly slept all night. Mostly you just cried, lying in your bed alone. Last night had felt like a nightmare, and you would’ve thought it’d been, but Auston being gone made it real.

You managed to pull yourself together in hopes that you’d find Auston at Patrick Marleau’s house like he’d said.

When you arrive, you knock on the door and Patrick’s wife, Christina, answers the door.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. You missed him,” Christina says, looking absolutely heartbroken for you. “He took off pretty early.”

“Where uh- Where did he go?” you ask, not really wanting to know the answer.

“Y/N, honey…”

“Christina, please tell me.”

“He said he was heading to the airport.”

You nod your head in understanding and clasp a hand to your mouth as you break down. Your sobs echo into the house as Christina pulls you against her and leads you inside.

It had been a few days of unsuccessfully reaching Auston through texts and phone calls when he finally responds with a text:

Baby, I’m so sorry I haven’t been responding. I’ve just needed some space and time to think. I know it probably wasn’t the right thing to do, but it was right for me. I hope you can forgive me and that we can talk about everything when I’m back. I’m planning on coming home tomorrow. I’ll let you know when my flight lands. I can’t wait to see you.

You can’t help but tear up as you read the text over and over again. You figured he was back in Arizona and with that text, you could bet his mom had helped him write it. But it didn’t matter. He said he was coming home, home to you, and that gave you your first sense of peace since he left.

You relax against the couch and hold your phone to your chest before replying:

I’ll be here waiting. I miss you so much and I can’t wait to see you too.

You waited anxiously for Auston to call and let you know he was back in Toronto. You had to keep in mind the time difference and how it would affect his departure and arrival time, but you decide to call him just after noon in Toronto anyway.

“Y/N?” you hear a woman’s voice call your name through the phone.

“Hello? Who is this?”

“Y/N, it’s Alex.” Why did Auston’s older sister have his phone?

“Alex? Why do you have Auston’s phone?”

“Y/N…”

“Please don’t tell me he left his phone in Arizona. That would perfect, wouldn’t it?” you chuckle.

“Oh god, Y/N. He didn’t leave his phone. He’s still here…”

“What? I figured he would’ve left by now.”

“He was- Oh god,” you can hear Alex start to cry on the other end. “Oh, god, Y/N. He was on his way to the airport but someone t-boned his rental.” She sobbed as she spoke and you can hear her continue to break down through the phone.

You stand in your apartment, staring blankly in front of you, frozen in shock. You couldn’t believe this was happening. You sound hollow when you finally speak again. “Alex? Is uh- Is he okay? Please tell me Auston’s okay.”

“He should be, but I don’t know. They won’t let us see him.”

“Oh, god…”

“Y/N, I’m so sorry,” she breathed.

You take a moment as everything hits you and the tears really start to come. “I’m coming.”

“What?” You can hear Alex sniffle away some tears.

“I can’t just sit here. I need to see him.” You head toward your room to throw some things in a bag. “I’m gonna head to the airport right now. If they let you see him soon, tell him I’m coming, okay?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“And Alex? Just- Tell him I love him.” You take your bag and your purse and walk out the door.

It’s nearing evening in Arizona by the time you finally make it to the hospital. Alex texted you Auston’s room number when you landed, so you practically sprint in through the emergency room doors to get to him. You’re frantic and out of breath when you reach his room and see his family inside.

You walk in slowly knowing you’ll hate what you see. And you do. As soon as you see Auston laying in the hospital bed plugged up to god knows how many machines, you instantly break down onto your knees. You look so distraught sobbing into your hands, that Auston’s mother, Ema, goes over to you pulls and you into her arms.

She rubs your back and rocks with you to calm you down. “It’s okay, sweetheart. He’ll be okay.”

“It’s all my fault,” you sob.

“No. No it’s not. Don’t be ridiculous.”

You stop for a minute and sit in Ema’s arms while you watch Auston sleep. “Has he woken up at all?”

“He was up for a bit not too long ago, but he needs his rest,” Auston’s father, Brian, says.

You stand up and inch your way closer to Auston. You stand at the side of his bed and gently clasp his hand in yours. You watch as a tear falls from your cheek onto Auston’s before wiping it away.

Auston’s younger sister, Bre, stands and lets you take her seat next to Auston. The five of you sit and talk for hours while Auston sleeps.

“Y/N you must be starving,” Ema says while standing. “Do you want us to go get you something?”

“No, I’ll be okay. I just wanna sit here with Auston,” you reply.

“Okay, sweetheart. We’ll let you have some time with him.” The four of them get up and say their goodbyes. “We’ll be back first thing in the morning. Try and get some sleep too,” Ema reminds you.

“I will, thanks.” You smile them off and turn your attention back to Auston, still clutching his hand.

At some point in the night you drifted off to sleep in your chair. It’s in the early hours of the morning when Auston stirring slightly instantly wakes you up.

You turn to him while still holding his hand and he slowly blinks his eyes open. His face lights up when he notices you and tears fill your eyes as you smile down at him.

You move to sit on his bed and he moves his arm to your lap.

“Hey,” he croaks at you with a heavy, sleep-filled voice. The tears swell in your eyes and fall down your cheeks.

“Hey,” you voice back to him. You reach your hand up to his face and smooth his hair back. He grabs your wrist and leans his head into your palm before leaving a light kiss there.

You sob at the small gesture and lean in closer to kiss his forehead, leaving behind a few tears.

You both look at each other for a moment before Auston finally speaks.

“Will you marry me?”

You stare at him in stunned silence. “What?” is all you can utter.

“I came here to think about things. When I texted you the other day, I knew I wanted us to last. But this,” he gestures to himself and the hospital. “This really makes you think, and I can’t imagine a life without you.” You’re almost at a loss for words, not sure what to say. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Y/N. How ever long that is.”

“Hopefully it’s forever,” you say back with a smile on your face. Auston smiles back, wider than you‘ve probably ever seen him smile.

“I don’t have a ring for you yet.”

“I can wait. I’ve already waited this long.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”