#am rant

I will always pick “repeat after me: thank you for helping me, it was very kind” cause I love Astarion , but he fully tests my patience at time.

I’m not saying that it’s not fucked up, because it is. I’m just saying that it’s way more plausible than it’s being given credit for. For possible futures containing androids as well as the here and now.

Once more I wake early morning with you on my mind. Why won’t thoughts of you and the past just let me be. For months I have pretended what happened was whatever. Like I didn’t really care. I cried for weeks when I realized you blamed me for everything and didn’t want my friendship anymore until I went numb and had nothing left to feel about it and suddenly now I wake almost every am. I know bringing her back is the problem because she is in my head thinking of him which makes me think of you and how it all went so horribly wrong. I know that you still blame me. That you don’t care. That you hate me. And all this rant does is just give me a place to scream to the top of my lungs for a bit of relief that never seems to come from the whole situation that happened. But you were wrong on so many things. Not that I wasn’t. Because I was. But your thoughts that your friendship or our writing wasn’t important was more wrong than you could possibly imagine. Why else would I be sitting here once more, one of many nights lately, hating that things went so badly and that I lost your friendship. I hate seeing you both. Because I lost not one but two friends that were so very important to me. I hate more that both of you cared so little for my friendship that you didn’t even try to keep it. I admit that hurt the worst. Not once did either of you seem to care that our friendship slipped away. I know I’m not perfect. I made mistakes. But I never wanted to lose your friendship. However you made it clear that saving our friendship wasn’t worth your time. So I wish thoughts of you, and the past, the fun and the writing, would just leave me in peace. 

Awesome night.