#always him

the first time you remember him changing in a second was not so clear. you almost missed it, just to reminisce about it later.

it still was zayne, standing in front of you, giving you a jasmine branch, but the next moment it felt somehow strange. his hand gripped yours tighter and it looked like all the colors left his face. you couldn’t even comprehend what you’re seeing, and the second after he moved away slightly, frowning to himself, like he just got lost for a moment.

it wasn’t too serious. he could look into your eyes for too long and keep silence eagerly, even though you tried to scold him for not replying. you thought to yourself “that’s just zayne”, how he is, calm demeanour and silent gazes were his specialties. only that he got a bit confused every time it happened. like he couldn’t remember what was going on just now. like he just snapped out of space.

then his mood changes became brighter. he laughed out of context and then frowned in the middle of casual conversation. he grabbed your hand out of nowhere, causing you to flinch, and then got upset for scaring you. he kissed you softly and then bit into your lips with sudden hunger, like he just got there after 10 years of longing from afar. once he messed with you during it and pulled your hair with so much strength it had you startle. it was like he lost control in a heat of the moment. only that he has never been like this before, and now he is, and his guilty impression makes you wonder.

and then sleepwalking starts, and it becomes more obvious zayne’s not okay. you wake up at night to him standing two steps away from you in a dark room, and your heart sinks at the sight of his face in a deem light from the window. street lights in the night open for you something, that a bright light of a day couldn’t. it’s the first time you actually question, calling out his name.

“zayne?” like it could’ve been anybody else here.

he didn’t answer, snapping back into reality as fast as usual. only then he took a few steps back, and a fear, written all over your face, reflected on his own.

and you still didn’t talk about it. not during those moments, not after. he’s silent, and then scared, and then he’s distant, until you cling to him and caress his back, asking him about anything else, to put his mind at ease.

then that happens, and you just know you should’ve asked earlier. when you’re intimate and zayne breaths into your mouth like a madman who just ran a marathon, and his hands grip a bit tighter under your thighs, scratching your skin red, and his moves change so suddenly, it makes you gasp. and you like it, the way his body weighs above you, and his feverish warmth that comes off his skin, and the sight of his parted lips, whispering nonsense on repeat, you almost miss the point, but then he gets louder, almost hissing in your face, swallowing vowels, two words, and you say them back every time, cause he makes you feel so good, and it’s true. he does love you, and you do love him too.

and when he makes you fall apart, holding you under your chin firmly, trying to catch your unfocused eyes, and repeats again, hitting syllables, like he nails a coffin with his own tongue.

“i! love! you!” and the “i” is not zayne’s.

like someone else trying to speak to you through his mouth.

Elliot speak to me Elliot

I’ve been fighting with my lineart a lot so I decided to doodle silly things before I got too violent with it

Also I never draw…. Roblox characters…. These blocky mfs are causing me great pain….