#always angsty

Author: In my most recent post, I made a headcanon based around my OC Antonella finding Bruno (her dad) with Mirabel in Antonio’s room

TW: Angst, daddy issues, a lot of that stuff

After the shit show dinner and proposal that night, Antonella needed a break from her hectic family. She retired to her room, deciding to organize her bookshelves to calm her nerves down. Mirabel tried explaining to her before that something was up with the encanto, but....was that really true? She’ll admit, she’s felt different the whole day like something was off. 

No, it wasn’t a cold, she didn’t have a fever or feel sick. 

And her powers....they were all out of whack during dinner. She couldn’t see her Abuelo at the table. She couldn’t even feel his presence. He was always there, every single night. But that night, something was wrong. She could barely feel any presence of the other spirits in her room. What was causing this to happen?

Suddenly glass shattered next to her, causing her to jump. The book Antonella pulled out accidentally knocked over one of her orbs, causing it to shatter into a gazillion pieces. 

“Dios Mio!” She groaned, leaning down to pick up the shards. Making spirit orbs was already difficult for her to do, and it was her favorite one too. “I can’t seem to catch a break, can I casita?” She mumbled beneath her breath. There was a squeak. Antonella turned her head to see a small rat perched up on a shelf, sniffing around before looking at her with the most curious expression it could muster. “What are you doing here little one? Shouldn’t you be in Antonio’s room?” It cocked it’s head to the side. She smiled softly. “Here, I’ll bring you back.” Antonella held out her hands and the baby rat climbed into her palms. How in the world did it get so far from Antonio’s room? His room is all the way down the hall. Hmm, must’ve slipped out by accident and lost its way. Antonella knocked and opened the door. It’s not like her cousin was gonna hear her anyways. “Tonito? I found one of your animals--” She stopped dead in her tracks. A gust of green sand swirled around on top of the tree, the winds ferociously whipping around. “Antonio? Are you there? Hello?” She called out, pushing past the wind and holding the rat to her chest tightly. What was that thing? What was happening? She pinned herself against the tree so she didn’t blow away once she got close enough. 

“ISABELA?!” Mirabel shrieked. Mirabel? What in the world?

It all stopped, the currents in the wind vanishing along with the sand turning back to normal falling back to the ground, ya’know, where sand should be. Antonella tried to quietly calm the baby rat that slipped out of her hands and climbed up the tree, frightened. “It’s okay, shh, shh, everything is alright--” 

“Oh your sister, that’s great!” 

That voice. She knows that voice. Looking past the tree, lo and behold, it was him. It was her papá. It was Bruno Madrigal. Mirabel growled in anger, scrunching up her hands while Bruno was holding up a green glass slab. Antonella came out of the shadows, disbelief in her green eyes. Her heart began to race, her stomach instantly growing sick. 

“Papa?”

Both Mirabel and Bruno turned their heads, eyes wide. Oh….shit. He stared at his daughter, swallowing hard. “Uh…hey?” He waved at her, Mirabel looking back between the two with fear on her face. 

“Nella, look, I know this looks bad, b-but Tio Bruno, he’s trying to help the familia! He showed me how to save the family and casita and the encanto!” Mirabel rambled on nervously, trying to explain to her cousin what she just saw. Antonella wasn’t listening though, her mind grew fuzzy with a million thoughts. “Once everything is fixed things will go back to normal and Luisa will have her powers back and our home will be okay and yeah I have to make up with Isabela to do that and that sorta sucks but we’re all gonna be alright!” Mirabel grabbed her hand, then wiped a tear that began to roll down her face. She didn’t even realize she started to cry. “Antonella…you….okay?” 

She finally took her eyes off Bruno and looked at Mirabel. “I…I…” she stepped back, shaking her head and biting down on her trembling bottom lip. “I’m sorry, I have to go.” She turned quickly and ran down the tree, trying to wipe her eyes in case someone saw her. 

“Antonella!”

“Antonella please! Wait!” Bruno called after her. 

Mirabel and Bruno called after her but she refused to look back. She ran out of Antonio’s room and down the hall back to her own, slamming the door shut. How dare he just come back! Now?! Now he wants to come back?! She wasn’t even mad at Mirabel for this, how could she be? She’s just trying to help the family. Not long after, her door opened and closed shut once again. 

“Antonella, I-I can explain!” Bruno followed after her as she ignored his pleads. He twisted and turned between bookshelves which seemed endless. He had forgotten how big her room was, lit with candles everywhere you looked, glowing orbs floating in the air, giant dream catchers hanging from oblivion that you could sit on while admiring the pink and blue clouds and waterfalls that fleshed out into a huge river. Just like the rest of her family, her room was unique. Bruno rushed up the marble stairs that led to her bed which floated on clouds. “Anton--”

“WHAT?!” She zipped around, tears now streaming down her angered face. Her dad jumped back, almost frightened. “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”

“I just want to talk,” he spoke softly. 

“About what? What do you want to talk about?” She tried to make her tone sharp and stern, but it was impossible right now. “Actually, I can think of something,” Antonella laughed, stepping closer. “How about we talk about you leaving me! Hm?” 

Bruno’s face saddened, looking up at her. “I didn’t want to leave you--”

“That’s such a lie! You just got up and left without even caring!” Her room shook as her voice echoed throughout it. “You didn’t even say goodbye!” She wrapped her arms around herself, her body shaking as she looked away. “How do you think I felt when I couldn’t find you? I was eight years old! I looked everywhere for you and you weren’t there….” Antonella began to cry harder. “You weren’t there, and now you show up and try to fix things like that’s gonna help?” She shook her head, finally finding the courage to look at her papá. “You left me…just like mom did.” 

That broke Bruno’s heart. He never thought his daughter looked at him like that. He thought he was doing a good thing, protecting his familia and most importantly his daughter. He didn’t want her to grow up with a father who made bad things happen and everyone hated her for it, she didn’t deserve that, and with Mirabel’s prophecy it…

It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. 

“Nella--”

“No.” Antonella cut him off. “No you aren’t allowed to use that nickname. My family is.” 

“Mija…I am your family,” Bruno tried wrapping his arms around his daughter, attempting to console her. Antonella nearly let him too, before stepping out of his grip.

“No you’re not. You barely even know me.” She pushed him back, attempting to dry her tears for the second time and failing once again. “So go! Leave! I’m fine on my own!”

“Amor--!” 

“I don’t need you! I never needed you!” 

It felt like his throat began to close up, his anxiety building higher and higher. Bruno didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know how to make things better. Wasn’t that his job as a father? To pick her up when she fell down? To remind her that she’s brave and beautiful when she feels bad about herself? To be there for her as a shoulder to cry on and lean against when she couldn’t hold herself up? 

“Just get out of my life! It’s not like you were there for most of it anyways!” 

Hello Again, Lovelies!

This chapter has a little bit of everything (some fluff, some flashbacks, some sexiness) and as always, a lot of angst. :-)

Hope you enjoy! For those who have made it this far, I salute you and thank you! <3 <3 <3

Is That Alright? (Lucius Malfoy)

Song: Damien Rice- 9 Crimes

         Phoenix Malfoy sat in her room, strumming her guitar, looking out the window. She was back at Malfoy Manner, had just finished her third year at Hogwarts, and she was bored out of her mind. It was hot outside, humid and sticky. Her parents had important business to attend to, and Draco was most likely off doing something with Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle, so it was only her. Ugh, Draco. Just thinking of her evil twin made her sick. She absolutely hated her brother. He was arrogant and spiteful. Cruel and selfish. Draco was a down right bully. Especially to her. Potter thought he had it bad? That was nothing compared to what Draco did to Phoenix. He was cold to her. Would push her down, laugh at her, make fun of her, call her names, anything that made her feel worthless. Draco made sure he told Phoenix that he hated her every day. Did everything and anything that a brother shouldn't do.

        Anyways, Phoenix couldn't take being cooped up in her room any longer, so she headed downstairs. It was rather cold, sending chills down her back. It was quiet. It was lonely. But it was her home. She wandered into the family room, where the grand piano sat. It was big, and well, grand of course. Black and shiny, with glossy onyx and ivory keys, and a fancy big gold 'M' on the top. She sat on the black shiny bench. Phoenix ran her hand over the dusty keys, her slender fingers collecting the dust. You would think that of all things in the Malfoy house, the piano would be kept neat and tidy. But it wasn't. It was just sitting there, rotting away, not being used for what it's suppose to. She hasn't heard the piano in years. Last time she heard it, she was nine years old. Lucius used to play it for her all the time...Yeah...used to. Phoenix straightened her back and sighed softly, she clenched and unclenched her fingers, stretching them out. Her fingers shook a bit as they started to play a soft tune she had made up not so long ago. Music filled the room, before a delicate and soft voice chimed in.       

'Leave me out with the waste,'

'This is not what I do.'

'It's the wrong kind of place,'

'To be thinking of you'

'It's the wrong time'

'For somebody new'

'It's a small crime'

'And I've got no excuse'

'Is that alright? Yeah...'

'Give my gun away when it's loaded'

'Is that alright? Yeah...'

'If you don't shoot it how am I suppose to hold it'

'Is that alright? Yeah...'

'Give my gun away when it's loaded'

'Is that alright? Yeah...'

'With you?'

        Her fingers seemed to move on their own, like she didn't have to put any effort into it. With half lidded eyes Phoenix could feel them getting glassy. She closed them, and took a deep breath, feeling her throat get a bit tighter and her chest heavier. But she continued on with the words, her voice becoming a bit more audible.

'Leave me out with the waste,'

'This is not what I do.'

'It's the wrong kind of place,'

'To be cheating on you.'

'It's the wrong time'

'But he's pulling me through'

'It's a small crime'

'And I've got no excuse'

'Is that alright? Yeah...'

'Give my gun away when it's loaded'

'Is that alright? Yeah...'

'If you don't shoot it how am I suppose to hold it'

'Is that alright? Yeah...'

'Give my gun away when it's loaded'

'Is that alright,'

'Is that alright,'

'With you?'

'Is that alright? Yeah...'

'Give my gun away when its loaded'

'Is that alright? Yeah...'

'If you don't shoot it how am I suppose to hold it'

'Is that alright? Yeah...'

'Give my gun away when it's loaded'

'Is that alright,'

'Is that alright,'

 'With you?'

        Phoenix took a quick deep breath, tears pooling in her icy grey eyes.

'Is that alright? Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaahhh...'

'Is that alright? Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaahhh...'

'Is that alright? Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaahhh...'

'Is that alright,'

'Is that alright,'

'Is that alright,'

'With you?'

'No...'

A tear rolled down her cheek

Her voice broke. Two more tears came, and she swallowed hard, as she continued to play. The song had then ended. She took a shaky breath and she bit her lip. "What happened to us? What happened to our closeness? What happened to 'I love you'? What happened to 'I need you'? What happened to you and I, dad...?" Phoenix asked out loud to no one and shook her head. She closed her eyes, feeling a lump form in her throat. She breathed in and out, trying to calm herself. Her breath rippled as she held her stomach.

        A hand then rested on her shoulder. She gasped and her body jumped, immediately turning around. His grey icy eyes stared down at her. His long white blonde hair slicked back. He stood tall with pride, his cobra walking stick right next to him. Lucius Malfoy. Phoenix's eye widened. "F...F-Father?" she asked looking up at him, and twinge of fear stirring in her head and stomach. Oh god he was standing there the whole time, hasn't he! He heard me, didn't he! "I-I...I thought I would play a little..." she looked down. "No one was home...." she mumbled. Lucius suddenly kneeled down in front of Phoenix. He gripped her shoulders firmly. He looked into her eyes, before she moved her head down. 

               "I'm sorry -- I'm sorry I'm not a Slytherin -- I'm sorry I'm a Ravenclaw -- I'm sorry I hate that your a Death Eater -- I'm sorry I hate being a pureblood -- I'm sorry I can't stand Draco -- I'm sorry I'm friends with Harry -- I'm sorry I don't make you proud -- I'm so, so sorry I'm fascinated by muggles--I'm sorry I'm not perfect like Draco -- I'm sorry you don't care about me -- I'm sorry you hate me--I'm sorry I don't exist to you anymore..." She blurted out in one whole breath. Lucius stared at his daughter with both a stunned and pained expression. Phoenix covered her face with her hands as she began to cry, profusely apologizing. "I'm so sorry I need you. I'm sorry I miss the old you. I'm sorry I want our relationship back to the way it was. I'm sorry I want you in my life. I'm sorry I miss the times we had together. I'm sorry I'm your daughter. I'm sorry that I'm weak. I'm sorry for being a pathetic little-"

       "Phoenix!" he yelled, taking her hands away from her face "stop...please," he begged his daughter, a hard lump in his throat. Black eyeliner smudged under her eyes, dark tears slipping down her cheeks. She looked up, but closed her all red and puffy eyes. "...look at me..." Lucius spoke in the most softest tone she ever heard in her entire life.

        She opened her eyes, shocked at the way he was talking to her. At the way he acknowledged her. She looked into her father's eyes. He...he's...no, he can't be

        Lucius' voice was so steady and calm. "I want you to listen to me," He took off his gloves and cupped Phoenix's cheek, wiping away the drying tears. "I am proud you are my daughter, Phoenix. I am proud that your a Ravenclaw. I would risk anything for you--protect you--" Phoenix kept quiet. Lucius' lips curled downwards, furrowing his eyebrows sadly. "But I'm failing to do that. It's my job to keep you safe. It's my job to protect you, as a father should. I'm suppose to take the pain away, not give it to you," He looked into her eyes. Oh those innocent pleading eyes. She was hurt and he knew that. He neglected her for the past three years, and he thought he was doing the right thing. He never wanted her to find out that he was a Death Eater, nor ever Draco. And when she did one night while he was chatting with Severus Snape, his only reaction was to cut the connection between them. He never wanted his children in harms way--never ever in his life, but his stupidity and recklessness got in the way. He loved his children equally, but what he did to his own daughter was unforgivable. It wasn't just. It was wrong and dumb. 

        He felt the tears come down, covered his grey cold eyes as tears pooled over and over. He turned his face away, ashamed of himself, as he choked on a painful sob. Lucius covered his face with his hands as his head hung low so Phoenix couldn't see him like this. Phoenix watched her father, in absolute shock. Never has she ever seen him cry. Never. Never has she seen him in this state. She didn't know what to do as she watched her father cry out. His shoulders shook as he whimpered quietly at her feet. "I don't know if you could ever forgive me, Phoenix," he choked "I really don't know if you should," he paused, before he weeped again. "But I'm sorry," he whispered, shaking his head, "I'm so sorry..."

        A new set of tears flooded Phoenix's eyes, biting her lip, "Father," she said gently, before getting on her knees. "Daddy..." The young girl grabbed her father and pulled him close to her, throwing her arms around him. Lucius wrapped his arms around her small figure with a tight grip, resting his head on her shoulder. She shut her eyes tightly and hid her face in the crook of his neck, clutching his robe. He ran a hand through his daughter's hair, swaying her side to side.

        "I'm proud to be called your father. I'm proud of what you've accomplished so far in your youth." he kissed her cheek, feeling her hot tears on his lips. "And don't you ever think different..." Phoenix nodded her head. "I love you Phoenix--both you and Draco very, very much and I would do anything for you. I love you more than anything else in the world," 

          "Do...do you love us more than serving the Dark Lord? " she whispered reluctantly.

        "Oh god yes! So much more than being the Dark Lord's servent,"

        It took Phoenix a few seconds to comprehend what was happening. She was on the floor being cradled in her father's arms, Lucius Malfoy, pouring her heart out on him. His actions right now were very out of Lucius Malfoy character, oh yes indeed. He was such a snarky, mean person, thought highly of himself, made sure everyone knew of his pureblood status, almost like a older version of Draco you could say. He never showed the side of a loving father. Never. A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips. She buried her head into his shoulder and Lucius continued stroke her hair. "I love you too Dad," she started "more than you could imagine..."

'Is that alright?'