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Truly Docked by alsaurus
Rating: Explicit Words: 4,029 Tags: Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Post-Season/Series 02, Post-Episode: s02e08 Mermen, Our Flag Means Death (TV) Season/Series 02, Fluff, Humor, Smut, Blow Jobs, Docking, Frottage, One Shot, Podfic Welcome Summary: "I gave you a handjob and then I humped your leg with all my clothes still on. That's not docking."
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alsaurus' s2 fic
Kitty and the Captain this is the only one that I wrote and posted before s2 was complete: between episodes 5 and 6, in fact! so we've got all the sweet horny insanity of Ed in a cat collar and Stede practicing his captain voice from episode 5, plus the idea of Stede not knowing what a handy is from episode 4, and zero idea of the angst to come lmaoooo. it's cute, it's sweet, it's hot, it's on brand.
Ed and Stede's Very Successful Second Time a true comedy, and a visceral reaction to the season 2 finale (and to people's reactions to the finale). I admit that it's a bit of a prank, a bit of me blowing raspberries at all the Izzy wank in fandom... this is reflected in the hits to kudos ratio lmao. I know exactly where people hit that back button. but plenty of others kept reading, and maybe had some feelings they didn't expect to have. plus it's what I wanted to write, and I do truly write these for myself (as much as I love pleasing you all).
Truly Docked yeah... as soon as I heard that "well and truly docked" comment in episode 7 I knew I would have to write this lol. the docking itself is a pretty small part of it because as always, the Ed and Stede in my head just kept talking and it became a whole other thing. I also love this because it's a slightly different take on the post-s2 "innkeepers era"... iykyk 😂
Ed/Stede fics by alsaurus
all rated E for smut. click the read more to see what's new! (updated 12/28/23 with Kitty and the Captain PODFIC!)
An Extremely Fun, Memorable, Deeply Cool Adventure Word count: 4.6k Summary: Edward might be the one with the experience, but Stede is the one with the imagination. OR: Stede invents cocksucking. Ed is scandalized and intrigued. (podfic version read by legs)
There’s No Accounting for Taste Word count: 3.5k Summary: Ed is sick of waiting for Stede to touch him, so he takes matters into his own hands. It doesn't quite go as planned. (podfic version read by Tipsy_Kitty)
Little Wonder Word count: 3.7k Summary: Stede has a small dick. Turns out Ed is actually into it. Like, really… really into it. (podfic version read by SD_Ryan)
hi i just wanted to say you are one of my favorite ofmd writers, maybe THE favorite, and literally as soon as i even saw that you had posted a new fic (your FIRST ONE OF SEASON TWO especially) i was so fucking psyched. (it was very good btw ofc.) your take on their characters and dynamic is just SO. FUCKIN. GOOD. anyway thank you ily (parasocial) and im so excited to see what else you come up with as the season progresses!!! 💖💖💖
omfgggggg thank you so much!!!! 😭 sometimes I worry that I just write the same dynamic over and over and that it'll be like "oh here's alsaurus AGAIN with her Ed-POV-obsessing-over-Stede's-weirdness-as-they-have-weird-sex-and-talk-the-whole-time fic" but it's truly what I love and it just flows out of me when I watch OFMD enough times.
like my first OFMD fic was posted after I had already been obsessively rewatching the show for over a month. I had seen it at least 15 times by then and the guys' voices just got stuck in my head lol. So the fact that I've been compelled to write something before season 2 has even ended... I don't even know what's going to happen to me a month from now when I'm on the level I was last year. I know it's gonna be awesome though and I hope you continue to enjoy (both my fics and this incredible amazing perfect show)!!!
have you read the one where Ed asks Stede to bite him and Stede misunderstands him and bites his dick? probably not yet because I just wrote it, but here it is: With Teeth (3.1k, rated E)
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look. I tried, okay? I fucking tried.
every time I write one of my silly little smut fics, I make a silly little tumblr promo post for it. sometimes it’s a quoted passage, sometimes it’s a jokey summary, sometimes a quirky sales pitch…
but for this last fic?
I fucking give up. I’M DONE. I don’t fucking care anymore.
so here you fucking go!!
do you want to read a fic where Stede has to pee but he can’t because his dick is too hard and then Ed helps him get off? if so you’re in luck because I wrote it. it’s called Piss Off, Hard On and yes I hope you hate that pun as much as I do 💖 good bye I hate this post lmao
There's No Accounting for Taste
a stede/ed fic by alsaurus
Rating: E
Word Count: 3,506
Tags: Post-Season/Series 01, Post-Canon, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Voyeurism, Masturbation, Touch-Starved Blackbeard | Edward Teach, First Time, Humor, Fluff, Dialogue Heavy, Banter, One Shot, Podfic Welcome
Summary: Ed is sick of waiting for Stede to touch him, so he takes matters into his own hands. It doesn't quite go as planned.
read on AO3
me earlier today like OH FUCK NEW ALSAURUS FIC DROPPED I NEED TO DROP EVERYTHING AND READ IT INSTANTLY
Heck yeahhhh I hope you liked it!!! 💋
