#alpeen

I'm not sure why, but when the dark starts to come early, my people lose their minds. I don't know how many dark times ago it was, but they brought in this long box. It was a GREAT box. But they shooed me away from this box. Inside this box was green fluffy things and they took these green fluffy things and put them on this scratching post. I wasn't allowed to touch this scratching post so I stretched on the corner of the smaller soft thing instead. After all the green fluffy things were on the scratching post, they let me play in the WONDERFUL BOX. OH MY IT WAS SO FUN. I HID IN IT FOR A LONG TIME AND THEN THE MAN REACHED IN AND I HIT HIS HAND IT WAS SO FUN!

But at some point the man told me I had to come out. "Out you go, Alp. We can't keep the box in the living room." He didn't get to pet me after that and I went to the room with the big soft thing that my people slept on. 

I came out later and there WAS ANOTHER BOX! I peeked over the edge of the box and there were all these little ball things that looked fun to swat at. The woman picked me up and snuggled her face in my fur but I wanted those ball things. "You can't have those, Alpine. They go on the tree." I know the routine by now. This isn't the first time this has happened but maybe this time I can get those balls. It makes no sense really. They tell me no and then put them on the green fluffy things. RIGHT THERE. I can reach them. And they tell me no? Jail for them. 

I ended up on the smaller soft thing my people sometimes sit on, sometimes sleep on, sometimes defile with strange odors. I watched as they brought this string out and when I saw the end I nearly pounced on it. It was wiggling. I could save my people! Instead the man put it on the wall and the string glowed. He put the glowing string all over the fluffy green things. 

The woman made a comment about how the "ornaments" should have been put on after the "lights". The man didn't comment. 

When my people were done, there was this big fluffy green thing that glowed in the room. It had the ball things all over. The man put a blanket around the bottom of it. I thought it was nice of him. 

My humans have this routine when it gets dark. They give me more crunchy food in my bowl and then they give me a dish with wet food. They then will make a lot of noise and create a bunch of smells and then they eat. After they eat, they don't groom, which I find odd. They will sit on the smaller soft thing and turn on the light box. The light box has noise and they will look at it for the time it takes me to nap. Sometimes I sleep on one of them, sometimes next to them. I think tonight I'll sleep on the blanket the man put under the green fluffy thing. 

I can feel them watching as I walk over to the green fluffy thing. 

"Alpine, be a good girl," the man warns.

I'm always a good girl, I don't know what he's talking about. 

"Bucky!" I hear the woman coo as I curl up underneath. "I gotta get a picture. She's too cute."

"Well there's your Christmas card."

I hear one of them - probably the woman - get up and walk towards me. I know she won't hurt me so I keep my eyes closed. 

When I wake up they are still watching the light box. I stretch before going over to the man and start meowing at him. They need to go to their big soft thing. It's time. 

The man sighs, "Looks like the warden is saying it's lights out," he says and rubs my ears. Since he's rubbing my ears I won't slap him for that comment. 

"How does she know? It's uncanny." This has been the same routine for my whole life with the man. Eventually they get up and the man will go to the other room. The woman will go to where the food is and give me a few crunchy things with soft stuff inside. I like that stuff. Once I finish that, I follow her into the other room until they both get on the big soft thing. Sometimes they sleep and sometimes they kick me out with noises and the blankets being kicked off the bed. Rude. 

As I said before, that was several dark times ago. Tonight my people didn't go anywhere. They wore things on their head and I was afraid they would make me wear something on my head like they did before. 

Other humans visited for a while and I hid on the big soft thing until it got quiet and it was just my humans. It was Very Dark. Very Dark means it's time to sleep. I went up to the man and started meowing. It's Very Dark and now it's time for treats. The man chuckles and scoops me up close. 

"We can't go to bed, Alpine. It's not time."

I don't know what time is. There's Dark, Very Dark, and then it gets bright. Sometimes the bright is there for long like how the darkness is now. 

I meow again in protest. It's Very Dark. He doesn't understand. 

"It's New Year's Eve. We'll go to bed later. Do you want your treat now? You can go to bed."

That's not how this works. We all go together. I meow one more time and I realize they aren't going to move. They are watching the light box. I opt to stay between them for right now and nap. Maybe when I wake up they'll go with me. 

I wake up to loud noises. I don't like it. It's scary and I shake. 

The man and woman say "Happy New Year" to each other and rub their faces together. They do that to me sometimes. I meow to let them know I am Not Happy. The man holds me tight. 

"I don't like the noise either, girl. You're safe. We're all safe." I don't know how he can say that when the noise is louder. I meow again. He tightens his hold and then I feel a bit safer. I can feel him shake. 

The man stands and we walk over to the window. There's a table where I normally sit to watch birds. He moves the cover from the window so we can see out. There's a bright light and another boom. I meow again. “That's all that is, Alpine. Just fireworks, it's New Year's Eve. We're safe. It's just a lot of noise. We'll be okay.” The woman joins us and we all look out the window. There's more flashes and more noise. 

"Do you want your treat now? We can go to bed now." 

I'm still scared but I like the word treat. We move to the room with food. He holds me with one arm and lets me eat my treats out of his other hand. He doesn't let me go until we're all on the big soft thing. I stay with the woman while he goes to the room with the Loud Thing and the Thing That Gets Your Fur Wet. It's not like the loud noises but it's still Bad. 

"Buck, she's still shaking," the woman says. She pets me and holds me but not like him. He's different; he's my boy, he's been mine for my whole life, he loves me. He doesn't let the scary things get me.

"She'll calm in a bit. Just keep petting her."

Bucky Barnes had spent three-fourths of his time alive being under the control of an evil agency. The last time he had free-will he was following orders in World War 2. Property of the US Army; following Steve Rogers yet again. But that tenure was brief compared to Hydra. Hydra was 70 years of torture.

But that was then. That thing - he didn't even consider himself a man during that time; more of a monster - didn't exist anymore. At least that's what he kept telling himself when the nightmares came, when the screams echoed in his head (whether his own or the screams of others).

He felt he would forever be indebted to the people of Wakanda for taking the time to help him. It didn't fully remove the monster in him, but it helped tremendously. His gratitude was indescribable.

Bucky had gotten caught up in a sudden rain storm one day after he made it back to Brooklyn from Wakanda.

He was just trying to make it home with a few groceries when he heard the tiniest cry above the din of the rain. He was able to track down the cry to a garbage can in a nearby alleyway. Inside the can he found a small gray kitten.

“Oh hell,” he murmured. He had nothing to put the cat in except one of his reusable grocery bags. After a few minutes rearranging, he held the kitten in the sack in one arm and his groceries in the other hand.

He wasn't sure what he was thinking by taking this kitten home. He didn't know the first thing about kittens. This one looked young too. He stopped under an awning to look up nearby pet places. He located one and once there discussed the kitten, not with an employee, but with someone who volunteered at a rescue. They told him everything he would need to do to help the baby get stronger and thrive. They provided him with links to references to learn about raising cats as well as finding the right vet. Bucky left the shop with more bags and more confidence.

Upon bringing the cat home, Bucky gave it its very first bath in the kitchen sink. The kitten cried pathetically. Bucky took the cat - which looked like an angry wet rat - and wrapped it in a kitchen towel. He held it up to eye level and said, “I am no longer the Winter Soldier. I'm James Bucky Barnes and you are part of my efforts to…be a better human.”

His kitten did grow and thrive. She was not a gray cat but a very dirty solid white cat. She had blue eyes like him; he thought that was cool. Feeding her around the clock had driven the dark thoughts out of his head, seeing her grow helped him feel less like a monster. Her purrs calmed his anxiety. He didn't let himself spiral because his girl needed him.

A name had been hard to come by. Not Bucky Barnes scrolling name sites for the best cat name. He wasn't going to settle for something basic. He stumbled on the name Alpine by accident and thought that it fit the cat, and maybe it would help to have a positive association with anything having to do with the Alps.

Bucky had concerns with Alpine because she wouldn't always respond to him. He read in online forums that cats were independent and had selective hearing intentionally but he felt this was different. She would chatter to him when she knew he was talking to her but he couldn't rouse her from sleep with noise. His vet told him that she likely had hearing loss genetically. That it was a common trait of white cats with blue eyes. The vet informed him that she could have a wonderful life with a few adaptations. Adaptations. Bucky could relate to that.

Alpine thrived and a year later, Bucky didn't know what he would do without her. When the nightmares came she'd cuddle close and he'd wrap his arms around her while she purred and kneaded on his arm. Alpine never knew the monster he once was. All she knew was the man who fed her and loved her and saved her from that garbage can. Alpine knew she once was scared and now she wasn't.