Nov 23. Hmm this happened last friday, Nov 20, but before that Thursday at 20 mins before Friday, I heard something. Those things you use to hear because there is a cat in your boarding house, so it's nothing to me at first then, the light turned on in the kitchen - bathroom area after that some noises. At first it seems normal right, but time wise, no. I thought maybe our caretaker is doing something and I don't know what, so I just let it go and went to sleep. Knowing that I'm already sleep deprived, so I easily sleep. At the morning, I woke at my usual 6:30 and move out of my bed at quarter to 7. Well I do my usual stuff and toke a bath. Hmm nothing is weird really just that the lights on the cr is open, which I usually make sure it's off, now taking about it make me want to take just a 5 minutes bath. Then when I was finish, when I was going to turn off the light, I noticed something in the last panel of the bathroom, the door is slightly ajar. I just glimpse of something, a pair of legs of sort, well I wear glasses and sometimes I mistook a lot of things so I just thought I mistook the tubing in the cr. I was bothered at first but I just pass it thru my mind and went on my task before going to the office. My Friday went well. While going back home outside the city, I got this message with my caretaker if I'm ok, I'm confused then we talk. I just realized something about my morning, and then it hit me, it makes sense. The thought that someone was actually in that cr, luckily his drunk, who can actually hurt me and do something bad to me, just weakens my knees. Over the weekend I just let it pass me cause my caretaker won't tell me over the phone and will talk with me face to face. Now confirming what I realized that Friday is quite terrifying and I think I feel numb in a way. I don't know. I feel numb. I don't want to worry my mother and my family, I don't want to worry my friends. I want to tell this to someone but I don't know how, cause I can feel my reaction is out of the usual, I'm kinda relax well I bought some double locks and a whistle just in case. Now I'm paranoid just a bit, unusual noises heightens my alertness, I think I will not turn off my light, maybe I don't know which is safer anymore. Luckily I have another roommate where in the 3rd floor so I'm kinda feel safe of their noises. Still I don't know, it's just my reaction is weird and out of the usual. I should run and hide, right? Find some better place, the thing is I like it here, I been here for 3 years now and counting. The location is convenience. I just want to talk this out, to let this feelings inside of me comes out, I don't know when but I guess time will come and I will suffocate of this feeling. Just like this morning, I just suddenly told someone, actually a coworker who I admire his work about my leeching family. That's not me, I could never tell that to someone especially about my family but there I am telling things, OMG something is weird about me. I think I'm just so fucking tired and I know it's my fault. I just want to disappear for a moment and came back when I'm ready.
Still I feel bless and lucky, I mean someone is guiding me. My guardian angel is protecting me, I offer some candles tomorrow and I miss going to church but I'm scared I might catch covid especially it's increasing again. Hmm thank You, for always guiding and protecting me, this sinful person. 🙏
