#allthings

and maybe it's the way eliott smiles at everyone in his vicinity - even at lucas, a couple of times - or the way his eyes seem to light up forever, and the way he only, apparently, has one jacket, and how lucas thinks it looks so good on him.

but whatever the reason may be, it has caused insufferable pain to lucas: watching his friends make fun of him; turning into a blubbering mess whenever eliott's around; once dropping the books he was holding when eliott smiled at him. (he had blushed profusely after that, feeling all the heat rising up to his cheekbones, and then as he had bent down to recollect the books, eliott had crouched down next to him too. and lucas's fingers were quivering, like his heart, and when eliott had looked at him with sunshine pooling deep beneath his eyes, lucas's lungs had collapsed.)

there was that day, and how lucas had stuttered a meek thank you - eyes glued to the floor and embarrassment bubbling in his stomach, running away without looking back to see him. and then there's how lucas has been avoiding facing eliott at all cost, running to the back of the library, leaving the books he was supposed  to be stacking, or making an excuse to hide when he was supposed to be working up front.

he doesn't know why he keeps doing that - running away. and he doesn't know why eliott is capable of drawing such a response out of him. and he also doesn't know why his brain decides to turn to mush around eliott.

so yeah, while the books and the smell of old paper and wood wafting in the air around him might be the few things keeping him working in the library,  lucas knows his heart will soon retire if it keeps on conjuring up a storm whenever eliott does as much as exist.

**

it happens again - and lucas should be able to expect it now - but when he's rifling through a new set of books in the far corner of the library and there's a presence behind him, lucas looks up, and eliott demaury takes his breath right out of his lungs.

he's saying something - or maybe he has said something. lucas's ears have some sort of an invisible barrier right over them, preventing the sound reaching his ears. eliott stands in a brown jacket, the one he's always wearing, and his skin is golden under the light streaming in from the window on the upper left corner. his eyes are green, grey, and whatever colour that lucas can't name. he's smiling, and lucas feels trapped.

"i-i'm sorry," lucas says, his face burning warm, like a fire is lit just under his epidermis. there's a hummingbird in his chest, and it feels trapped, "do you need something?"

eliott's smile widens a into something soft, something beautiful, and lucas tries his best to not fall in it once again.

"actually yes," it feels like a feather floating in air; light, adrift. it lands perfectly through lucas's chest in his heart, "i was looking for some books but i can't find them. yann said you'll be able to help."

fuck yann. and fuck him for not listening to lucas when he rejected all of yann's claims about lucas liking eliott in remotely any way.

lucas gets up from the hard ground he's sat on, dusting off his hands on his jeans. he avoids eliott's eyes for a couple of seconds, and when lucas thinks he has enough energy to face eliott, he looks up.

"what books do you need?"

eliott hands him a worn out paper, like it's been folded and unfolded a couple of times, or eliott has just dug it out from underneath all the books in his bag. lucas looks over it, removing the creases from the paper by rubbing his fingers over them. his heart has calmed a bit, but his legs still feel like he hasn't used them in ages.

there are four books mentioned on the paper. lucas frowns, remembering the other three were issued at the start of the week, and haven't been returned yet. he tells eliott as such.

"these three books haven't come back yet," lucas clears his throat, hating how small his voice sounds even to his ears. just when his fingers start shaking, he turns his back towards eliott, facing the large bookshelf. sweat gathers at the back of his neck, and he takes a deep breath, summoning energy.

he takes out the fourth book, the alchemist, buried deep behind much newer books. lucas feels the rough spine of the book, and sees how the first page is about to slip off. it was this reason that one of the workers placed it behind so many other books, while lucas just felt it should be kept in the front.

he turns to eliott, handing both the book and the paper to him. his eyes stay down the whole time, and when he looks up, lucas wills himself to stare at the spot between eliott's eyebrows, neither here nor there. he sees eliott's face morph into a smile as he takes the book from lucas's hands, the tip of eliott's fingers touch his, just lightly, softly, but it still sends ripples through lucas's skin, making him drophis hands to his side.

"thank you," eliott's voice is light, and so is lucas's head. he feels eliott's eyes peer into him, and as lucas leans back on the shelf and looks a bit lower - just a bit - he's captured by the green and golden pooling in eliott's eyes. lucas feels his heart stutter a bit, the nerves in his stomach mixing into a mess, chest constricting in itself. he tries to smile, but it rather comes out as a grimace.

"i haven't read this yet, and the teacher has asked us to write a report on this specific book. i need to submit it in two days."

eliott's admission leaves lucas a bit baffled. he knows eliott is a literature student - he hasn't been stalking him, okay? - and as far as literature goes, lucas kind of has an idea that every one and their mothers have read the alchemist at some point in their lives, and to know eliott hasn't - it's kind of amusing.

lucas finds himself taking the book from eliott, much to his surprise. it's like he loses voluntary control over his body, feeling his tongue movie into action. he doesn't even notice that eliott's gaze on him intensifies.

"it's a pretty good one, this book. it's so...amazing to see how following your dreams is portrayed in it, you know? and fate and omens and like, the signs which one misses being so caught up in the world- it's so freaking -" lucas stops speaking, feeling heat rise up to his cheeks, the match now lit directly on his skin. something prevents him from breathing properly, and when eliott's kind of surprised eyes don't move from his face, he swallows harshly, "-sorry, i-i didn't-"

eliott shakes his head rapidly, a smile blooming on his face, "no, don't apologise! it's the most i've seen you talked ever since meeting you, lucas. it was nice - it is nice."

and if lucas thought his face was burning before, it's honestly melting now with the heat he feels on his cheeks. nice. lucas knows his sense of speaking has left his body now, so he meekly nods, pursing his lips together and looking down.

"i should get to working now," eliott straightens, and lucas hadn't noticed he was leaning forward a little. the air around him clears a bit, and lucas finds himself breathing more freely now. lucas hands eliott the book - the cause of his demise. eliott smiles softly, fingers meeting his once more.

"thank you, and lucas?" lucas looks up, letting out a 'huh'. a cheeky look graces his features as he starts walking backwards, "you look cute when you blush."

eliott winks. oh. OH!

lucas places his hands on his cheeks, feeling the warmth seep in. and when lucas says he died, he really did.

**

so it goes on like this.

eliott comes to the library like before. lucas keeps working there like before. but something changes: lucas starts looking forward to seeing eliott.

but it's not like lucas gets over the fear of embarrassing himself in front of eliott: his brain still turns to mush; his legs go numb; his heart goes haywire; and the muscles in his stomach twist uncomfortably whenever eliott comes in.

and the worst thing isn't the guys making fun of his state in front of eliott - they imitate him terribly. (and for the record, no, lucas wasn't blubbering all over the floor in front of him, okay?)

the worst thing comes when eliott does as much as smile at him, or when he compliments lucas, taking him by surprise. often, he'll say something like, "you look good today," and lucas will lose his shit. often, when eliott will meet him somewhere outside the library, he'll take out time to ask lucas about his day. and often, when lucas will be at the front desk - and yann and arthur will be behind, keeping an eye on him and eliott - and eliott will come, and he'll hug lucas. and lucas will decidedly not notice his heart ready to jump out of his chest, and the way eliott smells so good, and the way the hug seems to linger for longer - and the way yann and arthur will call him stupid when he insists he feels nothing for eliott.

which is a lie, considering he's falling for him, hard and fast.

so it goes on like this. the library's pretty empty that day when eliott walks in. lucas's sorting the books people had returned, and it seems to be raining quite heavily outside. he doesn't notice the footsteps tapping on the floor till eliott's standing right behind him.

"hi," lucas jumps almost ten feet in air, startled out of his mind. the hummingbird in his chest seems to be set loose. lucas turns around, coming face to face with eliott's amused features, and the light burning behind his eyes.

"you almost gave me a heart attack!" he places a hand on his chest, ignoring the way ants swarm his stomach.

"sorry," eliott chuckles, "such was not my intention."

eliott looks far from being sorry. lucas feels a smile creeping up on his face, cheeks burning slightly. "anyways, which book do you need today?"

lucas is midway placing a book in the shelf, when eliott shifts next to him, "i don't need anything. i'm here to see you, actually."

and lucas should be used to it. he should be used to such remarks from eliott. but it still conjures up a storm inside his brain. "yeah?"

he starts moving to the other corner, feeling eliott trail behind him. lucas takes a second to calm his heart down.

"hmhm," eliott's voice punctures the silence which settles between the two, "i need to see your face in order to have a good day."

lucas stills. he turns around, and there is eliott, something burning behind his eyes. "oh really?"

eliott nods, smiling, "yeah. just the other day, i dropped my coffee first, then i messed up my assignment and had to walk home in rain. and you know, it's because i didn't come to see you that day."

and it's amusing, almost unbelievable. lucas smiles at eliott, both frozen in front of the desk, "and when you missed the bus yesterday, was it because of me too?"

eliott rocks back and forth on his heels, eyes fixed on lucas. the library empties, till him and eliott are the only ones left. "kind of. i was at that sushi place you love so much. and it's how it happened."

lucas swallows the boulder lodged in his throat. breathes deeply to make his lungs start working properly again. focuses on the ground to clear his head. he sees eliott step closer to him, his shoes coming in his line of vision. and when lucas looks up, he's taken back by eliott's closeness, his eyes peering in his soul.

"you know, lucas, someone said something and i've been thinking about it ever since."

lucas raises an eyebrow, their closeness making him feel so many things "who is this someone and what did they say?"

"my heart. and it said i've been thinking about you so much that i can't imagine this world without you."

lucas almost chokes on the air he was supposed to inhale. eliott's eyes glint mischievously, and while lucas's heart is about to rip his chest off, and his legs seem to give up, there's a much larger part of him which refuses to believe that eliott isn't joking.

"did it say something else?"

"yes," eliott nods, moving close, closer. his nose almost touches lucas's, and if he moves just an inch forward, he will be able to meet eliott's -

"something about the things i am feeling seem like i am falling in love with you."

it takes that - just that and a dip in lucas's chest, his stomach contorts painfully - and lucas moves away, landing a hand harshly on eliott's arm. "eliott! for god sake!"

eliott looks surprised for some reason, rubbing the spot lucas hit, "what the fuck lucas!"

lucas huffs a breath, putting more space between eliott and him. fuck. "you can't just joke about something like this, eliott!" his voice has fallen to a whisper. something hurts behind his sternum. his hands feel numb, "you can't."

eliott seems frozen. his eyes are wild, and if lucas didn't know better, he'd say he looked hurt, "you think that i'm joking? what the hell lucas!"

confusion pools inside lucas, preventing him from thinking clearly, "what do you mean? and you can't lie!"

"i wasn't! at least i wasn't lying when i said i love you."

"what?"

eliott diminishes the space between them, stepping forward close enough to lucas so that the tips of their shoes touch. he leans down to lucas's height and gently, with the touch of a feather, takes lucas's face in his hands. lucas knows they're burning, and that they're red, but eliott's eyes provide him a hold fast, a support to lean on.

"you have no idea of the things i did to get you to even look at me, lucas." he starts, and lucas feels like a kid standing at the top of a water slide, excited and scared all at once, "i knew you were going to be a handful when you kept running away, kept hiding from me. and when you finally started talking to me without doing any of those things, i knew i was gone for good. god, i fell for you the minute you looked at me."

lucas doesn't know how it happens, but eliott pulls him in - and lucas says something. he hears his own voice reaching his ears, and he feels eliott's fingers skimming over the skin on his cheeks.