i heard you want angst. you should... like... write about Alec dying and Simon's reaction to it :DDDD <3
it was late – or early rather, depending on who you were. for simon it was the middle of the night and he had been fast asleep when his phone rang. with blurry half-lidded sleep eyes he made out clary’s name on the front of his phone and slid his finger across the screen to answer, drowsily holding the phone to his ear.
before he could even say anything his ears were met with sniffling from the other end and he immediately dragged himself out of his sleep and was fully attentive now.
“ clary – hey, what’s wrong? ”
she was quiet for another moment, more sniffling coming from her side of the conversation and if simon had a heart it would have been beating out of his chest from worry. the quiet was killing him and he sat up in his bed.
“ i need you to talk to me, you’re worrying me clary —- “
“ you need to come to the institute simon, it’s alec. ”
those were the only words simon heard before the phone fell from his hand onto his bed. his ears were ringing, like someone had just hit him over the head with a brick and his eyes were already stinging with the threat of tears. but he held back, picked the phone back up and tried to listen to what she was saying.
“ ….it was bad and he’s just not healing like he should be and – he asked for you simon, you need to find a way to get here. ”
it was still daylight outside, he knew that much from the time on his phone. and he didn’t know how he was going to get there. but he had to find a way. he needed to be with alec. so he called clary back, told her to come to the hotel and bring any and all blankets she could find.
a few minutes later he was covered in blankets with clary backing his van up to the front of the hotel so he could take a run and jump into the back. it was risky, but it was worth it when he made it to the institute in one piece.
alec was barely conscious when he finally made it in to see him. cuts and bruises across his skin and simon almost broke down as soon as he saw him. he’d never seen him like that before. no matter how bad the mission, alec had always healed.
he quickly moved over to him, taking his hand in his own and kissing across the top of it. his skin was cool and clammy and simon never wanted to let his hand go again.
“ alec, hey – it’s simon. i made it. everything’s gonna be alright, okay? “
it wasn’t. and simon was scared. he couldn’t lose alec. not this soon. not when there were so many more years ahead of them to spend together. he laid his head down on the bed beside alec and didn’t move until a hand on his shoulder brought him back around. it was izzy, tear glazed eyes and red cheeks, and simon stood up, throwing his arms around her.
“ it’s internal – they don’t know what to do. he’s not healing…nothing’s helping and they’re afraid surgery will make it worse. ”
simon just held her tight and shook his head.
“ he’s tough. he’ll fight this and he’ll pull through. “
she stayed with them for a little while longer. both of them just sitting in silence. other people came and went throughout the rest of the day. doctors, family, other friends. but simon stayed where he was. and no one said anything to him.
alec came to for a brief moment, squeezing simon’s hand and giving him the faintest pained smile. and simon kissed him, told him he loved him, and got another hand squeeze in return before alec went back to sleep.
he fell asleep himself after that. taking it as a good sign. a sign that alec was going to come out of this fine, and that everything was going to go back to the way it was. simon was going to get to continue to have alec in his life and nothing was going to change.
the loud beeping of the machine hooked up to alec said otherwise.
it woke simon and he was quickly dragged away from alec as doctors and nurses rushed into the room, gathering around alec until simon couldn’t see him anymore. he was rushed out of the room and forced to watch through a small window and not even know what was happening.
a few minutes later the group slowly dispersed, making their way from the room and taking family members to the side. all simon could do was stare through that window. another hand on his shoulder, clary this time, asking him if he wanted to say goodbye. a nod, not fully grasping what was happening as he was led back into alec’s room again.
he turned to clary, tears in his eyes.
“ he’s gonna be fine, right? it’s alec. he’s tough. everything’s gonna be fine. ”
and then clary was crying again and simon was confused once more before she turned him around to face her, hands gripping his shoulders.
“ alec passed away simon. you’ve just been – you were just standing there for so long looking through that window. but he’s gone…i’m so sorry. i’ll let you say goodbye. ”
simon just stood there for a moment, staring at the spot clary was just standing in until she was long gone from the room. finally he turned to see alec. all the wires and iv lines were gone from him now. he looked so peaceful. like an angel.
he sat down in the chair beside alec’s bed, where he had been not that long ago kissing him and feeling alec squeeze his hand. and finally it all hit him and simon broke down. he took alec’s hand again, begging him to just squeeze it and tell him everything was fine. but nothing ever came, and simon buried his face into the blanket at alec’s side and wept, still begging him to come back.
eventually simon made his way onto the bed where he curled up beside alec, hand still in his, head on alec’s chest, with every intention of staying there until they told him he had to go. no one made him move the rest of the night. only checked on him and were met with quiet. he stayed there and he fell asleep one last time with the person he loved more than anything in his entire world.
