༺♡༻ Alfie loved spending time with his kids. You, in a million years, never would’ve imagined Alfie Solomons sitting at a tiny table, surrounded by teddy bears, having a tea party with your daughter. “Oi, love, drink up your tea before it goes cold.” Alfie looked at the lion plushie sitting on the chair next to him. “Right then, Mr. Snuggles. I believe we was just discussin’ trade negotiations between your company and the jungle syndicate, yeah?” Your daughter giggled behind the teacup in her tiny hands. “Daddy, you gotta talk like a lady!” Alfie raised his pinky theatrically, and continued in a high-pitched, posh voice: “Ohhhh, but of course, my Lady, I simply must insist we extend the treaty to include new biscuit distribution routes.” He paused, casting a suspicious glance around the tiny table at the plush animals. “—Although, lemme just say, I don’t fuckin’ trust that bear over there. Look at him. Dodgy fuckin’ eyes. I see you, Mr. Grumps.” Your daughter squeaked. “Daddy! No bad words at the tea table!” Alfie clutched his chest like he’d been shot. “Oh, Christ—oh, crikey, I mean, me sincerest fuckin’ apologies, right—I mean, I’m sorry. Proper lady talk only. Got it.”

༺♡༻A few years later came your first boy, and Alfie was absolutely fucking enchanted by how much he looked like him. “Proper mini-me, this one. Look at ‘im, nose, chin, ‘andsome like his papa.” First thing he told him, was what it meant to be a strong Solomons man. “You don’t take shit from no one, son. Nah, us fuckin’ Solomons? We protect what’s ours. Always have, always fuckin’ will.” Maybe Alfie was a little too literal, he remembers when the school principal called you two in. “Your son threatened another student with driving a six-inch nail up his nose if he ever pushed his sister again,” he said, horrified. “You wouldn’t happen to know where he gets those ideas, would you?” Alfie’d never looked more proud in his life.

༺♡༻ Alfie grumbles that your son has an uncanny talent for cockblocking him. He always shows up at exactly the wrong moment, knocking on your bedroom door in the dead of night, asking for another bedtime story, or demanding breakfast the second the sun peeks over the horizon, just when Alfie was hoping for a little morning fun. Alfie would grunt, annoyed at being interrupted yet again. With surprising grace for a man so recently distracted, he’d roll off the bed and throw on his robe. “I’m comin’, mate,” he called toward the door, glancing at you with a muttered complaint about not coming at all tonight. “Bloody hell, you little shite, it’s three in the fuckin’ mornin’—” Your little boy would mumble something about a “monster under my bed,” his small fingers clutching at Alfie’s robe. "Oi. Monster? Bet that ugly cunt heard who owns this house and fucked off already.” But your son would insist that he saw something under his bed. “'S just shadows and shite.” Alfie’d try to explain. "Monsters don’t exist unless I allow 'em to. And I don’t allow ‘em. So go the fuck back to sleep.” Eventually, Alfie would sigh dramatically but, as always, carry him over to his bed to check. One boot would kick lightly under the bed. “Oi, you fuckin’ coward of a monster,” he growled, his tone still gentle enough not to scare the boy. “Listen ’ere, this is my boy’s room, yeah? You bother him again, I’ll come back with a hammer and nail your ugly arse to my distillery wall like decor.” Your son, his head buried in Alfie’s arm, peeked out at the last part and let out a hesitant giggle. Satisfied, Alfie settled him back into bed, gruffly tucking the blankets around him. “There. Done.” He gave his forehead a quick, affectionate pat before turning away. But his tiny hands immediately grabbed at his sleeve. “Stay ’til I fall asleep?” and Alfie would exhale sharply through his nose, but he always stayed.

༺♡༻ Alfie also loves to tease your boy. He’ll often complaint that you’re raising him too soft, that he’s turning out to be such a momma’s boy. Every little fuss, every time he clings to you, Alfie smirks and shakes his head. You can’t help yourself, he’s just so adorable, like a tiny, soft version of Alfie, all cuddly and warm in your arms. Before you know it, you’re holding him close, smothering him in kisses the way you used to when he was a baby. Your son would pout, trying to bat away your kisses "Stop iiiiiiiiit, muuuuum" his cheeks’d turn a bright shade of red. Alfie, of course, wouldn’t miss the opportunity to tease him. "Look at you, practically turning into a tomato, and from some kisses from your momma? What are you, bloody four?" He’d snort, and your son would argue that he’s a big boy, even if he was melting into your cuddles, tucking himself against your chest. Alfie’d explode with a shit-eating grin. "Aww, look at that," Alfie’d coo mockingly. “Big tough guy still a mummy’s boy after all." You’d tell your boy not to mind his father, he’s just jealous he isn’t getting all the attention right now. And of course, you wouldn’t dare mention to Alfie that he behaves exactly the same way with your daughter.

༺♡༻ You’ve had multiple conversations with him because he swears like a sailor around the kids. Filthy as ever, like he’s down at the docks, not in your living room. He tries to contain it when you’re around, cause he knows how you get. “Alfie, watch your mouth, the kids are around.” He’d hold a hand to his chest, acting offended. “Bloody hell, woman, I’ve talked like this me whole life, yeah? I’m too fuckin’ old to be fixin’ my vocabulary now, innit?” It wasn’t a problem until the kids got old enough to repeat it. Until one of them parroted “fuckin’ hell” at the dinner table and you nearly dropped your fork.“Right, no, no, you don’t say that word, alright? That’s a grown-up word. You say that in front of your mum, I’m gonna get a fuckin’ slipper to the head.”

༺♡༻ At first, your kids’ friends were terrified to come to your place. They’d heard about Alfie’s reputation, the stories, the whispers, they were nervous about being around the big bad man himself. And Alfie’s warm welcome didn’t help. “And you are…?” he’d growl, towering over them in the doorway. “Right. And what’s your intentions, then, comin’ into my house, eatin’ my bread, playin’ with my kid, yeah? You plan on bein’ a decent fuckin’ influence… or we got trouble?” But it only took a few hours before every single one of them was asking Alfie for another story. “…and that, children,” he’d say, leaned back in his chair like a king holding court, “is how Uncle Alfie once bribed a copper with a whole barrel of rum to avoid gettin’ arrested.” Your son tilted his head up at him. “Arrested for what, dad?” Alfie scratched at his beard. “Public indecency,” he gave him a serious glance over his shoulder. “But don’t go tellin’ your mum, yeah? She won’t be too thrilled ‘bout that story. Reckon she’ll still swear on her life it never fuckin’ happened.”

༺♡༻ Alfie’s fiercely protective of his children. There was one time your kids were running around at a restaurant, a waitress came carrying too many plates of food, bumped into your kid, and Alfie was ready to kill. “You wanna apologize to the kid or should I start breakin’ fuckin’ kneecaps, mate?” And when it came to your daughter? God help any boy who so much as looked at her. Alfie already knew the day was coming, boys getting interested, thinking they had a chance. He couldn’t trust any little prick with the heart of his daughter. “I’m tellin’ you,” he said to her once, “any classmate looks at you? You bring the little prick ‘round the distillery, I’ll have a polite fuckin’ word.”

༺♡༻ By the time you got pregnant with your third child, Alfie was over the moon. You’d both been trying for a while (although with Alfie, every single night counted as trying), wanting to grow your family, but Alfie had started to doubt he still had it in him to give you another child. “It’s alright, Alf. We have two beautiful children. You’ve given me everything, you’ve made me the happiest woman,” you’d say, trying to reassure him, but it never quite settled his worries. “But you wanted another one, didn’t you? And look at me, this old bastard. Can’t give you what you bloody deserve no more.” Then, just when you were almost ready to give up hope, your third miracle came into your lives. One day, Alfie asked you, quite seriously, “D’you think I ought to have the talk with the boy? He’s been askin’ how his dad put a baby in your tummy.” You nearly choked. “What? No! He’s still too little, Alfie.” Alfie waved a hand dismissively. “Oh, come on, woman. The boy oughta know how to treat a woman right, don’t he? My old man taught me everythin’ I know when I was his age, and look, I didn’t turn out half bad, did I?”

༺♡༻ Alfie loved talking to your belly. He did it in all three pregnancies. His massive hands rested gently on your bump as he leaned down, letting his beard brush softly against your skin. “Hello there, little bastard… don’t think I don’t know you’re already kickin’ me, eh? Got your mum’s temper, I can tell already.” He paused, as if listening to a response only he could hear. “You’re safe in there, ain’t ya? Your mum’s keeping you nice and warm. Bloody angel your mother is, you’re lucky to have her. Don’t worry, we’ll handle the world for ya, don’t you fret.” He’d never miss the chance to tease you a little too.“Oi, you’re gettin’ big in there, your mum’s lookin’ like a bloated balloon.” You shot Alfie the stinkiest eye you had. “Reckon you’re gonna split her open when you come out.” That earned him a kick to the knee. He’ll sometimes consult the baby for real decisions, stroking your belly thoughtfully “What do you reckon, little one? Should I let the Italians have that shipment, or fuck ‘em over? Eh? Advice? Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He always kissed the bump gently every night before going to sleep, sometimes resting his forehead there. “Sleep now, little bear. Big world waitin’, but we’ll be here, yeah… you, me, your siblings, your mum…”

༺♡༻ Alfie’s favorite moment of the whole week is whenever you’re all curled up together on the couch in front of the fireplace. His daughter, sweet thing, is sitting on his lap, her small head resting on his chest. His big boy is tucked into his right side, nestled under Alfie’s thick arm. And then there’s you, on his left, holding the newest addition to your family, your little baby boy. He’s got your eyes and Alfie’s nose, his little breaths soft against your neck. And Alfie… he looks at you, at what the two of you built, at what you gave him. You, the woman who made it possible for him to have something he never thought he’d be allowed to have, a home… a family.

I’m not doing taglists anymore, you can follow me on my Updates account

Check my Alfie Masterlist

A/N: Big shout-out to @mapping-out-skies for suggesting this idea for the Alfie headcanons! tqm reina<3 I’m such a softie for Alfie as a dad, I had to write this asap. It turned out much longer than I wanted but I cannot physically shut up jsksjs😭😭

Working on the other headcanon ideas you guys sent me, expect them in the next few days🫡

Thank you so much to everyone reading, your support means the world, as always🩷

tags: @ducksareswagy @conrzd @xmrsbutlerx @potter-solomons @bhyunrosies @freyadronning @moonbeamott @mani-pedro @ohthisisanna @moonlightbored345 @faithhhhhsblog @sethell @sweetnspicychicken @marisolpusheen @blamepotter @crimsonxcobra @twigleektribute23 @alexxavicry @tr199yc0841n @tearsweetenedtea @serenity-1221 @feveredvisions @smvtwitchmiller @18lkpeters @frenchaurora @mslxsx07 @glowingtoenails @jujuthepooh15 @multireality

Spring in the UK had finally decided to behave itself; blue skies, soft breeze, and just enough sun to make everything glow without turning it into a sweaty mess. You stood outside the pub garden, fingers nervously fidgeting with the sleeve of your top, trying to ignore the way your stomach twisted.

You hadn’t eaten.

Not properly, anyway. A few sips of water this morning didn’t count, but nerves had completely wiped your appetite. And now… now it was too late to fix that. Beside you, Alfie nudged your shoulder gently.

“Hey,” he said, smiling down at you, soft and reassuring. “They’re literally just people. Slightly more annoying people, but still.”

You huffed a tiny laugh. “That doesn’t help.”

“It should. You deal with me, don’t you?”

“That’s barely surviving.”

He grinned, clearly pleased with himself, and slipped his hand into yours. “You’ll be fine. And if they scare you, I’ll fight them.”

“You would not.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” he admitted immediately. “But I’d strongly consider it.”

That earned a real laugh from you - brief, but enough to loosen the knot in your chest. He squeezed your hand once more before guiding you through the gate into the beer garden.

You were immediately faced with noise. Laughter, overlapping conversations, someone loudly arguing about something ridiculous.

A long table was filled with Alfies friends, plus their girlfriends; Calfreezy, Harry, Chip and Sabina, George and Yasmin, Arthur, Italian Bach and Liv.

Meanwhile, you felt like you’d just walked into somewhere you don’t belong. Alfie noticed instantly. His thumb brushed over your knuckles. “Stay with me, yeah?”

You nodded.

“Oi!” Calfreezy called, spotting you both. “He’s brought her! Everyone act normal!”

“No chance,” Harry added. “Too late for that.”

There was a ripple of laughter, but it wasn’t mean, it was warm, welcoming in a chaotic way. Still, your nerves didn’t fully settle.

Introductions blurred together- names, smiles, quick jokes. You did your best, nodding, replying, hoping you didn’t look as anxious as you felt.

Then Alfie handed you a drink.

“Just something light,” he said. “Might help you relax.” You didn’t even think about it.

Big mistake.

At first, it was fine.

You sat tucked slightly into Alfie’s side, listening more than speaking, slowly sipping your drink. The conversation bounced all over the place-stories, jokes, teasing and gradually, you started to feel… warmer. Looser.

Like the volume of your thoughts had been turned down.

So you took another sip.

And another.

And then it hit. Fast.

Way too fast.

“Wait—WAIT,” you suddenly said, sitting up straighter, pointing at Harry. “Say that again.”

Harry blinked. “What?”

“That thing you just said. About the pigeon.”

“I didn’t say anything about a pige-”

“You implied it.”

The table went quiet for a second. Then burst into laughter.

Alfie turned to you slowly. “You alright?”

You looked at him with complete seriousness. “I understand everything now.”

“That’s… concerning.”

“I’ve unlocked social skills,” you announced proudly.

“Oh no,” Alfie muttered.

Ten minutes later, you were the centre of the table. Not intentionally it just… happened.

You were telling a story. Loudly. With dramatic hand gestures. At one point you stood up to demonstrate something that absolutely did not require standing.

“And THEN-” you said, nearly knocking over your drink, “he had the AUDACITY-”

Calfreezy was doubled over laughing.

Even Chip had put his phone down, which honestly said everything.

“You’re joking,” Harry wheezed. “She’s funnier than Alfie.”

“That’s not hard,” you shot back instantly.

The table erupted again.

Alfie stared at you, somewhere between horrified and impressed. “Who are you?”

“I am me,” you said confidently.

“You’re never this confident.”

“You’re holding me back,” you accused.

“I am absolutely not-”

“You are. Emotionally.”

Bach was practically falling out of his chair laughing. “Alfie, she’s brilliant, mate. What have you been feeding her?”

“Apparently nothing,” Alfie said, narrowing his eyes at you. “Wait… have you eaten today?”

You froze.

“…define eaten.”

“Oh my-” He dragged a hand down his face. “You’re drunk on an empty stomach.”

“I prefer the term efficient.”

“You’re unbelievable.”

It only got worse. Or better—depending on who you asked. You started rating everyone at the table based on completely random criteria;

“Arthur, you’ve got strong ‘forgets his keys but blames the door’ energy.”

“That’s oddly accurate,” Arthur admitted.

“Chip,” you continued, squinting at him, “you look like you know where the best snacks are at all times.”

“That’s just true,” Chip shrugged.

“And Alfie-” Alfie braced himself.

“You’re… alright.”

The table howled.

“ALRIGHT?” Alfie repeated. “That’s what I get?”

“You’re lucky I like you.”

“You like me?”

“Don’t push it.”

Eventually, Alfie had enough.

Not because you were embarrassing-honestly, everyone adored you-but because you were very clearly gone.

You nearly tripped over nothing.

You tried to sip from an empty glass.

At one point, you leaned over and whispered (very loudly), “I think your friends like me.”

“They love you,” he said. “Too much. You’re never living this down.”

“Good.”

“Not good for me.”

He stood up, gently pulling you with him.

“Alright, that’s us,” he announced.

“Awhhh,” came the chorus from the table.

“Bring her back,” George added.

“Yeah,” Harry said. “But feed her first next time.”

“Definitely feed her,” Calfreezy agreed.

Alfie shook his head, laughing despite himself. “Noted.”

You waved dramatically. “Goodbye, my fans!”

“You’re not famous!” Alfie whispered harshly as he guided you away.

“I am in my heart.”

The walk home was… slow. You leaned heavily into him, your energy finally dipping.

“You didn’t tell me you hadn’t eaten,” he said.

“I forgot.”

“You don’t forget food.”

“I was nervous,” you admitted, quieter now. He softened immediately.His arm wrapped more securely around you.

“You did great today though”

“I embarrassed you.”

“You absolutely did,” he said. “But they love you. I love you.”

You smiled sleepily. “Good.”

“Next time,” he added, “you’re having a full meal before we go anywhere.”

“Bossy.”

You tilted your head onto his shoulder. “Still like me?” He glanced down at you, amused.

“Yeah,” he said. “Even when you’re calling me ‘alright’ in front of everyone.”

You grinned.

“Alright is generous, actually.”

“Okay, that’s it,” he laughed. “We’re getting you home before you say anything worse.”

“Too late,” you mumbled. “I’ve peaked.”

It started like any other night at Chip’s flat. The low hum of background chatter threading through the room, the soft fizz and drinks of opened cans punctuating the air, the pale flicker of the tv casting a lazy glow as some football match played on, but no one was really watching. The familiar musk of worn sofas mixed with the stale scent of sweat and beer. The room was warm; not just temperature wise, but warm with the kind of easy comfort that only comes from months of routine, from too many nights spent exactly like this, from the easy bond of people who knew each others rhythms without needing to speak.

Alfie was louder than usual though. The usual grumbles and complaints were now sharper, more pointed, more on edge. His voice cut through the murmur, dragging attention even from the distracted.

“She’s not my type,” he blurted suddenly, the words rushing out clumsy and jagged, a little defensive as if he’d been caught mid-thought and was trying to convince himself more than anyone else. He shoved a crisp into his mouth and bit down harder than needed, the loud crunch sounding almost aggressive ─── like it was supposed to bolster the truth of his statement, to prove it real by sheer force.

George’s brow lifted slowly, one arch heavy with knowing amusement. His eyes locked on Alfie, calm but sharp. “You literally just brought her up. Again.”

Alfie’s scowl dropped like a shutter, teh sudden guilt flickering behind his eyes betraying how little he’d realized how obvious he’d been. His mouth tightened, and his hands moved restlessly, flicking a loose thread on his jumper, tapping on his knee, anything to fill the sudden silence he’d created.

“Yeah, well, ‘cause she said the stupidest thing earlier,” Alfie shot back quickly, his voice sharper now, defensive and rushed, like he was desperate to steer the conversation away from himself. His hands waved, emphasizing his point, but also jittery. Like he was trying to shove down the feelings bubbling under the surface. “Said crisps aren’t a proper dinner. Like, fuckin’ hell, what d’you think a pub meal is?!”

Chip snorted quietly behind his bottle, shaking his head with a smirk, eyes flicking between Alfie and George. “You’re obsessed. You know that, right?”

“Obsessed?” Alfie let out a laugh that was too loud, a little forced, and shoved off the back of the sofa, standing up suddenly as if height might lend him more authority or at least distract from the heat rising to his face. He ran a hand through his hair, then looked away for a moment, voice softer but still trying to sound casual. “Nah. I just think she’s─── I dunno. She’s alright. Funny sometimes. Bit annoying. Cute, maybe. I dunno. Not like I’ve noticed or anything.” His words stumbled over themselves, a fragile attempt at denial that only made it clearer how much he had noticed. More than once.

His voice cracks slightly on the word “cute,” but he quickly covers it with a cough, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck as if the word had slipped out too honestly, too close to the surface.

“You talk about her every time we hang out,” George says flatly, eyes never leaving his phone. The casual way he states it somehow makes the truth sting sharper. “You even brought her up last stream when someone asked your favourite food.”

Alfie fidgets. A quick shrug, shifting back into his seat, then scratching at the label on the bottle in his hand as if the motion could distract him from what was being said. “Yeah, and?” he mumbles, voice barely above the room’s background noise. “She likes pasta, innit? S’why it came to mind.”

“You bought her pasta after she said that,” George points out, still doomscrolling, unfazed.

A tight, almost defensive smile quirks at Alfie’s lips. “I like to provide, George.”

The words come sharp, heavy with forced bravado, but his hand twitches just a fraction around the bottle ─── a tiny flicker of nerves betraying the act.

“Alfie,” Chip says slowly, dragging out the name like he’s reading Alfie’s thoughts before he’s even spoken them aloud. He leans back against the couch, calm amusement playing on his lips, quiet certainty in his eyes. “You’re in love with her.”

“Piss off,” Alfie mutters, jaw tightening as the words fall low and clipped. His gaze darts away, anywhere but theirs, swallowing hard as if the accusation has lodged itself deep in his throat.

But something shifts, subtle and uneasy. The spark of defensiveness flickers out, replaced by something far more fragile. His shoulders stiffen, and hes up again, pacing, slow, aimless steps across the room, like movement might drown out the noise churning in his chest. He shakes his head quickly, restless, like trying to shake loose the thoughts, to unchain the truth that’s settling heavy inside him.

“Nah,” he says again, but this time his voice is quieter; softer, almost worn out. There’s a flicker of uncertainty in the way the word falls, like he’s trying to convince himself more than anyone else. “I’m not. She’s just... her, you know?”

His voice catches on something lodged too deep inside him, a hitch that betrays the tightness in his chest. The words stumble out unevenly, weighted with more meaning than he wants to admit.

“She’s─── she’s in my life all the time.” He swallows hard, eyes flickering away for a second, like the truth is too bright to face directly. “She talks shit, always does, makes me laugh more than anyone else. And she steals my hoodies, even when she doesn’t ask, just raids my stuff like it’s hers.” His mouth quirks into a half-smile, but there’s a sharp edge to it, like it’s both endearing and infuriating at once. “And somehow she looks good in them. Like, actually good. Which is the worst part ─── because it’s annoyin’ as fuck.” His voice is betraying his words, though.

His hands twitch at his sides, fingers curling and uncurling like they want to grab onto something solid. His breath catches in his throat, words starting to trip over themselves as if they can’t keep pace with what’s rushing out.

“..she’s got this habit of, like───” He breaks off, cheeks flushing, eyes downcast. The room feels smaller all of a sudden, like the weight of what he’s saying is pressing down on him. “───of playin’ with my hair when I’m knackered, and I always pretend I hate it, but I don’t. Not really.” His voice softens, vulnerable in a way that doesn’t suit his usual loud bravado.

He pauses again, like he might stop, like maybe this is too much. But the words keep spilling, uncontrolled now, raw and unfiltered.

“...and it’s not like I care, but I carry her heels when she gets pissed, ‘cause no one else’ll do it proper. Like, she gets too drunk and just leaves them lying around and I’m the one who ends up lugging the stupid things home. And yeah, maybe I mention her on stream sometimes, but that’s ‘cause───fuckin’ hell, I dunno───‘cause she’s there. In my head. All the time.”

His voice trails off, breath uneven, and for a long moment the only sound is the quiet shuffle of his feet as he stops pacing, the faint scrape of his shoes against the floor.

George and Chip sit still, watching him with expressions that balance between quiet amusement and something softer, something like understanding, or sympathy. The room feels heavier now, like the easy, familiar buzz of earlier has slipped away and left behind a fragile silence. It’s raw, exposed. Like they’re all holding their breath around the weight of the words Alfie didn’t mean to say, but needed to.

“I’m not in love,” Alfie insists, the words spilling out too fast, too forced, as if he’s desperately trying to push them past the lump lodged in his throat. His voice cracks slightly, uneven and rough around the edges, betraying how far from truth they really are, not even to himself. The denial feels fragile, a thin mask stretched tight over something he barely wants to admit. “I just care if she’s safe. And happy. And if anyone gives her shit, I’ll break their nose. Y'know?”

George doesn’t even blink. His gaze stays locked on his phone screen, fingers idly scrolling. His voice is flat, laced with dry sarcasm that cuts right through Alfie’s defences. “Sure,” he deadpans, not bothering to look up. “Totally normal mate behaviour.”

Alfie’s jaw flexes tightly, a quick, sharp movement that’s almost a tic. His knee starts bouncing uncontrollably, tapping rhythmically against the floor in nervous impatience. There’s a heat rising inside him now ─── thick, burning, coiled tight beneath his ribs like a restless animal clawing to get out. It twists in his chest, making his breath catch and falter. His fingers clench briefly on the edge of the couch, gripping as if to ground himself.

“And I buy her stuff,” he continues, voice gaining volume and urgency with every word, “because she never asks for anything, right? She just gets all shy and awkward about it, like I won’t drop a fuckin’ fortune on her if she just looked at something and said she liked it───”

Suddenly he cuts himself off, breath hitching sharply in his throat. Hhis heart pounds hard, hammering like it’s trying to escape from behind his sternum, echoing painfully in his ears. His eyes flicker away from George and Chip, darting around the room as if searching for somewhere safe to hide from his own confession.

“..fuck,” he mutters, voice low and thick with exasperation, “I sound like a simp.”

Chip can’t hold back the smile anymore. It’s warm, teasing but gentle, the kind of grin that’s meant to ease the tension, not mock. “You sound like a man deeply in denial,” he says, voice soft but knowing.

Alfie slumps back onto the couch with a defeated thud, the impact rattling the cushions beneath him. His palms come up quickly to drag down over his face, fingertips pressing hard against his forehead as if trying to wipe away the raw honesty he’s just spilled. For a moment, his hands stay there, hiding the tangled mess he’s unravelled into, the vulnerability he didn’t expect to feel or show.

“I’m so fucked,” he groans, voice muffled behind his hands, thick with frustration and dread. The words tumble out in a ragged sigh. “This is your fault. Both of you.”

“Mate,” George replies smoothly without missing a beat, eyes still glued to his phone, “this is entirely on you.”

From behind the slightly-ajar door, a quiet breath slips out. Barely more than a whisper.

Because what Alfie doesn’t know, what he hasn’t even noticed, is that you’re standing there, just outside in the hallway.

You came with a bag of snacks for the group, the familiar rustle of plastic in your hand as you made your way down the corridor. Then you heard your name, soft but unmistakable, carried through the wall. Curiosity stopped you cold.

You hadn’t expected this.

Your fingers grip the bag of crisps a little too tightly, the plastic crinkling softly under your frozen hand, forgotten now. Your mind scrambles to catch up, heart hammering wildly in your ears with a sharp, uneven beat. The air feels suddenly thick, heavy against your chest ─── like gravity itself pressing in, loaded with everything you weren’t meant to overhear.

He’s rambling. Unfiltered. Vulnerable in a way he never lets himself be when you’re actually there. You can still catch the disbelief in his voice, the tremor of quiet panic beneath the surface, and that sharp crack when he says “fuck,” as if the word escaped before he could stop it.

You blink, staring at the thin gap of the door. One step closer and they’d see you. Hear the telltale creak of the floor beneath your feet, the subtle shift of your presence. One step back and this moment slips away, gone forever.

Fuck it.

The door creaks softly as you push it open just a fraction, the worn hinges betraying your gentle intrusion.

Alfie’s head snaps up so fast it’s like he’s been caught in the headlights, wide eyes flickering between shock and panic. The colour drains from his face in an instant, as if every thought, every word he’d just spilled, has vanished from his mind like smoke in the air.

You blink, voice soft and steady, “hey.”

He stays silent. Completely still, frozen in place except for a faint twitch at the corner of his jaw, like he’s holding his breath and wishing, somehow, the universe could rewind itself ten minutes, erase this moment entirely.

George can’t quite hide his grin; his lips twitch with barely contained amusement. Chip stands up abruptly, shaking his head with a wry smirk. “Right, I’m grabbing a drink. Alfie, mate, enjoy the consequences of your actions.”

They both slip away, disappearing like the traitors they are, leaving behind the unmistakable aura of men who know they’ve just witnessed something devastatingly real and unfiltered.

Now it’s just you. And Alfie. And the silence that settles thick between you ─── so heavy it almost feels suffocating, dense with the aftershock of everything said, everything that can’t be taken back.

“...You heard that?” Alfie finally asks, voice tight and raw, like forcing the words out is a kind of ache.

You nod slowly, the weight of the moment grounding you. “Most of it.”

He sinks deeper into the couch, shoulders slumping forward, as if the cushions might swallow him whole and hide him away. “Brilliant. Kill me now.”

You set the crisps down carefully on the table, hands deliberate and steady despite the tension humming between you.

“You could’ve just said something, y’know.”

He looks at you. Truly looks at you. For the first time in a way that strips away everything he usually uses as a barrier. No lazy smirk curling his lips, no sarcastic glint hiding his feelings. Instead, his eyes are wide and vulnerable, flickering with a raw, unsteady emotion that makes him look almost younger than you know him to be. It’s like hes standing suddenly bare in the center of a spotlight, exposed and uncertain, unsure how to carry himself without the usual bravado shielding him.

“..'Didn’t wanna ruin it,” he mutters, voice low and fragile, barely loud enough to break the silence between you.

You take a slow, steady step forward, feeling the pulse pounding fiercely in your chest. Each beat like a drum echoing against your ribs, a frantic rhythm that makes your breath hitch. Your gaze locks on his, drawing you closer with a magnetic pull that’s impossible to resist.

“Ruin what?” you ask softly, your voice gentle but certain, folding around him like a quiet promise.

His hand lifts vaguely between you, fingers twitching as his eyes dart up briefly to meet yours before flitting away, like the air itself has thickened too much for sustained eye contact. “Us,” he says, voice tight with a mix of hope and fear. “I like how we are. I like takin’ the piss outta you and you threatening to slap me. I like you in my life.”

You stop just a breath away from him, close enough to see the subtle warmth blooming up his neck, the faint flush that colors his skin, delicate and alive beneath the low light. The heat in the room seems to shift, gathering in the space between you.

“Alf. You idiot.” Your words are quiet but firm, dripping with affection and a touch of teasing. “You’re in love with me.”

His head falls back against the couch cushion with a soft groan, as if the weight of your words settles heavily on his shoulders all at once. “Don’t say it like that, girl, I’m barely hangin’ on───”

Without hesitation, you reach out, your fingers trembling just slightly as they weave through the thick strands of his hair. The touch is slow and deliberate, feather-light at first, like you’re trying to memorize the texture of him, the way his scalp yields beneath your palm.

He freezes instantly ─── breath catching sharp and sudden in his throat, body tensing so tightly it’s as if every muscle is holding its breath alongside him. His skin prickles where your fingers thread through the roots, soft strands slipping between your digits, and for a moment the room shrinks until it’s just the two of you suspended in that fragile bubble of heat and unspoken longing.

His eyes flutter closed briefly, lashes resting against his cheeks as if the simple touch grounds him and unravels something inside all at once. The faintest sigh escapes him, a breath of surrender and surprise mingled together.

You don’t pull away. Instead, your hand lingers, fingers gently curling, fingertips grazing the sensitive skin just behind his ears. The slow rhythm of your touch is a silent confession, an unspoken ‘I’m here’ that fills the space left raw by words.

He remains still, taut but no longer stiff, the tension in his body softening just enough to hint at the vulnerability he’s been hiding. And in that moment, everything feels suspended; fragile, electric, and utterly real.

“You like this, don’t you?” you murmur, your voice low and teasing, fingers sliding slowly through the soft strands of his hair. The touch is deliberate ─── slow, warm strokes that leave a trail of heat beneath your skin and send subtle shivers through him. Your fingers curl lightly, knuckles brushing gently against his scalp as you playfully tug just enough to draw a breath.

His breath catches, ragged and uneven. “Fuckin’ hell,” he breathes, voice rough around the edges, a mixture of frustration and something utterly undone beneath your touch. His jaw clenches like he’s trying to hold himself together, but it’s a losing battle. “That’s below the belt.”

A smirk quirks at the corner of your lips. Small but victorious, like you’ve just caught him off guard and scored a secret win. Your eyes sparkle with quiet amusement, watching him unravel.

“You’re the worst at hiding things,” you say softly, your gaze locking with his. The weight of those words lingers, warm and intimate. “You know that?”

His eyes meet yours fully, wide and open, glimmering with a softness that makes your chest tighten. There’s no pretense here, no shields. Just him, honest and unguarded. “Yeah,” he admits, voice low and steady. “But you’re still here.”

Your heart stutters, a thrill shooting through your veins. “I am.”

For a moment, the world narrows down to just the two of you. Breath mingling, the faintest scent of his shampoo curling around you, the steady beat of his pulse under your fingers.

Then, breaking the silence, his voice drops even softer, hesitant but hopeful. “..You wanna, like.. come over? After this thing is over?”

You raise an eyebrow, playful and sharp, testing the waters, your voice teasing but gentle. “Go and do what, Alf?”

His cheeks flare crimson, the flush spreading from the tips of his ears down to the base of his neck, warm and unmistakable. The way his gaze flickers away before snapping back to yours makes your pulse race. “Just.. I dunno,” he stammers, fumbling for words. “Talk. Or don’t talk. Sit around and pretend I’m not a total melt. No big deal, we’ve hung out a lot of times, ya’know, gir───”

Without warning, you close the gap between you, leaning in slowly at first, breath mingling with his. Your lips brush against his, soft and tentative, testing, asking.

Then your mouth presses more firmly, hunger surfacing in the way your lips part, inviting, demanding. Your fingers tighten gently in his hair, warm and steady, as if anchoring yourself to the moment, to him.

His body stiffens at first, breaht hitching sharply, eyes fluttering closed as he surrenders. His hands reach up, trembling slightly, fingers curling around your arms like he’s afraid to lose you, afraid this moment might slip away.

The kiss deepens, slow and consuming. You can feel the subtle rise and fall of his chest beneath your hands, the quickening of his heartbeat echoing in your own ears. His lips are warm, soft, and urgent, moving with a nervous desperation that makes your own heart ache.

If he’s going to keep choking on the words, stumbling, fumbling, unable to say what’s clearly there, then you’ll say it for him. With your mouth.

You lean in, slow and deliberate, the soft warmth of your breath brushing his skin before your lips press lightly against his once again. The world narrows until there’s nothing but the quiet press of your mouth against his, the subtle, electric hum of contact sparking through your nerves. Your lips move just enough to speak without words, to promise without saying anything aloud.

You feel it. The exact moment he melts fully.

It’s like the invisible weight he’s carried for months, that heaviness in his shoulders and tightness in his chest, simply slides off and crashes down, leaving him suddenly light and unguarded. His body softens beneath you, muscles uncoiling like a spring finally released. There’s no resistance, no fight, just a quiet surrender, a letting go he didn’t know he needed.

His hand finds your hip with urgent certainty, fingers gripping like you’re the only thing tethering him to reality. You can feel the subtle pulse of his heartbeat beneath his palm, quick and uneven, as if he’s still not quite sure this is real, like any second he’ll wake up on that couch, mid-ramble to Chip, still pretending you’re just “alright” and “funny sometimes.”

Your breath catches when you finally pull back, eyes locking with his wide, stunned ones. He’s breathless, as if the air itself was stolen from his lungs, and his lashes flutter slowly in a dazed, rebooting kind of way. His lips are bitten raw, swollen slightly from the kiss, parted just enough that you can almost see the words struggling to find their way out.

“Fuck me, girl,” he breathes, voice ragged and hoarse, trembling with something close to awe. “You can’t just do that.”

You grin. Slow, smug, absolutely certain. “Why not?”

His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows hard, eyes dark and heavy with want. “’Cause now I’m gonna want you to do it again.”

Your smirk deepens, the satisfaction blooming warm and fierce in your chest. “Good.”

He blinks at you, disbelief and something softer swirling in his gaze. Like he’s still trying to convince himself you’re not a dream he stumbled into by accident. “So we’re doing this?”

“We are very much doing this.”

And then, that grin ─── the one that’s boyish and crooked and full of everything he can’t say out loud ─── blooms wide and unstoppable. You’ve seen it a hundred times, but never like this. Never like it’s meant just for you.

“Fuckin’ hell.”

And then, without hesitation, he kisses you back.

The kiss crashes over you both like a wave, fierce and desperate, slow and searing. His lips move against yours with an urgency that sets your skin ablaze, hands tangling in your hair, fingers pressing into the curve of your back as if to anchor himself to you. Your own hands find his face, tracing the sharp line of his jaw, the rough stubble that’s barely there, the softness behind his ears.