#alcha

WOW THIS YEAR WAS   A A A A   A  AA T R O C I O U S

its easily the hardest and most depression ridden year I've experienced in my 17 years. there was so much death, so much loss, and so, so many emotional, mental, and situational setbacks. i lost a couple of my dearest closest friends, in a few cases they were a bit more..uh, Intense and unexpected. there were so many points in this year i would kill to do over, and would die to experience again. there were a lot of mistakes, but also a lot of laughter through the tears, and sparse good times. and i thank the friends that have stuck around for that so, so so much. you got me through this year, and i love you ALL to the moon and back.

this year was also the year i decided to be more experimental with life, and my art choices. i tried new styles, and tried new things. i decided that just because I'm nonbinary, doesn't mean i cant be Extravagant and Fabulous as fuck, and that really helped with my dysphoria, so its been bittersweet.

i also came to fully embrace my neurodivergence, and love it as a whole, looking into it, and just all around Realizing things about myself. the stimming, and meltdowns, the hyper fixations and special interests, and other "strange" behavior my friends and i didnt understand. i think overall this year was a learning experience for me, and there has been a lot of character development, in my opinion, whether that be for better or for worse. I'm slowly but surely becoming the person i want to be.

i can say some good things, though. there were so many new friendships, and new friend groups, all of whom i wouldn't give for the WHOLE WORLD. you know who you are!! there was ALSO a lot of growth to my main characters, ESPECIALLY ZENITH. FUCK. I'm so proud of us, we used to be so depressed and vile and toxic, but now, slowly but surely, we ARE happier, we ARE friendlier, and we ARE forcing ourselves to get BETTER. WE WILL GET BETTER!! we ARE BETTER than we were the day before, even when it seems so so hard. even when we have those bad days where it feels like we've lost all progress, we remember how we've got people cheering us ON. we've got our shit half ass together, but thats better than NO ASS. and by 2020 we're reaching for WHOLE-ASS BETTER.